Should Have Known Better (Needlephobia)

Setting: Curtain/Doctor’s office (Sidney’s)
Spotlight on D.S.C. Enter SIDNEY CROSBY from R.S. He steps into the spotlight.

SIDNEY
The Syringe or the Needle…
THE COOL FEEL OF ALCOHOL ON MY EXPOSED SKIN
AS I AM THE ONE WHO ADMINISTERS THEM
ANTICIPATION OF THE STING WHEN THE NEEDLE GOES IN
I CAN FEEL THEIR PANIC AND THEIR NEW-FOUND FEAR
THE ACHE THAT ALWAYS RADIATES OUTWARD FROM THE SITE
KEEPS THE FEAR OF SHOTS ALIVE,
OF DRAWING BLOOD, A PETRIFIED FRIGHT!

WHEN I WAS STILL A TINY THING,
MY FOLKS TOOK ME TO SEE
DOCTORS IN NEW ORLEANS,
WHO HELD OUT HOPE FOR ME.
I ENJOYED WATCHING THEM WORK
IT IS MY UNDERSTANDING
THEY DREW FLUID FROM THIS SMALL BOY’S EYES.
HIS MOM HELD HIM CLOSE,
HIS DAD HELD HER,
AND SHE AND THE BOY BOTH CRIED.

AND THEN, WHEN I WAS SEVEN,
I HAD MY FIRST SURGERY.
STAYING IN THE HOSPITAL WAS A DREAM TO ME,
BUT A NIGHTMARE FOR OTHERS
I HAD TO BE RUBBED DOWN WITH ALCOHOL;
SOMETIMES I FELT THE STING
OF THE DREADED NEEDLE,
WITH PAIN ACCOMPANYING.

YET IT FELT SO RICH AND VIRTUOUS
I LOVED THE AGONIZING THRILL
OF THE SHARPENED PINCH!
I WANTED TO FEEL THE PAIN
AND FOR IT TO NEVER GO AWAY!
DOES THAT MAKE ME SICK?

AS A CHILD,
I'D WAIT IN LINE
WITH MY FRIENDS TO GET SHOTS
BEING THE BRAVEST OF THEM ALL!

TB TESTS, AND DPT,
SOMETHING EACH YEAR WE HAD TO GET.
MY FRIENDS ALL CAME OUT CHEERFULLY;
IT DID NOT HURT AT ALL!
I WAS ALONE,
AND THOUGH QUITE EXCITED,
AND NOT ONE TEAR DID FALL.

WHAT THEY CALL LAB WORK NOW,
USED TO BE KNOWN AS A BLOOD TEST
I'M NOT ASHAMED TO SAY,
THAT I GOT SUCH A THRILL!
“STICK ME WITH THE NEEDLE!
STICK IT IN GOOD!
STICK IT IN HARD,
AS I KNEW HE WOULD!”

IT USED TO BE A FINGER PRICK;
NOW IT'S INSIDE MY WRIST.
I'M ANXIOUS AND EXHILARATED
EVEN MORE THEN BEFORE,
THEY HAVE ME MAKE A FIST.

"GIVE BLOOD FOR ME?" MY DOCTOR SAYS.
WORDS I LIKE TO HEAR.
I’M LEARNING FROM THE BEST
I FEEL LIKE THERE’S MORE I CAN DIGEST
PERHAPS IF I TRY HARDER,
I CAN BECOME A DOCTOR.
I'M NOT SURE I CAN DO THAT;
ONE TIME I JUST WALKED OUT!
I'D WAITED AN ETERNITY;
MY FEAR WON, THERE'S NO DOUBT.

I KNOW NOW HOW TO CONQUER THE SOULS,
WHO COME INTO MY OFFICE,
SO I TELL THEM JUST TO LIVE WITH IT
AND GET ON WITH THEIR LIFE.
IF I HAVE TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURE,
MOST TIMES I CAN SEE IT THROUGH;
OTHERS WOULD CALL IT QUITS.
BUT I GIVE MYSELF STERN TALKINGS-TO,
AND SOMETIMES I JUST WHEEDLE,
BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO
TAKE AWAY THE FEAR OF THE NEEDLE!

(Enter JONATHAN from L.S. He spots SIDNEY, as the curtain opens behind him.)

JONATHAN
Uh, hi there, my name is Jonathan----

SIDNEY
Toews. I know who you are.

JONATHAN
Well then…um…

SIDNEY
Don’t fret, I can help you.

JONATHAN
So you know why I am here?

SIDNEY
Of course I do. Ms. D’Angelo told me everything.

JONATHAN
She did?

SIDNEY
Yes, I understand you are a Needlephobic…please, have a seat in the chair.

(SIDNEY points to the common doctor chair at center stage. JONATHAN reluctantly sits down. He is curious, but also tense.)

SIDNEY
I must tell you that I may or may not be able to fix your Needlephobia. However, I can certainly try…

JONATHAN
Are you a doctor then?

SIDNEY
Yes, I am. Close your eyes.

(SIDNEY turns to the audience. He slowly walks over to JONATHAN, in the chair. JONATHAN has his eyes shut. Instantly, the mad doctor pushes a button on the chair, and JONATHAN is strapped down. At the sudden touch, JONATHAN jerks awake.)

JONATHAN
What’s going on? What are you doing? I thought you were going to help me!?

SIDNEY
Oh, I am, this is just the procedure. You want to get over your phobia, right?

JONATHAN
Right, but not like this!

SIDNEY
This is the only way that I know how to do the task!

JONATHAN
Please…let me go!

SIDNEY
No. It’s too late to go back on your bet!

JONATHAN
No! Please! This only making things worse!

(JONATHAN begins to struggle in the chair. SIDNEY withdraws a syringe and holds it up, eyeing it. JONATHAN looks at it fearfully; he becomes stiff and rigid, frozen with dread.)

SIDNEY
It’s a little pinprick. Relax.

JONATHAN
No!!

SIDNEY
Hold still, dammit!

(SIDNEY sticks the needle into JONATHAN’S skin. JONATHAN promptly falls limp and unconscious in the chair. SIDNEY cackles.)

SIDNEY
I’m not going to heal him; he’s my test subject. I’m a mad scientist!

(Curtain closes on them. SIDNEY continues to cackle until a blackout.)

Notes

Poor Jonny...
Hi Evil Sid, welcome back to the villain club!! Good to see you...hurting Jonny...you jackass. >:(


Next up: Continuation of the Syringe and Kaner's "Rescue"