Suddenly I See

“I’m going to stay at my mother’s for a while until I find a place to live.”

I can’t fucking believe this, he thought to himself.

“Stay at the house.It’s yours.You deserve it,” he said somberly, not wanting any of this to happen.

“Sid, I can’t stay here.There are too many bad memories,” she sniffled, obviously affected by their separation.He knew there were bad memories.It was half the reason he opted to buy another place.The other reason he wanted her to stay was because of all of the good memories their place had.

“But there are also good memories, Sara,” he told her, wanting her to be surrounded in their five years together and two years of marriage.He needed her to remember the laughter, love, compassion, romance, and incredible chemistry they had.He hoped it would change her mind about their impending divorce.

“I know…”Her voice cracked.She didn’t want to do it, but she had to.She wanted something that he was finding it difficult to give her.As much as they tried, it never came to fruition.He couldn’t deny her the one thing she longed for.He had to let her go, and it was physically killing him.His eyes flooded with tears, willing them to stay at bay while he was in public.He wouldn’t cry until he was in the confines of his downtown apartment.

“Sidney, I’ve got to go,” she hung up, but not before he heard her let out a sob as she ended the call.

It left him gut wrenched, wanting to drive to the suburbs and hold her, tell her everything would work out, that they just needed patience, time, and a little faith.Everything would work out.They would get what they wanted.But it wouldn’t happen, and he had a report to prove it.

He stared distantly at his phone, wondering how his life turned completely upside down.He always considered himself immensely lucky.He did what he loved for a living, won the Stanley Cup and gold metal twice, he had parents and friends that supported him through the good times and bad, he found an amazing, beautiful girl and married her.How could he be so lucky in all aspects of his life except for this?He looked at her, face covered in wedding cake as he smeared it on her, both of them laughing hysterically.It was candid and beautiful, which was the reason he chose that picture as his phone wallpaper.Remembering all of the professional pictures taken during their engagement and wedding, how was it that Fleury’s picture was the best?

He locked his phone, not wanting to see the picture anymore.It made a mockery of him every time he saw it.He clenched his teeth, feeling the residual pain from his jaw surgery months ago, wanting the pain.Anything to distract him from the utterly fucked up present.

When the pain became unbearable, he unclenched, rubbing his chin and looked to the sky and closed his eyes.He prayed silently, that God would fix the problem, at least once, and save his marriage.He loved Sara with all of his being.

Opening his eyes, he finally noticed that it was a beautiful autumn day.The leaves were red, brown, and yellow as they moved gently with the breeze.The sun was shining without a cloud in sight.The temperature was brisk, and he loved it.He imagined racking leaves with Sara and their children in this type of weather.Throwing their little ones into piles of leaves or blowing leaves on each other with the leaf blower.It was a nice thought, but one that seemed impossible.He watched as the leaves blew by his reebok brand shoes, tumbling over them with the wind.He made a deal with whatever high power was listening that he’d give it all away, his brand, his endorsements, his playing career, everything for just one.

He looked across the park at the playground, living vicariously through the parents with their children.He yearned for one day in his and Sara’s life where he could push his child on a swing, help them on the jungle gym, catch them at the bottom of the slide, or play with them in the sandbox.He watched as a little girl, no older than three, fell and scraped her elbow on the asphalt.Her mother knelt down to wipe away the tears, kissing the “booboo”, effectively making the girl better as she ran back toward the swing.If only someone could fix his problem that easily.

He couldn’t watch anymore.Placing his head in his hands, he let some of the frustration go.He only let a couple of tears fall as he wiped them away under his baseball hat, not even caring if anyone saw him.He seldom cried, and when he did, it was never obvious.He was so lost in his melancholy thoughts that he didn’t notice he had a visitor until he heard a bark.

He jumped up because of the proximity of the noise.Sitting before him was a chocolate lab, wagging it’s tail excitedly, panting with it’s ears perked up, waiting patiently for attention.It reminded him of Sam, his lab at home in Nova Scotia.Maybe he’d have his parents fly her down the next time they came for a visit.Any kind of companionship would be better than none, especially when he moved into his new apartment.

“Hi there,” he said quietly as he patted the dog on the head, earning a couple of licks.He noticed instantly that the dog was wearing a large harness, one that he’d never seen before.It was black with a long metal handle that went up at a diagonal.It looked like a service dog harness, but didn’t have anything written on it.He searched Google for seeing-eye dog harness, and found that the dog sitting before him was a seeing-eye dog.When he examined the dog’s collar, looking for tags or some sort, the collar itself read, “If found, call Parker,” followed by a number.He dialed it, hoping that the owner, presumably Parker, would pick up.It rang five times before going to voicemail.”

“Hi.You’ve reached Parker Fisher, leave me a message.”The message was cheerful, something Sidney needed more of, but what confused him was the voice on the message.It was a woman, and her name was Parker.It was different.He was so confused by Parker the woman that he forgot he was leaving a message.

“Hi.My name is Sidney.I found your dog in the park.Give me a call when you get this.”He hung up, admonishing himself for not leaving his number or what park he was in.While sighted people could just push redial, a blind person wouldn’t be able to.Or could they?He didn’t know.

“Where’s Parker?” he stood as he asked the dog, hoping her name would make the dog perk up, and it did.Instantly, the dog jumped up and started doing circles, whining as it looked to Sidney for the next command, eager to please.It back into Sidney repeatedly, until he realized the dog was trying to tell him to take the harness, and when he took hold if it, the dog started running, surprising Sidney.

“Hold on, Bud.Let’s slow down,” he pulled back on the harness, effectively causing the dog to walk at almost a glacial pace.He was hoping the dog would guide him to his owner and not for a random walk in the park, although he thought that maybe it would do him some good.Perhaps helping reunite a blind person with their guide dog would bring some luck his way.

“Jersey?” Parker screamed, hoping her guide dog was within earshot.She’d never run off during a run before.Something must have provoked her or spooked her, and Parker prayed it was the former and not the latter.

“I’m going to kill her,” Parker sat on the ground with gritted teeth, knowing it would be better to sit and wait for Jersey to find her than it would be for Parker to get lost trying to find her disloyal guide dog.If only her walking stick and cell phone were easier to carry during a run.

“Why didn’t I bring my phone?” she huffed, shoving her hands into her ponytail, panicking at the thought of being stranded there for a long period of time.She was wearing cold weather running attire, but it wouldn’t help with evening temperatures in October.She told herself that if she sat long enough for the temperature to drop, she’s find a long stick and use it to walk and find someone for help.Hopefully someone would be running that trail and find her before that happened.

She sat there for what seemed like hours, cursing under her breath at the lack of people on the trail that day.Of all the people who usually went jogging, the trail was vacant.

She heard jingling, but thought it was a figment of her imagination, like a person seeing a mirage in the desert.

“Is that her?” she heard a man ask from a distance, and the jingling Parker heard turned to whining, then eventually barking.It was a bark she recognized well.Parker began to stand, slowly as not to lose her balance, and walked hesitantly in the direction of Jersey and the man that was walking her.

“Excuse me, are you Parker?”

“Yes.Please tell me you…” she was interrupted by Jersey rubbing against her legs like a cat, making it difficult for Parker to catch the harness.“Found Jersey,” she continued as she bent down and hugged her before standing, hopefully looking in the direction of the man who found her.

“Thank you so much.You’re a life savor.I thought I was going to be stuck out here all night,” she smiled appreciatively.

“My pleasure.She found me and brought me to you.I think she was lost,” the man explained kindly.

“Serves her right for running away from me,” Parker playfully grabbed Jersey’s ear, giving it a squeeze.

“Thank you, again,” Parker held out her hand in introduction, wanting to properly thank the nameless man who helped her.

“I’m Sidney,” he said, taking her hand to shake it.

“Parker, but you already knew that from the collar,” she put her hand on her hip before looking toward Jersey, who was sitting beside her, waiting patiently.

“Well, I hope she didn’t cause you too much trouble finding me,” Parker said as she gave Jersey a silent command, making her stand.

The two started to walk toward the beginning of the trail.Parker gripped the harness with all of her strength.Jersey wasn’t going to run off again.She wondered why Jersey went to Sidney out of all the people walking around the park.He couldn’t have been the only person around.It was a Saturday afternoon and the weather was nice.Maybe Jersey picked up on something from him and she needed to help him.She was trained to read Parker’s moods and nonverbal clues.Perhaps he was in need of help.Jersey didn’t feel threatened by him or else she’d growl at him.As she was thinking, Jersey started whining and pulling backwards.

“What the hell is wrong with you today,” Parker asked as she tried to correct Jersey from pulling backwards.Maybe he was walking behind them.Parker had an idea.

“Sidney,” she turned.If he was behind them, he’d hear her and respond.If not, Jersey was probably reacting to the same stimuli as earlier, which meant they needed to get off of that trail.

“Yes,” he answered as he walked next to her, making Parker jump a little.She obviously didn’t expect him to be that close.

“Would you mind walking with us to the exit of the park?I usually wouldn’t ask, and please don’t hesitate to say no if you can’t, but Jersey wont walk properly, and if she runs off again, I’ll be stranded.”

Sidney could tell she didn’t want to inconvenience him by the look on her face.It was cute how she rambled, and he understood her fears about her guide dog.He couldn’t leave a helpless person in a dangerous position.

“I’d be happy to walk you out of the park,” he told her.Maybe walking with a disabled stranger would be a good thing.Who knew, she could’ve been a renowned reproductive therapist, brought to him by fate to help him with Sara.He knew it was a long shot, but doing something out of his comfort zone could be exactly what he needed.

“So, how’d you come up with the name Jersey for your female dog?” he asked after a few moments of silence.

“She actually came to me with that name.I thought it was different, so I kept it,” she shrugged.

“Hmm… I just thought maybe you were a huge sports fan.”

“I am.Its one of the reasons I kept the name,” she nodded.

“All sports or just a couple in particular?” he probed, not wanting to go back to the silence where he found himself thinking about Sara.Parker was turning out to be a nice distraction from his horrible day.

“I grew up playing softball and field hockey, so baseball and hockey are a given.I listened to baseball games on the radio as a kid, so not being able to watch the game isn’t a big deal to me.”

Sidney watched as she gestured with her hands and wondered if she was aware that she was a hand talker, or if it was a product of being blind to make up for lack of eye contact.He was amazed at how open her eyes were.They seemed alive and functioning, like maybe she wasn’t completely blind.

“I listen to hockey games, but it’s not the same.It’s such game of movement and momentum that verbal commentary doesn’t do it justice.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” he agreed, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

“What about you?”

“I love hockey,” he said with a smile.Anyone who knew him knew that.But she didn’t know him, or maybe she did know of Sidney Crosby, but the lack of sight made her unaware that she was talking to him.While he hadn’t known her longer than fifteen minutes, the anonymity she gave to him was something new, something he wished he had more of.Once his divorce was finalized and made into public knowledge, everyone in Pittsburgh would be watching, questioning, and making assumptions about him him, except Parker.He’d have to hold on to this new acquaintance.

Notes