On My Mind
Freak
“Should I ask him?” The two brunettes next to James quickly started whispering, waving other men from across the locker room over into their little conference. As they all formed a little circle, they started talking about James, how he never goes out, how he’s never been with a girl in almost six months, and how unhealthy it was.
Meanwhile, James sat there, eyes glued to the scores on his cell phone screen, trying to ignore the congregation near him. He knew what they were talking about, and he knew when they were done debating, Sidney would walk over, beg him to go out with them, and then give him the same little speech he does every other week.
It was always the same answer, not matter how good or bad the game went. In this case, the game was bad. Very, very, very, bad. James had three turnovers in the first period, two lead to goals, and for the next two periods, he sat on the end of the bench, watching all of his team mates try to rally to correct his mistakes. The coach didn’t speak to him, the other players didn’t look at him. He sat there alone like a man with a contagious disease.
“Nealer”, He looked up at Sidney and sighed heavily. “I know what you’re going to say.” Sidney sat down next to James and looked at him with a worried expression. “But just hear me out, alright? You had a shit game, I get it. You had shitty relationships, I get that. But you don’t have to go out with us and get a girlfriend. We just want you to loosen up, have a good time. That doesn’t mean-”
“Sid”, James stood up quickly shutting his phone off and slipping it into his dress pants pocket. “You’re my best friend on the team. I know I need to get out, but after tonight, it’s the last thing I want to do.” Sid looked down in defeat. “I mean if I go, I will repel every female in the club or bar anyway. No one wants to be seen with the leper of the Penguins.”
Sid and James shared a laugh and then stood there in a few seconds of silence. “If you change your mind.” James gave Sidney a small nod, then bid him a quick good-bye and walked out of the locker room, his head hung low.
The brunette quickly walked out of the Consol Energy Center and into the back parking lot. There were a few fans waiting on the side, and when they saw him walk out, they all looked away, like they hadn’t seen him, like they didn’t know who he was. He cringed at the harshness of the situation and quickly put up his hood and walked to his silver luxury car parked all the way on the end of the lot.
Once his equipment bag was in the trunk, he jumped in the front seat, started the car, and quickly sped out of the parking lot and in the direction of the building he spent almost every night he was in Pittsburgh. The bar.
The drive there was short, like it always is. The brunette knew six different routes to this bar. He could practically drive there with his eyes closed. It wasn’t the best bar in the city, it was usually filled with guys have asleep or students from the local University, but never the less James found himself there almost every night. He didn’t speak to anyone, tell anyone his problems, or even let on he had problems. He walked in, ordered three drinks tops, then left leaving a generous tip. No one ever noticed the pain in his heart, or how sometimes he could barely tear himself out of his chair.
As soon as he parked the car, he saw a crowd of men walk out of the bar and head towards their cars parked near James’s. Instead of getting out and walking past them, he sunk down in his seat and slowly shut the car off. Dan had given him a good enough slap in the face about his play today, he didn’t need five drunk men trying to tell him he sucked too.
The brunettes bright blue orbs followed the men for the next five minutes, watching them, trying to figure out what they were saying. It was probably about him. His horrible excuse of a hockey career he had.
“I need a drink”, James huffed and watched as the boys pulled out of the parking lot. James got out of his car subtly, scanning the lot for anyone else that could make him feel worse about himself, if it was even possible at this point.
The door slowly swung closed behind the brunette, as he walked down the few stairs and started walking through the row of tables until he reached the bar. Head hung low, he scanned the seats around the bar, most of them filled except one next to a girl with long dark red hair that eventually turned into subtle blonde curls on the end. Narrowing his eyes, he nodded and silently accepted the different hairstyle that he had never seen before, but heard a description of it from one of the guys in the locker room.
It was a homie, or an home-bre or something weird like that. Fuck, it was just hair dyed with a different color on the end, there was no need for some idiotic name like that. James twitched his nose as he slid into one of the high chairs and leaned his elbows against the smooth cherry wood countertop.
The girl quickly glanced over at him, then went back to her slim white iPhone in her hands, chips of different colors scattering the case and the screen protector.
“The usual, man?” James turned his head and looked up at the bar tender. A red pushing against his cheeks for not even realizing he was staring at the woman next to him, he simply nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket and started to go through random apps, his Facebook feed, and anything else he decided he hadn’t looked at in at least a half hour.
“Cassadee!” The girl next to him disappeared leaving him with a barrier of a chair between him and the next girl at the bar, who looked a like someone James would normally go after. Glancing over at the empty seat she once occupied, his frown deepened. She was blocking the wind from the door, keeping him warm, and she was blocking him from that blonde.
“Hi”, James shut his eyes and then slowly looked over. His mind and heart had prepared himself to see the blonde, her bright eyes staring at him up and down, mentally tearing his clothes off and pulling all of the money from his pockets. He cringed. “You look a little down in the dumps, can I buy you a beer?”
James froze. His eyes met the strange green colored eyes of the girl that had been sitting next to him, and he felt his eyebrows meet at the center of his forehead. His lips parted to speak, but instead they scanned over the soft features of her face, landing on the diamond above her lip, and the small silver ring that was barely visible from her nose, and the pencil sized black circles stretching out her ear lobes. As she chuckled, he glanced down and noticed her skinny left arm completely covered in bright colored tattoos. Once the girl let out a laugh, his eyes darted right back to hers, and got lost in the strange color, a color he had never seen before.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, I get that a lot, honestly.” She gave him a sweet smile, that made all of the words lined up in James’s head to say fade to nothing. All he could do was look at her, and scream at himself to look away. She was a girl, he would [b]never[/b] fall for someone like her. With the piercings and the tattoos, that was all too much. He liked girly girls.
But then where did [i]that[/i] get him.
“I’m Cassadee, Cass for short.”
“I’m sorry, I.. It’s nice but you’re...”
“A freak.” Cassadee whispered, her soft rosy cheeks turning a tomato red. “I get it a lot.” Her hands quickly moved leaving a five under her empty glass and snatching her cell phone from the bar top. “I’m more than just a bunch of tattoos and piercings, man.” Her voice was stern, but evidently hurt. “I was just trying to be nice.” Her bright eyes glanced back at another girl similar to her, without as many tattoos and clear of piercings, near the door shrugging into her coat.
“I-I..”
“I hope you feel better.” She shrugged into her leather jacket, pulled the sweatshirt hood attached to it over her head, and walked over to the door. James turned in his seat, still unable to say anything and watched the girls hair swing in the same direction as her hips as she walked up the stairs and out of the bar.
When he turned back to the bar, his heart was beating roughly against his rib cage. He felt horrible, how he just seemed to ignore her like that. She was just trying to be nice, and he didn’t even give her his name. He just stared at her, like she was some creature, a freak.
Sinking down in his seat, he quickly drank the rest of his drink and pinched the bridge of his nose. Shaking his head, he watched as the girls bright blue/green eyes shown in the black of his mind. “Jesus [i]christ[/i]”, he whispered and dug his fingernails into his thigh.
Today was a day where nothing was going right and being rude to that girl was the icing on the cake. He may have rejected any advancements by any girl in any place over the last few months, but he would never be rude, especially that rude.
There was just something about her that made him stop.
Pondering his thoughts for the next hour, James had two more small mixed drinks and then left a tip under his empty glass, shrugged into his jacket and headed for the door. As he walked to his car, he quickly scanned the area for the red hair with blonde tips, and when he saw none, he slid into his car and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel.
“Maybe she’ll be here tomorrow”, he whispered to himself. “Just so I can... apologize.”
Yes, apologize. He thought, that’s it. He just wanted to apologize and that was it. Maybe they would be friends. He would never date someone like her, but it would be nice to have a friend at the bar. Someone that knew him as James, and not Nealer, or an NHL player.
Only a friend. James reminded himself as he quickly started his car and headed back towards his cold, empty apartment for another restless night of sleep.
Meanwhile, James sat there, eyes glued to the scores on his cell phone screen, trying to ignore the congregation near him. He knew what they were talking about, and he knew when they were done debating, Sidney would walk over, beg him to go out with them, and then give him the same little speech he does every other week.
It was always the same answer, not matter how good or bad the game went. In this case, the game was bad. Very, very, very, bad. James had three turnovers in the first period, two lead to goals, and for the next two periods, he sat on the end of the bench, watching all of his team mates try to rally to correct his mistakes. The coach didn’t speak to him, the other players didn’t look at him. He sat there alone like a man with a contagious disease.
“Nealer”, He looked up at Sidney and sighed heavily. “I know what you’re going to say.” Sidney sat down next to James and looked at him with a worried expression. “But just hear me out, alright? You had a shit game, I get it. You had shitty relationships, I get that. But you don’t have to go out with us and get a girlfriend. We just want you to loosen up, have a good time. That doesn’t mean-”
“Sid”, James stood up quickly shutting his phone off and slipping it into his dress pants pocket. “You’re my best friend on the team. I know I need to get out, but after tonight, it’s the last thing I want to do.” Sid looked down in defeat. “I mean if I go, I will repel every female in the club or bar anyway. No one wants to be seen with the leper of the Penguins.”
Sid and James shared a laugh and then stood there in a few seconds of silence. “If you change your mind.” James gave Sidney a small nod, then bid him a quick good-bye and walked out of the locker room, his head hung low.
The brunette quickly walked out of the Consol Energy Center and into the back parking lot. There were a few fans waiting on the side, and when they saw him walk out, they all looked away, like they hadn’t seen him, like they didn’t know who he was. He cringed at the harshness of the situation and quickly put up his hood and walked to his silver luxury car parked all the way on the end of the lot.
Once his equipment bag was in the trunk, he jumped in the front seat, started the car, and quickly sped out of the parking lot and in the direction of the building he spent almost every night he was in Pittsburgh. The bar.
The drive there was short, like it always is. The brunette knew six different routes to this bar. He could practically drive there with his eyes closed. It wasn’t the best bar in the city, it was usually filled with guys have asleep or students from the local University, but never the less James found himself there almost every night. He didn’t speak to anyone, tell anyone his problems, or even let on he had problems. He walked in, ordered three drinks tops, then left leaving a generous tip. No one ever noticed the pain in his heart, or how sometimes he could barely tear himself out of his chair.
As soon as he parked the car, he saw a crowd of men walk out of the bar and head towards their cars parked near James’s. Instead of getting out and walking past them, he sunk down in his seat and slowly shut the car off. Dan had given him a good enough slap in the face about his play today, he didn’t need five drunk men trying to tell him he sucked too.
The brunettes bright blue orbs followed the men for the next five minutes, watching them, trying to figure out what they were saying. It was probably about him. His horrible excuse of a hockey career he had.
“I need a drink”, James huffed and watched as the boys pulled out of the parking lot. James got out of his car subtly, scanning the lot for anyone else that could make him feel worse about himself, if it was even possible at this point.
The door slowly swung closed behind the brunette, as he walked down the few stairs and started walking through the row of tables until he reached the bar. Head hung low, he scanned the seats around the bar, most of them filled except one next to a girl with long dark red hair that eventually turned into subtle blonde curls on the end. Narrowing his eyes, he nodded and silently accepted the different hairstyle that he had never seen before, but heard a description of it from one of the guys in the locker room.
It was a homie, or an home-bre or something weird like that. Fuck, it was just hair dyed with a different color on the end, there was no need for some idiotic name like that. James twitched his nose as he slid into one of the high chairs and leaned his elbows against the smooth cherry wood countertop.
The girl quickly glanced over at him, then went back to her slim white iPhone in her hands, chips of different colors scattering the case and the screen protector.
“The usual, man?” James turned his head and looked up at the bar tender. A red pushing against his cheeks for not even realizing he was staring at the woman next to him, he simply nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket and started to go through random apps, his Facebook feed, and anything else he decided he hadn’t looked at in at least a half hour.
“Cassadee!” The girl next to him disappeared leaving him with a barrier of a chair between him and the next girl at the bar, who looked a like someone James would normally go after. Glancing over at the empty seat she once occupied, his frown deepened. She was blocking the wind from the door, keeping him warm, and she was blocking him from that blonde.
“Hi”, James shut his eyes and then slowly looked over. His mind and heart had prepared himself to see the blonde, her bright eyes staring at him up and down, mentally tearing his clothes off and pulling all of the money from his pockets. He cringed. “You look a little down in the dumps, can I buy you a beer?”
James froze. His eyes met the strange green colored eyes of the girl that had been sitting next to him, and he felt his eyebrows meet at the center of his forehead. His lips parted to speak, but instead they scanned over the soft features of her face, landing on the diamond above her lip, and the small silver ring that was barely visible from her nose, and the pencil sized black circles stretching out her ear lobes. As she chuckled, he glanced down and noticed her skinny left arm completely covered in bright colored tattoos. Once the girl let out a laugh, his eyes darted right back to hers, and got lost in the strange color, a color he had never seen before.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, I get that a lot, honestly.” She gave him a sweet smile, that made all of the words lined up in James’s head to say fade to nothing. All he could do was look at her, and scream at himself to look away. She was a girl, he would [b]never[/b] fall for someone like her. With the piercings and the tattoos, that was all too much. He liked girly girls.
But then where did [i]that[/i] get him.
“I’m Cassadee, Cass for short.”
“I’m sorry, I.. It’s nice but you’re...”
“A freak.” Cassadee whispered, her soft rosy cheeks turning a tomato red. “I get it a lot.” Her hands quickly moved leaving a five under her empty glass and snatching her cell phone from the bar top. “I’m more than just a bunch of tattoos and piercings, man.” Her voice was stern, but evidently hurt. “I was just trying to be nice.” Her bright eyes glanced back at another girl similar to her, without as many tattoos and clear of piercings, near the door shrugging into her coat.
“I-I..”
“I hope you feel better.” She shrugged into her leather jacket, pulled the sweatshirt hood attached to it over her head, and walked over to the door. James turned in his seat, still unable to say anything and watched the girls hair swing in the same direction as her hips as she walked up the stairs and out of the bar.
When he turned back to the bar, his heart was beating roughly against his rib cage. He felt horrible, how he just seemed to ignore her like that. She was just trying to be nice, and he didn’t even give her his name. He just stared at her, like she was some creature, a freak.
Sinking down in his seat, he quickly drank the rest of his drink and pinched the bridge of his nose. Shaking his head, he watched as the girls bright blue/green eyes shown in the black of his mind. “Jesus [i]christ[/i]”, he whispered and dug his fingernails into his thigh.
Today was a day where nothing was going right and being rude to that girl was the icing on the cake. He may have rejected any advancements by any girl in any place over the last few months, but he would never be rude, especially that rude.
There was just something about her that made him stop.
Pondering his thoughts for the next hour, James had two more small mixed drinks and then left a tip under his empty glass, shrugged into his jacket and headed for the door. As he walked to his car, he quickly scanned the area for the red hair with blonde tips, and when he saw none, he slid into his car and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel.
“Maybe she’ll be here tomorrow”, he whispered to himself. “Just so I can... apologize.”
Yes, apologize. He thought, that’s it. He just wanted to apologize and that was it. Maybe they would be friends. He would never date someone like her, but it would be nice to have a friend at the bar. Someone that knew him as James, and not Nealer, or an NHL player.
Only a friend. James reminded himself as he quickly started his car and headed back towards his cold, empty apartment for another restless night of sleep.
5/4/13