In Your Eyes

Ali sat on the exam table, the doctor sat on a small stool near his desk, and James stood across from them and paced. Ali watched her husband's sharp gaze turned 80 shades of puzzled with every new instruction from the doctor. She did her absolute best to bite her lip to keep from giggling, but James' demeanor was as comical as it got.

"And you said there are no history of any diseases?" the doctor asked.

"Not a one" Ali answered.

"Any history of twins in either family?"

"No" James and Ali answered in unison.

The doctor pecked away at his laptop as James continued to pace. "And you said you are currently taking Ortho Tri-cyclen?"

"Yes, but I was hoping to come off that as soon as I can." Ali glanced over and smiled at James, who stood there looking confused.

"Is that something I should know about?" he asked.

The doctor smiled as he continued typing.

"It's my birth control, babe."

"Ohhh..." James chewed on one of his nails, oblivious to the smile Ali and the doctor shared.

"And when did you first menstruate, Allison?"

"When I was 13, I think?"

"And for the most part, they've been very regular? No issues?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Ali saw James' face scrunch up in confusion "No, never had any issues. I've been on birth control pretty regularly since I graduated high school, so..."

"Never had an abnormal Pap smear?"

"Never."

She looked at James when the doctor began typing again. His face remained pinched.

"Okay, so I'm going to have to have you fill this out, Mr. Neal."

The doctor handed James several sheets of questions pertaining to his medical background and his family health history. He stared at the papers, his brows furrowing further.

"Try and recall as much information as you can, but if you aren't sure of something, just leave it blank. We can fill it in later."

James scanned the papers, then looked up at Ali. "Did you do this?"

"Not yet." She wished she could calm him, or at least squelch some of his nerves. "It's nothing though, don't worry. Standard stuff, right?"

The doctor nodded. "I have a few more questions for you both before I leave you to it."

Setting the papers down on the seat he had yet to sit in, James stood by Ali and gave his full attention to the doctor. In his black button-down shirt and dark jeans, he looked as if he had just left a working lunch. It made Ali happy to know he was taking this so seriously.

"With both of your committed exercise routines - especially yours, Mr. Neal, given your job - I have no concerns at all that the changes needed to ensure a safe and successful conception will be a problem for either of you."

James looked at Ali and flicked his eyebrows upwards, pleased with the information. She gave his arm a squeeze to let him know she was right there with him.

"You said you have a fairly large family?"

"Three younger brothers and one sister" he answered.

"And you're an only child, Allison?"

"The one and only." She gave the doctor another quick smile.

A few more clicks on the laptop, and the couple waited patiently.

"Okay, that should do for this phase. I'll leave you two alone to fill out the rest of the questions. I'll be back to discuss what's next as far as prenatal vitamins, future appointments, etc...All the fun stuff." Dr. Abbot stood and placed his pen back into the front pocket of his white jacket. "If you have any questions, I'll just be across the hall. Take your time."

He closed the door behind him and James and Ali looked at one another.

"What was all that?"

"What was what?" she asked with a laugh.

"Do I even ask what a Pap smear is?" He made that face again that was a cross between utter confusion and disgust. ".....Is that where they take the thing that looks like a duck beak--"

"James!"

"What!?!"

"A duck beak?"

"Well that's what it looks like!" He was staring at her as if it wasn't strange at all. "Am I right, though?"

Ali was still giggling when she hopped down off the table. She took the other pen Dr. Abbot had left on his desk for herself. "Yes....kind of. But nevermind. Let's fill these out."

James took a seat next to her in the small navy blue chairs that were set back against the wall. Together, they looked through the pages of questions that needed a Y for yes or an N for no, and then several more that required different degrees of rating for the answer.

"Have you ever had scrotal health concerns?" James turned his head and grinned. "I don't know, have I?"

"Pfft. Please. Least of your worries."

James leaned in and kissed her temple. "How about you?"

"Have scrotal issues?" Ali asked with a laugh.

"No, do you have any weird health things I don't know about?"

"I don't think so?"

Leaning over, James took a peek at the questions she was currently filling out. She pushed her shoulder towards him to block his vision. "Hey! Let me answer these on my own."

"I just wanna see!"

Ali smirked at him. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"You KNOW all of mine - my health problems are on television constantly" James replied. "Right?"

"What about stuff unrelated to hockey? Think about your brothers. What about Rebecca? Your mom and dad? They all count too."

He looked down at her packet, then looked at his own. It was a little more overwhelming than he thought, but it was invigorating as well. He also knew this would likely be the easiest part of the road that was before them.

"Okay, here, let me see." He flipped to the next page, folding the corner over at the staple. "Do you suffer from high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or diabetes?" He promptly circled 'no' and proceeded. "Does anyone in your family?" He looked at Ali, brows creased.

"Your brothers, sister, parents..."

James tried to think. "I don't think so." He circled no. "What about Wendy and Jeff?"

"My dad used to have high blood pressure, but I never have." She shrugged. "I just assumed it was because we're Italian."

"I hope our kid turns out fiesty like his mommy."

"HIS mommy?"

They looked at one another and smiled. James glanced down at his packet guiltily. "Or she, it doesn't matter to me."

"Does it, though?" Ali began to wonder why she hadn't thought to ask this question yet. She supposed it was because she couldn't imagine wanting one gender over another.

James shook his head. "No." His eyes shifted from the papers to her. "Does it matter to you?"

"Not really."

"I wouldn't love him or her any differently. This kid is gonna be my little pal. Girl or boy."

Ali could actually feel her ovaries thumping. She watched James scratch at his hair as he went back to reading the next set of questions. He has no idea the impact of what he just said. He went on circling Y or N on his sheet, and Ali felt like pinning him against the exam table and trying to plant one inside her right then and there.

James looked up because he noticed Ali wasn't moving, and that's when he realized that she was stunned by something. "Uh oh. What?"

"I love you."

He grinned. "Love you too, babe."

Ali cupped the back of his head with her hand, her fingers sliding through his dark hair. "You're going to be the best damn father ever, you know that?"

James' grin turned into a humble, close-lipped smile. He nodded, his eyes lowering slightly. "Thanks. I hope so."

* * *

It was Saturday, Piper's first full day back in Bar Harbor, and she spent most of the morning in bed. She was exhausted from the week away and all the newness and excitement that came with it.

She also laid in bed longer than normal because she now understood just how much she missed waking up next to Sid. Every week she spent with him, the harder it became to go 'back to normal' - waking up alone, no rock hard slab of muscle or chestnut eyes to greet her first thing.

Piper was also too exhausted from the plane ride back the night before. Something about it made her never want to get out of bed ever again.

The Pittsburgh airport had been a nightmare. She saw her picture on the front page of the Tribune, right next to a larger picture of Sidney and Kunitz celebrating their game winning goal against the Redwings.

Not only that, two people recognized her going through security. A few more called her out while waiting in line for a latte. When she boarded the planes and got to her seat, the person sitting across the aisle, a female who looked somewhere in her early 20s wearing a UPitt hoodie on, gave her the dirtiest look she ever had from a complete stranger.

I went to your fucking school, too Piper thought, turning her eyes towards the window once she was seated. They have no idea who I am. They only know what they think they know.

It frustrated her the entire plane ride to Boston. Switching planes required some foot travel through Boston Logan International, and luckily, Piper didn't see her face plastered all over the papers or have anyone recognize her. If they did, they surely didn't show it...at least not the way they did in Pittsburgh.

It was a lot to absorb. It was like quitting her normal life cold turkey. She jumped from her quiet, simple life in the town she grew up in straight into a lion's den.

Her life was.....

Piper groaned in bed.

....high profile.

She rolled over and pushed her sleepy face into her pillow. Outside, the coastal fog layer was lifting, but Piper still felt like it wasn't enough of a shield to keep her from the changes that occured the past couple of days.

It's worth it.

He's worth it.

I love him. I'll do this and I'll smile through it.

He was brave enough to change in order to accomodate me....and I will do the same.

Piper thought about the picture of her on the front page again. It was a tiny picture when compared to the real front page photo of Sid and Chris. But she was there...very much there...with the large letters that included the appended title that now came with her name: Piper Lake, girlfriend of Sidney Crosby. It wasn't a bad picture. She was leaning forward in her seat, her eyes focused on the ice, her elbows resting on her knees with her hands clasped loosely in front.

It could've been worse, really.

She groaned again.

He's worth it. He's worth it. He's worth it.

Eventually, when her thoughts got to be too much, Piper got out of bed and faced the day; whatever it entailed. She hoped it entailed some serious alone time to meditate, do some yoga, get into her zone.....and think. She needed to think, and she needed to think alone.

She also needed to meet up with Danika first chance she got, but Dani had called her before she left Pitt saying she would be gone all day to help her brother with something in Portland. She'd be back by Sunday night, and they had no classes scheduled that Sunday as a result.

Thank God Piper thought. Maybe she could spend all of Sunday by herself as well. It could be the reset button she needed.

With that in mind, Piper felt somewhat ready for the day. She would swing by the office, do a little personal work and catch up on things, check in with Robin to see how she was adjusting. Beyond that - the rest of the day was hers.

As she steeped a pot of green tea, Piper sat down at her Macbook and decided to see what damage had been done to her Facebook page. She had two pages - one for her yoga business, the other for herself.

She checked her personal one first.....and what she saw surprised her beyond belief.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but you can't just come from wherever the hell you live to Pittsburgh and think you can take over. Crosby doesn't love you, he's only fucking you like he's fucked others and left them."

"I hope u know what u've gotten urself into, hun. Sid fucks the ice girls regularly and when ur out of town he'll do the same."

"HE'S MINE BACK OFF BLONDIE."

"youre not even that pretty. bye."

"You know he already has a girlfriend, right? SUX TO BE U."

"Hey girl! I actually fucked Crosby two years ago. Isn't he super fun? God, that mouth of his....I miss it. Tell him Ange says hi, okay? xoxo"

"Go fuck yourself you huge slut. You're too low class for a guy like Crosby anyways."

"I heard Bennett was single. Is he next? Starfucker."

"Reality check: he probably started dating you because you're a massive whore who puts out. Sid doesn't date chicks, he's only using you. This isn't even serious. HE IS PLAYING YOU. Can't you SEE?"

Piper slammed her laptop shut.

She sat there blinking, feeling her breathing increasing rapidly.

They can't be for real. This isn't how it goes.

With her fingers, she pressed her temples in a slow, circular motion to release the tension that mounted in those few short minutes. She moved her fingers to the base of her head, pressing upwards to release tension there. In a few minutes, she felt much better.

Those messages were still there, though. They would always be, and probably wouldn't be ending any time soon, either.

Piper stood and disconnected her laptop all together, powering down to prevent her from looking again. She went out into the kitchen in an odd stupor, the hateful comments still floating around in her mind. The words slut, whore, andstarfucker raw within her heart.

I'm none of those things.

They don't even fucking know me.

She took her mug of tea and her blanket and went outside to stare into the grayness as it rolled back out to sea. Curling her legs under and straightening the throw blanket over her, Piper sipped her tea and tried to clear her mind. She needed to, or she'd go crazy.

As the sun began to poke through the stratus, the rays of light pierced through not only the clouds but the heaviness in her heart. The green tea tasted pure, warm, comforting; her porch was her haven, a place of refuge from the rest of the world.

She glanced over and looked at the Adirondack chair where Sidney sat the last time he visited.

I wish he could live here. With me.

I wish he could be here right now.

"I need to get out of here" she said aloud. Gazing down at the pale sage green color of her tea, she tried to think of where she would go, once she was done at the office. Within minutes, she decided on the perfect location where, hopefully, she could clear her mind and hit 'reset'.

* * *

Sidney exited the plane in Chicago and the humidity hit him in the face the second he took a step down the stairway. He checked his watch: 11:30 am central time. In Maine, it was still only after noon. He hoped that the time would work to his advantage when he called Piper. As soon as he got to the hotel, it was the first thing on his agenda.

The bus ride from the airport seemed to take days instead of minutes, but when Sid finally got to the room and gave Duper the heads-up that he was stepping out for a second, he hit the key that speed-dialed Piper. He let it ring until it went to voicemail, then tried again. Still no answer.

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. Since Piper's departure the previous evening, Sid hadn't heard much from her. She'd texted him that she made it safely back to her car and was on her way back to her home, and then silence. She knew he had a game the next day, so he blamed her not calling to say goodnight on that.

Now he wasn't so sure.

He dialed her number again, waiting until he heard her bubbly greeting. Hi! You've reached Piper Lake. Please leave a message and I promise to get back to you. Namaste!"

"Hey, beautiful. Just got to Chicago. Still missing you and wondering what you're up to. Hopefully Bar Harbor hasn't missed you too much."

Everything he said sounded dorky to him, but he wasn't used to her not picking up her phone. In all fairness, he couldn't remember if she had to instruct any classes today or not, so it was likely that she was teaching one at that moment.

"Anyway...it wasn't right waking up this morning without you. Call me whenever you get a chance...I may not be able to pick up right away, but will call back the first chance I get."

He hung up, realizing he hadn't even said goodbye.

Fuck I am terrible at this.

In all actuality, his mind hadn't had a minute to rest since Piper left. It was nonstop from the guys, chirping him over coming out with his and Piper's relationship. And they weren't even that bad compared to the media or the fans. Sid knew it was coming, though. Because he expected it, it made it easier for him to handle. But he needed to know how Piper was doing. He cared more about how she was handling this than he cared about anything else. It was something he debated over and over since the very start of their relationship. Now that it was here and he'd taken that important, necessary step........the silence between he and Piper was excruciating.

For some reason, he dialed her one last time, but was met with the voicemail once again. He hung up, surrendering to the fact he likely wouldn't get to talk to her until sometime closer to game time or even afterwards.

When he reappeared in the room, Pascal's good-natured expression greeted him. "That was quick."

"No answer" Sid said glumly. "Left a message, but probably won't talk to her tonight, either."

"How's she holding up? She freaking out yet?"

Sid plopped down on the mattress with a soft bounce. "No idea. That's my problem."

"Hey, you never know...she seemed really cool, Sid. She could be handling it better than you think?" He gave him a smile, hoping he could reassure his young captain. "No?"

"I hope you're right, that's all I'll say."

Pascal swung his feet around so that they were hanging over the mattress. Sidney saw the very paternal, matter-of-fact look in Duper's large eyes. He started to laugh. "Oh no, here comes my lecturing..."

"Who said it would be a lecture?" Pascal said this with a humorous tone. "I'd just like to remind youuuu....that she likes yooouuu....and that she wants to be with youuuuu...."

"Well what yooouuuuuu don't knoooowww" Sidney said, mocking him with a smirk, "is that sheeee said she loves me."

Duper sat there, his shit-eating grin fading slightly. "So? Isn't that good? Shit, Sid - that's great!"

Sid gave him a sheepish sideways look. "I didn't say it back."

Holding up his hands, Pascal shook his head. "Hang on, here. Hang on."

"Nooo, no, come on, I don't want to get into it" Sid said in protest.

"OH. We're getting INTO it."

Sid sighed. He knew better than to argue with Duper, especially when it came to whatever he deemed to be in his best interest. This definitely fit in that category.

"I'm going to totally ask an off-the-wall question here....so I don't expect you to have an answer right away, because it's a crazy sort of question..." Pascal leaned forward, as if what he was about to say was some sort of major secret.

Sid stared at him. "What?"

".....why?"

He cracked a smile. "Why? What do you mean why?"

"WHY didn't you say it BACK?"

Sid searched his friend's gaze, trying to read between the lines, but it was as simple a question as it got....and it was the obvious question he had been asking himself since Piper said it.

"Take your time" Pascal chirped. "I'm here all day."

"I don't know why, Duper. I'm just not there yet."

"What's it gonna take then?"

He shrugged, buying himself time. "I don't know....another month, maybe? A few months? Introducing her to my parents--"

"--Does your father even know?"

Sidney recalled the voicemail he received the night of the interview on RootSports. It was pointed, direct, and very typical. "Son. Saw your interview. We need to talk." And that was it. Needless to say, he hadn't been in a huge hurry to call him back yet.

"He does, but we haven't talked about it."

Pascal clicked his tongue. "May be that you'll have it harder than her in the end."

He has a point, he thought. He already agreed to bear that burden the minute he fell for Piper, so bear it he would.

"When this did go down?" Pascal asked, his voice calm.

"Couple nights ago...." Sid hesitated. "...when we were fucking."

Duper let out a loud laugh, one in which he tossed his head back in order to let loose. "Ahhhhhh, Creature....your timing always has been special."

"Thanks." He gave him a glare that was closely followed by a smile. "What do I do, though? I feel like it really messed her up; she was pretty embarrassed...and that really killed me to see."

"You better figure out what this girl has to do to get some love from you...and I don't mean the D."

"The D." Sid rolled his eyes. "You're worse than Nealer anymore."

"Not possible."

Sid chuckled. "Probably right."

Pascal stood up and swatted him on the shoulder. "You'll figure it out, just like you do everything else, Kid. I know you're not as great at this sort of thing as you are on the ice, man....but don't treat this chick's heart like a puck."

He walked past the foot of the bed Sid was lying on and began to rummage through his suitcase. Sid followed him with his eyes, slowly absorbing his last statement.

"Don't treat this chick's heart like a puck."

Reaching into the pocket of his pinstriped pants, Sid pulled his cellphone out and punched in the speed dial for Piper's phone.

Five rings and nothing...once again.

"Don't treat this chick's heart like a puck."

He sighed. Where are you, Piper.

A rapping at the door was heard, scaring both Sid and Pascal enough to make them both jump slightly.

"5 MINUTES, LADIES."

"Speaking of which...." Pascal said, hurrying over to the door. "Hey Nealer!"

"Yeah?"

Please don't tell him Sid said to himself, closing his eyes.

"Hey, I got a question for ya!"

Sid heard James walk into the hotel room before he saw him. The tall winger looked between him and Pascal. "What's up? What's the question?"

"You've fucked a ton of chicks, yeah?"

"One could say that" he replied, folding his arms over his chest. "Why?"

Sid watched Duper nod, his grin appearing in full force. Play this correctly Dupes, or I'm not passing the fucking puck once to you all night.

"Any of 'em ever blurt out they loved you in the middle?"

James started to laugh. "What? Is this a trick question?" He looked at Sid for some backup, but Sid merely shrugged.

"Seriously" Duper said, one hand going to his hip. "Did any of them just...say it....in the middle of you going to town on 'em?"

"Is my name James Neal?" he replied, his grin turning a tad too proud for his own good.

"Answer the damn question" Sid said, trying hard not to laugh in his friend's face. "How many?"

"I don't know, man - you think I was paying attention then?" James' eyes shifted between the two of them. He tried to think, but threw up his hands. "Okay, uh....let's say like two? Maybe three?"

Pascal and Sid stared at him.

"Does it count if I was going down on them?" James asked.

"You are the biggest fucking liar!"

"You asked me!"

Sid was rolling his phone around in his hand, his laughter turning to a giggle. "You're a huge liar, Neal."

James blew a raspberry. "Last time I agree to answer a question you two ask me." He went to leave the room, but Dupuis pulled his arm.

"Wait - one more question."

Rolling his eyes, James feigned irritation in them keeping him there longer. "What."

"Did you ever say it back?"

James gave him an exaggerated frown. "Duper."

"Nealer." He waited with a grin.

"No. And that's the truth."

"Until Ali came along?"

James nodded. "Until Ali came along." He glanced over at Sid, who stopped rolling his phone in his hand. "Good enough?"

"Works for me" Sid replied nonchalantly.

"Good. I need to summon the others....Hopefully they won't have me answer a damn quiz when I call for 'em" James chirped. "See you two on the bus."

With that, he disappeared out the door...only to be heard pounding on the other doors as he went down the hall to call everyone to the lobby.

Sid and Pascal looked at one another.

"He's so full of shit."

Sid nodded. "Always has been."

"Think he was telling the truth at the end?" Pascal asked seriously.

"Yeah.....yeah, I do."

"So maybe if he can do it....it means it was real." Pascal shrugged. "Same could be said for you. You just don't toss that sort of thing around. Even Nealer didn't."

"So what are you saying, exactly?"

"I'm SAYING - take your time, don't fucking fret, handle it just the way you handle everything else, and you'll be good to go." He slipped on his blazer and buttoned the center button. "Don't overthink it. You know - don't be you."

Sidney laughed. "I'll see what I can do."

* * *

On the rock where she sat facing the ocean, the only thing Piper could think about was what her and her friends used to do at recess in third grade.

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.

She recalled the way they picked at the petals, one by one, until they had cleaned the poor daisy of its white plumes. Whenever they got to the last one, if they landed on He loves me, the boy in question did. If the last one plucked landed on He loves me not...well then, the boy in question didn't.

There wasn't a daisy in sight, but Piper thought it might be easier to play that childhood game than sit there and try and clear her mind. Despite the perfect early-autumn breeze, the lazy clouds dotting the sky here and there, and the deep, cerulean blue of the water before her...it took every ounce of concentration she had to stay focused.

Piper sat cross-legged, feeling the warm rock radiating through her tight black pants. Her eyes stayed closed, her hands resting in a natural, open position. Everything about her felt relaxed; she only wished her brain would follow.

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.

Piper let the breeze wash over her, focusing solely on the way it felt against her skin. She remained as in-the-moment as she could, giving space in her mind to let her worries sort themselves out. The less clutter, the clearer things should be.

He loves me.
He loves me not.

Piper tried to picture what she considered to be the epitome of Sid: his size, his build, his laugh, his kindness.

She tried to picture herself and what she brought to the relationship. This proved to be much harder.

Bringing the image of Sid hovering above her just a few nights ago when they were intimate, she pictured him with as much detail as her mind could recall: the feel of his sweaty skin, the way the veins in his biceps bulged, the fire that was in his gaze, the way his chain dangled from his neck and tickled her skin, the love in his voice...

He loves me.
He loves me not.

Over and over, thrust after thrust, he spoke to her without words. His actions were worth more than anything he could've told anyone, or what would be said from this point forward. Sid's eyes were the window to his incredible soul, and he let her look in time and time again.

She inhaled the salty air, feeling every molecule pass beyond her nose and into her lungs, following it mentally as it traveled through her body. In the same manner, Piper exhaled...pushing out the literal and proverbial toxins.

He loves me.
He loves me not.

She opened her eyes. Mindful meditation was difficult for most, but it came easily to her. It was a requirement for her practice, and for her life. But today, even in the gorgeous setting and the solidarity of the rocky piece of shore she'd chosen to practice today, it was hard to be mindful of much.

"I need you at the game."

"I want you to meet someone very important to me."

Funny...the difference between need and want, Piper thought. Such fickle friends and backstabbers to one another. She considered Sidney's wants and needs. More importantly, she considered her needs and her wants.

"What does Piper want?" her mother had asked once upon a time ago. Though it was only a few months, it seemed ages ago; back when her and Sid were together without much committment, without all the drama, without the....high profile-ness.

I want to be with him.

I want to be in his life, and I want him to be in mine.

I want to make this work.

I want him to love me.

Her eyes clouded but she promptly willed them away. Closing them once more, Piper recalled the image of Sidney on the dock in Nova Scotia, that first day when they met up long after the wedding reception. She could see him plain as day, and it made her miss him.

He loves me.
He loves me not.

Piper sniffled.

I need to cut myself a break.

She fought the tears as hard as she could. She felt her way through her sadness, trying to investigate where it was coming from.

I don't want to lose him.

There was her want.
There was her need.

One tear pushed free from her closed eyes but Piper didn't wipe it away. She followed it mentally as its slow trek down her cheek came to an end at her chin.

"He fucks the ice girls. He already has a girlfriend. He's using you."

Piper went to grit her teeth, but fought to relax the tension creeping up her neck. She inhaled slowly, then exhaled twice as slow as she sent out the insults and lies with it.

"Either you're in this completely, or you're out. There is no in between."

Ali's words.

Piper pictured her friend's face: her large doe eyes, her pin-straight hair that fell like a curtain of the softest silk down to her waist, her easy smile and her blunt and humorous phrasing.

"Hun, you always were in his life...now it's just maturing, right?"

"Yes" she said aloud, breaking her own silence. The words were carried on the breeze, hardly noticed even by the seagulls that circled about the water not far from where she sat.

He loves me.
He loves me not.

So what do I do? she asked to herself. She felt another tear begin to set itself free from beneath her lashes. Do I stay here....or do I move there?

Does he love me?
Or does he not?

Piper realized she needed to make a decision. Whatever she chose - it wouldn't be easy. Each involved a risk with a heavy price to pay.

She needed to make a decision.....but she'd didn't want to.

For some reason, a phrase popped into her mind that seemed to strike a chord within her: You can't have both.

It wasn't like her to think in that way. She wasn't even sure where or why that phrase came to mind in the first place.

You can't have both.

"But I want both" she whispered.

She opened her eyes again, and this time, they were as wet as the sea before her.

* * *

Notes