Suddenly I See

The scolding hot water felt incredible and relaxing against his overused muscles. The morning skate had been particularly grueling and lasted a lot longer than usual, not to mention his neck, shoulders, and back were stiff from conditioning and training after practice.The game had been textbook, his teammates making all the right moves and plays for a 3-0 shut out against the Oilers.They were connecting and reading off of each other, not giving much away like they had in previous games.Sidney, himself, had gotten a goal and an assist, and on any other similar occasion, he’d be content, but something had changed.

Recently, he felt anxious, restless, and frustrated, but couldn't figure out why. Everything had returned to a semblance of normalcy. He was, for the most part, through with the emotional stress of failed pregnancies, urology appointments and sperm collection cups, fighting with Sara, feeling like a failure, 10% chances of impregnation, separation from Sara, fucking Sara's brains out in the hopes of changing her mind, signing divorce papers, more mixed signals from Sara. While the emotional baggage was gone, he felt slightly unfulfilled and took it out on his body during practices, conditioning workouts, and games.As the water cascaded onto his face and shoulders, he could hear his phone vibrating against the bathroom counter, and his thoughts instantly rewound to earlier that day.

He was sitting in his car, completely stunned and baffled by the text message he’d received from Parker.

"I have two tickets to a Penguins game. Will you be my date? :-)"

"Please tell me how you plan to get out of this," Marc snorted from the passenger seat.

“I don’t have any fucking idea how I’m going to get out of this,” Sidney groaned as he gently dropped his phone into the cup holder, putting his car in reverse and backing out.

“You could start by saying something like, ‘Sorry Parker but I’m actually going to be IN the game.’ She’s got to know who you are.”

“Then why would she be asking me to go with her?” Sidney asked as he pulled out of the parking garage.

“Maybe she’s asking you for some kind of validation. When you politely decline, she’ll know for sure.”

“Maybe,” he sighed, rubbing his itchy stubble, knowing his friend had a very possible and adequate point.

“Why do you look forlorn all of a sudden?” Marc laughed.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, switching his eyes back and forth between the road and his rearview mirror.

“Take her out. And tell her the truth while you’re at it.”

“Why do you think I should take her out?”

“Because before you opened the date text, you were grinning like an imbecile at something else she texted you. I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time.You fail to remember how long I’ve known you.”

He was referring to the answer to the standing question the previous night.

"Both the men and women Canadian hockey teams won gold at the 2010 Olympics. I’ll take my next trivia question at any time." It was flirty and playful like their late night exchange.

“I’ll think about it,” he answered as he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. He’d already purchased the M83 tickets for their show next month, but he wasn’t sure if he should tell Parker, or simply surprise her in some way.

The text message sat in the back of his mind the entire afternoon and evening.What could he possibly say to her? What excuse would seem feasible enough to believe? He couldn't simply decline her invitation, especially if she was actually asking him out on a date. And how long could he continue this charade before she figured it out? And if she found out before he had a chance to explain himself, how would she react? He couldn't imagine she'd be ok with the string of lies he’s told her.

Lathering his washcloth, he washed his face, scrubbing the sweat and grime away.Moving down to his neck, he repeated the same motions, only to slow down a bit when he hit the spot that Parker had gently and innocently nuzzled him. For a moment, he let his mind wander, wondering what it would be like to have a real moment of intimacy with Parker, the way she would touch him, study his body with her hands and fingers, learn every muscle and curve of his body, kiss him, hold him, trust him and completely let go with him.

Shaking the impure thoughts out of his head, he continued to vigorously scrub his body, purposely ignoring his slightly aroused penis.He still had to make a decision.Would he tell Parker the truth or come up with an excuse as to why he couldn’t join her at the game? If he were being honest with himself, he didn’t want her to know the truth.He’d grown to like and want to be the person he was in her mind.They were just two people learning to deal with less than fortunate outcomes.He’d grown to depend on their blossoming friendship over the last couple of months.Parker was a great listener and did so without judgment.Would all of that change if he told her who he was?He wasn’t ready to find out.

Exiting the shower, he decided he’d sleep on it.Wrapping the towel around his waist, he grabbed his phone and headed into his bedroom.Before throwing it on the bed, his phone vibrated in his hand with a number he didn’t immediately recognize.

“Hello?”

“Good evening.May I speak to Mr. Crosby?”It was a vaguely familiar female voice.

“Speaking.”He looked at his alarm clock.It was a quarter past eleven.

“I’m so sorry to call this late, but I’ve been trying to get in touch with Ms. Fisher all day with no luck.I thought I could discuss Jersey’s progress with you and maybe you could relay it to Ms. Fisher?”

“Absolutely,” he responded as he pulled out a tee shirt and work out shorts from a drawer.

“Jersey has made great progress with the twenty four hours of intravenous fluids.Her BUN and creatnine levels have lowered significantly, and it looked like her liver values have decreased back with within normal range.She’d eating on her own and misses her mom dearly.”

“That sounds great,” he smiled, throwing on his tee shirt.

“I’d like to keep her here for another day or two to monitor his lab work.While she’d made a very good recovery, I want to make sure she continues to make a full recovery.Tomorrow afternoon, I plan to remove her from fluids and see if she can maintain herself organically.”

“And if her lab work deteriorates again?” he asked.He knew it was a possibility.

“Well, if she remains in kidney failure, then Ms. Fisher would need to supplement the kidneys with subcutaneous fluids on a daily basis.There are plenty of liver supplements that we can discuss starting if her liver values rise again…”

He listened, not completely understanding the medical terminology, but mentally taking notes for the real possibility that Jersey may not make a full recovery. Parker wouldn’t be able to give injections without sight.She’d brutalize her fingers trying to give an injection, not to mention where she’d try to inject Jersey by mistake.

“Thank you for calling. I’m sure Parker will be very relieved.”

“You’re very welcome. I’ll be sure to keep in touch with you and Ms. Fisher.Goodnight.”

Tossing his phone onto his bed, he wondered why Parker hadn't been answering her phone all day, not that her tried to contact her. But he knew she'd been expecting a call from Jersey's veterinarian. Grabbing his keys, he threw on a pair of flip-flops and decided to check on her.

As he turned the corner toward her apartment door, it became apparent why she hadn't been answering her phone. He found himself looking in on an intimate moment shared after an exemplary first date.Parker was in an embrace with man whom he could only assume to be Kevin. He had one hand tentatively sitting on the small of her back while the other softly held her cheek as he kissed her.

He watched from the corner, unsure of how to process all of the thoughts going through his head. He was thrilled for Parker because she deserved nothing less than happiness.But at the same time, he remembered the words that came out of her mouth only days before; “I can’t wait forever.”Except, she wasn’t talking about waiting for Kevin, she was talking about him, and from the looks of it, Parker was done waiting for him to make a move. He didn’t make a move because he had too much baggage, and even if Parker knew about a lot of it and still seemed to like him, he knew how the long run would pan out.It would come back to his fundamental problem; he couldn’t give her, or any woman, children of their own.In his mind, he was doing her a favor by not making a move, regardless of their chemistry together.

Maybe Kevin was the best thing for Parker. They’d dated for years before Parker’s blindness and they must’ve been very much in love if they’d been on their way to marriage.They more than likely knew each other better than anyone else.Parker didn’t even know who Sidney really was.

The ding of the elevator arriving took him out of his thoughts, and before he even knew it, he was ascending the stairs back to his apartment.

He kicked off his flip-flops as he fell backwards onto his bed, feeling a funk he couldn’t describe or ignore. He set his alarm clock for an early morning skate and workout, hoping it would make him feel numb, and before he knew it, he was out.

He felt lips on him, trailing kisses and licks from the base of his left ear, slowly descending down his neck as she moved to the opposite side, nestling between kisses. He smiled and sighed contentedly as he digested what was happening, allowing himself to enjoy the soft and sensual lips as they worked in unison with gentle hands that trailed caresses and kneads.He took one of her hands, entwining his fingers with it, squeezing gently as her lips continued.He kept his eyes closed, relishing the sensual exploration.Taking his other hand by the wrist, her lips found his palm, softly kissing the center before repeating the sentiment on the other. Releasing both hands, her lips moved down between his pectoral muscles, nose rubbing lightly as she continued to deposit kisses and licks all over his stomach toward his waistband.He almost flew off the bed when she firmly pressed a kiss against the ridge of his abdominal wall right below his belly button.He tried to speak and open his eyes, but it was as if he was paralyzed under the spell of the skilled lips and fingers.If they kept going, they’d get a face full of him through his shorts. Her fingers tickled as they continued to travel down his sides, nails digging in slightly as he involuntarily gyrated his hips.He felt her fingers make their way underneath his waistband, slowly pulling his shorts and briefs down as her lips moved to his right hip, kissing and sucking as he lifted his hips to help.He felt his penis hit his stomach like a catapult.The kisses continued midway down his right hip and thigh as both hands slowly pushed his legs apart.When he felt her lips and fingers kiss and massage the inside of his thigh all the way up the inside of his hips, he felt himself twitching on his stomach, more aroused than he’d been in a long time. Never before had any girl made such an effort to please him.This felt like she was exploring him for the first time.It was gentle and soft, but extremely sexy and erotic.He could hear himself softly groaning as he felt skin, what he assumed to be a cheek, lightly brush against his testicle as the kisses and licks continued.Momentarily he wondered why she vacated the sensitive area, but when he felt something touch the base of his penis, slowly running up his entire length, his breath caught in his throat.It didn’t leave a trail of moisture in its wake, and when it hit the tip, he heard an inhale, a nose breathing him in before lips deposited a feather-light kiss to his frenulum.

The cherishing, worshiping exploration was driving him wild.His hands made their way into her of hair. It was soft, smooth, and felt like it had a wave to it. Lifting his head, he tried desperately to open his eyes, but wasn't successful. Smirking to himself, he thought that he may be momentarily blinded by the teasing, sensual mixture of fingers, lips, and tongue touching him every so lightly.

As he imagined what it would feel like when her lips enclosed around his head, one of her hands gripped his wrist, pulling it from its tangled resting place. His first thought when to Sara, who hated having his hands in her hair when she went down on him, but he suddenly felt lips on his finger tips, kissing each tip from his pinky to his pointer finger, where lips enclosed around it, letting the sucking pressure build around it as she slowly pulled it out of her mouth, teeth gently grazing the tip.

A garbled string of sounds escaped his mouth as her mouth finally enclosed around his penis, taking their time as it scaled him, moving in perfect opposition with the hand at the base, pulling and pushing as if they were polar magnets in the most delicious way. Her other hand found its way to his testicles, doing something that was completely foreign. Instead of the standard massage, she tugged them gently, sending his pelvis up into the air. Taking his hands away from her, both hands gripped handfuls of duvet as she continued at just the right tempo and pressure.

When her mouth disappeared, he wanted to look down to watch, but his eyes were so heavy with ecstasy, he couldn’t open them. One hand traveled up his torso as the other stayed around his base, stroking slowly, and without any clues, one testicle disappeared into her mouth, sucking before releasing it for the other.A pattern presented itself as she switched between penis, testicles, and kisses around his groin as she continued to stroke him, and he knew he would come if she continued for much longer.

With all of his strength, he pushed himself up, and while he didn’t want to end the incredible pleasure going on at his waist, he pulled the girl up and astride his hips. Without a beat, lips found his in a searing, mind blowing kiss that rivaled the blowjob he’d just reluctantly stopped. He pulled her as close as possible as he explored every inch of her body.Her hands were planted on his face as the kiss continued, only to break when she started rhythmically grinding against his still very erect penis.He grunted loudly into her neck, wanting nothing more than to bury himself inside her.

“I want you to fuck me.” It came out as a breathy whisper, but he recognized the voice immediately. Finally able to opening his eyes, he was looking at Parker, who had her eyes closed and mouth open, beautiful in her state of arousal as she use him as a grinding post.Using her thumb, she felt for his lips before leaning in to kiss him as she lifted herself, gripped his penis, and lowered herself onto him, moaning into his mouth as she stilled at the hilt, and he didn’t know whether it was the erotic sounds she was making, or the feel of her around him as she rolled her hips to repeat the movement, but he came, growling onto her shoulder, biting as the orgasm pulsed through him violently to the beat of her movements.

His eyes flew open as he gathered his surroundings. He was alone in his bed, surrounded only by the light of the television that he’d forgotten to turn off.Looking down, he realized his hand was in his pants, gripping his half-flaccid penis.

“Motherfucker,” he hissed as he ripped the duvet off, heading for the bathroom to clean the remnants of his dream off of him.

“Have you heard anything about Jersey?”

“Nothing,” Parker sighed as she spooned some cheerios into her mouth. She’d been keeping Meara updated, but she had nothing to tell her.She hadn’t heard from the veterinarian who was supposed to call daily with an update.

“I’m sure she’s fine. If not, they would’ve called by now.”

“God, I hope you’re right.”

“Lets talk about something else to get your mind off of it. Tell me about the date last night,” Meara asked with a suggestive tone, and Parker could see her with a sly smile on her face.

“It was ok,” she responded noncommittally, shrugging as if Meara could see her through the phone.

“Just ok?”

“Meara, its just Kevin. Its not like it was a first date or anything.”

“I know, I know. I was just thinking he’d pull out all the stops to get you back.”

“We went to dinner, talked, laughed, reminisced. He brought me home.That was it.”

“Seriously? Not even a nice kiss?” Meara asked, thoroughly appalled.

“Well yeah, but I’ve kissed him before.”

Parker recalled the kiss. It was exactly what she remembered from Kevin; firm lips, small amount of tongue, and too much head movement.What she wasn’t anticipating was the overwhelming urge to kiss a particular someone else in the midst of it all.

Ending the call, she washed her dishes, wondering why that particular person hadn’t ever responded to her text message. This was the man that was kind enough to walk a guide dog to find it’s owner, who was more than willing to pull a piece of glass from someone’s foot, who babysat and painted pictures with little girls, who seemed interested in Parker as a person, who rushed her dog to the hospital, held her the entire night, and unfortunately, sends her mixed signals for days.

Picking up her phone, she commanded Siri to dial his number, inwardly nervous that he wouldn’t answer again, and when it went to voicemail, Parker ended the call, dropping her head in defeat. Maybe something had changed.Maybe he was too busy.While she didn’t want to admit it, she was worried that her date with Kevin pushed Sidney away permanently.

Placing her phone back on the counter, she picked up a towel to dry her dishes when her phone started ringing.

“Hello?” Parker answered with a hint of dejection in her voice.

“Hi.”

She almost dropped the phone at the sound of his voice, which was slightly winded.

“Hi! Sorry if I interrupted you.”

“Not at all. I just got done with a workout,” Sidney huffed out.

“Oh.” She reddened at the thought.While she hadn’t seen Sidney before, she knew what a physically fit man looked like, and given how easily he picked her up to go down the stairs, he worked out a lot.

“Do you have plans today?”

“No.” The question caught her off guard.

“I was going to call you to see if you wanted to go see Jersey.”

“Yes!” she answered happily and eagerly, and while she was glad to have a chance to see Jersey, she couldn’t deny that her excitement was partially because of the company.

“I’ll call you when I’m ready,” he chuckled at her enthusiasm.

“I’m sorry,” Parker cried into her hands as they drove away from the emergency hospital.

“Why are you apologizing?” he asked, grabbing her a packet of tissues out of his glove compartment.

“Because I’m sobbing and it’s a buzz kill,” she explained, dabbing her face even though it was pointless. “I just miss her.I thought I killed her,” she swallowed, and Sidney knew she felt guilty about the accident, blaming the blindness for what happened.

“Parker, you didn’t do anything to intentionally harm her,” he reasoned as he pulled out onto the highway.

“I know,” she sniffled, and he knew the tone for the day had been set. “Thank you for taking me to see her,” Parker smiled sadly through her puffy eyes and red face.“I’m sure this isn’t how you wanted to spend your day,” she motioned to herself with her pointer finger, making circles around her face.

“This is exactly how I wanted to spend my day. Besides, I have another idea,” he started, waiting for her reaction.Looking over quickly, he saw that she looked intrigued.“The day isn’t over and I wanted to take you somewhere else.”

“Where?”

“It’s a surprise.”

Looking over again, he saw a genuine but curious smile liven her face.

“Can I have a hint?”

“Nope. All I can tell you is we’re almost there.”

“Aren’t you going to tell me to close my eyes?” Parker giggled sarcastically.

“Actually, I was going to blindfold you,” Sidney smiled. “Wouldn’t want you to peek or anything.”

Ten minutes later, they were pulling into the surprise location, a place Sidney knew very well. He pulled his gear back out of the trunk before he retrieved Parker, taking her hand as he walked her into the Iceoplex.

“What size shoe do you wear?”

“Seven?” Parker answered with obvious confusion.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

Quickly, he found some skates in her size. Upon his return, he found Parker sitting on a bench, waiting patiently for his return.He knew she felt vulnerable without Jersey in public, but his hope was to get her mind off of everything with an afternoon of ice skating.

“Alright. Take your shoes off.”

“What?”

Kneeling in front of her, he untied her shoe and gently lifted her ankle, sliding her shoe off before replacing it with a skate. He repeated the process on the other side and on himself before standing, taking her by both hands to help her stand.At this point, she knew what was happening, and the smile on her face was contagious.

He walked her to the door to the ice, stepping on before turning to her.

“I can’t skate by myself,” she panicked.

“Do you really think I’d let you skate on your own?” he asked as he grabbed both of her hands, slowly dragging her with him as he skated backwards toward the center of the ice.

Notes