Cry to Me

“Dulci?”

His voice was quiet, a notch or two above a whisper, but loud enough that it resonated in her head like a siren. Her head was pounding, probably from the anesthesia cocktail and lack of food for hours.Her eyelids were heavy to the point that she couldn’t open them, and when she cracked them, she instantly shut them again.The room was bright, sunlight blazing in through the window of her recovery room.She cursed the nurses who opened her blinds.She scrunched her forehead as if it would help block out the sounds and light from her throbbing head.

“Can you hear me?”

She felt the hospital bed dip on her left side, no doubt from the two-hundred pound man trying to squeeze in next to her. She turned her head to face him, still squeezing her eyes shut.When she inhaled through her nose, she instantly felt the need to vomit.The smell that she’d grown to know as an aphrodisiac mixed like water and oil with her headache.It was overpowering, and while she already felt like a dud for ruining their weekend breaking her arm and confessing her feelings without any reciprocation, she knew vomiting on him would be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.She was taken out of her thoughts when she felt a hand gently stroke her forehead, brushing the nonexistent hair out of her face.It was soothing and relaxing, and she didn’t want it to stop.Still keeping her eyes closed, she reached up to feel for his hand, and he took a hold of it immediately, kissing her knuckles.

“Good morning,” he said softly as he continued the forehead strokes. She wanted to snuggle into him, but her stomach was still queasy about the smell of cologne despite the fact that he was helping her headache fade.

“Hi,” she said scratchily, opening her eyes fully for the first time. Sidney looked like hell.He had bags under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept for a days.Completely forgetting that her arm was surgically repaired only hours ago, she tried to reach up and touch his face with her right arm, only to realize that her arm was wrapped in a very thick cast, bent in a ninety-degree angle.She was wearing a sling that held her arm very snug to her body.

“Don’t try to move your arm,” he told her. She looked down at her right hand, and almost cried at how swollen her fingers were.She wiggled them, trying to get circulation back to her hand.

“They look like sausages,” she said in distress, but finding the whole situation comical all of a sudden. She started out trying to stifle the giggles, but it turned into a full stomach laugh, which made Sidney laugh as well.

“Dulci, I need to tell you something.” He cleared his throat, becoming very serious in that moment.He looked down as if contemplating what he wanted to say, or how he wanted to say it.He looked into her eyes, and Dulci could see a range of emotions flashing through his.He looked melancholy, like he was going to give her horrible news, and it occurred to her that she already knew what he was going to tell her.His feelings for her weren’t mutual.That was the reason he didn’t reciprocate before she went into surgery.She was already physically broken, and the idea of being told he didn’t love her would have emotionally shattering.

“Sidney, please d…” She was muted by his lips, giving her a sweet but urgent kiss.

“I love you,” his smiled before kissing her again. “I told you weeks ago when you fell asleep on me, quietly snoring, drooling on my chest,” he chuckled, making her smile as he made jabs at her for her quirks.“I wanted to tell you for weeks, but wimped out on multiple occasions, ” he said rolling his eyes at himself.She leaned up to kiss him, pulling herself closer to him with her only functioning arm.

“The next time you want to tell me you love me, please don’t look like you’re getting ready to dump me,” she said before kissing him again, ending it with an Eskimo kiss.

“I didn’t want to do it here, but it was going to burst out of me either way,” he explained as the orthopedic surgeon walked in.

“Alright, Dulci.Its time to discharge you.”

She still hasn’t mentioned the internships, he thought to himself as he ran the hot water in the tub, helping Dulci lower herself in. He didn’t want to force it out of her given that she probably wasn’t even thinking about it, but he wanted to know what was going on.She loved him, he loved her, and when the declaration is said aloud and made common knowledge, it meant that the relationship was serious.She would’ve told him if she was considering taking the internship because none of them were close to Pittsburgh except Akron, and even that was a two-hour drive.How long were the internships?Would she work ridiculous hours?Would he ever see her if she took it?Most importantly, would their relationship survive?

“What are you doing?” he asked amusedly when he noticed how awkward she was being, sitting with her legs bent against her chest as if she was trying to hide her naked body from him.

"Are you hiding from me?" He looked puzzled but amused.

"No. I'm freezing and trashed out of my mind from the Vicodin," she smiled with her eyes closed.

Being trashed was obvious, but Sidney didn't believe her initially about being cold. The water was piping hot and Dulci’s skin that was submerged underwater was pink from the high temperature. But then he saw her shivering, gripping her knees closer to her chest.

"Scoot up. I'm getting in with you," he told her as he turned the water off.

"You don't have to. I'm oh..." She stopped herself as he pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it across the bathroom.

"Kay," she finished, gazing longingly at his arms, chest, and stomach. She wasn't sure in her hazy mind if he'd been working out more or if the room had fantastic lighting, but he looked like he should be doing a Men's Fitness magazine cover shoot.

"You're so fucking sexy," she continued staring with drunken eyes. "Do me a favor and never put clothes on."

Sidney laughed out loud, trying to hide the blush that crept across his face at her compliments. He unbuckled his belt and jeans, pushing all of his bottoms off in one go. He laughed again when she audibly gulped, looking at all of him.

"How am I supposed to play if I'm naked?" He asked as he stepped in behind her. "You want to share me with every female fan?" He wrapped her in his arms and legs, pulling her onto his chest without dipping her arm in the water.

"I don't care as long as I'm the only one sleeping with you," she murmured as he started massaging her shoulders. "I am the only one you’re sleeping with, right?"

"Of course you’re the only one.You’ve ruined me for all other women, and I'll stay naked as long as you do" he chuckled, working the knots out of her right shoulder. He could tell her shoulder was tight when they left the hospital, probably from the sling and how they had her arm lifted for ten hours.

"I'm not nearly as beautiful as you are," she rubbed circles around his kneecap absentmindedly. "I don't have big boobs like Carly."

"For the record, I happen to love your boobs. They're perfect. Carly had a boob job and it took some getting used to," he mentally grimaced at how abnormal her breasts looked afterward, how unnatural they felt, and how strange it was that they didn't move at all when they had sex.

"That feels soo good," she slurred, letting her head fall to the left, giving him full access to her neck and shoulder. The way she was purring and lightly moaning, digging her fingers into his legs was giving him an erection.

"Those noises are killing me and I can't properly touch you for until you get that cast off," he whispered, kissing her ear before he continued.

"Like hell you're waiting. I have a broken arm. I'm not dead," she scoffed as she leaning into him again, yawning as she fully relaxed.

He let her stay that way for a few moments before he bathed the both of them, washing and conditioning her hair for her without getting her cast wet.

"I think I should cut my hair," she thought out loud as she tried to dry herself off with her non-dominant hand, failing miserably. "I'm not going to be able to do much with it this long."

"I can take you if you want," Sidney offered as he took over, leading her into the bedroom where he could fish out some boxers and tee shirt for her. He moseyed over to her suitcase to get some underwear, bringing it back and handing it to her. He tried not to pay attention, turning away from her as she tried to dress herself. She struggled getting her underwear up at first, but figured it out. The toughest part was the tee shirt, which she had to pull over her casted arm before anything else. She couldn't raise her right arm but so high, and when she winced, he wanted to go to her, but knew she wanted to figure it all out on her own.

"I'm exhausted," she sat in his bed, yawning every couple of minutes.

"Me too, which is why I think we should to take a nap and then we'll go shopping for dinner," he stifled a yawn, helping her lay on her left side, arm elevated with pillows before he settled in behind her.

"And clothes," she added. "None of my shirts or sweaters will fit over this cast," she explained, backing into him to get comfortable.

Sidney wasn't sure how long they'd been asleep when he awoke to Dulci getting out of bed. Her phone was vibrating on the nightstand before she took it into the en suite to talk. He couldn't hear a lot, but when he heard her say, "Dr. Anderson," he knew it was about the internship. Sitting up, he listened more carefully as she explained her accident, but that she'd given thought to Annapolis and Akron. He felt nauseous when he heard Dulci ask when she'd hear back from the program advisors and when she could start, meaning that she'd be leaving him sooner rather than later. When he heard her end the call, he feigned being asleep.

"Let's invite your family over for dinner tonight," Dulci suggested as they drove back to Sidney's house after shopping.

"Sure, whatever," he muttered coldly.He scratched his head, still outraged that she didn't mention anything to him about the internships.He waited patiently for her to tell him after she crawled back into bed, nuzzling against him to “wake” him, but she never mentioned anything.He couldn’t help but think she was actively and purposely hiding her plans from him.He even went as far as to inquire about whether or not she still wanted to open an orthopedic rehabilitation facility, which she replied that she didn’t know.In his mind, he gave her ample opportunity to at least start a discussion, but she never took the bate.

"I'll make a bourbon pork roast with potatoes and roasted broccoli. I'm hungry just thinking about it," she said excitedly, rubbing her belly.

"You could hardly dress yourself. How are you going to cook for five people with one arm?" He instantly wanted to take it back when he saw her physically flinch, looking confused at how curt he was being with her.

"I'm sorry. I have a headache," he lied, giving her a forced apologetic smile.

"Well, maybe we could just order a pizza? Watch some TV or a movie?" She reached for his hand, but he purposely moved it out of her reach. He was so mentally troubled about the whole situation that he didn’t even want Dulci to touch him.

"I'd rather just go to sleep," he muttered before turning the radio volume up, signifying the end of the conversation.

They drove the rest of the way in silence, Dulci looking out the passenger window while Sidney let his thoughts run away.If she wasn’t being forthcoming with the internship, what else was she hiding from him?

He carried the grocery and shopping bags into the house, placing them on the counter before leaving to go into his study, shutting the door behind him.

Dulci stood in the kitchen completely and utterly stunned at his behavior. He didn't even stay long enough to help her unload the grocery bags. Slowly, she unpacked them and arranged them in his gigantic refrigerator. She prepared the marinade and cooked the pork accordingly. She prepared the mash potatoes, and sautéed the broccoli to save time. When everything was ready, she slowly climbed the stairs, afraid to even wake him for fear that he'd say something harsh again. Walking into the bedroom, she didn't see him sleeping. Confused, she walked toward the staircase, only to hear him talking to someone behind a closed door.

"She's planning on moving to Annapolis or Akron to do a surgical internship that lasts for God knows how long and she hasn't told me. Someone she knows is helping her coordinate with some hospitals… Yeah, I over heard them talking this afternoon in the bathroom like it’s a big secret… Am I even a fucking consideration for her? Has she ever even thought about how this would affect me, us?"

She gasped, bring her hand over her mouth. Suddenly his callous mood made sense; he didn’t understand the context of the phone call he overheard with Anderson earlier that afternoon. He was fearful and angry, thinking she was going to leave.She wanted to explain that it was only an opportunity, and that nothing was set in stone, that she'd talk to him if it ever became more than just an inkling. She took a breath and knocked lightly, holding the breath in as he stomped to the door.

"Dinners ready," she told him, looking apprehensive.

"Dad, I've gotta go," he said, hanging up. He gave her a halfhearted smile as he walked past her toward the stairs. Following behind, she contemplated how she'd bring up the internship, asking herself why he would tell his father, of all people, about her potential plans.

"Smells delicious," he said flatly as he made his plate and walked to the dinning room.

"I hope you like it," she said optimistically, trying to tip toe around him in order to avoid the Sidney that reared his cold and distant head earlier.

She watched as he pushed the food around his plate, brooding like a toddler with hurt feelings, shooting down all of the casual conversation she started.

"You don’t like it," she snatched his plate from him, finished with the childish behavior he'd displayed for the past couple of hours. She tossed the leftovers in the trash, throwing the plates in his sink to get away from him if only for a couple of moments.

"Dulci," he beckoned her apologetically, realizing that he foul mood soured their evening by her sudden departure from the dinner table to get away from him.Regardless of what was happening between them, she didn’t deserve to be treated that way, especially since she went out of her way to cook a delicious dinner one-handed.He ran to catch her, not wanting to end the night the way it started.

"I'm going to bed," she snarled. She turned to march toward the stairs, only to run directly into him.

"I'm sorry," he started, but she didn't want to listen. She was finished.

"Dulci," he repeated, grabbing her arm to turn her around in order to get her attention.

"Let go," she said quietly, not wanting the confrontation to escalate anymore.She knew the tears were coming, and she didn’t want him to see her crying over his poor behavior.

"Please just let me explain."

"There's no explanation needed," she pulled at her arm, unable to free herself from his grasp. It felt like the hypothetical rejection at the hospital all over again, but this time, she'd make sure she didn't hear any of it.

"Dulci, lets talk…" he started to plea.

"Talk about the internship that you know nothing about? Talk about moving to 'Annapolis or Akron without giving your feelings any consideration?' Is that what you want to talk about?" She spun around, surprising him with her shouting.She must’ve overheard him talking to his father in the study, and he knew instantly that he had made a terrible mistake, and it felt like a kick in the stomach.He’d managed everything all wrong.

"I just thought you'd tell me..."

"I didn't say anything because it was just a fucking thought. It was just an idea, something I've played around with since I graduated vet school,” she shouted, tears coming to her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me? Wouldn’t you want me to tell you if I were up as a free agent, potentially moving thousands of miles away?"

"Should I tell you every stupid, asinine, insignificant idea that crosses through my mind?"

"Oh, so thinking about moving to a different state where you'll spend most of your time is insignificant?" He turned the tables. "Moving away from me, from us, is insignificant to you?"

"No," she choked at the idea if not being with him. "If it was a definite possibility, I'd have told you about it," she reasoned, shaking from how intense the evening had become.

"It sounds like more than a possibility to me. It's like you're hiding it from me, Dulci. You're getting phone calls about internships and programs that want you and you take them in the bathroom while I’m within earshot behind the fucking door. Don't lie and tell me this isn't a possibility."

"It's not anymore," she sniffled, feeling her swollen fingers.

"Ah ha! I was right! You were considering it. Were you going to tell me right before you left, bags packed and house sold?"

"I broke my fucking humerus and elbow! I have loads of titanium in my arm! Don't you get it? That ship has sailed! It'll take months for the bone and muscle to heal, not to mention the months if physical therapy and possible loss of full rotation in my elbow! Do you have any idea how it feels to potentially lose the ability to do something you love?"

“Are you fucking kidding me?”His gaze was ice cold, nostrils flared, muscles contracted.“I had a career-ending concussion!I couldn’t drive, read, watch TV, nothing!I stayed in my bed for weeks, terrified that I was done, that everything I’ve wanted since I was a little boy was over.So yes, Dulci, I know more than anyone else how it feels!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…”Carly had mentioned a concussion, but Dulci had no idea how devastating it was for him.She looked at the ground, planted to the spot, unable to move.

“You should’ve told me,” he insisted in a quieter, less menacing tone.

“I didn’t even know I was considering it again until this past week at the conference!Forgive me if I wasn't thinking of telling you what I may or may not do with my life when I was a slab on a table about to be cut open," she turned to walk up the stairs.

"You could’ve told me on the plane!On the drive to the rink!At any point today, but you didn’t.And do you think I’m going to believe that the only thing stopping you was your broken arm?" He followed her, infuriated again that she turned her back on him, that she was walking away while he was trying to understand what was happening.

"The only thing stopping me from doing what I've dreamt of doing is the thought of losing you!The idea of being away from you!The thought that you’d move on!"She looked at him, eyes and cheeks red from crying and shouting.“I told you I wouldn’t leave you and I meant it.What you didn’t hear from my earlier conversation with Dr. Anderson is that he’s trying to get me into a surgical internship in Pittsburgh, but its very competitive and selective,” she said resignedly, done with the fight, wiping her face dry.

“Dulci,” he reached for her, afraid his prying and shouting at her did irreparable damage.He should’ve trusted his instinct, that she loved and cared about him and their relationship.

“Please don’t,” she stepped away from his reach, wanting and needing solitude for a while.She stepped around him and walking into his bedroom, reaching for her things to put into her suitcase.

“Where are you going?” he panicked, thinking she was packing her bags to leave.“You’re not leaving, are you?”

“No.”

He followed her toward one of his guest bedrooms, stopping only because she shut him out as she closed the door behind her, looking at him one last time with crestfallen eyes.

He scrubbed his kitchen, trying to work the frustration and disappointment out of himself from his earlier actions, and the hour’s worth of running and heavy lifting he did in his basement didn’t even begin to help.

"Yeah?"He answered his phone, not paying any attention to the caller as he cleaned.

"So I've got almost all the party planning done but I need a favor from you."

"Carly, now is not a good time," he huffed as he started packing the left overs to store in the refrigerator.

"Now is as good a time as any. You wouldn't have answered, otherwise," she quipped with a forced sarcastic politeness to her voice.

"I didn't even notice who was calling, but had I saw your name, I probably would've ignored it," he responded in the same tone.

"Well tonight is your lucky night, I'll only take a couple moments of your previous time. Is Dulci within ear shot?"

"No." He hoped Carly didn’t recognize the guilt and regret in his voice, knowing that he lost his temper over something he didn't understand or want to understand initially, not giving her a chance to tell him herself when she'd only heard about her options very recently. He contemplated on multiple occasions to go to her guest room and profusely apologize for being an asshole, but every time he raised his fist to knock, he told himself she needed time and space and he'd descend down the stairs. If it wasn't for him, they'd be watching a movie or playing some kind of board of card game, spending some much needed time together alone instead of sleeping in different bedrooms.

"Good. So I reserved the..."

He stopped listening, flopping on his couch as he thought endlessly about how he could amend the situation. He remembered how hurt she looked when he was yelling at her, accusing her of being secretive and withdrawn about her plans when she was only trying to work out the kinks before she told him. When he thought about it, he wanted Dulci to do as her heart desired, and if it meant her moving to LA for a three-year internship, he'd stand by her, wanting her to go and live her dream.He was lucky enough to have a support system to achieve his highest aspirations. At the end of the day, he wanted to be supportive of Dulci with all of her endeavors.

"Sidney!" Carly yelled at him, getting his attention. "Were you even listening?"

"Sorry, I got lost in thought. What were you saying?"

"I was asking if you've given any thought on how you'll get her to the party without giving the surprise away?"

"I may not be bringing her to the party," he sighed, closing his eyes as he head fell backward onto the couch cushion.

"What do you mean?"

"I fucked up and she's angry with me."

"I swear to God, if you fucked around on her," Carly started in a menacing tone.

"No! It's nothing like that. I assumed something and treated her like an asshole without hearing her out. She has every right to be pissed off," he said solemnly.

"Details," she demanded.

"She and her mentor are trying to find surgical internships for her, but none are in the area. I heard her mention Akron and Annapolis as possibilities, and I let my anger of her potentially leaving without telling me get in the way."

"Could you be anymore dense?" she snorted. "Dulci is loyal and considerate to the people she cares about, and you're number one on that list. She’ll never admit it, but she’s been in love with you since the moment she met you.Think about it, do you really think she’d leave you in the dark if she was even thinking about moving?She would've told you the minute she found out."

"I know and I don't know how to fix it."

"Go to her right now. Even if she seems distant, like she wants to be alone, she wants you to go sweep her off her feet."

He quickly said goodbye and hung up, climbing the stairs two at a time until he reached the second level. Stopping in front of the guest room door, he knocked lightly before opening the door. Panic set in instantly as his heart and respiratory rate quadrupled, looking at a bed that was made as if she'd never been in there. Her suitcase was gone. She couldn't have possibly left or else he would've heard her leave. Turning toward to go back downstairs, thinking she may have walked down without his knowledge, he heard the faint sound of snoring coming from his bedroom. Opening the door, he found her curled up on his side of the bed, clutching his pillow with her only working arm, wearing one of his old tee shirts as she drooled excessively on his pillow. He stood still, watching her sleep for what seemed like ages, wearing his clothes, sleeping on his pillow like it was a replacement for him, and knew that he would do anything to make it right.

Notes