“Don’t be afraid. I’ve gotcha.”

Sidney couldn’t hold back the colossal grin as Parker let out something between a sigh, a squeal, and a laugh as she gripped onto his hands for dear life. While she was smiling, her eyes were screwed shut as if she was on a rollercoaster. He was slowly skating backwards facing Parker as she stood a rigid as possible in an attempt to keep balance. He could tell she’d been holding her breath ever since she stepped foot on the ice. It was only after he gave her hands a squeeze that he could see her exhale and open her eyes.

He pulled her around for a few moments, watching as she slowly but courageously tried to replicate the ice skating movements from her childhood, pushing with her left foot to slide with her right. They were small movements, something he imagined from Phoebe, but they were monumental at the same time. He watched her face beam with joy and excitement as she started using bigger strides, finding a newfound confidence with her skates.

“Sidney! I’m skating!” she giggled, letting herself go for a moment before quickly losing balance and almost falling over with a loud yip, but managed to slide in between his legs in an attempt to correct herself.

“You were,” he chuckled, trying to help her back up as she kept slipping and falling, only to be held up by his hands. Lowering her to the ice, laughing with Parker as she doubled over with embarrassed laughter, he skated behind her and picked her up from under her arms.

Standing behind her, he rested his hands around her hips and started pushing them again, only to find Parker’s hands around his, and before he could even think about it, he intertwined his fingers with hers.

“Is it as fun as you remembered?” he asked, pushing them a little faster around the rink. He could tell she could feel the acceleration as she squeezed his hands and audibly took in a deep breath. She enthusiastically shook her head yes, letting out another laugh-sigh hybrid.

“Do you want to go faster?”

“Yes”

Without a second’s hesitation, Sidney took off, pushing Parker in front of him at soaring speeds, relishing the moment he was having with her as she laughed and squealed, enjoying herself as she stuck her arms out like wings in her very own I’m-the-queen-of-the-world moment. That was his plan, to take her mind off of the last couple of days without Jersey, to show her an incredible time that she hadn’t been able to enjoy since going blind, to banish the kiss he witnessed the night before with Kevin, and if the timing was right, to tell her who he was. After all, he hadn’t yet addressed her text message date invite to his game.

Would Parker be angry? Surprised? Hurt? Deceived? Should he just come out and tell her that he is Sidney Crosby, or should he subtly give her hints until she concludes it on her own? Would the day of ice-skating and the next surprise be enough to hint her on about his true identity? He shook his head, berating himself. She wouldn’t suspect the ice-skating or the puck shooting because he already told her he manufactured ice skates and that he played hockey as a kid. Taking a large gulp of air, he knew he needed to tell her. Would their relationship change? Would she start throwing herself at him like some of the women would? Would she recoil and back away from their friendship in an attempt to stay out of the spotlight?

“What are you thinking about?”

At some point during his thoughts, Parker had managed the turn around to face him, now skating backwards. She had an attentive smile on her face, a smile that touched her eyes, a genuine Parker smile.

“Is everything alright?” Parker asked as she slipped, clutching to him as she somewhat caught her own fall, her face falling to a look of concern, only inches from his.

This was the moment. They were in each other’s embrace, skating in lazy circles around Southpointe, the rink that he practiced on most of the time with his team mates, the team that Parker favored and listened to, the team she asked him to see with her.

“Yeah,” Sidney cleared his throat. “Why do you ask?”

He needed to stall. He was enjoying the moment too much. He was admiring the way Parker’s hair was blowing in the breeze of their movement. He was relishing the feeling of her arms on him, the proximity of her to him. He was intoxicated by her aroma; something that smelt of coconuts and the tropics mixed with something refreshingly floral. Her cheeks and nose were blushed from the low temperature on the ice.

“Because you slowed down,” she shrugged with a small smile.

“Maybe I wanted you to push me,” Sidney replied as he quickly turned in Parker’s arms so his back was to her front, wrapping her arms around his midsection, securing them with his. All of his thoughts were pushed aside when she started laughing and tried to push them both, sliding in place and losing her balance.

“Faster! Faster!” he jokingly urged, chuckling with Parker.

“I’m trying!”

Without any warning, Sidney pulled Parker back in front of him. “I want to show you something.”

When he arranged to rent Southpointe, he asked the rink manager to place a sectional rug on one of the blue lines. He figured while they were skating, he’d have Parker shoot some pucks as well. He hoped the goal buzzers were on so she could hear herself score a goal.

“There’s a rug here for you to stand on. I’ll be right back.”

After reluctantly letting go of Parker’s hand, he skated to the entrance to the ice where a bag of pucks and a stick was waiting on the ice. He scooped them up quickly and skated back to the carpet. After he dumped the bag of pucks on the ice, he smoothed them out with the stick and lined them up perpendicularly to the rug’s edge. He smiled brightly at Parker’s curious look as she listened to his commotion.

“What’d you bring over?”

“Some pucks and a hockey stick.”

“Are you going to impress me with all of your awesome skills,” Parker feigned swooning.

“Nope. You’re going to impress me with yours,” Sidney said as he skated behind her, stepping onto the carpet so he was standing directly behind her with little space between their bodies. “Do you shoot right or left?” he asked and he carefully brought the stick in front of her, positioning it before he gently took her left hand, placing it towards the taped handle, and repeating the process with the right towards the lower half of the stick.

“I don’t know. I’ve never played.”

“If you were to hit the puck right now, would it feel more comfortable for you to shoot this way or with your hand position switched?” Sidney asked as he switched their hand positions to shoot left.

“I guess that would depend on where the goal was,” she replied smartly with a smile.

“Right now, the goal is directly to your left,” he smiled.

“Then I would say the first position would feel the most comfortable to me.”

They switched hands again, and Sidney could feel Parker letting him take control as he pulled over a puck with the blade of his stick.
“Do you feel the weight of the puck?” he asked as he pushed it forward and backward with the stick.

“Yes.”

“Good. I’m going to let go, and you push it forward.”

Stepping back a few steps, Sidney watched as Parker mentally tried to imagine her surroundings. She knew the net was to her left, so she was instinctively looking in that direction, regardless of the blindness. He smiled as she picked up the blade of the stick as if she was miniature golfing, but fanning on the shot. He tried desperately to stifle his laughter, but he couldn’t help it when she audibly cursed and laughed at the same time.

“Hey! Don’t laugh,” Parker pouted with a smile.

“I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing with you,” Sidney said as he tried to regain as much composure as possible. “Here, let me set it up for you.” He skated around to retrieve the puck and assumed his former position behind her. With his hands on hers, he did some puck work so she could feel the weight of the puck again. As he was explaining to just push it with the stick without any elevation, Parker turned to him and smiled, only inches away from his face. Without noticing, Parker pushed the puck hard, and all of a sudden, the rink filled with the sound of loud buzzing, indicating a goal.

“Can I do it again!?” Parker squealed like an enthusiastic small child, obviously proud of her accomplishment, even if it was set up perfectly for her to score.

---

“Phoebe, its time for your bath!” Sara called to Phoebe as she cleaned up the toys in the living room. She’d been babysitting her niece while Maggie and her husband were away on their anniversary vacation in Venice with Sara’s parents. It was a trip that she and Sidney were supposed to be going on before everything ended. While she’d always wanted to visit Italy, she couldn’t have coped traveling with two happily married couples no matter how much she cared for them.

The two had been playing with Phoebe’s doll babies for the past hour until she ran off to find “Sinny”, still not understanding why he wasn’t in the house with them. Each time, the lump in Sara’s throat grew bigger. She could only use the road trip excuse for so long.

Throwing the toys into the chest in the corner, Sara picked up the dirty plates and utensils from the coffee table and into the kitchen, loading the dishwasher before she took a half empty bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon from the wine wrack. As she watched the red wine trickle into the glass, she reflected on her doctor’s appointment two weeks prior, the one that would haunt her, the appointment that made he feel like she ruined everything.

Dr. York, her gynecologist for as long as Sara could remember, was giving her a pelvic exam, on a mission to find the source of the heavy bleeding and strange fluid that started with back cramping.

“You said the onset was about two or three days ago?” Dr. York asked as she moved the ultrasound wand into a different position.

“Yes,” Sara responded, closing her eyes as she felt a pang of discomfort.

“Have you engaged in sexual intercourse in the past couple of months?”

“No,” Sara lied, sighing quietly as she stared at the popcorn ceiling. She’d only had sex with her ninety percent infertile ex-husband, so the lie was almost a truth. She’d never gotten pregnant when they were married, so the ten percent chance that Sidney would impregnate her was a zero percent in Sara’s mind.

Looking at Dr. York, who’d been quiet for a couple of moments, Sara found her doctor looking inquisitively at the ultrasound monitor, focusing on a specific spot, focusing in and typing acronyms next to a spot that Sara couldn’t make out.

“Is everything ok?” The confused look on Dr. York’s face made Sara’s scalp tighten. Was there a problem? She could tell by the way Dr. York kept zooming and deepening the depth of the ultrasound that something needed explaining.

“I’ve found what looks like rather large scarring on your uterine wall which could explain the bleeding,” Dr. York explained as she pointed to the frozen screen. “I’d like to do some lab work to see what’s going on organically,” she concluded as she pulled the ultrasound probe out of Sara.

Sara was pulled from the memory as she heard the faint sound of the washing machine ping, indicating the cycle was finished from the mudroom. It was a welcomed distraction from her memory, and the thought of the end of the appointment had her finishing her glass of wine in one large gulp.

After climbing the stairs, looking for her niece, Sara found that her and Sidney’s former bedroom door was ajar. She’d moved out of the bedroom a month ago because it was a constant reminder of him and the failure that they represented. Slowly opening the door further, she found Phoebe sound asleep in the middle of the bed where she was used to sleeping with them when she visited. Phoebe was wrapped in an old Penguins fleece blanket that must’ve been stored in the closet, and she clutched her stuffed penguin tightly. She took it everywhere with her.

“So much for that bath,” Sara muttered as she kissed Phoebe’s cheek before closing the curtains. As she turned on the nightstand lamp, dimming it so it wouldn’t wake Phoebe, Sara’s phone started vibrating in her back pocket.

“How’s the sixth honeymoon going?” Sara asked suggestively as she closed the doors to the bedroom behind her. “Hopefully mom and dad aren’t cramping your style.”

“Buona sera. My name is Dr. Matteo Mancini. Is this Sara Crosby?”

“Yes.” Sara could hardly hold onto the phone. Why would an Italian doctor be calling on her sister’s phone? “What’s going on?” Sara asked with a very shaky voice.

“There’s been an accident.”

---

“Can I have two orders of the deluxe sushi samplers, please,” Sidney passed the cashier at Yo Sushi his credit card, incredibly content with how the afternoon played out. He and Parker had stayed at Southpointe for a couple more hours, shooting pucks, skating around, simply enjoying the moment with one another. They were currently in the process of putting up Parker’s Christmas tree, debating real versus fake trees until both of their stomachs started protesting for food.

“Is that all, sir?” the cashier asked him, oblivious of who he was.

“Yes, thank you.”

Walking toward the waiting area, thankful that the usually busy restaurant was unusually slow that evening, Sidney peered outside toward his truck, recounting how entranced he was as he watched Parker walk around her apartment so fluidly, pulling out ornaments with ease and grace, hanging them perfectly as if she had vision. But what he couldn’t erase from his mind was her quiet Christmas caroling. She said she couldn’t stand the new Christmas music and preferred the carols. He watched in what seemed like slow motion as she sang, watching her lips move to the lyrics until her stomach growled loudly.

“Sir, your rolls are ready,” the waitress interrupted.

“Thank you,” he smiled, pulling out a twenty-dollar bill and handing it to her. “Merry Christmas.”

Jogging to the car, careful to hold the boxes of sushi from the bottom, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and without looking, he answered it.

“Sidney, something’s happened,” Sara cried, almost unable to speak through her hyperventilating. “She’s in a coma! What if she dies?”

“Slow down, Sara,” Sidney said as calmly as possible, hoping he could get her to slow down and concentrate. On the inside, he panicked, hoping and praying it wasn’t Phoebe. “Take a deep breath. What’s happened?”

“My parents, Maggie, and John went to Italy and got into a horrific car accident,” Sara explained through sobs. “My parents are ok, but Maggie is in a coma and John is dead.”

Falling back onto his truck as if to brace himself from the news, Sidney couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Not only had John died, but Maggie, the big sister that Sidney had never had and his confidant during his and Sara’s hardest times, was hanging in the balance. Immediately, his heart went out to Phoebe, who may never see her parents again, and the thought made him clench his jaw in an attempt to conserve his emotions.

“Sidney?”

“I’m here. What can I do to help?” Sidney exhaled as he rubbed his forehead.

“Phoebe is here, but I need to get to Italy as soon as possible and I don’t want her to see Maggie hooked up to monitors. I don’t know what to do…” As a child, Sidney remembered seeing relatives in the hospital, holding on to life, and its not something he’d want for Phoebe, especially as it was her mother.

“I can watch her. When do you need me to pick her up?”

“Tonight if you can.”

“Ok. I’m on my way.”

---

Parker paced back and forth in her kitchen, clutching her phone in both hands as she worried. It had been two hours since Sidney had left to get food. She didn’t want to prematurely call if he was right around the corner, but she couldn’t imagine it would take that long to get food. Had something happened to him?

“Call Sidney,” she commanded her phone, slowly exhaling as she held the phone to her ear, growing more concerned with ear unanswered ring until his voicemail picked up.

“Hi, Sidney. It’s Parker. It’s been a little over two hours since you left. I’m just calling to check on you to make sure everything is ok. Please call me.”
Quickly hanging up, Parker closed her eyes as a realization settled upon her. Maybe he forgot about her. Maybe he was distracted by something, or worse, someone else. It wouldn’t have been the first time, and the thought made her crestfallen. They’d had such a fantastic afternoon and early evening with each other. He was so attentive to her that she was finding it difficult to maintain her friendly feelings toward him. She was falling quickly for him and wanted more. She told him in not so many words that she couldn’t wait around forever for him. Given his flirtiness and touchiness, she figured he was responding in his own endearing way. Unfortunately, she’d forgotten about his baggage, the baggage that seemed to get in the way at the most inopportune moments. Pulling out some bread and lunch meat, Parker thought about Kevin, the man who broke her heart, who was trying to make his way back into her life. Kevin seemed so easy and manageable all of a sudden. He didn’t come with a divorce and a fertility issue, not that Sidney’s problem effected Parker in any way, but Parker knew with Kevin, she wouldn’t have to compete with another. Settling on her couch with her sandwich, she turned on her TV, wanting to listen to someone or something that would take her away from her predicament.

---

“Phoebe,” Sidney whispered as he unbuckled her from her car seat. She’d been asleep during the entire exchange with Sara and didn’t know she was with uncle Sinny. He felt his heart swell as she rubbed her eyes with her tiny fists, opening them and smiling as she recognized him.

“You’re going to stay with me for a few days. What do you think?” He groaned as he lifted her from her seat into his arms before taking her packed bag over his other shoulder, going back in for the sushi.

“Sinny, I miss you! Where have you been?” Phoebe asked with an adorable, disgruntled look on her face as she threw her hands up in confusion. He loved that she was so animated.

“I’ve been on a road trip, Phoebs. Have you been watching me on TV?” he asked as he playfully pinched her side, making her giggle loudly.

“Yeah,” Phoebe responded tiredly as she put her head on his shoulder as they entered the elevator from the parking garage.

“I have a surprise for you. We’re going to see Ariel.”

As Phoebe’s eyes lit up with excitement, she hugged him tightly around the neck, and all at once, he remembered that her mother was fighting for her life. He’d have to make the next couple of days memorable for her as she was in for a shock in the next couple of weeks, and he hoped her little mind could cope.

Walking to Parker’s door, he put the sushi and weekender bag down. “Knock,” Sidney urged Phoebe. When Dulci didn’t answer the door on the second knock, Sidney pulled her phone out of his back pocket, only then noticing her missed call and voicemail. Pressing send, he held the phone to Phoebe’s ear, getting anxious when he heard it ring four times before he heard the faint sound of Parker answer.

“Awiel! Me and Sinny aw heew!” Phoebe loudly exclaimed.

Placing the phone back in his pocket, he put Phoebe on the floor to retrieve the bags, but upon looking as the door opened, he found Parker with a puffy, splotchy face, kneeling to greet Phoebe with a hug. What had happened?

“Phoebe, do you want to help me finish putting my Christmas decorations up?” Parker asked as she subtly wiped tears away.

“Yeah!” Phoebe yelled with excitement as she ran down the hallway towards the half decorated tree.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Parker smiled, an embarrassment creeping up her neck to her cheeks as she looked toward him. “I was watching a sad Christmas movie.”

“Sinny! Awiel! Come on!” Phoebe demanded.

The three of them moved fluidly around each other like they’d been a team, passing ornaments to Phoebe to hang them as Sidney held her to put them high on the tree, laughing as they went as Phoebe said something funny.

“Phoebe, here,” Parker passed Phoebe the star. “Put this on top.”

“Ok, Phoebs, lets turn plug the lights in and turn the lights off,” Sidney said as he picked her up, noticing that she was getting tired. Walking over to the light switch, he turned them off and walked back over to stand next to Parker.

“That’s pwetty,” Phoebe yawned before putting her head on Sidney’s shoulder again, shutting her eyes.

“It is, Phoebs.” Sidney wasn’t looking at the tree. Instead, he was looking at how the lights bounced off of Parker’s face as she stood next to them, smiling as she enjoyed the tree through their verbal expressions. He was pulled out of his staring when he heard Phoebe snoring on his shoulder. Walking over to the couch to put Phoebe down to sleep, he heard Parker sigh, “I wish I could see.” It wasn’t often that Parker expressed feelings about her shortcomings, but he wanted to eradicate it as soon as possible.

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen things that I vaguely remember what things look like,” she admitted in a sobering sense of honesty. “I remember my Christmas tree from childhood, and I remember being fascinated by the colors and glow like Phoebe, but I can only remember abstract memories. The most humbling thing is that I can’t really remember what my family looks like, or what I look like, for that matter.”

“From what I can see, you’ve got the most beautiful, wavy, brown hair. Between that and your fair skin, it intensifies your big blue eyes. You have this flush about your cheeks that always looks like you’ve been outside in the cold, and its complimented by the pink of your lips, the lips that always seem to be smiling, a smile that always touches your eyes. You always carry your head high and your shoulders back. You carry yourself with a modest sort of confidence that I find admirable.” He could tell she was blushing as she put her hand to her cheek, partly to cover the smile brightening her face alongside the Christmas lights.

“You know, when I first came to terms and accepted blindness, I took for granted how important it is to see people, to see their expressions, to read their body language, to make eye contact… I would love to have witnessed Phoebe putting up lights, or seeing her smile and laugh…” Sidney watched as she contemplated her next couple of words, opening an closing her mouth a couple of times while picking at her bottom lip, something he noticed she did when she was nervous. “To see you smile and laugh. To see you at all.”

Stepping in front of Parker so that their bodies were almost touching, Sidney gently took hold of parker's hands and put them on his face. He didn't know if he was crossing a line, but he figured touch was second best to eyes, and maybe she'd be able to see him through her touch.

With a delicate hesitance, she started at his forehead, ever so lightly feeling his features with her fingertips, slowly dragging them along old scars and other imperfections from fights, sticks, pucks, moving them over his eyebrows. He kept his eyes on her face, watching as she closed her eyes as if she was imagining what he looked it. Closing his eyes as she moved over his eyes, she smiled. "What color are your eyes," she asked in almost a whisper.

"Hazel."

"I bet you get all the girls with them," she grinned, subtly biting her lip, making him chuckle. "No."

“You definitely do. It would be difficult for a girl to resist a guy with a smile like yours, the kind of smile that illuminates his entire face.”

“Its easy to smile when I’m with such a wonderful and genuinely kind person,” he complimented, getting a bashful, shy smile from Parker.

She made her way up to the bridge of his nose, snorting with laughter. "Well… Maybe not with this nose," she joked, only to be playfully pinched by Sidney. She moved over his cheeks, using the palms to fully feel the sides of his face before finishing at his lips, ever so lightly making contact with the erogenous zone, giving him goose bumps. Hesitantly, she ran her fingers over his jaw, hitting the almost invisible scar from his jaw surgery, lingering there for just a moment before moving down to his neck, and eventually spanning out over his shoulders.

“You know,” Parker started, “I thought you forgot about me earlier.”

Suddenly the evening made sense. He could for the life of him figure out why Parker was crying when he and Phoebe arrived. She claimed to have been watching a sad movie, but Sidney could tell she was covering up the truth. He had excused himself earlier to listen to her voicemail and could hear the concern dripping from her voice. She was crying because she thought he forgot about her, when little did she know he was thinking about getting back to her from the moment he stepped out of her apartment to pick up food. His thoughts were consumed with her. Looking down at her, knowing she could never look back at him, making the intimate eye contact she discussed only moments earlier, he took another step closer, almost flush against her. He placed a hand on her cheek, startling her at first because she wasn’t expecting it.

“I could never forget about you,” he whispered as he leaned in, slowly and tentatively letting his lips graze hers in a small, innocent kiss. It was a kiss that was intended to put the ball in Parker’s court, to see how she would respond, letting his forehead rest against hers. Without missing a beat, she leaned back in, catching the corner of his lips, and if it were any other time, Sidney would make light of the misplaced kiss, but he corrected for her, holding her head in both hands as he kissed her, feeling her fingers grip his shirt along his chest as he ever so slightly deepened the kiss.

A loud thud tore Sidney out of the moment, and it wasn’t but a second after that the loud cries resonated around Parker’s living room as Phoebe woke herself with a fall from the couch.

“Is she ok?” Parker walked toward her couch, hand over her mouth.

“She’s fine. She just fell off the couch,” Sidney picked Phoebe up and into his arms, walking over to the light switch to inspect for actual injuries.

“Sinny! I want my mommy!” Phoebe sobbed into his shoulder, still startled and very tired.

“I’m gonna take her up to my place,” Sidney explained as he walked over to retrieve the weekender bag.

“Of course,” Parker nodded, still evidently concerned about the little girl.

Sidney walked behind Parker as she escorted them to her door, and as she opened it, Sidney leaned in for a quick kiss, catching her off guard, but knowing he had to prove to her how much she meant to him and that their kiss wasn’t just a moment lost in time.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Ok,” Parker nodded as she touched her lips as if she could still feel his lips on hers. Walking backward toward the elevator, Sidney watched as she smiled brightly, slowly closing the door behind her.

Notes