“Home sweet home,” Tyler said as he and Nicki stepped into their building.

Nicki smiled at him. They’d had the most amazing week, but it was still nice to be home. He unlocked the door and opened it before grabbing his bags and tossing them inside. He let Nicki walk in front of him. Marshall came pounding across the floor towards her. She got down on her knees to play with him.

“Awww I missed you cutie!” she said, giggling as Marshall licked her face.

“Missed you too,” Freddy said as he walked into the room.

Nicki gave him a look and jumped up to hug him. Tyler closed the door behind him and walked into the kitchen to get some water. Freddy and Nicki followed.

“So how was your trip?”

Incredible. Sexy. Romantic. Life changing.

“It was good,” he responded.

“Glad to hear it. How’d you like Brampton, Nicki?”

“I loved it. Tyler’s family is amazing,” she said, beaming. “Speaking of family, I should probably call my dad. Would you guys mind if I invited him over?”

“Not at all,” said Tyler.

Freddy hesitated. “What is it?” she asked him.

“Before you call him… this came for you a couple of days ago,” he said quietly, holding up a letter. “It’s from your brother.”

Tyler put down his glass and stared at the letter. Why did it feel so ominous? She had been waiting to hear from him for months. He watched Nicki’s every move as she took the letter from Freddy and sat down to open it. He was terrified of how she would react to whatever Jason wrote. She was still so fragile.

Nicki’s expression was blank as she read the words on the paper. It looked as though she wasn’t even breathing. All of the sudden, she leapt off of the stool and sprinted down the hallway towards their room. Tyler looked at Freddy, who shrugged and picked up the letter. He brought the back of his hand up to his mouth.

“Oh shit Ty,” he whispered, handing him the letter.

Freddy ran down the hallway towards Nicki. Tyler wanted to comfort her, but he needed to know what happened first. He read the letter.

Nicki,

I’m sorry it took me so long to write back to you. Things here have been really hard. I can’t tell you much. My first night after the trial I got attacked by a group of inmates. The things they did to me… I was in the hospital wing with a broken arm and internal bleeding for three weeks, which is why I couldn’t write. This is hard for me to write, but you need to know. I did kill those two guys. It was an accident. You know me. You know that I’m not a killer. But it happened, and I’m paying the price. I’m never going to get out of here. I’m only seventeen and I have to spend the rest of my life locked up with monsters. I can’t do it. I can’t tell you how much I love you, Nick. I know you tried your hardest to raise me when mom and dad weren’t around, and I’m sorry that you had to grow up so fast because of me. I feel so guilty. You didn’t deserve any of the shit you took from them, especially mom. I guess I owe you an explanation as to why I ran away. I left because I saw myself turning into her. I thought that if I ran far enough, I could get away from the way I felt inside. I didn’t want to be her. And look where I fucking ended up. I know that I screwed up, and I wish there was some way I could make it up to you. This can’t be easy on you. If it was you on the inside and me on the outside, I would fall apart. I wouldn’t wish this hell on anyone. You deserve a good life. I really hope the guy you moved in with gives you everything you deserve. I just want you to be happy, and I’m sorry if I ever made you anything other than that. You are the best sister in the entire world. Someday, you’re going to have your own family, and I know they’re going to be perfect. It won’t be shit the way ours was. You’ll be an amazing mother, grandmother, wife, whatever. I’m lucky to have spent the first sixteen years of my life with you. If you haven’t figured this out already, I’m writing all of this because I’m saying goodbye. I won’t spend my life rotting away in here. I need to be in control of my future. I don’t know when I’m going to do it yet. But I decided to wait long enough to be sure that you got this before you saw it on the news or some shit like that. I know it’s asking a lot, but please don’t take this too hard. You did everything you could for me, and more. Live your life and do everything that you wanted to do. Do it for me. I love you.

Jason

Tyler looked up from the piece of paper. He felt like he was going to be sick. His hands were shaking. This was going to destroy her.

He ran into his room, but Nicki and Freddy weren’t in there. Tyler heard sobbing coming from the bathroom. Nicki had her head over the toilet seat; her face drained of all its color. Freddy was rubbing her back. He looked at Tyler. He could tell Freddy had absolutely no idea what to do.

Tyler got down on the floor with her. He grabbed her hand. Without looking at him, she collapsed all of her weight onto him. She knocked him off balance, but he managed to catch her.

“Mind if I take you out to the couch?” he asked her.

She didn’t respond. He didn’t expect her to. He picked her up and carried her to the living room. Freddy followed after grabbing a box of tissues. Tyler sat on the couch in their spot, keeping her cradled in his lap. His shoulder was already soaked with her tears. To his surprise, however, she wasn’t making a single noise. Before, when she had been upset, she would heave and wail. This time she just sat still, crying silently into his shoulder. It was breaking his heart.

Freddy sat down on the arm rest and continued to rub Nicki’s back. He shot another look at Tyler. They were in for a long couple of days. He didn’t understand why nothing in her life could go right for more than a week at a time. He pressed his lips to her head.

“I should probably call your dad,” he said, stroking her hair. She nodded slightly.

Tyler got out from underneath her and Freddy took his place. He waited to make sure she was okay. She curled up into a ball and Freddy wrapped his arms around her. He always managed to forget how close they were. It was nice to trust someone else to take care of her. Tyler walked out of the apartment. He had no idea what to say to her father. He took out his phone to call him.

“Hello?”

“Hey Bill, it’s Tyler. We just got back.”

“Oh, good. No offense Tyler, but why are you calling me? Is Nicki okay?”

Tyler paused. What the hell was he supposed to say?

“Nicki’s fine. I don’t want to freak you out, but there’s something we need to show you. Would you mind coming over here?”

Bill didn’t respond for a good amount of time. Tyler started to get nervous.

“Tell me she isn’t pregnant.”

“No! God no. No, she’s not pregnant.”

“So what’s this about?”

Tyler sighed. “Jason.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Tyler took the phone from his ear and leaned back against the wall. He felt a headache coming on. What else could possibly happen to this poor family? He figured he should go back in, but he needed a minute to himself. He slouched down to the ground.

Was Jason really going to kill himself? Had he already? Tyler’s mind was racing. He tried to imagine what he would feel like if he got a letter like that from Candace or Cassidy. He still felt nauseous, but got up and went back inside. Nicki was the most important thing. He needed to be there for her.

Freddy turned his head when he heard Tyler approach. He already looked drained. There was something about Nicki; whenever she was upset, everyone around her got upset, too. It was something that he could never figure out. No one else he knew had that kind of emotional hold on other people.

Tyler bent over and planted a kiss on the top of her head. He was awkwardly close to Freddy’s face, but he could have cared less.

“Your dad is on his way,” he said softly.

Freddy tilted his head down so he could look at her. “Do you want Tyler back?”

She nodded. Tyler squeezed himself back onto the couch. Once he was situated, Freddy started to get up, but Nicki grabbed his arm. He sat back down and she managed to get some of herself on Tyler and some of herself on Freddy. Normally, they wouldn’t have been fond of being so close to one another, and Tyler certainly wouldn’t have appreciated her being so close to another guy. But she had something over them. Their only care was to make sure that she was okay.

Nicki had stopped crying, but she didn’t look any better. Tyler felt an incessant need to kiss her head. After kissing her about twenty times in a row, he made the executive decision to leave his lips there. He inhaled the sweet smell of her shampoo. He felt a little guilty for enjoying the moment while something so horrible was going on around them.

There was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it,” Tyler said, shifting the half of Nicki’s body that was on him onto Freddy. He wished that he could stay with her, but he felt like it was more of his responsibility than Freddy’s to explain what happened to Bill.

Tyler opened the door and let Bill inside.

“So what’s going on?”

He took a deep breath before walking into the kitchen and grabbing the letter. He handed it to Bill without a word. Tyler looked away as he read, trying to give him some privacy.

“Where’s Nicki?” he asked when he finished.

Tyler led him to the couch where she lay in Freddy’s arms. She looked up at her father. Tyler held out his hands to help her up. She felt like dead weight. Afraid she would fall, he kept a hand on the small of her back until Bill got his arms around her. Freddy got up off of the couch and walked into the kitchen. Tyler followed, trying to give them a moment alone.

“Thanks,” Tyler said once they were out of earshot.

“For what?”

“For helping me with her. I don’t know if I could do this alone.”

Freddy nodded. “I feel ya, bro. You don’t have to thank me. I don’t want to be a creep, but I love her Ty. She’s like a little sister to me. I feel like I’m losing someone, too.”

“I know. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to hold it together for her. This all just seems so fucked up.”

“That’s because it is fucked up. We don’t even know if he’s…” Freddy lowered his voice. “How will she find out? Will they call her dad or something?”

Tyler shrugged. He had no idea. He could only imagine the things running through Nicki’s head. He remembered her, the night of the trial. The pain behind her eyes was unbearable. The worst part was that there was nothing he could do to make things better.

“Should I make coffee?” Freddy asked.

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I’ll make some tea for Nicki.”

Tyler got a small saucepan out of a cabinet and filled it with water, setting it on the stove to boil. He tried to remember how she made her tea. If he recalled correctly, she put in a teaspoon of honey before dumping in the water. That’s what he did. After, he took a teabag out of the jar she kept them in and dropped it into the mug.

Freddy was leaning against the island, waiting for the coffee to brew.

“What’s gonna happen to her, Ty?”

He shook his head. It was all he could think about. He was so worried that he would lose her. How much could a person bend before they finally broke? No one was indestructible. At twenty years old, she had already taken more hits than most elderly people Tyler knew. He wished he could have taken some of them for her.

He peeked around the corner to check on Nicki and Bill. He couldn’t see them, so he assumed they were sitting on the couch. Tyler grabbed Nicki’s tea and brought it over to her.

“You don’t have to drink this if you don’t want to,” he said, handing it to her.

She looked a little better. Not much, but it was noticeable.

“Bill, Freddy’s making some coffee. Do you want a cup?”

“That’d be great Tyler, thanks. Black, no sugar.”

Tyler nodded and walked back into the kitchen.

“What’s going on in there?”

“No idea. Bill wants coffee, black,” he said, watching Freddy prepare it. “They both look kind of okay… well not okay. But not as bad.”

“I guess that’s good.”

Freddy went to bring Bill his coffee. Tyler followed.

“Thank you, Freddy. Why don’t you two sit down?”

Tyler sat down next to Nicki and pulled her onto his lap. He didn’t care what Bill thought. She buried her head underneath his chin and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. He looked up at Bill who, to Tyler’s surprise, was smiling at him.

“Here’s the deal. I’m flying out to California in a few hours. I already called a travel agent and Jason’s lawyer. He hasn’t done anything yet, and I’m going to try to do everything in my power to make things right. I need you boys to take care of Nicki.” He spoke about her like she wasn’t in the room. Tyler felt bad for her. He knew she hated that, but she wasn’t reacting at all.

“Of course we will,” Freddy assured him. Tyler just left a small kiss on the top of her head.

Bill nodded. “I figured you would. I should probably get going. Can you give us a minute?”

Tyler started to get up.

“I want Tyler to stay,” Nicki said, barely whispering. It didn’t even sound like her voice.

“Okay, sweetie. He can stay,” he said, pausing to make eye contact with Tyler. Bill got up and sat down next to them, trying to get Nicki to look at him. “Nicki, everything is going to be okay. Jason is just confused and upset. We’re going to try to get him transferred to a prison here. I’m confident that the judge will do it. He’s not even an adult yet, he should be close to home.”

Tyler felt tears against his neck. He rubbed her back. Usually it was things like that that would keep her from breaking down completely.

“I’ll call you as often as I can. Jason’s going to be fine, honey. Okay?” He brought a hand up and touched his daughter’s face, wiping the tears away. Tyler heard her sniffle.

“I can walk you out,” Freddy said as he walked back into the room.

“I love you sweetie,” Bill said to Nicki as he got up to leave.

** * * *

Four Hours Later

“Is she asleep?” Freddy whispered.

“I think so,” Tyler mouthed back.

It looked as though Nicki had finally tired herself out. She hadn’t stopped crying once since her father left. Tyler’s shirt was drenched. A few minutes ago, her breathing had steadied and slowed. He still held her on his lap; she was lying on him like a body pillow.

“Dude, I’m starving. What the hell are we gonna do for food?”

“I dunno. Order Chinese or something – somewhere that delivers. I really don’t think either of us should leave tonight.”

Freddy nodded and got up to look through the menus they had in the kitchen.

“Hey, grab me a blanket from the closet?”

Tyler had touched Nicki’s arm; it was freezing. He didn’t want her to wake up because she was cold. Freddy took out the warmest, fluffiest blanket they had and draped it over Nicki. Tyler tucked it around her. She unconsciously placed her hand on his collarbone, fingers curling up by his neck. It made him smile.

“I love you,” he whispered into her ear. He didn’t care if she wasn’t awake to hear it. He needed to say it. Tyler realized that maybe it was a good time to get some things out; things that he wasn’t quite sure how to tell her when she was awake.

“Jason’s gonna be okay,” he said, kissing the top of her head. It felt strange talking out loud when he knew she couldn’t hear him. He tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear, letting his hand rest on her head.

“I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this again. You don’t deserve any of this.” He paused. He couldn’t believe that he was about to say it out loud. “I promise you that someday we’ll have a family of our own. Jason’s right. It’s going to be perfect. I won’t let a day go by that you’re not happy. God, I never thought that I would be here right now, saying this. You’ve completely turned my life inside out.” He stopped again to think. “I would marry you tomorrow if I could…”

Nicki fidgeted in her sleep. He wondered if she had heard him. If she would wake up and think it had been a dream. Tyler had felt that way for a long time. But it still felt so soon. He knew deep in his gut that she was the person he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. He tried to recall the moment he realized that, but couldn’t. He could barely remember when he decided that he didn’t want to be single anymore. It wasn’t that he had wanted a relationship. He just couldn’t stand the thought of not being with Nicki.

Tyler relaxed his muscles one at a time, sinking further into the couch. He leaned his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes. The movement of Nicki’s chest as she breathed started to put him to sleep. As he approached the edge of consciousness, Freddy came back into the living room.

“I basically ordered half of the menu. It’ll be here in a half hour,” he said, reclining into the couch. “Can we at least put on the TV or something?”

Tyler nodded. “Just keep the volume low.”

He leaned his head back again, concentrating on Nicki’s breath. That was what he did when he couldn’t fall asleep at night. It was always so steady. He’d only had to do it a handful of times; it was rare that he couldn’t fall asleep when he was with her. Her warm body and soft skin always calmed him. There was something about the way it felt to hold her…

“Ty. Ty, the foods here. You hungry?”

Tyler opened his eyes. Freddy was standing next to the couch.

“Is she still asleep?” he whispered over Nicki’s head.

“Yeah. She was snoring a little while ago. She totally knocked herself out.”

“Good.” The less time she was awake to think and worry about Jason, the better.

“So do you want anything?”

Tyler was famished, but eating meant getting up. And getting up meant to risk waking Nicki. He was sure she was hungry, but doubted she would eat anything until her father came back. Some people binged when they got worried and upset; Nicki starved herself.

“I’ll just wait until she wakes up. Thanks, though.”

He tried to look down at her, but her head was directly under his chin. He couldn’t see her face, but he could feel her fingers still on his neck. She hadn’t moved at all.

Tyler heard his phone ringing. It was still in the kitchen. Shit. It was going to wake up Nicki. On cue, she took a deep breath in and moved around on top of him, stretching out her arms. Freddy brought his phone to him.

“It’s Bill.”

“Hello?”

“Hi, Tyler. How’s Nicki?”

“She was asleep… she just woke up.” Because you woke her up. Tyler didn’t want to be an asshole. It wasn’t Bill’s fault. He had just really hoped she would be able to sleep through the rest of the day.

“Oh, good. I just got to my hotel room. I met with Jason’s lawyer. He thinks it should be relatively easy to get him transferred closer to home. It will be raised at a court hearing in two days, so I shouldn’t be out here more than three or four. I’m sorry I had to leave you two alone with Nicki. I hate abandoning her at a time like this, but I just didn’t have another choice. I need to be here with my son.”

Tyler nodded his head, even though he knew Bill couldn’t see it.

“I understand. She does, too.”

“Okay. I should probably get going. I’ll let you know if anything else comes up.”

“Thanks, Bill. Good luck.”

He ended the call and noticed a pair of sad brown eyes staring up at him. Tyler ran his hands through Nicki’s hair, pushing it away from her face. Even when she was miserable she was still so pretty. He kissed her forehead.

“It sounds like things are going well for your dad,” he said, attempting to instill comforting thoughts. “And look on the bright side. If Jason gets transferred here, we have a week in San Diego to just relax and enjoy ourselves.”

For the first time that day Nicki leaned in and pressed her lips to his. They were so warm. Tyler kissed her back, a little too aggressively at first. He didn’t mean to; it just felt so good to kiss her. When she pulled away, he pulled her back and felt her smile against his lips. It was the first time she had smiled since she read Jason’s letter.

“You’re so good at making me feel better,” she said when he finally let her go.

He smiled at her. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving.”

“Freddy just got take out… do you want some?”

“Please,” she said, grabbing her stomach.

Tyler didn’t give her a chance to get up. He picked her up and carried her over to the island, letting her down on a stool. She didn’t argue. He knew she liked it when he carried her around, even if she pretended to fight it.

He looked around the kitchen. “Damn, you really did order half of the menu.”

Freddy glanced up at him, mouth full. “Uh huh. It’s delicious.”

Nicki giggled. She thought it was hysterical when Freddy talked with his mouth full, because he sounded like a moron. Tyler guessed he had done it on purpose to make her laugh. He would have done the same.

Tyler put a little of everything on a plate and put it in front of Nicki. He was thoroughly surprised that she was going to eat. There was no way she wasn’t worrying about Jason still. Freddy must have been thinking the same thing.

“You seem a lot better,” he said, feeling her out. “What changed?”

The slightest trace of a smile formed on her face. “This might sound weird… but I had a really awesome dream.”

Tyler felt his cheeks burn. There was no way.

“What was it about?”

He watched as her cheeks turned red to match his. He wondered if she noticed.

“Um. I don’t remember.”

Freddy glanced between them suspiciously. He wasn’t blind to how awkward things had become. He started cracking up.

“You totally had a sexy dream about Tyler, didn’t you?”

She laughed. “No, I didn’t.”

“You aren’t fooling anybody,” he teased. “What, not satisfied in the sack?”

“That’s cute, Freddy. If you only knew,” she said, looking up through her eyelashes at Tyler.

He smirked. If he only knew was right. Before he met Nicki, he would have bragged day and night about the things they had done. But this time around, he thought things were best left between the two of them… Even the ice burns that still covered most of his back.

“Ew.” Freddy said flatly.

“You asked for it,” Nicki said, giving him a taste of his own medicine. Tyler loved to watch them go back and forth. It was nice to see someone give Freddy’s shit back to him. And she had some pretty snappy comebacks, too.

“So how’s Evaline?” she asked when he didn’t say anything else.

He nodded. “Good. I’m dying for the semester to be over. Sucks that she’s so far away.”

Nicki put a hand on his arm. “Aw, I know Freddy. I’m glad to hear you guys are doing well though. Maybe we can take a weekend road trip to see her or something.”

“Actually, that would be really awesome. You’d do that?”

“Course I would. If she’s okay with Marshall coming, we can go next weekend when Tyler’s away.”

“You’re the greatest,” he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “I’ll call her right now.” He walked into his room and closed the door.

“That’s awfully nice of you,” Tyler said as he took her nearly empty plate and put it in the sink.

“I like to think he’d do the same for us,” she said. “Plus, it’s not like I have much else to do. As long as I can get your game on my phone or something I don’t care.”

“You really care that much about it?”

Nicki got up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Clearly. Ty, I haven’t missed a game since we met. The first isn’t going to be a playoff game.”

“Do you have any idea how awesome it is to know that I always have you watching and cheering for me?”

She giggled and shook her head. “Nope. Tell me.”

“It’s indescribable. Ever wonder why I lead the team in goals and points?”

“Stop it,” she said, shoving him.

“I’m just sayin’. So… You don’t remember what you dreamt about that made you so happy?”

He knew he was fishing, but it was killing him. She looked down at her feet.

“No, I do. But I’m not gonna tell you.”

“How come?”

“Remember when you told me that talking about a dream can make it seem less real?”

He nodded and she looked up into his eyes.

“I don’t want it to feel less real.”

** * ** *

“We should go to bed,” Tyler said, stroking Nicki’s hair.

Hours ago she had utterly broken down. Whatever had elated her earlier vanished, leaving her with nothing but worries and horrible thoughts. Tyler had taken her back over to the couch and tried to soothe her, but nothing worked. He was physically and emotionally exhausted.

“Can we stay in here?” she murmured.

“You want to sleep here?”

She nodded and pet Marshall’s fur. Tyler honestly thought that Marshall could sense something was wrong; he hadn’t left Nicki’s side in hours.

“Okay,” he sighed as he got up to turn off the lights.

“Thanks.”

Tyler got back on the couch and spread his legs, picking up Nicki and putting her in between them. She rolled onto her stomach and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting the side of her head on his chest. He covered her with the blanket and sifted his fingers through her hair until she fell asleep.

** * * *

As soon as Tyler opened his eyes, he knew something was wrong. A soft glow was bouncing off of the walls from the TV. Nicki was huddled underneath the blanket on the other side of the couch. She sat eerily still, eyes glued to the television screen. At first he thought he was dreaming.

He checked the clock on the cable box. 3:27. He glanced over at Nicki again. It seemed like she had no idea that he was even there.

“What are you doing?” he asked as he sat down next to her.

“Watching the news.”

“I didn’t know the news was on at three in the morning.”

“It is on this channel.”

She sounded robotic. There were no emotions behind her words. Just cold nothingness.

“You should sleep,” he said, putting a hand on her back.

“I can’t.”

“I can help.”

“No, you can’t.”

Tyler knew that she wasn’t herself, but it didn’t ease the sting of her words. He snapped back at her, hurt.

“You’re just making things worse by watching this shit. Your dad said Jason was fine.”

Nicki turned her head to look at him. The expression on her face took him aback. It wasn’t the face of the girl he knew.

“Jason’s not fine.”

“How could you say that? I talked to your dad. I know what he told me. Why are you torturing yourself?!”

He started to raise his voice. He was so frustrated with her.

“Because I just know, Ty.”

Tyler shook his head. “You’re being a martyr. I’m going to bed,” he said as he got up and walked into their room.

** * * * *

“Hello?” Tyler mumbled into the phone. He scrunched the muscles in his face; the sunlight hurt his eyes.

“Where’s Nicki?”

It took Tyler a moment to wake up and collect himself.

“Bill? Uh… shit. She’s probably in the living room. Why?”

“Tell me she isn’t watching the news.”

He felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. Before he could respond, he heard a scream.

“Bill, don’t tell me…”

“Just go make sure she’s okay.”

Tyler chucked his phone onto the bed and ran into the living room. Nicki was doubled over on the living room floor. He glanced at the TV.

“…father of the boy was trying to appeal the sentence to get him transferred back home. The hearing was to take place tomorrow at…”

He got down on the floor and wrapped himself around her.

“I told you Tyler. I told you and you didn’t listen…” she sobbed. He could barely understand her.

“I’m so sorry, Nicki. I’m so sorry,” he pleaded. She would never forgive him for leaving her alone when she knew something was wrong. “I didn’t think,”

“You didn’t think what?!” she screamed. “You didn’t think I was being rational? You didn’t think I was making any sense? You thought I was being a martyr?! My brother is dead, Tyler. Gone. I’m never going to see him again.” She tried to keep going, but started bawling.

Tyler put his hand on her face and she knocked it away.

“Just… just leave me alone,” she choked.

“Nicki…”

“Get away from me,” she said, scooting away from him.

“What’s going on?” Freddy asked as he walked into the room. He took one look at Nicki and figured out what happened. “Oh, God. No…”

He picked her up off of the floor and she collapsed in his arms. Tyler watched helplessly.

“I want to go home.”

“To your house?” he asked, confused. “Your dad isn’t there…”

“Freddy, please. Just take me home.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll take you home.”

He shot a troubled look at Tyler before walking her out the door.