All of me

And just like that, my rotations were half way over. I went home for Thanksgiving and Lily went to Georgia to visit her family. December arrived soon after and just like that it was Christmas time again. I had 2 weeks off and I could not wait to go back home.

'Hey hun! When are you coming home?' Katie asks.

'I get home Thursday but I'm going to visit my family for a few days and then come see you before I have to go back for Christmas.'

'Sounds good! Come soon, I miss you!'
__________________________________________________________________________

Katie had told me about this charity event that the Bruins were hosting for Christmas this year.

'You can always come with me and Adam. It not a big deal.'

'No it's fine. Dougie is taking Lily so you'll have her!'

'Don't get me wrong, I love Lily to death but its not the same as you being there.'

'I know but it'll be so much fun! Come on, please be excited! We should go out this week and buy you a dress.'

'Okay' she said, still upset I wasn't going. I didn't want to be the 5th wheel and I think it would be best if I didn't attend.

We went to the Prudential Mall and picked out this beautiful black sleeve gown for Katie. It looked so beautiful on her.

'Yes! Yes! Yes! You're going to look drop dead gorgeous!' I said as she walked out of the dressing room.

'Thanks love! You're amazing' she says as she gives me a hug.

Lily was going to be arriving the day of the party and staying the weekend and driving back home just in time for Christmas.

We all met at the apartment after Lily arrives so the girls can get ready. I did their hair and makeup.

'Please come. You'll be here all by yourself on a Saturday...' Katie says.

'Katie...'

'Alright I'm sorry.'

The boys come upstairs, all dressed up to pick up the girls. It seemed like prom night. It brought back so many memories...

'No corsages?' I start laughing.

'No.' Brad answers as he gives me a death stare.

'Relax it was a joke. Whats wrong with you?'

'Thanks for bailing on me. Now I have to take this crazy chick that I can't stand since I can't go by myself.' Brad said.

'Aww I'm sorry Brad. I really am.'

'Yeah. Yeah.' Brad still annoyed.

'Are you picking her up?' I ask.

'On our way there, yeah' he says.

'It'll be best if I stayed here tonight. Maybe next time?' I say as I rub his back with a smile on my face. He tries to keep a straight face but gives in and ends up laughing soon after.

'Yeah, you don't want to run into his new girlfriend. That'll be awkward.' Dougie says and immediately realizing he should have kept quiet.

Girlfriend?

'Great going Doug's.' Brad said in a harsh tone.

'Its totally fine guys. I'm happy that he's moved on. Now, take lots of pics and snap me throughout the night!'

'Absolutely!' Lily said.

'My babies are growing up too fast!' I shed a imaginary tear.

'Now go! You're going to be late.' As I give them all a hug.

I lock the door behind them and jump on the couch and play a few Christmas movies that I had recorded on my DVR.

Girlfriend? He has a girlfriend. He's moved on...It's about time you do the same.

I had fallen asleep but the noise of my phone vibrating woke me. Katie.

'Ew. She's disgusting.'

'Haha! Who?'

'You know who.'

'??'

'Reilly's girlfriend'

'Stop. I'm sure she isn't. But thanks for trying to make me feel better '

No response.

1am.

'I didn't like her one bit. They just left. Not sure why. I'll tell you more about it tomorrow.'

'Oh jeez! Okay' I put my phone down and resumed the movie. After I was find eating, I clean up most of the stuff and head towards the bathroom to brush my teeth. A few minutes later I hear something.

*Knock!**knock!*

My heart froze. Who could it be at this hour. Katie? She was still at the ball. I slowly walk to the door and peak through the peephole.

Reilly?! What was he doing here? I was in my sweatpants and sweatshirt, a messy bun and glasses. Shit. I put my hair down to make it look somewhat decent, took off my glasses and my sweatshirt and stayed in my tank top and sweats.

I slowly open my door and see him leaning there with both arms resting on the door frame. He had a dark grey suit on with a skinny black tie which had been loosened. He looked so handsome, it took my breath away. I hadn't seen him since Halloween weekend.

'Reilly?' He lifts his head.

'Hey' he says softly.

'What are you doing here? It's almost 2...' I said with a concerned look on my face.

'I know. I'm sorry. I just want to talk. Can I come in?'

'Sure, come on in' I open the door and he sits on the couch.

'Is everything okay?' I said as I sit across from him.

'You didn't come to the charity ball tonight...' He says as as he raises his head and stares at me.

'No I didn't. Something came up-'

He looks around and sees that all I was doing was watching movies and stuffing my face with snacks.

'Right' he says as he chuckles.

'I was pretty disappointed when I saw all of your friends walking in and not you.'

'I'm surprised you noticed.' I said under my breath. He quickly looks at me and exhales deeply.

Silence.

'I hope I'm not the reason why you didn't attend.'

'You weren't. There was no point of me going.'

'Brad told me he invited you and you said no-'

'Yeah, I really appreciated him inviting me but honestly I was not in the mood'

Where is he going with this?

'I wish you had come. It would have been nice to see you' he whispered. That was so sweet. Don't say it. Don't ruin the moment.

'Well I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't be too happy about that' I quickly reply with an attitude. Damn it. It came out of me like word vomit. I didn't mean for it to sound that harsh.

'And there it is! Its because of me.'

'It wasn't because of you! I found out 2 minutes before they left. It wouldn't change anything. I still wouldn't have gone'

'Okay' he says as he stands up and gets ready to leave. His voice was low and calm.

'Why are you here Reilly?' I shouted behind him.

He turns around. 'I missed you' and smiles and turns back around, heads for the door.

'You missed me? Reilly you can't just come in here and say that...We are not-' I say slowly.

'I KNOW.' He shouts as he turns around. 'But what am I suppose to do Emma?'

'Move on, I have.' I say quietly. Way to sound convincing.

'Good for you.' He says as he claps twice.

'It shouldn't be that difficult for you, let's be real here.' And there you go again.

'What's that suppose to mean?'

No. Don't say it. You'll make everything worse.

'Nothing' He looks at me, waiting for me to continue.

'Don't be shy. Spit it out.'

'Don't play dumb. You know exactly what I mean. Because of you athletic status, you can have anyone you want with a snap of a finger. I highly doubt you've been moping around these past few months.'

'You want to believe the stereotypes. Go ahead.' He looked very annoyed.

'They're hard to ignore.' There you go with your big mouth. He shakes his head and is breathing heavily.

'Besides, why did you want me to come tonight anyways?! To rub it in my face that you found someone?'

'Oh for Gods sake Emma! The only reason I have a girlfriend is because that's what you told me to. To move on! And that's what I'm trying to do so get off my case! If I hear the words 'move on' one more time, I'm going to lose my shit!'

'Don't you dare pin this all on me' I said quietly.

'I told you what I wanted! I apologized again and again. I don't know what you want from me. I'm trying to fill this void inside of me but no matter who I fuck, it will never be whole!' He was livid. I opened my mouth but nothing could come out. I stood there, speechless. I had never seen him this upset. He calms down a little bit and runs his fingers through his hair.

'I'm trying to distract myself as best as I can. And I like Bethany, I do, she's a great girl, but-'

'Okay then go to her. It not fair to her that you're here right now.' My voice was calmer than before. I couldn't let him scream like that again.

'You just don't get it. There is a reason why I'm here and not there. That's not what I want.' He says quietly as he puts his hand on his forehead yet again. A nervous habit of his that I had noticed.

'Well we can't all have what we want'

'That's for damn sure. And what have you been doing? At least I'm honest about what I want. You seem to have it all bottled up in a box with a bow. As much as you want to deny it, I know how you feel about me, those feelings haven't changed. So now it all comes down to you. Let me know when you decide what you want and I'll be out of your hair.'

'I think you should leave...it's getting late.' I could barely breathe. Knots were forming on my throat. He nods as he grabs his jacket quickly and forcefully. He exhales and turns to me.

'Look I didn't come to fight, okay. It seems like every time we see each other it always results in a stupid fight and I hate it. I just wanted to see you. I thought that we could be friends but I see that nothing's changed here. I made a mistake by coming here tonight.' I walk towards the counter with my elbows resting on the countertop, hands on my face. As he heads towards the door and turns around for the last time.

'By the way, our song came on tonight and that's what pushed me into coming here.'

'Our song?' What was he taking about? We never decided on a song.

'Yeah' he says as he nods.

'Sorry I bothered you. Goodnight' as he slams the door behind him. I sit on the couch with my hands on my face.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What was wrong with me? I wanted to be with him so badly. I was kicking myself. Stop being so bitchy. What else do you want from him?!

I head into my room and slam the door. I crawl into the fetal position with my arms across my chest, tears running down my face. I was done with the crying and screaming and fighting. I couldn't do it anymore. I was exhausted.

I didn't get much sleep that night. I kept tossing and turning all night. How could I. I was replaying that conversation over and over in my head. Everytime I saw him, it resulted in a fight, most of them I started. He knew it. I knew it. I always have to find the smallest thing and blow it out of proportion.

I woke up at 6am. Took a long hot shower and got dressed. Around 10 am I was meeting Katie and Lily for breakfast.

'Hey!' As I give them both a hug. 'How was it?! I loved all of the snaps. It seemed like a great night'

'It was! It would have been even better if you had attended but it's okay. How was your night?' Lily said

'Good.' I said quietly as I forcefully smile. Katie noticed that something's wrong.

'Are you alright?' Katie asks.

'No' I said as I started tearing up. 'This is so embarrassing. I'm sorry'

'Honey, talk to us' Lily says.

'Reilly came over last night-'

'What?' They both said simultaneously.

'When?! What did he say?' Lily asked.

I filled them in on what he had said.

'Emma, I know you want to be with him as much as he wants to be with you. I don't know what you're waiting for sweetie.' Katie says as I open my mouth to answer and nothing comes out. I shake my head.

'I don't know anymore' I said quietly.

'Look, I know why your upset with him. I know what he did, I was there remember? He has apologized and him coming over last night was to see if you had changed your mind. Clearly his feelings haven't changed. Have yours?' Katie says.

'I don't know...I'm just so confused. I do love him but I'm still in New York and he said that he doesn't want to do long distance. That's why we're in this mess in the first place and now all of a sudden he wants me back? It makes no sense.'

'Things have changed now. He realized that he was miserable without you. He doesn't want to lose you again. For both of your sakes...just forgive him and be together.' Katie says.

'Easier said than done' I say as I lean on my chair.

'Maybe that's what he came to tell you yesterday but couldn't, because you shut him out. It would have been a totally different conversation if you had given him a chance.' Lily says.

'Guess we'll never know now will we? I don't know why we are talking about this. He has a girlfriend anyways. That changed things.'

'He said he loved you. He would leave her in a heartbeat if you'd take him back.' Katie states confidently.

'How is that fair to her? I can't do that to somebody.'

'Oh please. They have been seeing each other for like 2 weeks. Let's be real here, he came to you Emma...at 2 am because he missed you, who does that?' Katie says. I put my face in my hands and exhale loudly.

'I'm ready to go back next week. I need to get away from here.'

'Running away is not the answer' Lily says. 'There is going to be a New Year's party. Maybe you can talk to him there?' Lily says.

'There is? Do these parties ever end?' Katie completely ignores my questions.

'So you'll talk to him?' She asks with a smirk on her face.

'Maybe' I say as I look at both of them, taking a bite of bacon from my plate.

'I've lost my appetite.' The rest on my plate was barely touched.
_____________________________

A few days before New Years, the Bruins had an away game against Columbus.

The Bruin's had played a solid game. In the middle of the the second period a player slammed against the boards, head first and was not getting up. The crash on the boards was like a loud bang.

'Ouch. That sounded bad.' I say as I came back from the fridge after getting a cold beer.

There was a bunch of players standing around and a few fights broke out.

'What's going on?' Katie says as we both had our eyes glued to the screen.

The paramedics rushed on the ice. He slowly gets up and skates away as they rush him in the tunnel into the locker room.

'Who is that?' Katie says.

'No' I whispered under my breathe.

My face went completely blank. I froze with my hands over my mouth.

'I'm sure he's fine. Just a little shaken up. He'll be okay Emma.' Katie said trying to comfort me by rubbing my shoulder.

The second period intermission came up and soon after, the third period started. Reilly was no where to be seen. There was no update. My heart was beating out of my chest. The game ended and the Bruins took the win.

'Let me call Adam' I nod.

'Adam? How is he?' Katie asks as he puts him on speaker.

'He had a dislocated shoulder and what they assume to be a concussion and his neck is a little stiff. If I find more information I'll let you know. I'm sorry Emma.'

'Thank you Adam.' As tears run down my face.

'I hate this' Katie says as she comes over and pulls me into a hug.

When they flew into Boston, they had taken Reilly to be evaluated at MGH, Mass General Hospital.

'We can go first thing in the morning.' Katie says.

'Thank you.'
______________________________

We get at the hospital around 10am.

I go up to the reception desk and ask what room he is.

'Sorry but I can't let you in there.' She says.

'What do you mean?' I ask.

'I can't just let anybody in there.' she says as she continues typing.

'Listen we are close friends of his. He's like my brother. I can show you pictures if you don't believe me. Please let us in.' Katie said.

'Room 234'

'Thank you' I said as we walked down the hall.

My heart was beating out of my chest. Take deep breathes.

'You go in first. I'll wait out here.' Katie says.

I open the door slightly and head in. I place the flowers I had gotten him on the table. He laid in the bed asleep. He had an IV on his left arm. His right shoulder was wrapped and was put on a sleeve. Tears started running down my face as I approached him. I get closer to the bed and grab his hand. I kiss his forehead.

'I'm so sorry...for everything Reilly. I love-' I whisper.

'Sorry but who are you?' This girl says as she steps into the room. I quickly jump up and wipe my tears.

'Oh sorry. I'm a friend of Reilly's. I heard he was here so I came to visit.' I say.

'Oh okay. I'm Bethany. Reilly's girlfriend.'

'Emma. Nice to meet you.' I said as I smiled.

'Have you heard anything on his condition?' She says.

'Not really. I was going to talk to the nurse on my way out.' I say

'Okay.'

'Well I'm going to go and let him rest.' I said as I head out.

'Thanks for coming. I'll tell him you stopped by.' I smile as I make my way to the door. She moves a chair. takes off her jacket and sits next to his bed and grabs his hand.

'How was he?' Katie asks as she stood next to the door.

'He was asleep but seemed okay, I guess'

'Did you meet her?' Katie said

'Yeah Katie, I did. She was so nice.' As I stare at her.

'Whatever. It's all an act.'

'No it's not. He deserves to be with someone like that.'

'Oh shut up! You deserve to be with him. She is nice but he doesn't like her. Jesus Emma! You should have seen him at the Ball.'

'All I care about is him being okay.'

'He is going to be fine. He's a tough cookie.'

'Let's just get out of here.'

Notes

Well...that just happened. Any thoughts?! Will Reilly attend the New Years party? Will Emma finally forgive him or is it already too late? Stay tuned!! :)

Love,
-R