Five Days Later

Tyler glanced around his room. It looked as empty as he felt. Most of Nicki’s things were gone. The only reminder that she had ever lived there was the scent of her hair that still lingered on her pillow. He sat down and put his head in his hands. He was lost without her.

The worst part was that he didn’t even know how she was doing. The only information he had received was from Freddy. She asked Freddy not to say anything to him, so he was left completely in the dark. Today would be the first time he’d seen her in nearly a week. There was a knock on his door.

“Yeah?”

“You almost ready to go?”

Tyler nodded and got up. He put on his jacket and buttoned it. “Ready.”

Freddy had volunteered to drive to the funeral. Tyler got into the passenger seat and stared out the window. They had been driving for nearly thirty minutes before Tyler spoke.

“Do you think she’s ever going to forgive me?”

Freddy turned to look at him sympathetically.

“Honestly man, I don’t know.”

He looked down at his lap. He had no idea what he would do if she didn’t. The rest of the ride passed in silence. The service was being held at a small church in Nicki’s town. Freddy parked in the procession line and they got out of the car, headed towards the open front doors. The white church looked so out of place on a busy street with a Burger King and a Dunkin Donuts.

Once they got inside, they were greeted by Tyler’s family. His mother hugged him first.

“Hey sweetie.”

“Hi mom. Did you find this place okay?”

She nodded. They drove down the day before and stayed at a hotel a few towns over. Candace and Cassidy came up to him and hugged him.

“You don’t look so good,” Candace said. “Well, the suit helps a little.”

“Gee, thanks Candace. That made me feel a lot better,” he said sarcastically. He knew he looked like shit. He hadn’t slept in days.

She hugged him again. “Sorry. I talked to Nicki.”

“What did she say?”

“She wants to tell you herself. Just wait til after the service, okay? She has enough to worry about right now.”

He sighed and looked around the pews, trying to find her. He spotted her near the altar, standing by Jason’s casket. Lisa was next to her, rubbing her back. It took everything he had to stay where he was.

“Come on,” Candace said, tugging at his sleeve. “We should sit in the back.”

Tyler and Freddy followed his family. They sat in the very last row. A few minutes later, a group of oversized men in expensive suits poured through the doors. His entire team had showed up; even Claude. They sat in the pews around Tyler.

** * * * *

“Holy shit. Nicki, the entire team is here,” Lisa said into her ear.

Nicki turned from Jason’s picture to look behind her. Lisa was right. They took up nearly the entire back of the church. She felt humbled to have such great men care so much about her. They were the most supportive people she knew.

As she looked them over she locked eyes with Tyler. He looked nearly as bad as she did. She could see the bags underneath his eyes from a hundred feet away.

“Hey, not right now.” Lisa grabbed her arm and turned her around. “You have to keep it together. When the eulogy is done, you can do whatever you want.”

Her family had opted for her to write and read the eulogy. Her father wasn’t up to it and no one else knew Jason well enough to say anything, except for her grandmother. And she just couldn’t picture her ninety year old nana standing up in front of all these people and saying something coherent.

Nicki took a deep breath in. “You’re right. It would just be so much easier if,”

Lisa cut her off. “I know sweetie. I know you miss him. But you’ve got to do this for Jason. And you have me. I won’t leave your side.”

She smiled at Lisa. “Thanks, Lis.”

Music started playing from the back of the church. Everyone who was standing took their seats. Lisa held Nicki’s hand in her lap. She loved her friend, and she was so comforting. But the hands she needed were out of reach.

Nicki yearned for the strength that he gave her. It had dissipated the second she walked out the door of his apartment. For the first time in months, she felt broken. This time, there was no glue to put her back together.

** * * * *

Tyler watched Nicki’s shoulders shake as she cried. He wanted desperately to hold her. Every night that he had actually fallen asleep the past week, he had woken up with his arms wrapped around her pillow. Every morning he woke up disappointed. If she didn’t come back…

Nicki stood up to do the eulogy. Lisa held her hand as they walked up to the podium. She looked beautiful with her curled hair and tight black dress. When she faced the crowd, he noticed the light reflecting off of the necklace he gave her. His leg began to shake. Candace put her hand on his knee and smiled weakly at him. He clenched his jaw and looked straight ahead, waiting for Nicki to start speaking.

** * * * *

Nicki squeezed Lisa’s hand as she held up the piece of paper. She took a breath before she began to read.

“I can’t believe I’m standing at this podium giving a eulogy for my little brother,” she started, looking around the room. It was completely full. “Had Jason known how many people truly cared about him, maybe we wouldn’t be here today. But what’s done is done; I can’t go back and change things no matter how hard I try. The only thing that we can do now is remember Jason for the amazing person that he was. I know there are some of you here today who never got the chance to really know him. Inside of his tough exterior was a caring, gentle boy who just wanted to be loved. I could go to him for anything; he was always there to make me feel better. Even when we were little kids. When I got mad at our parents, he would let me use him as a punching bag.” She paused as everyone chuckled. “I always felt bad about it afterwards, but I couldn’t deny that it helped. I was blessed to have him as a baby brother. What hurts the most is knowing he’ll never get the chance to shine. There was so much good inside of him. I always hoped that someday he’d be able to share that good with other people.” She finally started to cry. “He taught me so much about life, and he never even knew it. I didn’t even know it. Jase, you were the best brother I could have asked for. I love you so much.”

** * * * *

After the service ended, Tyler spoke to his team quickly about the plans for after the burial. He and Freddy were going to the cemetery, and the team was going to set up for the bereavement party. Tyler had to call Bill and convince him to have one. Tyler paid for the entire thing. He knew they didn’t have much family going, but he needed to get everyone together. If Nicki didn’t want to take him back, he wasn’t going down without a fight.

He walked towards the passenger side of Freddy’s car. When he opened the door, he felt a hand on his back. He turned and looked down at Nicki. She stared at him for a moment before barreling into him. He locked his arms around her and she buried her face in his chest.

“Tyler, I’m so sorry,” she wept.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I never should have treated you like that. You needed me, and I shoved it in your face.”

“I don’t care,” she said between sobs. “Tyler, I don’t care. Please, just…”

He kissed the top of her head.

“You and my dad are all I have left. I can’t lose you, too. I won’t. Tyler, you’re everything to me.”

Tyler held her closer. He was about to say something back, but he heard someone clearing their throat. Lisa was standing behind Nicki. He looked at her, but didn’t let go.

“I hate to break this up, but the procession is starting. We gotta go, Nicki.”

Tyler glanced down at Nicki. “We can talk later.”

She shook her head against his chest. “Come in my car… please…”

He looked to Lisa for confirmation, not knowing where he stood with her. She nodded.

“Okay, I’ll come with you. Let me tell Freddy. I’ll meet you at the car.”

** * * * *

“I told you it’d be fine,” Lisa said, wrapping an arm around Nicki’s waist. “You guys were made for each other. Does he think you’re mad at him?”

“I don’t know what he thinks. We didn’t exactly get to talk.”

“I know. It’s gonna have to wait. But if it’s any consolation, you should have seen his face when you hugged him. He looked like a little boy who just found his lost puppy,” she said, smiling. “It was kind of adorable.”

Nicki managed to smile. She wished she could have seen it.

When they got to the car Lisa offered to take the passenger seat so Nicki could sit with Tyler in the back. Her father was driving. She climbed into the backseat, pulling down her dress. It kept riding up on her.

“So… I’m just gonna throw it out there,” her father began. “Did you two make up?”

Nicki looked at him through the front mirror. “I don’t really know.”

Before she could go into further detail, Tyler opened the door and got in next to her. Instead of scooting over to the other side of the car, she stayed in the middle. She half expected him to put an arm around her or a hand on her knee. When he didn’t it became obvious to Nicki that he thought she was mad at him. She needed to talk to him.

I’m not mad at you.

A text would have to do. She turned her phone on silent so her father and Lisa wouldn’t catch on.

Tyler 11:36:09: ur not?

Of course not.

Tyler 11:37:12: so y didnt u talk to me?

Nicki stared down at her phone, too ashamed to face him. She should have just told him what was going on.

It’s a long story. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to push you away… I love you.

Tyler put his phone in his pocket and wrapped his arms around her. The second he did, a sea of calm washed over her. Everything that had been building up inside of her came crashing down. She had never felt so relieved.

He kissed her cheek, letting his lips hang by her ear for a millisecond.

“I love you, too.”

Suddenly, she just wanted the entire day to be over. All she could think about was climbing in bed with Tyler and sleeping for days. It was then she noticed how exhausted she truly was. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against his shoulder, waiting for sleep to come.

Nicki felt a soft pair of lips against her forehead. “Hey, we’re here.”

She opened her eyes to see Tyler staring back at her. She missed waking up to that face.

“Okay,” she groaned.

Tyler helped her out of the car. Her legs didn’t work right at first; they felt like they would give out at any moment. She felt a strong, reassuring arm around her waist.

“I’m staying right here for the rest of the day,” he said. “I don’t care if you don’t want me to.”

Nicki shook her head, wishing he would just realize how much she needed him.

“There’s nothing I want more.”

They followed the preacher to the spot they had picked out for Jason. Nicki’s heels kept digging into the earth, making it nearly impossible to walk. Every time she sank, she felt Tyler try to tug her out of the ground. Luckily, the walk wasn’t very far.

Nicki stared down at the perfectly rectangular hole in the soil. She pictured Jason, stuck in there forever. It pushed her over the edge; she broke down. Had it not been for Tyler holding her up, she would have collapsed onto the ground. A few of the people around them exchanged sympathetic glances.

Her father and Lisa each came up to her and put a hand on her back. They both knew who she really needed.

Once everyone had arrived, the preacher began his last words. Nicki tuned them out. The last thing she needed was to get more upset. She never understood why people said funerals helped you heal. All they did was rip her apart.

When the preacher finished speaking, Nicki stepped forward and carefully placed a white rose on her brother’s casket. She stayed there in a trance. This would be the last time she was ever close to him. People came up to her with kind words and soothing gestures, but she barely paid any attention to them. As the minutes passed, the crowd began to disperse, until they were the last four remaining.

Nicki felt a hand on her hip. “Take as long as you need,” Tyler said, pressing his lips to the back of her head. She grabbed his hand and pulled his arm around her. He followed with the other one and rested his chin on her shoulder. Feeling his body against hers caused a flood of memories to come rushing back to her. Strangely, they comforted her.

“I’m ready,” she said, nodding.

She tried to remind herself what she had told him weeks ago. As long as she had him at the end of the day, everything would be fine. She grabbed his hand as they walked away from Jason’s grave.

** * * * *

“Are you sure we can go in here?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Nicki said, leading Tyler into a private room.

The bereavement party was at a function hall down the street from Nicki’s house. Tyler figured it would be good for all of the people she and Jason went to high school with who wanted to show up; they all knew where it was. He still hadn’t told her that he was behind the party. He would wait until later.

The room she took him to looked like some sort of conference room. Nicki took a seat in one of the many cushioned chairs that surrounded a long table. He couldn’t help but notice the way her dress slid up her leg when she sat. Tyler took a deep breath. Now was not the time.

He wheeled a chair next to her and sat down.

“So,” she said.

“So.”

“Tyler, I don’t even know where to start. Actually, yes I do. I’m so sorry I let you think I was mad at you. What I said to you before I left… that was horrible. I’ve never regretted anything more in my entire life. I just, that moment, when I saw it on TV,”

He interrupted her. “So you forgive me?”

Her eyes got round as she looked up at him. He melted. God damn puppy dog eyes.

“Tyler, you didn’t even do anything wrong. I was so terrible to you. I never should have lashed out at you like that. You didn’t deserve that. God, you were trying so hard to help, and I was such a bitch…”

Tyler watched as her eyes started to water. He moved his chair closer to her.

“Hey, don’t cry. It’s okay. We both screwed up. I’ll forget all about it if you will.”

Nicki got up and threw herself onto his lap. He laughed light heartedly. Things felt right again.

“I can’t forget what I said to you. But if you can, I can live with it.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I don’t know how I got through this week without you. It was the worst week of my life.”

He went to put his hands on her legs so he could get her in a better position. That was when he realized that the bottom of her dress had come completely up. Good God.

Nicki looked down, then looked back up at him. “Tyler!”

“I’m sorry! It’s been a while…”

She glared at him. “Would it be completely disgusting ,”

He cut her off, eyes wide. “I love you.”

** * * *

Tyler watched as Nicki pulled at her dress. He couldn’t hold in his laughter.

“Your… hair… so messy…” he said, gripping his sides. He was getting a cramp from laughing so hard. She looked ridiculous.

“Shit Ty! Help me! Oh my God if someone finds out… Fuck! I’m the worst sister ever. We are so going to hell for this!”

Tyler chuckled some more as he helped her fix her hair. “Well, as long as we get to do that in hell, sign me up.”

A smirk spread across Nicki’s face. “I’m going to be dreaming about that for a long time.”

Tyler would, too. People always told him that make up sex was unrivaled, but he’d never experienced it. Until now. They had absolutely destroyed the conference room. Nicki’s hair was proof enough, although she managed to tame it slightly. He felt guilty about the timing, but he didn’t regret it. He was surprised no one heard the screaming.

“We’re going to have to fight more often,” he said.

“NO! No. Never again.”

Tyler pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head.

“I’m just kidding.”

“No you’re not.”

“You’re right, I’m not. Do you blame me?”

He bit down on his tongue, trying to hold himself together. Somehow, he just wanted more.

“Can you just wait a few more hours? This thing shouldn’t last much longer. Ugh, I don’t want to do this,” she said. “I’m friggen exhausted. I just want to go to sleep.”

“I know babe, I’m sorry. You probably don’t have to stay the whole time. I’ll bring you back to your house after the speeches or whatever.”

She cocked her head. “Why would you take me back to my house?”

Tyler looked at the ground when he answered. “I didn’t think you wanted to come back.”

“Tyler, how could you even say that? My home is with you.”

Nicki tilted her head up and nudged her lips between his. Tyler let out a moan. Even after everything they had just done, somehow kissing her took the cake.

“So, this is where you ran off to.”

Tyler’s head shot up to see who it was. Thank God. It was just Lisa. She grinned at them.

“I see you two made up… in a big way…”

“What?” asked Nicki.

“Girl, are you serious? You think you can hide these things from me? I know that face when I see it. He totally just rocked your world.”

He looked to his left at Nicki. Her face was as red as a tomato. A really pretty tomato. He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

“I have to say, I’m surprised. That’s not like you.”

“Lis, I know,”

“Are you about to apologize? Save it. I think it’s fucking awesome. I like this new you. Meow,” she said, making a claw at them as she giggled. “In all seriousness though, you should probably get out there. People are starting to worry.”

She walked out of the room. “So, did I rock your world?” he asked, interested to see what her answer would be.

Nicki shook her head. “You have noo idea. Honestly, I feel a little selfish for keeping you all to myself. I think every girl deserves to experience the way you just made me feel.”

Tyler was beaming. He’d had plenty of girls tell him he was good, but this was the first time it really meant anything to him. He kissed her once more before grabbing her hand and leading her out to the party.

Only a few people even noticed that they had come back. Bill nodded at them from the corner of the room. He was standing with Tyler’s mom. They must have gotten acquainted. His team was gathered by the back of the room surrounded by a few of Nicki and Jason’s friends. They were obviously stunned that the entire Bruins roster was at the funeral.

A tall, blonde girl came running up to Nicki and hugged her.

“Oh, Nicki… I’m so sorry about Jason,” she said. It looked like she had been crying.

He looked at Nicki. He could tell she was forcing a smile.

“Hey Brooke. Yeah, I’m sorry too.”

Brooke was laying into Tyler with her eyes. He tried to look away. It was extremely uncomfortable. Nicki noticed and wrapped her arm around his waist.

“This is my boyfriend, Tyler,” she said flatly. Tyler got the feeling she didn’t like Brooke much.

He stuck out a hand, trying to be polite. She bumped Nicki out of the way and wrapped her arms around him. He heard Nicki sigh.

“Sorry,” she said, “I’m a hugger.”

“Yeah… I can see that,” he said. He grabbed Nicki’s hand. “Come on, I think Bergy’s calling us.”

He pulled her away from Brooke. “What a weirdo. Could she have been any more obvious?”

Nicki shook her head. “She was Jason’s girlfriend before he ran away. I hated her. She’s so fake. Ugh, just seeing her makes my skin crawl.”

Tyler laughed. “I love how you didn’t even try to stop her from hugging me. You just let me suffer.”

“Well, I knew when I got into this with you that there would be some uncomfortable moments. Maybe I didn’t expect them from my brother’s ex, but hey. That’s life,” she said sarcastically.

He squeezed her hand. “I’m so glad you’re acting like yourself again,” he said. “But you know if you’re upset you can show it, right?”

“I know. Don’t think I’m not still upset. I am. I think I’m just so tired my body is getting my emotions all jumbled up.”

“We can go home soon, I promise.”

She smiled a little. “Thanks, Ty. But I don’t think I can leave before everyone else does.”

“We can leave whenever we want… I kinda paidforthiswholething.” He clustered his last words together.

“You what?!”

“Don’t be mad. You’ll understand in a second.” He pulled out a chair for her. “Sit down, okay?”

“I’m so confused.”

“Good, you should be. Just stay here, okay?”

Nicki nodded and he joined his team.

“You guys ready?”

** * * * *

“Hi Nicki!”

“Hey Cass. Come here, sit down with me.” Cassidy sat down in the chair next to her. “Do you know why Tyler is being so weird?”

“Uh huh. But I can’t tell you. Just be patient.”

Nicki was utterly confused. What the hell was going on? She watched as Tyler led his team to the front of the room, where someone had set up a microphone. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the photographer for the town newspaper.

Tyler stepped up to the microphone. What was he doing? The crowd hushed, waiting for him to speak.

He cleared his throat. “For those of you who don’t know, my name is Tyler Seguin. First of all, I want to give my deepest sympathies to Jason’s family and friends. I never got the chance to know him, but from what I understand, he was a really amazing person. I never understood why only the best people die too soon. Jason barely got the chance to live,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. Nicki had never taken him for a nervous speaker. “That’s why I’m up here right now. He deserves to live, even if it isn’t here with us. In his honor, I’m proud to announce that I, along with the Bruins organization, have started the Jason Westmoore Foundation for Troubled Teens.”

The room erupted with clapping as Chara presented an oversized check for $100,000. The photographer shot picture after picture. Nicki sat, stunned. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around. It was Lisa.

“Did you know about this?” she asked, on the verge of tears.

She nodded. “Sorry I couldn’t tell you. He wanted it to be a surprise.”

Nicki shot out of her chair and sprinted towards Tyler. She felt the camera flash go off in her face as she wrapped her arms around him.

“Tyler, I don’t even know what to say… why? How?”

He held her as he answered. “I needed to do something for you and your family. I got together with some of the guys that helped Shawn with his foundation. It was the least I could do for you and your dad. For Jason.”

“I can’t even… Tyler. I love you so much,” she said as she cried into his shoulder.

He smiled. “I love you, too. Go talk to the guys, they’ve been waiting all day to see you. Then we can go home, okay?”

Nicki nodded and approached his teammates. Dougie was the first one to hug her. Tyler was still smiling when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Just so you know, I approve,” Lisa said.

“Thanks,” he said, laughing. “I’m so glad she has a friend like you.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m just glad she found you. Do you have any idea how happy you make that girl?”

“Well, I have you to thank for that. And I don’t know, I guess. I don’t really do much.”

Lisa raised an eyebrow at him. “You don’t do much? Are you kidding me? You’re just as bad as she is!”

“What do you mean?” he asked, getting defensive.

“Have you ever noticed how Nicki will never admit to doing something right? She won’t take credit for anything. You’re the same God damned way, aren’t you? For fuck’s sake, take ten seconds of your life to just admit that you’re great. She needs to do the same, but she won’t listen to me. Hell, when I do something I brag about it day and night. Stop being so humble.”

“I’m not humble.”

“No, maybe not. But when it comes to Nicki you are. You don’t even see it, do you?”

“See what?”

She shook her head. “I really hope you plan on staying with her, Tyler. She literally cannot live without you. I’m not trying to be cliché. I’m dead serious. You have no idea how much she needs you.”

“It’s not just her,” he mumbled.

“You can’t live without her, either,” she stated. She saw right through him. Nicki came walking towards them. “Listen, we aren’t done talking about this. Don’t mention it to Nicki, okay?”

He nodded.

“Now please, take her home. She hasn’t slept all week, and it looks like you haven’t either.”

“Thanks, Lisa. For everything.”

She smiled at him. “My pleasure.”

Nicki got to them and leaned into Tyler. “Can we go home now?”

“Yeah,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “We can.”

** * * * *

“Ugh, I hurt,” Nicki groaned as she fell onto their bed.

Tyler bent down on one knee to take her heels off. “I have an idea,” he said, grinning.

She pushed herself up to look at him. “A bath?!”

“Mhmm.”

“You’re the greatest,” she said, letting herself fall back again.

He went into the bathroom and turned on the water. It felt so good to have her home. He opened the small bottle of rose extract and poured the remainder of it into the bath tub. He remembered how much Nicki had liked it, and how soft her skin felt after.

Tyler walked back into their room and took off his shoes and suit jacket.

“I love you in a suit,” Nicki said from the bed. “You are so handsome.”

He loved when she called him handsome. He lowered himself on top of her and brushed his lips against hers. She took the invitation and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. Tyler ran a hand through her hair before he pulled away.

“I left the water running,” he said, indicating that the kiss was over. Nicki pouted.

He lifted her dress; it came off easily. He stripped her down and carried her into the bathroom, letting her down gently in the water.

“Ohh, this is soo nice,” she said, leaning her head back.

Tyler dropped the rest of his clothes to the floor and got in behind her, wrapping his arms around her stomach. She turned her head so that her face was inches from his.

“I thought I was going to go crazy without you,” she said, nuzzling into his neck. “I missed you so much.”

He tightened his grip around her. He knew how she felt.

“So why didn’t you come back? Or call? Or text me? I was so worried about you,” he admitted.

“I’m really sorry. I was so confused and hurt and depressed and overwhelmed… I pretty much had no idea what was going on the entire week. I didn’t know why I acted the way I did with you and I didn’t know why I was even angry. It took me the whole time to just sort through things.”

Tyler kissed her forehead. “It’s okay. I’d say I understand, but I don’t. I don’t know what it feels like to lose someone like that.”

“Can we not talk about it?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“It’s okay, love.”

She brought her lips up to his face, leaving a trail of kisses all the way down to his collarbone. He sighed and closed his eyes. Her lips were so soft against his skin.

“I hope you know I’m never letting you leave again. I don’t care how mad you are at me.”

“I’ve always wanted someone to say that to me,” she said softly. It was his turn to kiss her. She draped an arm around Tyler’s neck, allowing him to get a better angle. “Well that feels nice,” she said, playing with the hair on the back of his head. He cupped a hand around the side of her neck, pulling her closer to his lips.

Nicki tilted her head back and moaned. “Jeez, Ty. You’re killing me here.”

He smiled and left one last kiss on her neck, in her favorite spot. “Sorry. I missed you.”

She let her head drop onto his shoulder. He could tell she was thinking, but didn’t bother to ask about what. He guessed she had a hell of a lot to think about.

“Do your feet still hurt?” he asked her.

“Uh huh.”

Tyler squeezed by her and slid to the other end of the bath. “I’ll take this side this time. We don’t need you giving yourself a concussion or anything.”

She giggled. “That was pretty bad, huh?”

“You took it like a champ,” he said, grabbing one of her feet. He watched as she reclined further into the water.

“Oh my God… When did you get so good at this?”

He shrugged. “I dunno.”

“I’m the luckiest girl in the world,” she said, smiling sweetly at him.

He splashed water towards her. “Stop it.”

“Why don’t you believe me?”

“Cuz. You think I’m so much better than I really am. Do I have to remind you of the first night we met? I was the biggest douchebag on the east coast.”

“But do you see yourself now?” she asked. “You’ve changed so much. And so what if I think you’re better than you really are? Just take it. It’s not like you’re going to change my mind, so you should probably stop trying.”

Tyler thought back to what Lisa said to him earlier. He still didn’t think he was this great person Nicki made him out to be. But Lisa was right. Not many people get to be called perfect, even if it wasn’t true.

“Fine. I’ll admit that I’m awesome if you admit that you are.”

“Fine,” she said, crossing her arms. He could tell she was pretending to be stubborn, but a smile was battling its way on to her face.