Just You and Me, Kid

Kasperi is still changing and growing into his new role as a dad and finding out exactly what that means. Before he left Finland for Pittsburgh he spoke with his former Kalpa teammate Jussi Timonen, who has kids. Jussi and Sami are close, so Jussi knows about Finn. He offered Kasperi some advice, and said he could call any time he wanted. So, Kasperi decided to take him up on that offer.

“We’re supposed to meet tomorrow to talk about custody, but I’m not really sure what that means. I’m sorry, I hope I’m not bothering you with this, but I really have no idea,” Kasperi explained to Jussi.

“That is tough. Has she said anything about it? Given you an idea of how involved she wants you to be in the kid’s life?” Jussi asked after thinking about it.

“We haven’t really talked at all, and before seeing him I probably wouldn’t have worried about it. But now that I've seen him, and held him, it’s like… I don’t know. I just know I have to be a part of his life.”

“I know exactly what you mean. I’ve never had to fight to see my children, but I do know you have to do whatever it takes not to lose him. You don’t want to wake up in fifteen years and realize you missed the most important part of your son’s life.”

“You’re right,” Kasperi said. “I have to do whatever it takes.”

“I’m not saying you should give up hockey for him,” Jussi added quickly before Kasperi got the wrong idea. “But there are ways to work around it. Like, if you’re playing a game in LA you can visit, or maybe you can have him for the summer, when you’re not playing.”

“YeahI could see him for the whole summer. Thanks, man.” Kasperi left his chat with Jussi feeling much more optimistic about the situation. He had no idea what Beth was thinking, but surely she wouldn’t object to them spending a month, or a few weeks together, if not the whole summer.

Kasperi wondered if he should consult a lawyer before meeting with Beth to discuss custody.

‘Nah,’ he thought. ‘She’s not that crazy.’

Boy was he wrong. He knew the basics of child custody, but it was clear Beth had been doing some research. Or at least she had paid someone to do it for her.

“I’m thinking….holidays.” She started, and he waited for her to continue, and explain exactly what she was thinking about holidays.

“So, maybe we get turns having him for Christmas?” He suggested, thinking that’s what she was trying to say.

“No… you can have him on holidays. But not the major ones, like Christmas or Thanksgiving, or his birthday. Or Easter.”

Kasperi scoffed, “So, what I can have him for, like, Labor Day weekend, or Valentine’s Day? Why would I want to see him then anyway? Those aren’t family oriented holidays.”

“Fine, you don’t have to see him.” She raised her eyebrows and sighed.

“Actually, I have every right to see him. I could take him for the summer when I’m not playing.”

“No! I’m not letting you take him for the whole summer!”

“Okay, then we need to work out a visitation and custody schedule. Like, I get him every other month, or something.”

“You think we should fly him across the country once a month just so you can have some girl watch him while you play hockey? Some girl you probably found in a bar the night before, and convinced to watch your kid for you? Yeah, right. That’s going to work.”

“What are you even talking about? Why would I do that? I would hire a nanny, most of the guys on the team have one for their kids. And Hannah is always around to watch him, too.”

“Still, that’s a lot of traveling for a little baby. I don’t think he should be flying that much.”

“Okay, so maybe every two months.”

Beth shook her head and stared at Kasperi like he was crazy.

“Then I’ll visit when he’s too young to travel. When I have time off or if we have a game out there.”

“If you visit, you’d better give me at least a week’s notice so I can be prepared.”

“A week?” Kasperi thought that was unreasonable, but he agreed. “The Pens have a game in California in a month in a half. Is that enough notice? We play the Ducks, and then we have a day off before we play the Kings. I could spend a day or two with him. If you’ll allow it, of course,” he added sarcastically.

Beth huffed impatiently. “If you’re going to be like this, we don’t have to talk about it. I knew you were too immature to have a child!”

“Yeah, well I’m not the one who decided to have it!”

She had turned away from him to leave, but sharply turned back to face him at this comment. “You think I wanted this? You think I wanted to have my body ruined by stretch marks, and get woken up several times a night to attend to him?”

Kasperi stared back at her in disbelief. “Yeah, I do think you wanted a kid. Because you’re the one who wouldn’t get-” he looked around to make sure no one was listening, and then whispered. “-Wouldn’t get an abortion.”

Beth shoved him gently before running away in tears. He didn’t go after her, he didn’t feel bad, and he certainly didn’t want to hear her response to that. Instead, he went up to the nursery and made sure Finn was all set before heading out. He needed to clear his head, so he stopped by the gym to have a go at the punching bag.

The next night Hannah invited him over for dinner with Brandon and Rachel so they could see Finn, but of course Beth would be there. Kasperi really didn’t want to see her again, and hoped she would keep her mouth shut. He made sure not to sit near her, but was close enough that he could keep an eye on Finn.

Dinner started out okay, with the usual small talk and drinks. And then Beth brought Finn out everyone fawned over him while Hannah finished serving dinner. The tension started shortly after they began eating and Kasperi asked if he could help feed Finn.

“No, he’s fine over here with me. Besides, it’s just a bottle,” Beth replied and continued to hold the bottle in Finn’s face. He wasn’t having any of it, though, and kept fussing.

“Come on, let me try,” Kasperi said again. and Beth rolled her eyes and handed him the baby.

“It won’t make any difference who’s feeding him, he just isn’t hungry,” she said with a huff and sat down. She glared across the table at Kasperi and fidgeted with her napkin in her lap, barely touching her food. She hated the way Kasperi could hold Finn so naturally, like he wasn’t even trying. Slowly, Finn took the bottle in his mouth and began sucking on it. Beth ignored this and reached for her wine glass, staring out the window.

“The little guy just wanted his dad, that’s all,” Brandon commented as everyone (but Beth) smiled at Finn as he fed.

“Whatever,” Beth muttered, and Hannah thought maybe this was a good time to bring dessert out. Maybe that would keep Beth from murdering everyone. However, Beth kept her sour attitude, because Beth does not eat dessert.

“Do you want me to hold him so you can eat?” Rachel said to Kasperi.

“Sure,” he handed Finn off to Rachel.

“Here, I can take him,” Beth held her arms out to take Finn, but Rachel held onto him.

“That’s fine, I got him,” She smiled and cooed at the little baby in her arms. Brandon leaned over her shoulder and made faces at him, making Finn giggle.

“You guys look so cute, let me get a picture,” Hannah said, and the two of them huddle closer toFinn for the picture. “That is so adorable!” she said as she looked over the picture.

“Nobody ever wants to take pictures of Finn and I,” Beth cursed quietly. “I guess being a single mom isn’t ‘cute’ or ‘adorable’.”

It was got quiet, and no one really knew what to say.

“You’re not a single mom, Beth. You have Deryck, and Kasperi is more than willing to be involved in Finn’s life,” Hannah sighed.

“Did you just call him ‘Finn’? Hannah, what have I told you. His name is Kasperi jr. Or Kaspy for short.” Beth said angrily and shot Hannah a stern look, that Hannah brushed off.

“It’s just easier for us to call him Finn, while around Kasperi, so we don’t get them confused,” she explained calmly, although she was losing her patience with Beth fast.

“Why? If I said, ‘can you check on Kasperi for me,’ would you really think I was asking you to check on his dad?”

“Maybe if he’d been out drinking,” Olli added with a laugh, and Brandon and Kasperi laughed too, but it was an awkward type of laugh.

“Whatever, you guys are so basic.” Beth leaned back in her chair and continued staring out the window.

“It’s getting kind of late,” Brandon stated and checked his watch.

“And we’ve got a game tomorrow,” Kasperi added and stood up.

“You’re right, we should probably head out.” Rachel handed Finn to Hannah and added, “By baby Kasperi!” She smiled and waved at him, just as he started crying. Brandon and Rachel left and Olli started cleaning up the dishes. Hannah tried to give the baby to Beth, but she didn’t want it.

“Let Kasperi deal with it! If he really wants to be his dad so much, he can start with this.” With that, she grabbed her purse and left. Hannah’s phone started ringing, so she handed Finn to Kasperi with an apologetic smile, before leaving the room to answer it.

Kasperi took the crying Finn in his arms and tried to calm him. “You’re probably tired,” he said quietly in Finnish. “Let’s get you upstairs.” He tried to talk to Finn in Finnish as much as possible, since that was Finn’s only chance to learn Finnish. He took him upstairs and sat in the rocking chair with him and found a picture book to read to Finn. Translating it to Finnish, Kasperi read him the story of ‘Goldilocks,’ showing Finn all the pictures. He was too young to understand it yet, but it was good practice. Practice for Finn to learn Finnish, but also for Kasperi.

The rest of the week, he tried to visit as much as he could. Beth stayed out more, and avoided him when she was home. Kasperi didn’t mind, it was easier that way anyway. He was going to see him one last time after practice on Sunday, but Beth decided to leave for the airport early and not tell anyone.

Sadly, Kasperi went home and scrolled through his phone, looking at all the pictures he’d taken of his son last week. He didn’t know why he felt this way, but he missed him. At first he had been terrified by that tiny human being, worried he would drop him, or that he would start crying and he wouldn’t be able to stop him. He didn’t think he could hold him and feed him a bottle without dropping one (or both) of them; he thought he would accidentally drown him when he was giving him a bath; he thought he wouldn’t know what to do with him, or what to say. But everything that had once seemed like an obstacle was now an exciting new part of his life. He couldn’t wait to see Finn in November, if Beth remembered.

However, Beth seemed more and more distant over the next month. She used to send weekly updates on Finn, with cute pictures or a recap of all the adorable things he’d done (like that time he learned how to blow bubbles!). But Beth was more reserved, barely responding to his texts. He really didn’t know what to expect when he got to LA, but he certainly wasn’t ready for this.

She was quiet, and let them spend time together without complaining. She left to go shopping for hours (or at least that’s where she said she was going), so Finn and Kasperi could spend time together alone. Even though Finn slept most of the time, Kasperi still enjoyed every minute of it. He was sad to leave that night, but he had a game the next day.

“So, maybe I can see him after Christmas, if you two want to spend the holiday together?” He asked, expecting a lashing of a response.

But Beth shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. I’ll have to see what my schedule is, but maybe I can fly him out for a few days, or my mom can.”

Kasperi was floored by her calm composure, and even wondered if she was on some kind of medication (or drugs?!) but he just nodded. “That sounds good. Let me know.”

The rest of the month went by slowly and he waited to hear from Beth. Every time he asked her about it, she said she was still working out the details. It looked like she’d be able to bring Finn a week after Christmas, when the Pens had a few home games, so he tried to plan around that. He picked up a few things he might need, and even bought Finn a Christmas present.

On Christmas Eve he wrapped the gift and stuck it under one of his house plants, the closest thing he had to a Christmas tree. Finn wouldn’t know the difference, but he put a few ‘decorations’ on the plant to make it festive. He went to bed feeling pretty good about things for the first time in a while. He was going over to Olli and Hannah’s house tomorrow for Christmas dinner, and in a week, his son would be visiting for his first Christmas!

Kasperi woke up Christmas morning feeling like a kid again. He was too excited, but it wasn’t to open presents or see what was under the tree. He was just excited about life in general. He made himself some coffee and sat on the couch eating an apple for breakfast watching some Christmas morning cartoons. He was wearing his usual pajamas- soft flannel pajama pants, and no shirt- typical Kasperi fashion.

Startled by the sound of his doorbell (not something he heard often, since he didn’t invite too many people over) he put his coffee down and got up to answer the door, still eating his apple. He didn’t see anything at first, until a car idling in the road near his apartment suddenly drove away quickly.

‘That’s weird,’ he thought, until a sound drew his attention to the top step. Shocked, he sucked in a deep breath of cold December air. He stopped breathing for what felt like minutes as time froze. He coughed and the cold air hit him, shocking him back to reality. On his front step was a baby, wrapped in blankets, in a car seat/carrier, and a little note tucked next to him. Kasperi quickly brought the baby inside out of the cold and sat down on the floor next to it. His head was spinning, but he picked up the note and read it:

‘Kasperi,
You said you wanted to see him for Christmas, so here he is.
You were right- I should have gotten an abortion. I can’t do it. I can’t be a mom. I tried so hard, but I can’t do it. But what bothers me the most, is how natural and perfect you are with him. You are a much better parent than I could ever be to him, and it breaks my heart to do this, but I’m leaving him with you. He’s your’s now, forever. I signed over full custody to you after we visited in October, you just need to sign the papers.
I’m leaving for Australia with Deryck to start over, hopefully get my film career back. Don’t try to find me, I know this is the right decision for Finn.
-Beth’

He read it twice before scrambling for his phone and calling the first person he could think of.

“Umm, can you guys get over here?” He sounded frantic.

“What’s wrong?” Hannah asked.

“Beth, she’s...she’s just left him here. And now she’s gone!”

“What?”

“She left Finn on my doorstep and rang the doorbell, waited in her car until I answered the door, and drove off when I opened the door and saw him. She left a note that she can’t take care of him anymore, that I’m a much better parent than her, and she’s run off to Australia to start over with Deryck! Oh my God, I think I’m going to be sick!”
He put his phone down, not hearing that Hannah and Olli would be right over, and tried to catch his breath. He leaned up against the wall and slid down to the floor so he was sitting next to the baby. Once his head stopped spinning he found a glimmer of humor in the peculiar situation.

“Well,” he laughed sadly and glanced at Finn smiling up at him under his blankets. “I guess it’s just you and me kid.”

Notes

I've been waiting to write that last line since we first started this story!!!!!
(and I almost forgot to add it)

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