“What are you wearing?” Veronique asked with a huge grin on her face. We had just gotten to one of the family boxes at CONSOL and had both taken off our coats. I had on a pair of black jeans that fit like a second skin, a pair of heels that were dangerous but were quite cute and pulled my outfit together, and a ridiculous penguin sweatshirt. My hair was down for once, but as always, insanely curly.
I grinned back at Veronique, “It was too cute to pass up and I wanted to wear something with a penguin.”

“That is a penguin,” Veronique laughed shaking her head, “Hopefully it will bring some luck to the team.”

“Aw, we don’t need no stinkin’ luck!” I joked gently punching her on the arm.

Veron held back her laughter for my benefit this time, “Oh look, you are on the big screen!”

I glanced at the huge monitor in the middle of the ice and saw myself on the screen. As usual, the ridiculous part of my brain took over, so I made an awkward face and stuck out my tongue. There was a light sound of laughter around the stadium before the camera went back to show the players warming up.

Tonight the Pens were playing the Florida Panthers. Nothing notable happened during the first period though there were some big hits. I flinched every time one of our guys were hit hard into the walls. Second period the Panthers scored first, but Chris Kunitz quickly responded in turn with a goal; James and Geno got the assists which was very exciting.

“So if we win,” Veronique said during the third period.

“Shhh,” I cut her off glaring, “Don’t jinx it!”

Veron laughed lightly, “Well, even if we lose, I am pretty sure we are all going out for drinks. Do you know if you and Geno would join us?”

I watched the skaters going back and forth. We were 4 minutes into the third period, “Uhm, if Geno is, then yeah I guess.”

“Good! That will make Sid--”

“Oh my god,” I gasped.

Geno had been passed the puck and was skating fast towards the Panther’s goal when one of the Panther’s players tripped or pushed him and he went flying fast and hard into the boards back first. I couldn’t really tell what had happened, it was all happened so quickly.
And then, everything went silent, and very still; all I could see was a small Geno not moving on the ice. Slowly, he moved onto his knees and forearms as a trainer rushed to his side. On his own accord, he stood up, tentatively skating off the ice. My eyes tracked his every movement.

“Lily? Lily?” I felt someone tugging on my arm. I ignored it until Geno had walked out of sight down the tunnel. I slowly turned my head to the person tugging my arm; it was Veronique. My face remained completely impassive, smooth like stone.

“Lily, let’s go down,” Veronique said tugging my arm. I didn’t say a word as I followed her out of the box and to the elevator. She kept looking at me nervously, but I ignored her concern.

When we reached the locker room, we weren’t allowed to go in, so we had to wait on the couches again. We could hear the roar of the crowds as the game went on, but there we sat silently. I still wasn’t sure if I took a breath the entire time we sat there. I didn’t know how to verbally tell Veronique how grateful I was that she hadn’t left me. It felt like days had passed until...

“Lily!” My head shot up as I heard my name. It was Paul Martin, which meant the game was over, but where was Geno? I stiffly stood up, looking at him expectantly.

He came straight over to me and pulled me into his arms. I stood there, not moving. Paul took a step back, “Geno should be out soon. I don’t know much about his condition, but I know he is allowed to go home.”

I nodded and sat back down.

“Is she...” Paul started asking Veronique but my attention had drifted away. I felt my blood start flowing a little better. The doctors here wouldn’t let him go home so easily if he were seriously injured. These doctors were so focused on getting the players back in--

“Lily,”

My head jerked back up again and my legs moved without thought as I launched myself at the Russian bear who had just walked out of the locker room. I gripped him tightly.

“Must be gentle,” Geno complained, “Sore.”

I released him, and my worry started to disappear and instead, I glared up at him. And boy, did he know he was in trouble.

“Concussion,” he said trying to garner sympathy from me, “You drive.”

I nodded before turning to Veronique. I looked at her briefly before giving her a huge hug. I couldn’t trust my voice at the moment, but she had no idea how much she had really done for me tonight.

And then without a glance I began to stomp away, heading towards the car park. Geno followed like a baby cub meekly following his mother. Once we reached his car, he handed me his keys. The only noise during the car ride back to Geno’s was from the GPS speaking out the directions.

It wasn’t until we got back into the house that I finally spoke.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” I simply said as I tucked Geno into bed.

I left a light on in his bathroom and left his bedroom door open so I could hear him if he needed anything. Heading down the stairs, I went to get a big glass of water before settling onto a couch in his living room. I took a long sip of water and set the glass down. I brought my hands up to my face and rubbed my eyes very hard.

Tonight brought me back to everything I tried to not think about. It brought me back to the start of when everything started going so very wrong.

---

(Flash back)

“MOOOOM!” I yelled as I dropped my gym bag on the floor by the front door, “I’m back!”

There was no response as I tramped through the house. ‘Weird, her car is here.’ I thought as I walked into the kitchen. I saw there were some fresh muffins on the counter and more still baking in the oven. Plucking one off the counter, I hungrily bit into it. I gagged and quickly spit the mouthful out.

“Bran-banana-carrot?” I said out loud, rolling my eyes to the empty room. What a hippie mom I had, as I hid the muffin in the trash as to not hurt her feelings. I sighed, I agreed with her most of the time on her beliefs, but some of her crazy hippiness like the food she had pushed upon me since I was a baby was just never going to happen. I mean, wasn’t my name enough? Lily Rivers couldn’t get much more into nature or anything.

But, I wasn’t going to start anything. Things had been weird between us for a while. I had noticed around January when I had the idea of possibly buying and moving into a house in Colorado. Mom hadn’t been too thrilled with the idea. I had dropped the subject as to focus completely on the Olympics. After the Olympics, I had brought it up again, I mean, I was 19 and made millions of dollars a year and spent a majority of time in Colorado anyways; it made perfect sense.

Things were still not back to normal between us come May when I had been invited to compete in a car race in Europe, which I excitedly agreed to do. Mom had been weird about the entire thing. It was the sort of event based on things she was completely against; car racing, booze, and sex. However, she encouraged me to go compete in it. I had had a total blast. I came back and she was still acting strange. She wanted to not come with Jen and I to Hawaii on our annual trip, but I pleaded with her. Mom did come, but she didn’t ever really leave the hotel nor did she come into the water once. I didn’t understand why it bothered her so much me moving to the house in Colorado. It was a beautiful house and it would be finished and furnished by September. She could come visit whenever she wanted, so I didn’t understand what the problem was.

I heard the oven buzzer go off, so I yelled loudly, “Mom? Do you want me to take out your muffins?”

There wasn’t any reply.

“Mom?” I called louder, as I took out the ovens, putting them on the cooling rack. After, I walked out of the kitchen and around the first floor, but she wasn’t anywhere to be found. I stomped up the stairs.

“Mom?”

I went into her bedroom, but I didn’t see her. The door to her bathroom was shut. I frowned as I went over to it.

I knocked, “Mom, you decent?”

There wasn’t a reply. I started to open it, but something was in the way. I furrowed my brow, confused. I pushed harder and got the door open wide enough to get in. I started screaming at the sight before me.

Mom was laying on the ground a pill bottle open and pills spilled everywhere. I could see that her chest was still moving, but very slowly. I collapsed on the floor beside her and gathered her up in my arms as I called 911.

---

“I don’t understand.” I said flatly. I was numb. Everything was numb. Nothing made sense, “You aren’t her doctor. Dr. Scorbachek is her doctor.”

“Dr. Scorbachek was her doctor, but I am her doctor now.” this new doctor repeated for the millionth time.

“But I don’t understand. Why does she need a specialist?”

The doctor paused before answering, “I think this would be better if she told you.”

I stared at the doctor unblinking. The ambulance had taken what seemed like years to arrive, and then the trip to the hospital took even longer. If I thought both of those events took a long time, it was nothing compared to the wait I had in the waiting room for the doctors to tell me what the fuck was going on. A growing sense of dread had started in my toes and had crept up slowly filling my entire body.

“How long?” My voice cracked. I knew I didn’t want to know the answer. Knowing the answer would confirm something that I knew I didn’t want to know.

Once again, the doctor paused before answering, as if weighing if she should really be telling me or not, and finally, “The beginning of last December.”

I felt my heart clench, and the tears start start pouring out of my eyes. My lungs were gasping for air, but no matter how much I tried to fill them, it wasn’t enough. I felt myself shaking as the tears turned into sobs. I couldn’t, this couldn’t be.

I heard someone saying the word no repeatedly as if saying it enough would make something untrue.

“Lily,” I felt arms around me. I turned and saw Jen, her face streaked with tears. When did she get here? I realized I couldn’t say anything because I was too busy saying ‘no’.

---

She looked fragile laying in the bed with tubs attached to her. I couldn’t look at her for very long, and it made me hate myself; I felt so weak.

“Lilypad,” I heard her say quietly from the bed. I turned my head to look at her, tears threatening to spill out again.

“You know why I didn’t tell you?” Mom asked me. She was laying in the bed dying but she was so calm, how could she do that? How could she do this to me? I was only 19. I couldn’t do anything, I didn’t know anything. I shook my head. It was a week after I had found her in the bathroom and we still hadn’t really talked about everything.

“Because you are the most stubborn person I know. And because you love harder than anyone I know. And you would have stopped everything in your life for me, and that is not what daughters do. Daughters go out and live their dream. There is nothing more than I could have wanted in my life than to see you win that gold medal again. Or to see your face after you came home and told me all about that car thing. Or when you and Jen have ridiculous nights doing nothing but giggling and coloring in your coloring books like children,” she paused, a weak smile coming across her face, “And if I would have gotten treatment, I would have missed all of that. Not only would I have missed it all, but you would have missed all of that. I wouldn’t change anything.”

She said all of these things, but I just didn’t know.

---

It was raining the day of the funeral, which was fitting for Washington State as well as a funeral. I didn’t have anything to do with the organization of this; Bethany had been in charge. She had flown out from New York when Mom had been hospitalized. It was good that she did because I was totally useless.

I was rather surprised by the amount of people who came. We, I guess now just I, didn’t have family. The man who technically was my father had abandoned us when I was a baby, so I didn’t know, or want to know his side at all and my mother had been an only child and both of her parents were dead. However, it seemed that everyone who ever cared anything about me was in attendance.

Jen hadn’t left my side in a week. She had helped me get ready, oversaw and forced me to eat things, and didn’t make harsh judgements when I decided to text message a break up to the guy I had been dating. I appreciated it all so very much, but at the same time, I just wanted to push away.

Jen now stood under the same umbrella as I, her arm wrapped around my waist as some priest or father or whatever spoke. We weren’t religious really, but it was whatever Bethany had planned. Jen nudged me, and I looked at her, confused. She nodded towards the casket, and I realized the guy had finished speaking.

I walked stiffly over to the coffin and bent over to grab some dirt, and gently laid it on top of the polished wood.

“I love you.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I knew she knew all the things I wanted to say. I wanted to thank her for sacrificing everything for me to be able to start to snowboard and to compete. For working long hours, for being a single parent, for trusting in me, everything; I just couldn’t articulate this.

I turned and moved away, not caring that I was getting drenched by the rain. Jen came over to try to cover me with the umbrella, but I just shook my head and kept walking away.

---

“You get sick”

I had been sitting on a bench in the middle of the cemetery staring at the ground for God knows how long. The rain had been pouring on me but I hadn’t cared; at least I was feeling something. I looked up and saw a tall, very fit looking man with dark hair, dark eyes, and a solemn expression, which from the times I had hung out with him was rare, on his face.

“Evgeni, I didn’t know you were coming,” I said my voice monotone.

I met this man this past year at the Olympics. I had literally been being chased by some media and I had run into a group of Russian hockey players. I panicked and asked borrow one of their hats and hide amongst them for a while. The Penguin’s center Evgeni Malkin had obliged me and it had been like instant friend growth or something between us. Several months later, when I had been in Russia for the car race, he came to Moscow to see me and we had an insane 16 hours time window of partying and hanging out. I knew we had become friends, but I hadn’t realized that it meant he would come now, to this.

“Yes, well, I come. But you get sick,” he replied. I shrugged my shoulders. He looked at me, and sighed before sitting down next to me and covering me with his umbrella.

We sat there in silence. I felt a surge of appreciation. Everyone over the last week had always felt the need to constantly keep talking. They would tell me that everything would be okay, that the pain would ease, just give it time, or whatever. I didn’t want to hear any of that crap. I just wanted to be left alone. And now, this Evgeni who I really barely knew was being the exact type of friend and support I really needed.

---

(End of Flashbacks)
*Knock knock knock*

I frowned, my memory becoming distorted. There had been no strange knocking sounds that day in the cemetery.

*Knock knock knock*

I felt my mind pulling itself out of the long buried memories I so rarely thought of, returning to the current time and place. Blinking several times, and I remembered that I was currently in Geno’s living room as well as all of the events that had occurred tonight. I heard the knocking sound again.

Standing up, I heard my knees and hips crack. How long had I been sitting there? I pondered as I wandered slowly towards the noise, which turned out was coming from the front door. Who on earth would be coming over at this hour; we had gotten back to the house around 11. A doctor to see Geno or something probably. I flipped on the light to the front stoop, before unlocking and opening the door. I stood, unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do.

It was Crosby.

Notes

Hey Friends. This chapter was really hard to write, but I felt really important for the story. I know this story really isn't what you readers probably expected coming into it, nor might have been hoping for--I know it is really focused on Lily and her life, and her development versus just the mush mush with the Crosby. But I really hope you like my character and stick with her until we get to the mush mush with the Crosby.

Once again, the game/Geno's injury is based off of the Penguins/Panther's game last year, it really happened.

As always, please let me know what you thought/subscribe/rate. I can't believe how many people are reading this and I really would like to give you all a hug (not a creepy one, just a happy I want to be friends kind of hug).

Cheers.