The Diary of an Unintentional Puck Slut

Nov. 21, 2013

Dear Diary,

Ever since I got Brandon to slap me I’ve been wanting him to do it again. I think there might be something wrong with me.

Maybe it’s because I feel bad about cheating on Sid. And I need to be punished?
No, no I’m not into that kind of thing.

I feel like I have a darker, kinkier, side that comes out when I’m in bed with Brandon.
.

The Pens lost their game against New Jersey and the slight hand print on my face left by Brandon was gone by the time Sid returned.

They won against the Ducks 3-1 on Monday. After the game a bunch of the guys went out and a few of the ice girls went with them, so of course I went. Sid didn't want to because he had some meeting to go to early the next morning.

I really shouldn’t have gone, Caeleigh didn’t go out, but I was bored.

I told myself to not have more than one drink, and I didn’t, but I still managed to mess it up somehow.

Everything was going okay until I saw Brandon dancing with another girl.

I don’t know why, but this made me so mad.
(Well, I know why, but I’m not willing to admit it)

She was all over him and touching him and stuff and she looked so fake it just made me mad.
(and a little jealous)

So I decided to leave the other ice girls and dance with Beau, who had been drinking a lot.

And then she kissed him! My Sutter butter!

And he kissed her back : ( and then I got super mad and decided to hook up with Beau.
(I made sure Brandon could see us)

Beau didn’t seem to mind, I think he really liked it.

When I saw Brandon leave with the girl I completely lost it.

I grabbed Beau and pulled him out of the club and into a cab. I had a hard time getting Beau to give the cab driver his address (he was pretty out of it, first he said he lived in a tree house, and then he said he lived at P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, [from Finding Nemo])

I continued to make out with him and when we got to his apartment I had to drag him into his bed.

I hit him a couple of times so he would be awake enough to realize we were having sex although I ended up doing most of the work. He eventually got into it and it was actually pretty hot. He’s usually really cute and adorable, so to see him like this was weird (but in a good way).

He immediately fell asleep afterwards and I decided to go home. He might not even remember that it had happened and I just wanted to go home and shower.

I felt so gross and dirty and horrible about everything.

I don’t even know why I did that, to make Brandon jealous?

Why do I even care if he sleeps with other girls, he should after what his last girlfriend did to him.

-

I did not want to go to practice on Tuesday. I felt sick and guilty and I just wanted to stay in bed and wallow.

But Sid woke me up when he got back from his meeting and he made me pancakes and he was so sweet.

Why do I do this to him? He is the perfect boyfriend and all I want to do is sleep with his teammates.

We drove to practice together and I was really dreading seeing Beau. I hoped he didn’t remember last night, or at least remember the part where we slept together.

I also didn’t want to see Brandon. I really shouldn’t have gotten so upset about him going home with a girl. But I didn’t want to see him.

Before practice I was sitting in the ice girls’ locker room with Caeleigh when Beau asked if he could talk to me. I followed him into the hallway and we found a quiet corner to talk.

“What the hell happened last night?” He whispered.

“Ummm, what do you remember?” I asked, not wanting to tell him we slept together if he didn’t remember it.

“Lots of crazy stuff, like you making out with me at that club, and then in the cab, and then you riding me in my bed,” he hissed.

“Oh, you remember that part?” I asked looking down.

“Well, parts of it, but yes I remember,” he replied. “Also, I think you said something about ‘butter’ when you came, which is even weirder.”

“Yup, I just love eating butter so much I scream about it while I orgasm.” I replied laughing, hoping he wouldn’t make the connection between ‘butter’ and Brandon.

“Why the hell would you do that if you and Sid are dating? You’re still dating, right?” He asked.

“Yes, and I’d like to keep it that way, so you will not mention this to anyone or I will hurt you,” I said seriously (I’m not sure I could actually hurt him though, he’s too cute).

“Okay. But why did you do it?” He asked still confused (and cute). “Like, is there something about me you find irresistible?”

Yes, actually his cute spiky blond hair and blue eyes, among other things.

“No, I just needed to do that and you were available and, well, kind of drunk.” I said suddenly feeling bad for basically taking advantage of him.

“Oh,” he looked a tiny bit disappointed, but mostly just relieved that I didn’t have a crush on him.

“This never happened, okay?” I said looking up at him sternly (which is actually pretty hard to do at my height) as I left.
.

That night after dinner Sid asked if I was okay. I had been deep in thought most of the afternoon and hadn’t said anything.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking about stuff,” I replied as I cleared the table.

“What kind of stuff?” He asked.

“School stuff. And a few other things.”

“Other things? Like what?” He was starting to get concerned.

I sat down next to him at the table, “nothing really, I’m just trying to decide if I have time go to back to New Hampshire for Thanksgiving, or if I even want to.”

“We have a game that Wednesday, but you wouldn’t have to skate again until our next home game on December 5th,” He replied checking the schedule on his phone.

“Yeah, and a couple of girls have already asked to take that game off so I wouldn’t be able to leave until Wednesday night,” I replied with a sigh. “I have so much homework with finals coming up I don’t know if it’s even worth going home.”

“You haven’t been home in a while, don’t you want to see your parents? Or, your mom, sorry.” He said looking down, realizing what he just said.

“It’s okay, I still call her my parents sometimes.” I replied as he put his arm around me.

“Do you mind me asking what happened to your dad?” He asked carefully.

“No, it’s fine, you should probably know if you’re ever going to meet my family,” I paused, “it was a construction accident. One of the machines malfunctioned and he,” I paused to take a deep breath as I thought about the horrific details, “and he died.”

“I’m so sorry Emme,” he said rubbing my back. “I don’t even know what I would do if I lost one of my parents.”

“It was a couple of weeks before I started college, and I almost didn’t go because I didn’t want to leave my mom at home all alone. But she told me I had to, she said it’s what he would have wanted.” I paused to think about it some more, “I have no idea if that’s what he would have wanted or not, but I know it’s what my mom wanted, so I went. And you apparently get a discount on tuition if one of your parents is deceased; it’s not much, but it helped.”

“So your mom was all alone after you left? You don’t have any siblings?” He asked.

“I have an older brother, but he was already out of college at that point. My mom’s sister stayed with her for a few months so she wouldn’t be alone, and then she got a foreign exchange student. She’s really into that now; I think she’s had one or two each year since then. And she has two cats, so she’s never completely alone.”

“You’re family sounds nice, I can’t wait to meet them,” he said smiling, “except the cats.”

I laughed, “yeah we’re cat people, sorry. My dad liked dogs,” I added after a pause.

“I’m sorry,” he said looking sad again, “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay. Like I said earlier, I’m over it and we were never that close. He worked a lot, and when he was home he was always grumpy and we had to be quiet.” I explained, “I don’t know, I always felt like he never really liked children that much, not that he didn’t like my brother and I or anything. My mom, being an elementary school teacher, loved kids. I’m actually surprised I only have one sibling,” I replied laughing.

He pulled me closer, and we sat together for a while just talking. It was really nice. I didn’t even think about what had happened with Beau, or that I was cheating on him with Brandon. I get sad thinking about how hurt he would be if he knew, but somehow that doesn’t stop me. (Why? What is wrong with me?!)

That night after we had sex (because they won their game against the Ducks) I slept in his arms. I felt so safe and secure, and like I could be happy with him forever.

It kind of scared me. The last time I felt like that I got sucked into a dead-end relationship and forgot how to have a life outside of Cam. I’m trying not to let that happen again, but Sid and I work together and I live in his house, so we're around each other all the time.

-

Wednesday, yesterday, I invited Caeleigh over to watch the Pens play the Caps. I couldn’t tell her about Beau. She doesn’t know that Brandon and I were still sleeping together, and I feel like she would actually hate me if I told her I was. She’s my skating partner, and I need her to not hate me. That would make skating harder than it already is.

The Pens won 4-0, which was awesome, and now I am waiting for Sid to get home. I like it when they win frequently, because then I don’t have to visit Brandon, for stuff. Maybe I can talk Sid out of his ‘only sex after win’ policy. I mean, what would we do when they aren’t playing (if we’re even together then)?

That’s a long time from now.

I wonder what would happen if we were still dating this summer? Would I go to Canada with him?

I don’t want to think about that.

Sincerely,

Emme

PS. Looks like Beau got hurt in the Caps game, broke his arm or something : ( now I feel bad for threatening to hurt him.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Nov. 26, 2013

Dear Diary,

I think I might have broken Sid’s ‘only sex after win’ superstition. They lost two games despite us sleeping together after their 3-4 win against the Islanders on Friday (first a 2-3 loss on Saturday in Montreal and then a 3-4 OT loss in Boston yesterday [Monday], though Sid had a great goal).

When he got back late last night he was tired so we just went to bed. However, this morning he woke up in a different mood. Maybe he had some, weird, erotic dream (I didn’t ask). He woke me up by kissing my neck, and I knew something was up.
And I’m not complaining, I love morning sex. But something was definitely different that time. Maybe because we were both not quite awake.

Then, something embarrassing happened. I threw up. Kind of, on him.

I have no idea why, though I wasn’t feeling great when he woke me up, I forgot about it once we starting having sex. Until I suddenly felt really sick, so I pushed him off of me, and tried to get up, but I couldn’t and I rolled over and ended up puking on him and the bed.

I am so embarrassed! He apologized for making me sick, he thought it was because we hadn’t had breakfast yet, but I think it’s that medicine.

He got in the shower and I put his sheets in the laundry, and then I made us breakfast.

He left for practice and I curled up to die.

Just kidding. I ran off to write in my diary like a little girl. Like I always do.

That was so embarrassing. Why does this have to happen to me?

Sincerely,

Emme

Ps. This is like middle school all over again.
I will never forget that one time in science class… maybe this why I hate science so much?
So embarrassing!

P.P.S.: Now that I think about it, he will probably never try to have sex with me after a loss ever again. Or in the morning. Both are quite disappointing. : (

Notes

Edit: I accidentally deleted this story when I was trying to fix a spelling error in the title so I'm reposting all of the chapters. And I changed my user name, so don't be surprised.