“Are you sure you don’t want me to pay you back for all that stuff?” Sidney asked from inside the walk in closet. I was in the bathroom curling my hair trying to convince myself everything would work out fine. “If you had have told me you were getting all that I would have I would have given you my card.” He appeared in the doorway, tucking his black golf shirt into his dress pants.
“It’s fine.” I released my curl from the grips of the hot iron and watched it bounce into position. “It was my decision to get everything,” I winced as my finger brushed against the scalding metal. “Shit,” I hissed, popping the burning finger into my mouth. It certainly wasn’t the first burn I’d acquired that day. I started cooking at 10am, determined to make the perfect pie for desert. My intention was to make the pie, set up the house, and start cooking by 4 or 5pm. When Sidney and Beau came home from an optional skate at 1pm they found me in the kitchen, covered in flour and verging on homicidal.

“Stupid fucking pie crust won’t stay together this time!” I screamed to no one in particular.
“What’s that smell?” Beau asked, opening the fridge and knocking me with the heavy door.
“That’s burnt pie crust and for the love of the lord if this crust doesn’t start being crust we’re going to order pizza and eat pudding for dinner,” I threw the ball of dough in my hand on the counter and crossed my arms, sulking. Beau looked at me bewildered and slowly backed out of the kitchen.
“Sidney?” I cried out, tears of frustration tripping down my cheeks. He came in from the living room with his phone pressed against his ear. “Fix it,” I whined, stomping my foot.
“Here,” he held the phone out to me. “My mom wants to talk to you.”
I shook my head violently and motioned for him to get the phone away.
“Hold on, mom,” he said after taking the phone back, then covering the receiver with his hand. “She’s going to help with your pie thing,” he held the phone out to me. “I’m fixing it,” he smirked.
I took the phone from him and tried to steady my breathing,
“Hi Beatrice!” her voice sang from the other end of the line. “How are you doing?”
“I’ve been better,” I admitted, defeated and frustrated. “My pie crust isn’t being pie crust.”
“Well what’s it being then?” she giggled.
“I’m not really sure,” I picked up the dry, crumbly ball. “It has the weight of a hockey puck and the consistency of sand.”
“Oh dear, that doesn’t sound very pie crust like. But I think we can fix it,” she said hopefully.
We stayed on the phone until I had salvaged the crust and baked it to the perfect golden colour. While the pie was in the oven she talked me through the rest of the meal and put my mind at ease.
“If it doesn’t work out, just order in and put it on your fancy plates, no one will know,” she comforted me, both of us giggling. That was exactly what I’d done when we were in Nova Scotia.
“It smells like you fixed it,” Sid wrapped his arms around my waist after I hung up the phone.
“For now, but we have to wait and see if anyone gets food poisoning.” I smiled at him and lay my head on his chest, the night hadn’t even begun and I was already coming into problems.

“Here,” Sid took my finger out of my mouth and held it under the running tap.
“You can’t wear that,” I looked him up and down. Sure, he looked good, but I’d seen him look better and I needed him to look his best.
“What’s wrong-” he began, but stopped when he saw me looking at him exhausted. “Okay, go pick something better then,” he surrendered. I finished curling my hair and went to find a new outfit, secretly hoping the closet would lead me to Narnia, anywhere but about to see Millie.

“Okay, you cannot make what you make and own jeans that look like this,” I held up a pair of faded, ill fitting pants. “Until you have enough children to warrant giving up on life, mom jeans are a no.”
He laughed and rolled his eyes, patiently putting up with my criticism and neurotic searching. I finally found the jeans I’d been thinking of. The same dark wash, custom tailored ones he’d worn our first night in Philadelphia. I grabbed a white dress shirt and tossed them on the bed beside him. I stood in my push-up bra and underwear waiting for him to get dressed.
“Tuck in the shirt, put on a black belt, undo the first few buttons, and roll up the sleeves.” I instructed, then moved back to the bathroom to perfect my make up.
“Do you want to do my hair and make up too? Maybe check to see if I’m wearing the right gaunch?’ He called sarcastically, sliding the belt into its proper loops.
“You’re not punk rock enough for guy-liner,” I smirked.
With Sidney looking irresistible, it was my turn to get dress. I slipped into the dress and he dutifully took care of the zipper for me. With my shoes on and necklace fastened around my neck I took one last look in the mirror and smiled.
“I look forward to taking that dress off,” Sid whispered, standing behind me with his big hands on my shoulders.
“If we survive tonight you can do whatever you want, where ever you want,” I smiled at our reflection. We looked good, and we looked good together.
With two squirts of perfume in the right places I headed downstairs. I found James and Beau in their usual spots in front of the XBox. Apparently James had been added to the guest list, I thanked God that I’d bought a set of 12 dishes and that Sid’s table was big enough for everyone. Everything was as it should have been. The table was set, the food was cooking, and the bar was stocked. I poured a glass of white wine and set to cutting up vegetables to make some form of salad. If this was what being a housewife was about, I was glad I had two degrees and a boyfriend with low expectations. My wine glass was half empty and I was chopping carrots when the doorbell rang. I jumped, nearly slicing my finger.
“Bea-nie Baby!” Serena called from the front door. My body relaxed hearing her voice. I wasn’t ready to face Millie without her by my side.
“Come help me chop shit,” I called back to her. Sid got up from his spot at the counter to greet them.
“You’re nervous,” Serena pointed out the second she saw me.
“Really?” I replied sarcastically.
“Don’t be,” she took another knife out of the drawer and started chopping cucumber. “This place looks amazing, you look fucking spectacular and it’s Millie, not Kate Middleton.” She bumped my hip affectionately and reached for my wine glass, taking a sip.
Moments later the doorbell rang again. I turned to Serena, wide eyed and anxious, she dropped her knife and took my hands in hers.
“Babe,” Sid called from the front door and I let go of Serena, heading to meet my fate.
“Bea!” Marc-Andrea grinned at me, pulling me into a warm hug. “This is my wife Veronique,” he motioned to the beautiful woman standing beside him.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I smiled, taking her outstretched hand in mine.
“It smells wonderful,” she grinned.

We sat down in the living room, the boys battling against each other on the XBox while Vero, Serena, and I made small talk. I sipped my wine anxiously, waiting for the doorbell to ring and the madness to begin. Beside me Vero and Serena laughed, already getting along comfortably.
“How do you like working with the team?” Vero asked, pulling my attention back to the present.
“Oh, it’s great,” I smiled. “They’re a great group of guys.”
We discussed my job a little more before I turned the focus to Serena. She was telling us about the exciting world of radio when it happened. The bell chimed throughout the house and I felt my mouth get try. Sid excused himself from the game and we walked the few steps to the door hand in hand.
“Everything will be fine,” he pulled me close to him and kissed the side of my head before opening the door.
She stood on our door step in a black peacoat, her red curls sprinkled with snow and her cheeks rosy.
“Trix,” She smiled and stepped into the house. “How are you?” She wrapped her cold body around me tightly, I let go of Sidney’s hand and returned the hug. She smelt the same as she always had, sweet, like sugar and honeysuckle.
“This is Sidney,” I immediately reached for his hand, pulling out of the hug. “My boyfriend.” She looked at me surprised and shook his free hand.
“It’s really nice to meet you,” Sid said politely.
Under her peacoat she was wearing a long sleeve black dress that clung to her slender body and fell halfway down her thigh. The back was low and showed of her creamy skin and toned muscles. I could never understand how she was in such good shape when she spent most of her time doing nothing.
As if the universe was looking out for me, the timer on the rice cooker went off before we had to begin what I could only imagine would be a painful conversation. We sat down at the perfectly set down table, two couples, one ‘thing’, Beau, James, and Mille; not exactly the guest list I’d envisioned. With Sid on my right and Millie on my left I looked across at Serena and gave her a tight lipped smile. She smirked and cocked her eyebrow up.
“Eat up,” Sid grinned at everyone and took a bite of the chicken on his plate.
“So Millie,” Beau began, three beers in and feeling confident. “How do you like Pittsburgh?”
“It’s not bad,” she sipped her drink and eyed him.
“You like hockey?” Geno asked innocently.
“As much as I like all the other patriarchal institutions that grossly overpay men,” she snickered.
I looked at her with my teeth clenched and shook my head slightly.
“Patriarchal?” Beau asked confused.
“Don’t worry about it,” Sid shook his head, saving his teammate from a world of explanation.
“I work for a hockey team now, Millie.” I said stiffly.
“Wow, dream come true for you. You always did have a soft spot for sweaty, uneducated men,” she smiled sweetly.
“Lucky for me,” Sid squeezed my leg under the table.
“I knew I recognized you!” She said loudly, blushing. I found it hard to believe that she didn’t realize who Sidney was or what the boys did for a living until that moment.
“We’re all Penguins actually,” James added. “Maybe I can change your mind about the game.” He winked and gave her a lob sided grin.
“Maybe you can change my opinion about men,” she bit her lip and bat her eyelashes. I groaned and rolled my eyes in Serena’s direction. Millie had always claimed to be strictly into females and while we were together took every opportunity to tell me how disgusting it was that I didn’t stay on her side of the fence. Or, as she put it, that I couldn’t make up my mind. She claimed to be repulsed by the Y chromosome but took a sadistic pleasure in stringing naive males along, luring them into her web and leaving them disappointed and in some cases emotionally damaged.
“Y’know Trix, I’m surprised you ended up with this one,” she pointed to Sidney, “I thought you liked the other guy, the big oaf with the under bite,” She smirked. I couldn’t decide if she was being particularly malicious or if I had just never noticed her poor social skills. I pretended to have no idea who she was talking about, when in reality we all knew. “Oh c’mon, the Russian. You had his picture on your computer. Ugly motherfucker but you suspected he was really good in bed,” She continued, oblivious to the awkward tension in the room.
“Yes Millie, Beatrice had a thing for Ovechkin, we get it,” Serena chimed in, relieving some of the tension. “Everyone goes through a Russian phase,” she glanced at Geno and winked.
“Bea liked Ovie?” Beau looked at with disgust.
“In my defense I didn’t know you,” I whispered to Sid who squeezed my leg, as if to tell me he understood.
“So,” Vero took a stab at the conversation. “How do you two know each other?” she smiled at me warmly.
“We’re old friends,” I replied, taking a long sip of my wine.
“A little more than friends I’d say,” Millie looked at me offended. “Or is Crosby over there just your friend too?”
“So you dated?” Vero looked confused.
I nodded and smiled tightly. It seemed the less I said the better.
“This is really good, babe,” Sid said, swallowing a bite of chicken. “I thought you said you couldn’t cook.”
“I didn’t know I could,” I laughed nervously.
“It’s great,” Marc confirmed with a mouth full of rice.
I picked at the food on my plate nervously. I had no appetite but I had to at least make it look like I was eating. I took a few bites of broccoli and a nibble of chicken to keep up appearances, but my stomach tightened and my throat felt dry.
“Old habits die hard?” Millie whispered in my ear and slid her hand onto my bare thigh. On my right, Sid’s warm and strong hand rested casually on my knee and on my left, Millie’s soft and delicate fingers moved under the hem of my dress. Neither had any idea what the other was doing. I shot her a dirty look and tried to push her hand off of me but she was persistent.
“How are you liking motherhood?” I asked Vero in an effort to shift the conversation in a more appropriate direction.
“It’s wonderful!” she beamed. “You’ll have to come meet her sometime, she started crawling a few weeks ago, so much energy I can’t keep her still.”
After that the tension eased and the conversation flowed naturally. Marc and Vero told stories of their adventures as new parents and I tried to ignore Millie’s still present hand. I felt her fingers brush against my lace underwear and jumped out of my seat to get away from them.
“Who wants pie?” I smiled gracefully, playing the perfect hostess.
We decided to take our pie in the living room and I told everyone to go ahead and sit down while I got it ready. Truthfully I just wanted a minute to myself. With the pie heating up in the oven I leaned over the sink and tried to calm myself down. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling, a sort of stressed out, uncomfortable combination that was laced with erotic tension and complete confusion.
“Everything is fine,” I whispered to myself and ran my hands under cold water.
“Talking to yourself?” she purred in my ear. One of her hands moved my hair to reveal my neck while the other slipped back up my dress.
“Please stop,” I tried to keep my voice calm and steady. The last thing I needed was to cause a scene.
“Don’t act like you’re not enjoying the attention,” her lips brushed against my bare shoulder. “I know you too well.”
“No,” I croaked. “You don’t know me anymore.”
“Of course I do, Trixie. This isn’t you. You’re not the perfect housewife you’ve made him think you are.”
I turned to face her, hoping she’d back away, instead her hand stayed under my dress while the other rested on my waist. “He doesn’t think that,” I shook my head.
“Then why on earth does he keep you around? I’ve always known you were a puck bunny but I didn’t think you’d lure one in for the long run,” she stroked her hand up and down the inside of my thigh. I was trapped between her and the counter.
“You don’t know me anymore. This is my life, I like this life.”
“So if I told you I’m not wearing any panties and suggested we go smoke a bowl and get reacquainted, you wouldn’t be tempted at all?” Her lips were only inches away from mine.
My cheeks were getting warmer and a shiver ran up my spine. Memories of our nights together flashed through my mind and the hair on my arms stood on end. I wanted so desperately to ignore her suggestive comments but couldn’t deny their effect on me.
“You want to,” she whispered, our faces now centimeters apart. I could feel her hot breath against my lips and I pushed away the temptation that grew inside me. “I know you Trix. I know you better than some meathead ever could.” Her fingers were now tracing the damp spot that had developed on the delicate fabric between my legs. I couldn’t tell if this was considered cheating but I didn’t know how to stop. My logical mind told me to push her away and run, but my lonely, nostalgic heart was being pulled into her, manipulated by her spell.
“Babe?” I heard Sidney call just as her lips brushed against mine. My heart swelled with affection for him and I pushed her off of me.
“I’ll be right there,” I replied cheerfully. With Millie out of my way, now leaning against the counter, I turned to the oven and took the warm pie out. “You’re right,” I turned to her. “You do know me better than some meathead ever could. But if you haven’t noticed, not one of those guys is even close to being a meathead.” I spat at her. “And no, I don’t want to smoke a bowl and fuck around because I spent years of my life doing that. The whole time searching for something I didn’t think I would ever find.” I shook my head in frustration and began slicing the pie into generous pieces. “Well guess what? I found it. I found exactly what you never gave me. Respect, sincerity, fuck I’ve found myself.” I glanced back at her. Taken aback, she stood with her arms crossed tightly in front of her.
“He’ll never make you happy,” she hissed.
“Then what do you call this?” I grinned at her. “This is happy, Millie. Content is happy, satisfaction is happiness.” I looked into her sad vacant eyes and remembered the fragile girl I’d fallen in love with.
“I can give you more,” she shook her copper curls in frustration.
“You can’t,” I took a step towards her and placed my hand gently on her shoulder. “You’ve tried and you can’t, and it’s okay.”
She looked at me with teary eyes, her smirk gone and her confidence faded. “Why did you have to give up on us?” She cried softly.
“Because you can only try to resuscitate something for some long before you have to call time of death,” I wrapped my arms around her shaking body and held her head against my chest as she sobbed.
“I’ll never find another you,” she sniffled.
“I sure as hell hope not,” I chucked, rubbing her back. “Wouldn’t you rather find someone new? Someone better for you than me?”
“No,” she cried harder. “I want us back.”
I looked to find Sidney standing in the doorway, concern covering his face. I shook my head and without saying a word told him it was all right. We were both going to be okay.
“Don’t you ever miss us?” she pleaded, looking straight into my eyes.
“Sometimes,” I admitted. “When I fall into the toilet at night because he’s left the seat up, or when I have to explain characteristically female things to him. Those times when I realize I’m dating a man I miss how much easier it was.”
“It can be that easy again.”
“No, it can’t. Besides, we don’t want to be in a relationship of connivence. Sure, sharing tampons is great, and we had an unbeatable combined shoe collection, but I love him Mills.”
“You loved me once,” she whimpered.
“I did. And it took a longtime to get over that. There will always be a place for you in my heart, but he’s the one I want to be with.” I let go of her to get a kleenex for her running nose.
“There’s nothing I can say to convince you?” She blew her nose and dabbed the tears from her eyes.
“No, and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t try.”
“You want to know the worst part about this?” she smiled slightly. “I lost you to a guy.”
We both giggled and I helped her fix her smudged eye make up. “They’re not as bad as you’d think,” I joked. “You’d be surprised, sometimes it’s almost like they’re human or something.”

“Yeah, right,” She scoffed and we carried the plates loaded with pie and whipped cream into the living room, returning to the party. I snuggled next to Sid on the couch and felt the tension and confusion drift away, with his arm wrapped around me I took a sizable bite of the warm apple pie.

Notes

I hope this was everything you've all dreamed of and so much more.

I don't actually know how I'm writing right now when I have two midterms this week and very few clean clothes. I like to think this magical world is more important than socks and my GPA. Please tell me I'm right...
Anyway, as usual I love you all and I love your comments and I love that I get to watch my view count go up and dance around like a giddy teenage girl in my underwear. It's the little things in life! Little things like the Flyers won this weekend... No? Wrong place to be a Flyers fan? Okay, I understand.

xx-T