Reunited
Fifteen
Dear Sidney,
I don’t know why I am writing you this letter. Maybe it’s because you popped into my mind the other day and I’m still trying to figure out why or maybe it’s because I miss you and my heart just hasn’t forgotten you yet. But maybe this letter won’t be about the heartbreak both of us went through; maybe I’ll make it about life. And how here I am sitting at my typewriter (very 80’s of me I know) and I keep thinking about something you told me a long time ago. That things happen, people happen, life happens and no matter what goes wrong, you can always find that one person who will make all the problems look so incredibly small in the big scheme of things, and you told me that that person was me. That I made things worth it and that everything in the world could go wrong but as long as I was still holding your hand, it all was going to be okay. Well things are not okay Sidney, nothing will ever be okay. I don’t know if you are going to be reading this letter holding someone else’s hand or maybe you’ll come home and keep all the promises you ever made to me. Who knows, surprises in life are inevitable right? You taught me that, leaving without a goodbye, but then again you taught me a lot of things. How to love and leave being the most important of them all, but I wrote something for you Sidney. For no reason other than that I took pity on myself, and wrote about leaving you behind, because hopefully one day I’ll be able to do that.
So here you go love…
“She was torn, shattered really, into so many pathetic little pieces. She had been constantly kicked and shoved around, and the few who tried to stick her back together had given up. She was a lost cause, like a boat stuck out at sea. So she stepped on the train and took her seat and as it pulled away from the station she looked at the ever-fading city behind her. She remembered her life, the people she had loved and lost, the people who had loved and lost her, and the way she lost herself. And as the distant city was no longer in view, she turned towards the future. The future that would show her better things than the past ever did. She was broken yes, but she would be alright. She always was.”
So thank you my dear, for showing me how to be okay in the end, without holding the hand of the one person who said they would always be there. I owe you one, but then again you owe me so much more than just one.
xoxo, S.
-------
Shea never sent the letter. She couldn't bring herself to, one, write Sidney's name and address on the envelope because it would make things so much more permanent. And two, because she didn't want to put all the blame on Sidney. That seemed much too unfair, but then again life was so incredibly unfair as well, so she just threw the letter in her favorite book and tossed the book on her desk. And now almost five years later, Shea read over the letter again and again wondering if moving to Pittsburgh and being with Sidney was a mistake. If she was putting her heart all in one place, and yet again that one place would leave and take her heart with her, and now since she had just gotten her heart back, she didn't have the energy to lose it again.
Yet here she was, still packing, and wondering if she should just take it slow. Call Sidney and tell him that maybe they should live separately or maybe just stay friends and start over, but then she thought about the night when Sidney had showed up at the airport and said he loved her. And how after they went to a hotel and showed each other just how much they had missed one another, but only one thing stuck out in Shea's mind.
They had been laying in bed, entangled in each others arms, Sidney was kissing Shea's head every once in a while. It was quiet, but it wasn't uncomfortable, they both liked the quietness. It gave them time to let everything sink in. Sidney had been thinking about how he would have to call his PR department and try to talk them off the incredibly high ledge they were currently standing on, and then he looked down at Shea and remembered that he had her, so whatever happened he would be fine. Shea was thinking about how she had ruined an engagement, and how everybody in Cole Harbour, and probably Canada and American were talking about her at this very moment. Neither of them had wanted to turn on the TV or look at their phone, though both of them could hear the beeping and buzzing come from the other room. They remained still.
It was Sidney that finally broke the silence, "We're so fucked."
"Just so fucked." They both broke out into a fit of laughter, each of them thinking about the reality that awaited in the morning.
It was silent for only a few moments before Sidney spoke again, "I just had the greatest idea," Shea looked away from the covers to Sidney. His eyes were a bright caramel color, the color they always were when he was happy. "Move to Pittsburgh."
"What?"
"Move to Pittsburgh, come live with me, live with me in Pittsburgh." Shea flipped herself over onto her stomach and laid her body on her elbows. She couldn't pretend she hadn't thought about it in the last couple of hours, but even she knew that moving in with Sidney would be a big problem, that maybe they should take it slow this time and not rush things, but if Shea knew Sidney like she thought she did, he was drunk on the events of tonight, and that was it.
"Sidney."
"No Shea, I know what you're thinking. That I'm not thinking this through, but I have. I spent four years without you, and I don't want to spend another second doing that. So please do me the favor of moving in with me. My home is with you so.."
Shea sucked in a deep breath, "Take me home Sidney Crosby."
Now Shea stood in her bedroom reliving the events and she still had doubts about it. So she did the one thing that she knew would help. She called her sister.
"Well well well if it isn't Mrs. Crosby herself." Kate said before chucking to herself.
"Haha you're very funny, I just cannot stop laughing. Quite original too might I add."
Kate snorted, "Well aren't you just oozing with sarcasm. What can I help you with Shea?"
"Well my first question is when do I get to see you again?" Shea could hear people in the background of their conversation and she hoped she wasn't interrupting something but then again Shea couldn't count how many times Kate had called her and interrupted important things.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't be home to watch Sidney Crosby ditch his own wedding to be with you, but the lake house was too appealing to leave and I didn't have a way home, so here I am back at college, enjoying school. But I have been asked so many questions by so many different people, most asking me if I was related to the, and I quote, "hot piece" Sidney Crosby landed. I of course said yes, don't we look similar."
It was Shea's turn to snort, "Yeah okay Kate you keep thinking that one, but I actually have a very serious question to ask, so can you lend an ear for a second?"
"Go for it."
Shea took a deep breath, "Okay I'm going to tell you something but you have to let me finish before I get your advice, okay?" Shea could here Kate say something alone the lines of okay, she proceeded, "Sidney asked me to move in with him." She could hear Kate gasp on the other line but she kept quiet, "I said yes but I'm having doubts and I don't know what to do."
"Wow Sidney Crosby asked you to move in with him and you're having doubts? Please do tell."
"I found this letter--"
"Oh for God sakes a letter?!? Shea the amount of times I've heard that statement as an excuse is too many to count on my fingers. You write yes, but that doesn't mean that everything you write is going to happen or that it should take over your world. You love Sidney and Sidney loves you, and now you're moving forward and you and I both know you're scared that you might not be enough for Sidney in his big big hockey world but Shea, he could of chosen anybody and he chose you. He came back for you."
Kate had a point, and slowly but surely Shea could feel her doubt start to disappear, "You're right."
"Of course I'm right Shea, the same thing was going through your head, you just needed someone to say it out loud for you. So the next time you call me, hopefully we'll see each other before then, you better have moved into Sidney Crosby's house."
Shea nodded her head, before remembering that Kate couldn't see her, "Okay."
"Okay."
--------
"So when are you going to be here?"
"Well however long it takes me to fly from Cole Harbour to Pittsburgh babe."
Sidney laughed, "Okay okay I'll see you soon babe."
"Bye doll."
"Oh and Shea? I love you."
"You too."
Shea hung up and put her phone in her bag. She looked at her boarding pass one more time before boarding her plane, hoping and praying that she was doing the right thing. Maybe she would regret it when she stepped off the plane but after thinking about it for a while Shea knew it was the right thing to do.
-------
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have arrived the local time is 6:45 in the evening. Thank you for flying Delta and we hope to see you again soon."
Shea had fallen asleep the second she laid her head on the back of her seat and hadn't realized she had been sleeping the whole plane ride. She got out of her seat once the stuffed up aisles had been mostly cleared, and open up the cabinet to get her luggage. She walked off the plane, thanking the pilot and flight attendants standing by the door, and continued walking until she got a taxi.
Giving the kind man the address she needed to get to, Shea realized she didn't think this was a bad idea, that she knew she would realize if it was a bad idea when the plane touched the ground. And when the plane touched the ground, Shea didn't even blinked.
"Miss?" The taxi driver pulled Shea out of her daze, "Miss we are here." Shea nodded her head, grabbing the fare money out of her wallet, and opened the car door. The taxi driver was already opening the trunk and pulling out her suitcase by the time she reached the back of the car. She thanked him and grabbed for the suitcase.
She looked at the building in front of her before walking up the steps and ringing the doorbell. She heard the shuffling of feet and the unlocking of the door in front of her.
A rush of warm air hit her face, before she heard a voice speak, "Shea?"
Shea looked from the space on the door she had been staring at to the face who had spoken to her: Kate.
"I couldn't do it Kate," Kate rushed out the door and hugged her sister. She could feel tears on her shoulder, "I couldn't move in with him."
I don’t know why I am writing you this letter. Maybe it’s because you popped into my mind the other day and I’m still trying to figure out why or maybe it’s because I miss you and my heart just hasn’t forgotten you yet. But maybe this letter won’t be about the heartbreak both of us went through; maybe I’ll make it about life. And how here I am sitting at my typewriter (very 80’s of me I know) and I keep thinking about something you told me a long time ago. That things happen, people happen, life happens and no matter what goes wrong, you can always find that one person who will make all the problems look so incredibly small in the big scheme of things, and you told me that that person was me. That I made things worth it and that everything in the world could go wrong but as long as I was still holding your hand, it all was going to be okay. Well things are not okay Sidney, nothing will ever be okay. I don’t know if you are going to be reading this letter holding someone else’s hand or maybe you’ll come home and keep all the promises you ever made to me. Who knows, surprises in life are inevitable right? You taught me that, leaving without a goodbye, but then again you taught me a lot of things. How to love and leave being the most important of them all, but I wrote something for you Sidney. For no reason other than that I took pity on myself, and wrote about leaving you behind, because hopefully one day I’ll be able to do that.
So here you go love…
“She was torn, shattered really, into so many pathetic little pieces. She had been constantly kicked and shoved around, and the few who tried to stick her back together had given up. She was a lost cause, like a boat stuck out at sea. So she stepped on the train and took her seat and as it pulled away from the station she looked at the ever-fading city behind her. She remembered her life, the people she had loved and lost, the people who had loved and lost her, and the way she lost herself. And as the distant city was no longer in view, she turned towards the future. The future that would show her better things than the past ever did. She was broken yes, but she would be alright. She always was.”
So thank you my dear, for showing me how to be okay in the end, without holding the hand of the one person who said they would always be there. I owe you one, but then again you owe me so much more than just one.
xoxo, S.
-------
Shea never sent the letter. She couldn't bring herself to, one, write Sidney's name and address on the envelope because it would make things so much more permanent. And two, because she didn't want to put all the blame on Sidney. That seemed much too unfair, but then again life was so incredibly unfair as well, so she just threw the letter in her favorite book and tossed the book on her desk. And now almost five years later, Shea read over the letter again and again wondering if moving to Pittsburgh and being with Sidney was a mistake. If she was putting her heart all in one place, and yet again that one place would leave and take her heart with her, and now since she had just gotten her heart back, she didn't have the energy to lose it again.
Yet here she was, still packing, and wondering if she should just take it slow. Call Sidney and tell him that maybe they should live separately or maybe just stay friends and start over, but then she thought about the night when Sidney had showed up at the airport and said he loved her. And how after they went to a hotel and showed each other just how much they had missed one another, but only one thing stuck out in Shea's mind.
They had been laying in bed, entangled in each others arms, Sidney was kissing Shea's head every once in a while. It was quiet, but it wasn't uncomfortable, they both liked the quietness. It gave them time to let everything sink in. Sidney had been thinking about how he would have to call his PR department and try to talk them off the incredibly high ledge they were currently standing on, and then he looked down at Shea and remembered that he had her, so whatever happened he would be fine. Shea was thinking about how she had ruined an engagement, and how everybody in Cole Harbour, and probably Canada and American were talking about her at this very moment. Neither of them had wanted to turn on the TV or look at their phone, though both of them could hear the beeping and buzzing come from the other room. They remained still.
It was Sidney that finally broke the silence, "We're so fucked."
"Just so fucked." They both broke out into a fit of laughter, each of them thinking about the reality that awaited in the morning.
It was silent for only a few moments before Sidney spoke again, "I just had the greatest idea," Shea looked away from the covers to Sidney. His eyes were a bright caramel color, the color they always were when he was happy. "Move to Pittsburgh."
"What?"
"Move to Pittsburgh, come live with me, live with me in Pittsburgh." Shea flipped herself over onto her stomach and laid her body on her elbows. She couldn't pretend she hadn't thought about it in the last couple of hours, but even she knew that moving in with Sidney would be a big problem, that maybe they should take it slow this time and not rush things, but if Shea knew Sidney like she thought she did, he was drunk on the events of tonight, and that was it.
"Sidney."
"No Shea, I know what you're thinking. That I'm not thinking this through, but I have. I spent four years without you, and I don't want to spend another second doing that. So please do me the favor of moving in with me. My home is with you so.."
Shea sucked in a deep breath, "Take me home Sidney Crosby."
Now Shea stood in her bedroom reliving the events and she still had doubts about it. So she did the one thing that she knew would help. She called her sister.
"Well well well if it isn't Mrs. Crosby herself." Kate said before chucking to herself.
"Haha you're very funny, I just cannot stop laughing. Quite original too might I add."
Kate snorted, "Well aren't you just oozing with sarcasm. What can I help you with Shea?"
"Well my first question is when do I get to see you again?" Shea could hear people in the background of their conversation and she hoped she wasn't interrupting something but then again Shea couldn't count how many times Kate had called her and interrupted important things.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't be home to watch Sidney Crosby ditch his own wedding to be with you, but the lake house was too appealing to leave and I didn't have a way home, so here I am back at college, enjoying school. But I have been asked so many questions by so many different people, most asking me if I was related to the, and I quote, "hot piece" Sidney Crosby landed. I of course said yes, don't we look similar."
It was Shea's turn to snort, "Yeah okay Kate you keep thinking that one, but I actually have a very serious question to ask, so can you lend an ear for a second?"
"Go for it."
Shea took a deep breath, "Okay I'm going to tell you something but you have to let me finish before I get your advice, okay?" Shea could here Kate say something alone the lines of okay, she proceeded, "Sidney asked me to move in with him." She could hear Kate gasp on the other line but she kept quiet, "I said yes but I'm having doubts and I don't know what to do."
"Wow Sidney Crosby asked you to move in with him and you're having doubts? Please do tell."
"I found this letter--"
"Oh for God sakes a letter?!? Shea the amount of times I've heard that statement as an excuse is too many to count on my fingers. You write yes, but that doesn't mean that everything you write is going to happen or that it should take over your world. You love Sidney and Sidney loves you, and now you're moving forward and you and I both know you're scared that you might not be enough for Sidney in his big big hockey world but Shea, he could of chosen anybody and he chose you. He came back for you."
Kate had a point, and slowly but surely Shea could feel her doubt start to disappear, "You're right."
"Of course I'm right Shea, the same thing was going through your head, you just needed someone to say it out loud for you. So the next time you call me, hopefully we'll see each other before then, you better have moved into Sidney Crosby's house."
Shea nodded her head, before remembering that Kate couldn't see her, "Okay."
"Okay."
--------
"So when are you going to be here?"
"Well however long it takes me to fly from Cole Harbour to Pittsburgh babe."
Sidney laughed, "Okay okay I'll see you soon babe."
"Bye doll."
"Oh and Shea? I love you."
"You too."
Shea hung up and put her phone in her bag. She looked at her boarding pass one more time before boarding her plane, hoping and praying that she was doing the right thing. Maybe she would regret it when she stepped off the plane but after thinking about it for a while Shea knew it was the right thing to do.
-------
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have arrived the local time is 6:45 in the evening. Thank you for flying Delta and we hope to see you again soon."
Shea had fallen asleep the second she laid her head on the back of her seat and hadn't realized she had been sleeping the whole plane ride. She got out of her seat once the stuffed up aisles had been mostly cleared, and open up the cabinet to get her luggage. She walked off the plane, thanking the pilot and flight attendants standing by the door, and continued walking until she got a taxi.
Giving the kind man the address she needed to get to, Shea realized she didn't think this was a bad idea, that she knew she would realize if it was a bad idea when the plane touched the ground. And when the plane touched the ground, Shea didn't even blinked.
"Miss?" The taxi driver pulled Shea out of her daze, "Miss we are here." Shea nodded her head, grabbing the fare money out of her wallet, and opened the car door. The taxi driver was already opening the trunk and pulling out her suitcase by the time she reached the back of the car. She thanked him and grabbed for the suitcase.
She looked at the building in front of her before walking up the steps and ringing the doorbell. She heard the shuffling of feet and the unlocking of the door in front of her.
A rush of warm air hit her face, before she heard a voice speak, "Shea?"
Shea looked from the space on the door she had been staring at to the face who had spoken to her: Kate.
"I couldn't do it Kate," Kate rushed out the door and hugged her sister. She could feel tears on her shoulder, "I couldn't move in with him."
Notes
I'm backkkk :) Hope you like it.
xoxo
seeeqqqquuuuueeeelllll!
12/22/14