Redemption of a Puck Slut: Part II

February 14, 2015

Dear Diary,

A year ago I was in Sochi with Sid, spending our first Valentine’s Day together in some Russian restaurant.

God that seems so long ago. That was before I even knew I was pregnant, back when we were happy….

I guess we aren’t unhappy now, but things are different.

And now, things are going to be a lot more different.

A few weeks after Sid and I talked about babies and realized that neither of us actually wanted one, I missed my period.

Of course, this is just my luck.

I guess I didn’t get on the pill fast enough. I cried when I found out. I sobbed, actually, and stayed in bed all day. I had Caeleigh come over and take care of the twins because Sid was away for a few days. I told her I missed my period so she (like the good best friend she is) bought me a bunch of pregnancy tests, and they all came back positive.

Against her advice, I thought I’d wait to tell Sid until I knew for sure. I went to the doctor a week ago and got an ultrasound and yup, there’s a baby inside of me. A little, tiny, baby. It’s so weird. Last time I didn’t know until really late, so this is new to me.

But it’s Sid’s baby, and in a weird way, I already love it. It’s like it was meant to be this time, now that we’re married and doing things properly.

But I still had to tell Sid. That part was going to be hard. Even though he said he wasn’t in a hurry to have another baby, I knew he would still be wicked happy about this. But I was still nervous.

Valentine’s Day, today, we went out to dinner. It was kind of early, like 5, because he has a flight tomorrow morning. They are going on a three game road trip to Canada, so I won’t see him for a few days.

After a romantic dinner, he gave me a beautiful charm bracelet with four charms: a figure skate for me, a hockey stick with an ‘87’ for him (duh), a purple flower for Annie, and for Ted, the Russian word for ‘son.’ (Symbolic of Sid seeing Geno’s son as his own; I think it’s cute.)

“Sid this is so beautiful,” I said looking at the charms. “Is this silver?”

“Yes, I thought it would match that necklace I got you for Christmas last year,” Sid smiled as I inspected the charms.

“Why a flower for Annie?” I smiled questioningly back at him.

“It’s a violet, and violets represent loyalty and devotion,” Sid blushed. “Or, at least that’s what the lady at the jewelry store said. But it’s symbolic of my loyalty and devotion to Annie, accepting her as my daughter.”

Hearing him say this, and seeing Teddy’s Russian charm, made me cry a little. Just a tiny bit.

Okay, a little more than a tiny bit, but I didn’t mess up my make up or make a scene so it’s okay. After I calmed down he helped me put it on.

I slid an envelope across the table to him.

“You got me a card?” He asked with a smirk. “After I got you a silver charm bracelet? This better be a damned good card…” he added jokingly.

I smiled and shrugged, “Just open it.” I watched the joking smile melt off his face when he opened the envelope and pulled out an ultrasound image.

He stared at it for what seemed like an eternity. His expression was blank as he took in the image in front of him, and I held my breath waiting for his reaction.

Slowly, and hesitantly, a small smile started to form at the corner of his mouth.

I exhaled a sigh of relief when he finally looked up at me.

“You’re pregnant?” He said and started to laugh.

“I know, it’s not quite what we talked about, but yeah, I’m pregnant!” I smiled at him across the table and he smiled back. For the first time in a few months, I felt like things were going to be okay. “We’re going to need another charm for this bracelet,” I smiled and held up my wrist.

“But you’ve already been to the doctor?” He sounded a little sad that I’d gone without him.

“I wanted to be 100% sure before I told you because we’ve been through a lot and I didn’t want to break your heart again,” I explained, starting to feel guilty about not tell him sooner. “And I guess you can stop worrying about your sperm count now.”

He rolled his eyes, “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that anymore,” he blushed and smiled. “Do you know the due date yet?”

“October.”

“October? Wait, so you’re..” I could tell he was subtracting nine from October and I smiled at his cute surprised face when he figured it out. “So you’re about a month along?”

I nodded.

“Then why didn’t you tell me sooner?” There was an edge of annoyance in his voice, but I completely understood where he was coming from and I felt guilty for not telling him right away.

“I’m sorry, Caeleigh said I should have told you when I first realized I’d missed my period, and then when I got the ultra sound done I thought it would be nice to give them to you on Valentine’s Day.”

“Emme, I am your husband, you are supposed to tell me these things.” He said sternly as he looked me in the eyes. “I should have been there for the ultrasound. Emme this is my first child, don’t you think I would want to be a part of that?”

“It’s not your first, you have-”

“Yes, Ted and Annie, I know, but it’s different. This time I know it’s my child and we’re married, and we actually wanted this,” he sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

“You weren’t even available the day I had it done; you were Boston playing the Bruins, so it doesn’t even matter,” I leaned back in my seat and crossed my arms, mostly mad at myself, but also a little upset Sid was being like this.

“You could have waited until I came back. Em this is not my fault,” I looked up at him and he was staring at me, waiting for a response, but I shook my head. “We’ll talk about this later.”

I guess by ‘later’ he meant fifteen minutes later in the car as we drove home. I was staring out the window, not wanting to continue the conversation, but he started it up again right where we had left off.

“You can’t say I missed this because I was playing hockey; that’s not fair to me, and you know it’s not true.”

“What do you want me to say? I’m sorry, okay? It won’t happen again,” I replied a little more sarcastically than I should have (though I meant it).

“No, it won’t, because it can’t. I can’t miss another first ultrasound of my first child because there’re won’t be another first!” He wasn’t yelling, but it seemed like it. His tone, the quiet night, the lack of the background music we usually have if we drive somewhere together, made it so much more tense. It was like I could feel his anger, and I turned my face back toward the window so he couldn’t see the tears slowly pouring down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” I sniffled, and tried to wipe my face off. “It was stupid, I’m sorry I should have just told you.”

He was quiet for minutes and I searched through my purse for a tissue.

“We could always do it again; get another ultrasound, and pretend it’s the first?” I suggested once I’d stopped crying. I looked over at him, trying to judge his expression.

“Well, if you got his when we played the Bruins, then it’s probably grown a bit since then, right?”

“Yes, I’m not sure how much, but it grows pretty fast,” I replied.

“So if we go back in a few weeks it’ll look totally different, and it’ll be like the first time again,” he glanced over at me and smiled, and I smiled back, realizing we were okay.

“Yeah, that would be nice. I’ll make an appointment when you’re not playing some team on the other side of the country,” I laughed and he shot me a smile again.

So we’re okay; I think. I always feel like I’m on the edge of my seat with him, and I don’t just mean when I’m watching him play hockey. After everything we’ve been through, he could have divorced me and left me broke on the side of the road somewhere, but he hasn’t.

I don’t think I’ll ever get over how much he still loves me.

Sincerely,

Emme

P.S.: It's Brandon's birthday, but I can't even think about that right now.

:( at some point I'll have to tell him I'm pregnant, too.

Notes