AAOOOSC! Mini Stories!

In the locker room, all the Bruins are getting ready for practice, when a huge cardboard box comes floating through the doorway.
"Ha. ha. ha. ha. He. he. he. he. There is a box that is floating!" Zdeno jokes, pointing at the bobbing box.
"It's not floating, I'm carrying it!" Brad Marchand grumbles from behind it.
"Oh, didn't see you there...you so tiny! Ha.ha.ha.ha!"
"What's the box for, Brad?" Patrice Bergeron asks.
"Mail." Brad plops the box down on a nearby bench. "Alright! Mail time, guys!"
All the Bruins gather around the box. "Mail for Tuukka! Mail for Tuukka!" Tuukka jumps up and down like a little kid.
"Not only for you, Tuukka!" Chad Johnson tells him. "For everyone!"
"No! Tuukka only!" Tuukka smiles.
"Wait, where's the Bear?" Johnny Boychuk asks. "He's always here for mail."
The Bear lumbers into the room on cue, rubbing his tummy.
"Does that answer your question?" Patrice asks.
"Okay...now that we have everyone here--let's get this done!" Brad opens the box and peers inside. "Oh man, good luck getting this all handing out in less than five minutes." He pulls out a letter. "Zdeno Chára."
"Ha. ha. ha. ha!" Zdeno grabs the letter.
"Zdeno Chára."
"He.he.he.he!" Zdeno grabs another letter.
"Zdeno Chára."
"Zdeno's the Slovak..."
Brad pulls out a long cardboard pole. "Zdeno..."
"...that gets everything!" Zdeno takes the long gift and looks at it. "Ooo! My new stick!"
Brad pulls out small cardboard box. "The Bear."
The Bear takes the box gently, nodding his head.
"The Bear." Brad holds out a vanilla, squared envelope.
The Bear takes it in happily.
"Zdeno...Zdeno...Zdeno...Zdeno...The Bear...The Bear..." Brad keeps handing out the mail to only those two people.
"Are you sure you're reading those correctly?" Patrice asks.
Brad ignores him. "Patrice."
"Well, it's about time!" He grabs the envelope and looks at it. "Dang it, it's my water bill."
"Zdeno...Zdeno...Zdeno...Bob--" Brad blinks for a moment. "Bob?"
Sergei comes out of nowhere. "Bob!" He takes the yellow rectangle envelope and disappears.
"Okay..." Brad continues fishing for more letters. "The Bear..." He hands the Bear an oddly shaped box.
The Bear opens it and takes out a jar of honey and starts eating it.
"The Bear...the Bear...Zdeno...Zdeno...Me!" Brad takes his gray, fluffy bag and rips it open. "Yay! My customized jersey came in!" He shows it everyone, who do not look amused one bit.
"The Honey Badger? Really?" Johnny asks.
"Fine..." Brad puts it to a side. "Boychuk..." He hands Johnny another gray, fluffy bag.
"What the..." Johnny looks at the bag. "Oh no, it's from Milan..." He opens it up and it's a customized jersey. "Studchuk..." His eyes narrows. "...beautiful."
"Don't get mad at me for having a customized jersey now, Studchuk." Brad chuckles. "Funny nickname. Okay..." Brad peers back down at the box. "Zdeno, Zdeno, and Zdeno..." He gives pile of envelopes to Zdeno. "The Bear, the Bear, the... Oh! Tuukka!"
"Yay!" Tuukka gets the big, yellow envelope and looks at it. "Fanmail..." He thinks for a moment and turns to Patrice. "Better than bill."
"Tuukka."
"Ooo! Tuukka hit jackpot!" Tuukka grabs the envelope. "Bill. Darn it."
"Doesn't the Bear ever get bills?" Chad asks. The Bear shakes his head. "Must be nice being a bear." The Bear nods his head and eats more honey.
"Okay then..." Brad clears his throat. "Zdeno, Zdeno, Geno-- Geno?"
Evgeni Malkin pops out of nowhere. "I am score." He takes the envelope and disappears.
"Alright... Uh, The Bear, the Bear, Patrice."
"Yes!" Patrice grabs the mail. "Ugh, my electric bill."
"Zdeno, Zdeno, Zdeno..."
"There should be award for person who has most mail," Zdeno tells his teammates. "Ha. ha. ha. ha!"
Tuukka crosses his arms. "Tuukka don't like."
"The Bear, the Bear, the Bear--Oh! Johnny!" Brad hands him a gray, fluffy bag.
"Oh no, not from Milan again!" Johnny opens up the bag and holds another customized jersey. "Boom Boom Boychuk. I'm gonna kill him."
Brad laughs. "Aiy, Johnny! I'd love to have free customized jerseys!" Brad pulls out another envelope. "Oh, it's for me! From Roberto!"
"Roberto? Who's that?" Chad asks.
"Roberto Luongo! We are best buddies and eat burritos when we meet together!" Brad opens up his letter. "'Dear Brad, why is your team so good?' 'Cause we just are, my friend!" Brad chuckles. "Poor, poor, Roberto, he just got traded to the Panthers. Tsk, tsk, tsk." He puts the letter aside and peers into the box. "Hey! Chad! No drought for you anymore!" Brad pulls out two, huge vertical packages and swings them over to Chad.
"Yay! My legs pads!" Chad opens them up. "My, what a beauty!"
Tuukka narrows his eyes at Chad. "Do Tuukka get pads?"
"Sorry, Tuuks, only for me!" Chad flashes a big grin.
"Tuukka don't like." He turns back to Brad, who is giving away more letters to Zdeno and the Bear. "Do Tuukka get more mail?"
"I don't know--Patrice!" Brad hands over an envelope.
"Aw, man! Another bill!" Patrice throws it in his pile of bills.
"Can Tuukka hand them out?" Tuukka asks.
"You can check for yourself if you're so impatient, Rask." Brad moves away from the box.
Tuukka looks inside the box. "ALL MAIL FOR TUUKKA!!!" He takes the box and runs out of the room.
"Nooooo!!! Tuukka!" Brad slaps his forehead. "Why did I do that?"
"Good, keep it like that--let Tuukka pay all my bills," Patrice says.
"And he can keep how many customized jerseys Milan sent to me," Johnny says.
Two more fluffy gray bags fly out at Johnny.
Johnny catches them. "Whoa!" He looks at them. "Oh no, not more! Tuukka you can keep these!" He raises the bags in the air.
"Tuukka only keeps jersey with Tuukka's name!" Tuukka shouts from a distance.
Johnny pulls the jersey out of the already ripped bags and sighs. "Johnny Rocket and Destroychuk. Lovely."

The End.

Notes