Ifs and Maybes
i never though i'd be able to say
Maddy frantically rushed around the apartment trying to find her car keys, muttering curses to herself when they were still no where to be found. She had to be out of the apartment within the next ten minutes, or else she was going to be late meeting her sister at the florist. She was so engrossed in looking that she didn't hear the Pat walk through the front door.
Pat put his gear bag in the closet and was about to make his way to the shower, but stopped by the door way when he caught sight of his fiancee. She was leaning over the couch and feeling in between the cushions, and it was quite the sight to see. Her dress had risen up, revealing enough skin to make the room feel a little hotter than it really was. He heard her spouting off profanities, catching enough words to make out that she was looking for the very things he had placed on the kitchen counter this morning before he left. Pat took a moment to admire her, before finally speaking up.
"Mads, what are you doing?" he asked, trying to contain his laughter.
Her head shot up and she froze. When she saw Patrick leaning against the doorway smirking and holding in a laugh she immediately narrowed her eyes and pointed a finger at him.
"This is not funny! I have to leave like right now and I can't find my keys anywhere!"
Patrick shook his head and smiled. "Did you check the kitchen?"
Maddy shook her head, "Why would I? I always put them on the coffee table."
"Always?" Pat questioned, while he retreated to the kitchen and then returned twirling her keys in his hand.
Maddy gasped as she ran toward him and quickly showered him with light kisses as she grabbed her keys.
"I love you! I love you! I love you!" she cheered and gave him one last peck on the lips before she grabbed her purse and headed for the front door.
"I'll see you for dinner?" Pat shouted as she nearly shut the door. He got a loud 'yes' before the door slammed shut. As he finally made his way to the bathroom to jump in the shower, an ear-to-ear smile never left his face.
"God, that florist was such a bitch," Carissa laughed as they walked out of the shop. Maddy nodded her head in agreeance. Never had she come across a woman who was so disagreeable.
"I only asked for an arrangement other than the one she picked out and she flipped her shit," she giggled. The meeting had been nothing short of a disaster. The florist kept insisting on red roses, when Maddy wanted anything but. It took over an hour to come up with a compromise, one that included having some roses in the arrangement, but only because Maddy was absolutely fed up with going back and forth.
"Can't believe you caved, girl." Her sister shook her head, still laughing. Maddy shrugged and told her that she could care less about the flowers. Because really, it was the least important detail of her wedding.
The two sisters made their way to a nearby restaurant, seeking solace from the ugly weather that was beginning to brew outside.
"So, how're things with your man?" Carissa asked. A smile immediately graced Maddy's face.
A week had flown by since their intimate dinner at the apartment and things between Patrick and Maddy had definitely improved. They were both blissfully content, spending whatever free time Pat had together.
"We're really good," she gushed. "He's had a home stretch this week and it's been nice spending time with him. He's even been cooking dinner."
Carissa raised her eyebrows. "A man that can cook. He knows the way right to your heart."
Maddy couldn't agree more. They discussed the next Hawks home game they were both going to go to, along with other wedding plans. But then the conversation took a turn, delving into a topic Maddy had been trying to avoid talking and thinking about for the last few months.
"Brock and I have been talking about trying for a baby." Carissa admitted and Maddy was ecstatic. She couldn't wait to be an aunt.
"That's so exciting Rissa! You're gonna be such an amazing mom." Carissa blushed.
"We just both think it's time. We're ready."
The waitress interrupted the two, dropping off their drinks and taking their order. When she left, Carissa continued.
"What about you and Patrick? When will I be expecting little nieces and nephews?"
Maddy bit her lip and wished she could change the topic.
"I don't know..." she trailed off, which caused Rissa to eye her strangely.
"You don't know...?"
"I know I want kids. I see Brent and Dayna with Colton and Hjalmerson and Elena with Leo, and they just look so happy. They had such adoring little families. I want what they have." Maddy's voice trailed off at the end and she could feel her throat start to tighten a little. She stared out of the window they sat beside and tried to keep her emotions in check. Whenever the thought of kids had come across her mind lately, she couldn't help but become emotional.
Clarissa stared at her sister and could tell that there was something bugging her.
"But...?" she trailed off. Maddy cast her gaze down to her hands on the table, fumbling with the empty straw wrappers, unable to meet her sister's eye.
"I just don't think Pat wants that."
And there is was, finally out in the open. The root of the problem.
Clarissa furrowed her eyebrows. "Why wouldn't he want that? Haven't you guys talked about it?"
Maddy shrugged her shoulders and didn't really know what to say. Sure things had improved, but everything was still so up in the air with Patrick that she had no idea where he stood anymore. She was sure he'd choose beer bottles over baby bottles given the chance.
"Maddy," Clarissa tentatively began. She took a second to think over her next words carefully. "If you're having second thoughts maybe --"
"No!" Maddy blurted out, furiously shook her head. Clarissa again stared at her sister in confusion. "I love him. I want to spend my life with him, there's no doubt about that. It's just -- everything is really confusing right now."
Clarissa bit her lip and stopped herself from offering her sister the advice she really wanted to give her. From the outside looking in, she could tell that her little sister wasn't as happy as she tried to portray. The beginning thrill of planning her wedding was long gone and the lack of genuine excitement spoke volumes. But how was she supposed to offer Maddy advice when she didn't know what was really wrong?
"Babe, nothing should be confusing about getting married."
"But I love him," Maddy all but whispered in reply. The tears that had welled up in her eyes were beginning to spill over.
"You have to ask yourself Madds, is that really enough? Is love really enough?"