In Your Eyes

When Piper woke up the next morning, two things occurred: one, she felt sore. Two, she felt stupid.

Sidney was still asleep, so when she shifted her eyes upwards to see him, she saw a totally calm, peaceful face. His chest rose and fell evenly, his heavy dark eyelashes lying motionless against his cheekbones.

Why did I have to go and say it.

Piper closed her eyes, completely embarrassed and angry with herself.

It's too early. That's what he'll say. That's why he didn't say it in the first place.

But she couldn't help how she felt. There was something different about Sidney; she had felt it since she first talked with him and danced with him at the wedding in late June. Since then, she hadn't felt like herself. She felt mostly like a newer, more improved version of herself she didn't know existed.

And now, it was out there. Whether Sid ever said it back or not, it was out there.

Piper kept her eyes closed as she rested against his chest, the movement of his inhaling and exhaling moving her head ever-so-slightly. If she wasn't so nervous, she could've easily fallen back to sleep.

Instead, she waited. She tried to think about other things; things like the guys on the team she was introduced to and their reactions - happy reactions - they had for her and Sid.

And Mario.

There were a lot of positives there. Especially there, with him. But his pointed question about opening a studio in Pittsburgh felt like pressure she didn't need right now. The thought of moving back to Pittsburgh.....she didn't want to think about that right now.

Must live more in the moment.

It was the only way she knew how to live. To thrive in the little things and to be as aware of the life that was happening here and now.

And here and now - she had a problem. She told Sidney she loved him, and he didn't say it back. She wasn't expecting him to, because she wasn't expecting herself to say it either.

It just.....blurted out. Her brain and her heart were at battle, and her heart won.

Waiting another ten minutes, Piper could tell that Sid wasn't any closer to waking up than he was ten minutes prior, so she carefully slid out from under the top sheet. Rummaging through her suitcase, she found an outfit for the day, and went to take a shower.

As the hot water rushed over her, the thoughts that plagued her in bed had followed her into the shower. Although they were momentarily interrupted when Piper noticed Sid's horrible selection of shampoo and body wash. She had to giggle at the selection. Such a boy. Lifting the bottle of very plain, normal shampoo, she shrugged and squirted some into her hand, realizing that she had been so occupied between her prior showers (including the one where they had some very intense sex) she never noticed how plain and boyish his shampoo was.

Will have to go shopping for him at some point. His amazing hair deserves more than this, she thought with a smile.

The shower did help Piper after all. She felt a little more refreshed, and her nerves calmed enough that they didn't feel so raw after her slip-up.

And, much to her pleasant surprise, Sid was awake when she emerged from the master bath.

"Morning" she said, towel drying her hair.

"Morning."

Piper came over to the bed where Sid remained, propped up on one pillow, hands behind his head. His large arms were spread to show the rises of muscle that they were made of, and led down to the v-shape towards his waist, still hidden beneath the sheet. His face remained as calm as ever.

"How long have you been up?" Sid asked.

"Probably a half hour?"

He nodded. "Sorry I slept in."

"I'd hardly call that sleeping in." Piper sat on the edge of the bed where Sidney was. "Besides. After last night, you deserved it."

Sid lowered his head a little and smiled humbly. He said nothing, and Piper...once again....waited for him to respond.

"Okay, I'll say it." Piper sighed heavily. "Last night....when I said--"

"--I'm just not there yet, Piper."

She felt her heart stop. The expression on Sid's face was still calm, still collected, still without any sign of what he was really feeling.

"But that's not to say I won't get there" he added, taking her hand. "This is a huge thing for me, and I'm.....I don't....." Sid exhaled. "Piper, I just don't have someone like you come along in my life every day. I don't know how to do this very well, while balancing everything else in my life. I don't want to do this wrong."

Piper stood up. "So loving me is wrong?"

"No! God no, Piper, listen--"

"Oh, well why would it be right" she said, feeling her heart slowly cracking in half. "You have swarms of women holding signs up for you every game; throwing themselves at you. What's another one, right?"

"Absolutely NOT and you know that" he said, tossing the blanket off of him. He stood up and clasped his hands on Piper's arms, holding her still. "You already know how I feel about you. Look at what I did for you yesterday!"

Piper felt tears coming to her eyes. "Yes, I know."

"And you're telling me none of that counted?"

"It did" she replied softly. "It's what brought me to say what I did."

"I'm not upset and I'm not freaked out by it." His voice came down a little, and there was less anger in his tone. "Not only that, but when I heard you say it, it hit me right in the heart in a good way."

Piper noticed Sid's eyes, their usual hazelnut color now much darker and more focused, were looking at her with gentle compassion. Whatever he was saying or thinking, it was honest....and cruelly enough, it made her love him even more.

"The steps I've taken for us haven't been easy for me....you know me and my routines...." Sid said, trying to get Piper to smile. "The fact that I'm doing all of this and changing in ways I actually enjoy? It means something, Piper."

She felt his hand caress her cheek, and she couldn't help leaning into it. She closed her eyes again. "I'm sorry, Sid."

"Don't be. I told you--"

"No, really..." she said, interrupting him rather firmly. "I am falling in love with you, and you aren't with me. Not yet. I have too much to compete with...and you have very little to compete with. Even Mario thinks I should be moving to Pittsburgh and starting a life here; HE even knows I don't have as much as you do going on in your life."

Sidney wiped his face in frustration at what he was hearing. It was scaring him. "You cannot compare anything in your life to anything here. It's impossible. And don't fret over Mario, he was just making conversation."

"Conversation?" Piper crossed her arms. "Come on."

"Why are you arguing everything I say?"

"Why are you in such denial?" Piper fired back. "I'm sorry I said it. I'm not sorry I felt it, I'm just sorry I said it."

"I wish you would say it to me every day" Sid replied. "I wish I could have you live here with me every day and I wish I could be here every day with you, but it just isn't the reality of my life."

They stood in silence, staring at one another, waiting for the other to say something more. Neither did, but Sidney was silently begging for her to say something.

In the middle of them waiting for the other to speak, Sid's phone rang. At first, he didn't even move to acknowledge it. In fact, it was if he didn't hear it. After the third ring, Piper nodded towards his cell.

"You can answer it, I don't mind."

The phone rang a fourth time, and Sid shook his head 'no'. "You are the only thing I care about right now, and I want this resolved."

The phone rang a fifth time, and Piper was getting nervous. "What if that's important?"

"You're important."

Piper felt too much pressure. When the phone stopped ringing, it was only quiet for maybe 15 seconds before it began ringing again.

"Serious, Sid."

He sighed and went over to grab his phone. With his eyes never leaving hers, he said hello and listened to the caller.

Piper waited, watching, listening as Sidney agreed to something to whoever was on the other line. When he hung up, his entire face changed.

"I have to go" he said sadly. "Unplanned interview with RootSports--"

"-It's okay."

It's okay, Sid repeated again in his mind. It wasn't the way he wanted this to end, but he would pick it back up later. There's no way he was letting this go.

"I'll go from there straight to practice, then come straight home, okay?" He leaned in and kissed her. "I promise."

"Okay."

It was the only response she had.

* * *

"So let me get this straight."

Ali handed a cup of coffee to James and took a seat across from him at their kitchen island. His hair was sticking straight up, his dark rimmed glasses framed his large eyes, and his 5 o'clock shadow was a hair past midnight. Ali took it all in, smiling as she waited for the rest.

"You've been thinking of it since August? Even after I said I didn't mean to bring it up?"

She nodded as she sipped from her coffee cup. "Yep."

"And you're certain?"

James' face looked so hopeful it made Ali's heart melt. She felt a little bashful at that moment, but it was her best friend and husband she was admitting this to. If there was anyone on the planet she had nothing to hide from, it was James.

"I'm about 99.9% certain."

"What's with the other 0.01%?"

"I don't know how to do any of this."

James exhaled a laugh. "What? Babe - we do it every night--"

"--NO, not that, you doofus! I mean like...doctor appointments, prenatal stuff, whatever else is necessary..."

"Oh....." James looked down at his coffee. "Yeah, I guess chicks have to do all sorts of stuff, eh?"

"Yeah. And all you have to do is pump." She said this with a smirk and took another drink of coffee.

James lifted his eyes and his own smirk appeared. "So we're really doing this?"

"If you want to" Ali answered.

With one hand, James rubbed his beard as he thought. "So what changed your mind....you know, since that first time?"

She shrugged. "I weighed all options. And I still think it's way early to be talking about this, but--"

"Well then why are you--"

"Aaahh! Aaahh!" Ali said with a laugh. "Hang on, leeettttt me finish......"

James leaned back against the chair, giving her all the attention. She smiled, then proceeded.

"....I was just thinking how nice it would be if our son or daughter got to see their father play hockey" Ali said. "If we wait, it may not happen quite like that, you know...you could retire or we could move or--"

James started to chuckle, and his face displayed nothing but pure elation. "Wow, listen to you."

"What?!?"

"You really HAVE thought this out."

She laughed. "Well obviously!" Leaning forward, she placed her hand over his. "I want that for our child. I want him or her to see his dad play for the Penguins. I want that so, so badly."

"I want that too, babe." James studied her eyes, realizing Ali was absolutely certain about what she'd said the night before. He felt like the luckiest guy in the world....for the 800th time since he met her. "So what do we do next then?"

Ali removed her hand from his to clasp her warm mug of coffee. "I don't know. I guess I should schedule an appointment with a doctor?"

"Can I come?"

Ali could hardly believe the question. Her heart bled for him at that moment, seeing the hope in his eyes and in the tone of his voice. "Yes, I would like that."

"Or is this one of those deals where they're gonna go poke around and look up--"

"--You'll wait outside during that part, babe."

James grinned and lifted his cup. "I have your anatomy memorized anyway. I don't need to look."

He smiled as he took a drink, and Ali simply laughed.

* * *

Sid arrived at the studio room where Coach told him he had to go. It was in the main RootSports facility downtown Pittsburgh, near the Pointe and just across from PNC Park. He accessed the VIP entrance for privacy, took the elevator up to the 7th floor, and found Dan Potash waiting for him inside the studio.

"Sidney!"

"Potash. How ya doing?"

The men shook hands, and then Sid shoved his immediately into his pockets.

"Sorry this was so abrupt, but I'd say it's fairly necessary." He motioned for Sid to have a seat in the singular chair set in front of two cameras.

As Sidney sat down, he noticed everyone was already in position and ready for the interview. Needless to say, his curiosity was already peaking. "So Coach didn't exactly tell me what this interview was all about...."

"He didn't?" Dan's friendly face never changed. "Well, I guess I should congratulate you first before we get started."

Sid looked at him with humor. "Congratulate?! I'm not sure I know what you mean?"

"On your relationship!" Dan said excitedly. "Piper Lake? She is who we're talking about here, right?"

Holy shit. Sid's brain was on the move. "How did....I mean, why is this about her?"

"Mario contacted us. He said we should be the first to do an interview on the season coming up and the first game, and then slip in the girlfriend factor."

Dan took a seat across from him, snapping his fingers at some of the those standing around to get ready to start.

Sid stared at him. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Ready, Sid?"

He swallowed. "I, uh....I think maybe we should discuss what we're going to say first, don't you?"

Dan waved him off. "Oh this won't be any different than any other interview I do with you. It'll air tonight around 5, then again before the game tomorrow night."

Light flicked on, temporarily blinding Sid. He blinked, waiting for his eyes to adjust, wiping his hands on his dress pants. "Honestly, Dan, can't we--"

"Sid, look." Dan leaned forward so only he could hear him. "I know this is probably rattling you, but it's in your best interest. Mario said as much." He sat back and straightened his tie. "Ready?"

Sid shrugged somewhat angrily. "Guess so."

"Good!" Dan waved a hang, and a red light turned green. "We're sitting here today with Sidney Crosby, Captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins, to talk about the upcoming season that begins with tomorrow night's first pre-season home game. Sid - what's your main concern going into the first game?"

He answered, bringing a smile to his face that he had to force. Inside, he was nervous as hell. Every question he answered got him closer to the questions that would change his life for who knew how long.

Sid tried clasping his hands at his lap, then resting them on his knees, then re-clasping them again. He was shifty, nervous, and completely the opposite of how he normally felt during an interview...especially one conducted by a familiar face like Dan.

"Sounds like the team is ready then" Dan said with a chuckle.

Sid nodded confidently. "I would say so."

"And actually, it sounds like this season is going to be a little different for you."

Here it comes. Sid nodded again. "Yeah, just a little." He flashed his grin.

"Coach says you've got more on your mind besides hockey these days. Rumor is - there's a new person in your life?"

"That's right." Now, when Sid smiled, it felt truly genuine. "I do have a new realtionship, yes. It should add an element of interest to the rest of the season, but should not interfere with my performance, obviously."

He chose every word smartly and cautiously. Thinking ahead required knowing how Root did their interviews with him; how the scenes were going to be cut to promote whatever they needed to. RootSports was fair most of the time, but anything could occur with this sort of situation.

"Care to tell us a little about your special lady?" Dan asked, his grin as wide as Sid had ever seen.

"Ahhh, well you know, I'm pretty private, so uh....I'll just say she's an incredible woman. Very independent. Very smart." Sid looked down at his hands as the face of Piper flashed in his mind. "I'm very lucky, Dan."

Dan Potash nodded, waiting for Sid to say more. When the young man looked up humbly, his eyes shining and his posture content, Dan decided that was all he was going to get for this interview.

"She sounds lovely. And obviously, having extra support every night never hurts, right?"

"Right. Yeah - doesn't hurt" Sid replied with a chuckle.

Dan came to the end of the interview. "Any final words before the first pre-season opener?"

Sid smiled. "Let's go Pens."

* * *

Piper zipped up her suitcase and looked around. She made the bed, made lunch for Sidney for whenever he got home, and most importantly...she made up her mind. She would be heading back to Bar Harbor two days early, and it was no one's fault but her own.

For at least thirty minutes she debated whether or not she should call Ali to bring her to the airport. But it wouldn't be fair to Sid.

None of it was really all that fair, but life wasn't.

She made the mistake, and now she needed space to think about things. Her business awaited her, her life and her family awaited her, and she missed her ocean breeze.

But Piper also made the decision to wait to talk to Sid before she went anywhere. She didn't care about plane tickets, she didn't care about money. She wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing.

Since Sidney doesn't want to do this wrong, neither do I.

Piper slumped down onto his couch and placed her head in her hands, her elbows propped on her knees.

Last night had been amazing...more than she could have ever wanted....and finally had that feeling of being included.

And I just had to go and screw it up.

When she heard the garage door open beyond where she sat, Piper felt totally calm. A part of her was excited he was home. Another part of her, the sensible, responsible part, understood what needed to be done, even if she didn't have the emotions to back it up.

"Piper?"

"In here."

Sid came around the entrance to the living room, his eyes wide as if he expected her to be gone. Piper found that interesting, especially since that had crossed her mind.

"Hey, sorry...I rushed as fast as I could to get home." He sat down next to her. He hadn't even showered...Piper could tell. It made her smile.

"Thanks, but you stink."

Sid smiled uneasily. "Hopefully not too bad?"

Piper shook her head. "Nah, not too bad" she said, teasing him. "What did you end up doing today, that you had to leave so quickly?"

His face transformed into one of apprehension. When Sid looked at her, he gave her the most comforting smile he could.

"It was an interview piece for RootSports..." he began. Sid's heart was racing in his chest, every beat seemingly pounding like a drum against his ribs. "...Most of it was about pre-season stuff, but the end....the end was about you."

Piper inhaled, her eyes widening. "Me?" She blinked, stunned. "What about me? They......know?"

"Yes, but they were just a few simple questions." Sid watched her every facial movement, scanning for anything that should alarm him. Independent. Smart. Incredible. "They know because Mario told them."

"Mario!?" Piper lowered her eyes to the hardwood floor of the living room. "So everyone will know now?"

Sid pursed his lips together. "By 5 pm tonight, yes."

Her insides turned to mush and she wasn't even sure why. It was just after 3 pm now...in two hours, her name would be officially paired with Sidney's.

"I told them how amazing you were, and how lucky I was to have a woman like you in my life, supporting me..." He slid his hand over her thigh, letting her know he was there for her. He couldn't imagine what was going through her mind. "Talk to me, Piper. What are you thinking? You can tell me. I know how this may seem sudden...so if you want, let me know how I can make this better."

Piper wasn't sure he could. In fact, her entire plan of leaving seemed to have flown out the window now. She shifted her gaze towards his, noticing that in and amongst the consideration in his stare, there was still an amount of fear nestled in their brown shade.

"Sid, I...." Piper shook her head. "I have to tell you this before I tell you anything else or we discuss anything further." She looked up now, calling on some resolve within her. "While you were gone, I thought about things a lot...like what I did last night. I thought it would be best if I went back to Bar Harbor--"

"--Piper, no...No, please don't go like that" Sid begged, his voice going soft and fragile. "I told you I'm not upset."

"But I am" she replied sadly. "Or....I was. I don't even know why, either. I just feel I messed this up somehow, and maybe I should go home and clean myself and my mind up before I pressure you into--"

Sid pushed the coffee table out from where they sat and got on one knee in front of Piper. He placed his hands on each of her knees, holding on as if he might loose her if he let go. "Listen to me. Please. I know I didn't say it back, but itdoes not mean I'm not moving in that direction with you. It's not like I don't love you...I just---"

"--I know, you don't want to do it wrong" Piper finished for him. "And maybe I don't want to, either."

"Then let's just hit the reset button and not worry about any of this."

Piper looked down into his eyes, his beautiful, emotional eyes with their unique shape and the life within them, and she wanted to cry. She really did love him. Everything she felt inside told her so. But she didn't want to push him, or them as a couple, because of it.

"Please don't go" Sid said, rubbing her knees. "Stay the next two days like we planned." When she didn't respond, he said what he didn't want to say...but had to at this point. "I need you at my game tomorrow."

Piper's eyes narrowed. "You know I want to be there."

"But I need you there....Besides wanting you there, I actually need you to show up now."

She shook her head. "Why though?"

"Because when this interview goes live tonight....and if you're not at the game tomorrow..."

It clicked inside Piper's head. Then it'll look bad. Really bad.

The look on Sidney's face told her he was embarrassed by this. "This is the part of my life I warned you of."

She nodded. "I know. And I'll accept the challenge."

Sid's eyebrows rose. "You will?"

"Yes. I said I loved you, right?" Piper placed her hands over his. "So I might as well show it."

In that very moment, Sid felt that he loved her, too.

* * *

Sid and Piper watched his interview together. They held hands, and Piper tried to feel through every emotion she had during the short section where Sidney was speaking about her. She looked at Sid and smiled, happy with what he'd said about her. They kissed, both realizing a whole new adventure awaited them.

This adventure, of course, began the very next night at the home opening game for the pre-season. Sidney was in his official Penguins uniform, and Piper had never been prouder. She sat with Ali and some of the other wives and girlfriends who had come out to support their loved ones. It was the first time she sat in the suite, let alone any suite at all, and was awed by the immensity of the moment.

And then it all happened so quickly.

It began during the warm-ups. The Red Wings were the opposing team, and they came out onto the ice first. The very minute the Pens stepped out and the goal horn sounded, Sidney's focused face appeared on the jumbotron.

Followed immediately by Piper's face.

She had no idea where the camera was, and she tried her very best to pretend she didn't notice she was being seen by everyone. A small caption below her name on a black and gold bar read: Piper Lake, Girlfriend of Sidney Crosby. As weird as it felt to know everyone in the building was staring at her, it also felt a little awesome as well.

Despite these emotions, Piper kept her face as steady and as casual as she could. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the image of herself disappear, and she exhaled in relief.

Throughout the game, Piper had many more of those occurances. The next time she saw herself on the screen was during the National Anthem. In the darkness of the arena as the lyrics were belted out, the cameras zoomed in on Sidney. His head was dipped, he was moving from side to side on his skates, eyes closed.

The very next image on the screen was Piper, arms relaxed at her side, her hands clenched in front of her pelvis. She did not wear Sidney's jersey or his number anywhere on her body, but everyone there knew who she was now, and no one needed that extra evidence. She kept her eyes forward, remaining stoic. Before she knew it, the camera was back to panning along the bench to show the other Penguins standing attentively as the final notes of the anthem were sung. Cries and cheers overtook the arena as the lights came up, and Piper could feel her heart racing. Whether it was for what was happening that night, or if it was nerves and excitement for Sidney, she couldn't tell. It was likely a combination of both.

Ali was ever the supportive friend. When Piper told her what happened with the interview and how she'd let an 'I love you' slip during sex, she said very little but provided a great listening ear. She could at least understand Piper's reservations about the entire thing, which Piper was grateful for.....especially every time she saw her face show up on the jumbotron.

Aware the camera was currently on her, though she still had no clue where it was, Piper leaned in to Ali. "Will it be like this every game now?"

"Probably, but the worst of it is likely happening now" Ali answered, keeping a smile on her face. She also knew the camera was catching her as well, anytime her and Piper spoke to one another. The bar where Piper's name was now included Ali's: Allison Neal speaks with Piper Lake, girlfriend of Sidney Crosby.

"This is kind of ridiculous, isn't it?" Piper looked out at the crowd. Whenever she appeared on the massive screens, she heard people cheer. She also heard many female voices in the section below where the club suites were calling her a 'whore' and a 'slut'. When she heard this, her eyebrows rose to new heights. Piper looked at Ali in utter surprise. "Did they just say that?"

Ali nodded sympathetically.

Piper thought about this, even as the Penguins were first to score. James had the first goal, sliding it past the goalie and into the net to a round of cheers from the entire building. Ali jumped up and started dancing, clapping ecstatically for her husband. Because he got the asisst from Malkin, who Piper had just met the other night, she felt even more excited to be cheering for someone who she now knew.

.....except every time someone from the Pens scored, the cameras went to her.

Piper was realizing this was slowly becoming the norm for this game.

*

Down on the ice during warm-ups, Sidney glanced periodically up towards the suite where he knew Piper was currently sitting. Though he couldn't see her, he silently hoped she wasn't too overwelmed yet.

When he did see her, it was on the giant screens suspended above center ice. Her live shot followed a shot of him stretching his legs, complete with his stats from the previous season. He glanced up quickly, seeing the brightness in Piper's eyes even from down on the ice.

The next time Sid saw Piper wasn't until well into the first period, but he knew she'd been on the screen several times. This wasn't a surprise to him, either. He just hoped that Piper would be able to take it as it came...and it would be coming often, for as long as she was with him.

By the third period, Sid was fully into the game and his thoughts on Piper came less and less as more of the game required his focus. With 16 minutes left on the clock, he scored top-shelf with an assist from Kunitz.

That's when he got the best look at Piper the entire game.

As Sid skated to the bench to bump knuckles with the rest of the guys, he gazed upwards at the large screen as it showed his girllfriend cheering for him excitedly. Her large smile was ever-present, her laughter visible, though not audible.

It may have been one of the coolest moments Sid had in a long line of amazing hockey moments....because this was completely unique to winning a gold medal, scoring a game winning goal, winning the Cup, or just practicing in front of Piper like he did a few months back in Halifax.

This moment was unique and amazing all because she was there.

There was nothing to hide.

Everyone knew now, and Piper was still there; still cheering for him, still supporting him.

If he didn't think he could say he loved her before....he could now.

* * *

Notes