Suddenly I See

His lips were warm and soft, like a pillow, gently pressing against hers as he ever so gently intertwined his fingers with hers. His lips smelt and tasted of Chapstick. She felt his warm breath on her cheek as he exhaled through his nose, and when he pulled her into him slowly, he hastened the kiss, parting his lips wider as if to use tongue…

“Ms. Fisher? Are we going to start class?”

Lost in her memory of the previous evening, Parker didn’t even hear the students shuffling in or the bell notifying the beginning of the period.

“Uh... Umm. Yes. I have your papers to return with grades,” she informed the class as she hid her face behind her desk, fetching the papers out of her school bag. “I’ve made corrections and anyone who wants extra credit can make the corrections and turn it back in before Christmas Break.” Parker made her way over to her TA to hand out the papers, still embarrassed from being caught in a day dream. A potentially sexy day dream at that.

“I was very pleased with the content of your papers, and as a reward slash Christmas present, I’m going to give you the period to quietly chit chat among yourselves, do homework, read, whatever you like.” She smiled at her students, knowing that writing a paper on Beowulf is no easy feat.

“Are you excited for the game tonight?”

“I am!” Parker nodded, hoping she looked as enthusiastic as she hoped she'd be later that evening with Sidney by her side. She blushed slightly, still slightly heated from the inappropriate thoughts buzzing around her head. They’d shared an intimate embrace, and yet, one thing still remained unanswered, whether he would go to the game with her or not. He still hadn’t answered her, or contacted her at all for that matter. Taking a deep breath, she remembered how juvenile the dating game could be. She was grateful that Kevin didn’t bother making her “wait” too long before contacting her after their first date. Maybe Sidney was different. Maybe she’d have to wait an eternity to hear from him. Or, maybe she’d just been caught in a moment with a lonely guy who recently went through a divorce. Perhaps he did not have any feelings for her and kissed her because it felt right in that moment? The very possibility made her face sour, and she tried to correct it immediately. “Only time will tell,” she muttered to herself as she started making her lesson plans for after the Christmas break. She'd give Sidney until the end of school to answer.

He opened one eye slowly, letting it adjust to the light before opening the other. The sun was rising and hitting his face perfectly to wake him from his sleep. Reluctantly rolling over to look at his clock, he realized that he had almost an hour and a half before morning skate. They had a big game tonight, the game that happened every season that defined the Pens from other teams.

Too lazy to get up and shut his black out curtains, he threw his arm over his eyes, hoping to get back to sleep for a little before his alarm clock started buzzing. In an attempt to doze, he recalled the kiss from last night and how glad he was to have done it. The way her lips took to his, the way she gripped tightly at his shirt, the way she slowly dragged her fingers around his torso as she mapped out his body. He smirked as he recalled how her breathing subtly picked up and her pupils dilated as she felt him and created an image of him. He wondered if she was thinking of him naked as she did it, and if she thought of him in impure ways?

Running his forefinger over his brief waist band, he imagined her mapping out the uncharted territory. He pushed his fingers just underneath the band to be met with his very aroused penis. He groaned under his breath as he imitated Parker’s fingers tickling him from tip to base and then back up before pulling his briefs to his ankles. Only, when she returned from his feet, she didn’t touch his penis with her fingers, but took his entire length into her mouth, sucking as she came back up. He pulled her up and sat her in his lap, flipping them so that he was now on top of her. He kissed her deeply, smiling against her lips as he heard and felt her exhale in surprise into his mouth. He nipped at her ear and jaw, encouraged to continue by her involuntary grinding at her groin. He was going to fuck her and fuck her well. As he unbuttoned her shirt, he left a trail of saliva from his tongue on his neck and chest, saturating the revealing lace cups of her bra as he licked her nipples. Her breathing was heavy and ragged, and he smiled against her stomach as he looked up to find her stimulating her own nipples. She must’ve pulled her bra cups aside. It was sexy and it made him harder than ever. Moving down to her waist, he unfastened her jeans, and in one move, pulled her jeans and underwear down simultaneously, only pulling them out of his way to get to her. Sidney pushed her knees up and dove in, groaning into her as he discovered how aroused she was for him.

“Ohhhhh my fuuuuuuckkk,” Parker moaned loudly at the ceiling. Sucking on her clitoris, he remembered she told him she hadn’t been intimate with anyone since going blind, and he wanted her to remember this. She bucked her pelvis into his face more, panting as he tested out what got her going. He sat on his knees, pulling the clothing completely off of her lower half. “What do you want me to do?” he said in a husky voice as he laid back down, pinning her right leg under his torso and spreading her wide with his right hand before lacking on to her clitoris again, sucking and circling his head around.

“That!” Parker cried in a voice that was a couple of octaves higher than hers as she gripped the sheets around them with a death grip, digging her head into the pillow.

“This?” he asked against her, sucking on her and shaking his head back and forth, rolling over so he could give her nipples some much needed affection. He continued, watching her start to rouge from her cheeks down to her stomach. Her moans and groans became more ragged and he knew if he stopped now to fuck her, he’d come instantly. He’d make it as mind blowing as possible for her.

Sitting back on his knees, he pulled her up so that she was supported on her shoulders. He stabilized her, wrapping one arm around her waist while the other hand was used to pleasure himself, jerking hard as she’d given him subtle clues as well as verbal warnings that she’d come soon.
Shoving his face in and sucking as hard as he could, he commanded her to come, knowing that the vibration would tip her off the scale. Without fail, she came, writhing on his face, pushing her hips in his direction as she gripped his arm, screaming his name with other obscenities. Then he let himself come, slowing down the jerking as he grunted him her, ejaculating for the first time in months. “Fuccccckkkk!”

“Sinny?”

Sidney jumped, forgetting he was watching Phoebe, hoping she just woke up and didn’t hear him masturbating the entire time.

“Sinny? Aw you awake?” she knocked relentlessly.

“Hang on, Phoebs!” Jumping out of bed, running into his en suite, he quickly cleaned up, splashed some water on his reddened face, and threw on a pair of longue shorts and a tee shirt before emerging.

“Sinny!” Phoebe shouted as she ran into his legs, hugging them as if she hadn’t seen him in months. “Good morning, Phoebe,” he grunted as he hoisted her up-side-down onto his shoulders.

“Werh you jumpin on yaw bed?” she giggled as he walked her into his kitchen.

“What makes you ask?” he coughed, knowing he was caught red-handed.

“It sounded wike it,” she guessed, shrugging her shoulders.

He flipped her up-side-down again, sitting her on the counter top, tickling her to distract her from the question. “Yaw not apposed to jump on the bed, Sinny!” she yelled with laughter, batting Sidney’s fingers away.

“I know. I’ve been bad. Don’t tell Sarah. It’ll be our little secret. Deal?” he extended his hand to Phoebe, almost enveloping her entire forearm as they shook on it.

“What do you want for breakfast?” he shouted toward Phoebe as he ran back to get his phone from his room. “Hello?” he answered as he tidied up his bed, happy he didn’t make a huge mess.

“Good morning, Mr. Crosby, this is Dr. Miller from the animal hospital. I just wanted to give you an update on Jersey if you have a moment to chat.”

Dreading the worst, he swallowed hard, not sure if he was ready to hear the outcome. “Absolutely. How is she doing? Better, I hope?” He held his breath.

“You’ll be glad to know that she is eating and drinking on her own. She has been eliminating normally. She’s bright and chipper. Most importantly, her renal values have fully recovered. My plan is to discharge her today…”

Elated as he was, he didn’t hear the rest of the conversation with the doctor, only that he was to pick her up after one that afternoon. Scrolling through his contacts, he tapped on Parker’s name, knowing that she’d be over the moon to hear about Jersey. He hung up almost as quickly as he pushed call. He’d pick Jersey up and take her to Parker’s place as a surprise.

“How are they?” Sara asked the doctor in a meager voice, afraid to see the condition of her sister.

“Right now, she is in a coma. She still has brain function, which is promising, but we do not know the long-term damage of the accident. Come, I’ll bring you to her.”

Walking into the ICU, she feared the worst, she wasn’t sure if she was prepared to see her with bruises and lacerations and bandages. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, pushing the tears away as she watched the doctor open the door.

“Please stay as long as you’d like,” the doctor patted Sara on her back before exiting the room, closing the door after him.

She took the first look at her sister, covering her mouth so the gasp wouldn’t be as audible. She had lines in multiple ports on each arm with multiple bags of medications connected. She was almost unrecognizable with blue and purple lumps and cuts over her face a body. She was so still and quiet, it reminded Sarah of a dead body. The only sign convincing her otherwise was the ECG reading on the monitor equipment.

It was really too much to take. Phoebe’s dad was dead on arrival. Sara hadn’t had a moment to breathe since she got the phone call almost 24 hours before, and now she sat next to her broken sister who may not wake up.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed quietly into her sister’s hand, hoping she could hear her. “I know you want to know how Phoebe’s doing,” Sara snorted as she wiped her eyes and nose. “She’s good. She’s with Sid and he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. He’d move mountains for that litter girl,” she smiled sadly. “Do you remember the time Sidney took her skating and padded her up like the kid from Christmas Story? I still laugh when I think about that. Or, do you remember the time I told you he wouldn’t touch me the first week we watched her because he didn’t want to taint her?” Sarah laughed through sobs, continuing to recall stories of her, Sidney, and Phoebe. “I remember the time I cried to you and told you that we couldn’t get pregnant and how devastated I was. I was so heart-broken it was if I couldn’t see straight. And then you jokingly offered to give Phoebe to us…” Sara shut her eyes, knowing that it was a real possibility that she’d be Phoebe’s guardian if her sister didn’t wake up. Leaning in to give her a kiss on the only unbruised spot on her face, she gently kissed and hugged her older sister. “If you don’t wake up, I promise you that Sidney and I, together, will take care of her. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Does she know who you are yet?” The boys had finished up their exhausting morning skate and sat awaiting instructions from the coach.

“Not yet,” he groaned, not wanting to deal with the giant pink elephant he’d created for himself, stretching his glutes. At least he didn’t think Parker knew. She’d done her best to see him, and considering she is a fan, perhaps she put things together on her own. “But I’m sure she will soon. I haven’t told her why I can’t go to the game with her. Eventually she’ll connect the dots when I’m MIA every Pens game.” Admitting the truth was almost enough to knock the wind out of him. While he couldn’t say for sure, he knew that all moments like the previous night would instantly cease to exist. The idea of losing Parker made it hard to breathe. How did he allow himself dig a hole this deep? “I really like her.”

“Then tell her before she finds out the hard way. If she likes you, I’m sure it won’t matter,” Fleury nudged him on the shoulder, comforting his friend.

He knew she liked him by the way she gripped his shirt as if he was a raft and she was drowning, his lips breathing life into her. The memory made him smirk to himself.

“How’s Jersey doing? That’s her guide dog’s name, right?”

“I’m actually going to pick her up after practice. She’s made a full recovery. Parker doesn’t know yet. I figured I’d surprise her.” He imagined the look of pure shock and surprise on Parker’s face as she opened the door to be greeted with her companion. He wanted to be a part of that moment. Hell, he wanted to be a part of all of her moments.

“Sounds like an opportune moment,” Marc hit him with his stick as her skated away toward the locker rooms.

Perhaps it was. It was a terrifying thought. Being with Parker was the first time he wasn’t a celebrity. Being with Parker was like a peek inside an alternate version of himself had he never taken up skates and a hockey stick. Being with Parker was the easiest thing he’d ever done. But he knew deep down he couldn’t keep up the charade without both parties getting hurt.

School had ended, and despite making herself optimistic, Parker finally succumbed to her let down. She started and stopped texts to him three times before deciding that a game date with Sidney was out of the question. She'd give the tickets away to another couple that would make good use of them.

“Hey Meara. I was wondering if you and Jeff wanted to go to the hockey game tonight. I have two tickets and I don’t think I can use them. Give me a call back if you’re interested.” Parker sighed as she ended the call, wishing Sidney could have accompanied her, but he never responded and she did not want to seem like a nag. If he was ready to take their relationship to the next step, he would.
She walked over to her tree, letting her fingers graze over the fake branches and lights. She smiled at the memory of last night, touching her lips again, wanting for that feeling to happen again. But she knew she had to be realistic. There was a chance it wouldn’t ever happen again.

Trying her brother, she commanded Siri to call him. “Hey! I have a Christmas present for you and Meara. I have two tickets to the Penguins game tonight if you two want to go?” She was hoping her brother didn’t hear the hint of sadness in her voice.

“Absolutely! Why aren’t you going?”

“I don’t have anyone to go with,” Parker answered, swallowing the hard lump that had formed in her throat.

“Meara mentioned you had gone out with Kevin. Why not ask him?”

Parker had considered asking Kevin to go, but he wasn’t a sports fan, and he just seemed so… boring all of a sudden. Even in their most intimate moments, she never felt half as alive as she did the previous night with Sidney. It was pure and unassuming. The way he spoke to her, the compliments he gave, the way he touched her. It all seemed so good compared to her seven years with Kevin.

“I don’t know… I’m just not in the mood I guess.” Before she could continue, her phone indicated an incoming call. “I’ve got to go, I’ve got another call coming in. It may be about Jersey.”

“I’ll come by later to pick up the tickets.”

“This is Parker,” she answered, hoping for good news.

“Hi.”

She couldn’t help the smile that formed across her face even if her life depended on it. She had been hoping all day that he’d keep his end of the bargain.

“Why, hello.”

“I was hoping you’d be home. Anyway I can come down?” She could hear the grin in his voice along with something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“Sure. I’ll leave the door open for you.”

“Ok. See you in a few.”

Clutching her phone to her chest, she shuffled down her hall, nailing her foot on the wall as she unlocked her door. Limping into her bedroom, she tore off her dress she wore to school for something more casual. Climbing into her jeans, she could hear a knock at her door.

“Its open!” she shouted. She was pulling her black silk shirt over her head when she heard the door creaking open. Limping out of her bedroom, finally feeling the full effect of kicking the wall, she was met with two feet on her on her stomach along with whining of excitement.

“Jersey!”

Sidney could only smile as he witnessed the reunion of Parker and Jersey. It was a sweet moment between the two as Jersey whined and licked Parker off over, running circles around her, nudging her way under her arms, rolling over on her back for a belly rub.

“I’ve missed you too, Jersey!” Parker grasped onto Jersey, burying her head into Jersey’s fur.

“Where’s Sidney?” Parker whispered into Jersey’s ear with an overwhelming smile.

“I’m right here,” he answered, walking toward the two, joining them on the floor. As soon as his knees hit the carpeted hallway, Parker managed to spring herself into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around him, almost knocking the wind out of him. He held her tightly, even more so when he could feel her body subtly rocking as she silently cried from an overload of emotion.

“Thank you,” she murmured into his neck.

Sidney pulled back and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb.

“Raccoon eyes?” Parker coughed out a mildly embarrassing laugh.

“Only a little bit,” he said as he took hold of her hand it kissed it. “I was hoping we could maybe go for a walk?” There was a hint of trepidation in his voice that he was hoping Parker didn’t pick up on.

“Sure,” she nodded. “Let me put some shoes on.”

They walked along the park that they frequented hand in hand. The sky started to darken and the air smelled of an impending snow. Sidney described the beauty of the building and Christmas decorations around them. His goal was to make it special as he wasn’t sure what was to happen. He listened as Parker reminisced about her memories of Christmases before going blind. He grew more and more anxious about the impending conversation they were getting ready to have. As much as he valued her words, his worries were taking precedent and he couldn’t concentrate.

“Sidney?” Parker asked, squeezing his hand.

He looked at her as the wind gently blew stands of hair in her face. He tucked her hair behind her ear that was popping out of her beanie. She was grinning with the most flattering blushed cheeks from the cold. She looked so blissful, so unassuming. And he was getting ready to ruin everything.

Clearing his voice, he knew it was now or never. Parker deserved the truth. She deserved to always look as content as she was in that moment, even if it wasn’t with him. She needed someone to be honest with her and not to hide behind a fabricated identity.

“Parker, I believe I owe you an explanation,” he started, clearing his throat, planting his feet in the ground, ready for her reaction. He took both of her hands into his, standing in front of her. He was only hoping she couldn’t feel how shaky his hands had become. “You asked me if I’d like to go to the Pens game with you tonight. Well I… I wanted to tell you why I can’t go with you.” He took a deep breath, but was calmed by Parker’s squeeze of his hands.

“Before you explain,” Parker interjected, “I figured you had plans and that’s why you didn’t answer. Its ok,” she smiled.

Taking an audible breath, he explained. “I, I do have plans,” he laughed nervously. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.” He watched as her expression went from eager to something between concerned and reserved. “I… well, I can’t go because… I can’t…” He knew the words to say, but he couldn’t get them to form a sentence that was worthy of an explanation to someone as important to him as Parker. He thought back to that morning. Fleury said that if she liked him, she’d like him regardless.

“Sidney, I’m a big girl. I can take it if…” Parker started.

“I can’t go with you tonight because I’ll already be there,” he explained, watching as Parker’s browed furrowed in confusion.

“Oh… so you’re… You’re going with someone else?”

He let out a laugh that was mixed with an exhale. “No.”

“Sidney, I’m confused… “ Parker shook her head, not able to process the strange, cryptic information he’d given to her.

“Parker, I’m not able to go with you because I’ll already be there.” He took a deep and hopefully cleansing breath. “I’m in the game, Parker.” He watched as she tried to process the information. And then he could tell she was beginning to connect the dots, put the puzzle pieces together.

“Wait… You’re…”

“Yes, I’m Sidney Crosby.”

Notes