Look for Me in Rainbows

Dear Patrick,
I am smiling down on you right now from the clouds. I am so so sorry I had to leave you so quickly. I love you so much for helping me through some of the hardest times of my life, but right now I want to tell you how proud and happy I am for you. Never forget me, though. I will always be with you. I am the rainbows that you see after a rainy day. Don’t forget to remind Margaret of that either.
I knew this day would come. Margaret needs a step mommy to help her with girl things. Spoil both of them. Make them both happy. You know that I love both you and Margaret with all of my heart, but your fiancee needs to know that I lover as well. I know that she will be the mother to Margaret that I can’t be, and I love and thank her more than anything for that.
Love you all forever,
Maggie

Patrick clutched the note Jonathan handed him. He was so overwhelmed with emotions from grief to happiness, and relief to pride in Maggie. He felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“She never told me what it said, man.” Jonathan looked at Patrick. “She just said you needed to have it if you ever got engaged.”

“He told me that she’s proud of me for finding someone else.” More tears streamed down Patrick’s face. “Its just so fucking hard, man. Just trying to move on is hard. The weirdest thing is feeling like I’m betraying her. This really helps. Thanks for bringing it by.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jonathan said. “I’ve got to head out now, though.” He walked out the door and left. Patrick waked out into the backyard of his house. He was the only one home during the day. He sat down on the back porch steps and looked up at the sky.

“Thanks for the note, Maggie. It means a lot. It’ll mean a lot to Carrie and Margaret as well. Carrie’s great. It took four years to find her and another two to pop the question. Margaret really likes her. Margaret’s eleven now, and she looks exactly like you. So beautiful and strong. She won’t play hockey, but she is a pretty amazing figure skater. She could probably go to the olympics just like you. Did you know your friend Julie is coaching the U.S. women’s hockey team? She wears your initials on a patch inside her game suit jackets, and on the girls’ uniforms. I just wanted to keep you updated, if you can hear me. I want to let you know that if I had the chance to do this all again, I wouldn’t change a single thing. I love you a lot. I’ll talk to you later.”
.............................................................

Patrick never forgot Maggie, even after being married to Carrie for over ten years he still brought flowers to Maggie’s grave every year on her birthday. He would always bring the flowers and tell Maggie how things were going.

Maggie’s olympic team mates all went back to competing in their hockey leagues, but none played without a purple cystic fibrosis awareness ribbon on their gloves. Jason liked to wear his to compete as well. Jason, Annie, and Julie all came down once a year to check on Patrick and Margaret, and Jonathan was pretty much around all the time.

Margaret did go on to be an olympic figure skater, an olympic gold medalist even. She never really knew her mom but her father told her stories of how strong and brave she was, and how she was fascinated by rainbows. Margaret saw a rainbow in the sky right before her gold medal performance. She knew it was her mother and that her mother always had her back.
.....................................................................

Time for me to go now, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, way up in the sky.
In the morning sunrise when all the world is new,
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.
Time for me to leave you, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, high up in the sky.
In the evening sunset, when all the world is through,
Just look for me and love me, and I'll be close to you.
It won't be forever, the day will come and then
My loving arms will hold you, when we meet again.
Time for us to part now, we won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, shining in the sky.
Every waking moment, and all your whole life through
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.
Just wish me to be near you,
And I'll be there with you.


(Music and lyrics: Conn Bernard (1990). Vicki Brown)

Notes