Seeing Stars
14: Hell On The Heart
"She's as pretty as her picture, every bit as funny as she is smart... Yeah she's heaven on the eyes, but boy she's hell on the heart..."
She was blonde, and definitely looked like Cassidy from the back. So it was clear that blondes were Jamie’s type, and by the looks of it, he had no trouble going after a girl at any time; regardless of his relationship status. Sure things had been a little rough since that day in Jamie’s kitchen. They had both been acting reserved around each other, and while they saw each other, Cassidy could tell things were a little tense.
But she didn’t think things were bad enough for Jamie to move on with another girl. At least not so soon, and not before he actually broke up with Cassidy.
It was after a game and Cassidy stood at the end of the hall, just watching as the guy she had been dating embraced another woman tightly, swaying side to side with her before planting a kiss on her cheek. On the inside, it felt like her heart was breaking. Seeing Jamie kiss another girl, no matter how innocent it seemed, was harder than expected. And it was only made more difficult when Jamie spotted Cassidy and called out to her. Cassidy stepped forward cautiously. Was he really going to flaunt this new girl?
“Cass, this is Jenny. Jen, this is Cassidy Knox, the girl Jordie’s probably told you about.” Jamie wrapped his arm around Cassidy’s shoulders, pulling her into him.
This was all too confusing. Jenny hadn’t been the one on the couch with Jordie, and if Jamie were trying to get with this girl, why was he introducing Cassidy to her?
Jenny reached forward and Cassidy took her hand nervously, shaking it without breaking eye contact with the new woman.
“I’m Jamie’s sister. Came down to visit him and Jordie for awhile.” Jenny offered up, obviously aware of the fact that Cassidy seemed intimidated by her.
Cassidy looked up at Jamie, who had a smile plastered to his face. He leaned in to kiss the side of Cassidy’s head before backing away from her, “I have to go in for the presser, but I’ll be home later tonight.” He hugged Jenny and then turned back to Cassidy, hands on either side of her face with his thumbs caressing her cheeks, “do you have class tomorrow?”
“Yeah, but I’ll stop by your house,” she murmured, slightly embarrassed to be talking about this in front of his sister.
“Alright, I’ll see you later tonight,” he kissed her lips slowly and then ran off again, disappearing into a different room for the press conference.
Cassidy looked back at Jenny, seeing that she stood a few inches taller. After a good look at her, it was obvious she was part of the Benn family as the resemblances between her and her brothers were clearly visible.
“I’m really happy to have gotten the chance to meet you. According to Jordie, you and Jimmy Jam see quite a bit of each other,” Jenny nodded her head to the side and led Cassidy into Jamie’s living room. After leaving the arena, they had met back at his house to await his return.
“I apologize for being so nervous before. Jamie never mentioned he had a sister, and I assumed he had moved onto another girl.” Cassidy sat down and pulled one of the pillows into her lap.
Jenny looked at her quizzically. She flipped on the TV, leaving a reality show playing in the background to add a bit of ambient noise. “Is something wrong between you and Jamie?”
Deciding that his sister would know him better, Cassidy got into the whole ordeal about Jamie’s promise and what that meant considering a number of variables: their age difference, their income levels, their expectations of each other and the future. The list kept getting longer and longer, and the more reasons she blurted out, gave Cassidy the odd feeling that this relationship was simply doomed to fail.
“Listen, my brother can come off a little forward sometimes, and his promise does seem quick and almost futile. But I can promise you one thing; he is capable of giving his heart to someone. And while I may not know his exact intentions, I know that at the end of the day he wants to spend his life with one person. If he feels that person is you, and you feel the same about him, what could be so wrong about giving that a shot?”
“I know you have very limited information about the extent of our relationship and all the craziness that surrounds it; but here’s something I haven’t even told him: where I’m from, it’s practically normal for kids to run off and get married. But I left Nashville to get away from that, and then Jamie brings up marriage, and I’m only twenty-one. Even if he didn’t mean that we’d get married anytime soon, he still put those cards on the table, still offered that up to me like it was nothing.”
Jenny stayed quiet. Negativity about her brother was sure to be a sensitive spot for her, especially considering the way she grew up with him and truly knew the man he had become because of the way he was raised. But deep within her, Cassidy knew that Jenny could see where the problem lied. It wasn’t necessarily anything Jamie had done, because mostly he’d just been an amazing person. But it was the promise he made; the one that made Cassidy feel like she was being bound by another fence, another barrier to keep her from where she wanted to be.
Before the conversation could progress, Jamie and Jordie walked into the house by way of the garage, arguing with each other about something petty as brothers normally did.
Jamie stepped into the living room, stopping short just past the doorway as he saw his sister and his girlfriend sitting on the couch together, clearly in the middle of something he wasn’t supposed to hear. Both girls stared at him, and he walked to the couch, timidly sitting beside Cassidy and set one of his hands on her thigh, squeezing it gently as he looked back towards his sister.
“Jamie Benn, you can’t just bring up marriage to a girl and expect her to jump right in just because you’re you! She has dreams, and where will those be if she has to traipse around the country following you as you chase your dreams?!”
Cassidy buried her head in her hands. So Jenny was about as subtle as a gun. Jamie glanced back at Cassidy, keen to the fact that this had been bothering her for awhile. He thought for a moment, going back to a conversation they had had early on.
“You’re a bird, right?” He waited for a response, and didn’t get a verbal one. But Cassidy stared at him, feeling tears sting her eyes as she held them back. “’Bout as big as a sparrow, and just as even-tempered. I don’t think that’s a shitty bird, so it looks like I’m one too. That is, if you want me to be one…”
She nodded and brushed away a tear with the back of her hand. Jamie offered up a quick grin and ran his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the wet trail left behind. Sometime in the middle of all this, Jenny snuck away and went into the guest room upstairs, allowing the two to have a minute alone.
“Cass, I want you to be free. To have your own life and do what you want to do… but I’m worried about you because everyone can see your worth, except you. I’m waiting for that day to come, because I want to be able to tell you that I love you, and I want you to be able to believe me.”
Cassidy’s eyes went wide at his confession. Although he kept talking about something else, going on and on, she didn’t really hear any of it. Did Jamie Benn actually just say that he loved her? Or was he saying that one day it was possible that he could love her? Awh, what the hell.
“I love you too,” she blurted out, interrupting him midsentence.
He was the one to go silent now. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, but couldn’t have been longer than a few seconds. Jamie then leaned in and kissed her quickly as if he couldn’t get enough of her. Cassidy leaned up into him as well, tangling her hands in his hair and pulled herself tightly against his chest.
She could have spent the entire night in his arms, making out with the man she had just professed her love to. But instead, after her nerves had vanished, she pulled away and stood up from the couch. With a quick goodbye, and a promise they’d talk more tomorrow, Cassidy was out the front door and on her way back to her tiny apartment.
Kennedy was sprawled out on the couch trying everything in her power to stay cool; but by the looks of it, with sweat beading at her hairline, she was failing. Cassidy walked up, stood in front of the TV, blocking the view and took a deep breath in.
“I told Jamie I loved him,”
Kennedy flicked her eyes up to meet her friend’s and then tried to gaze back at the TV, unamused. “All the sex you’re having is clouding your judgment,”
Cassidy turned and shut off the TV, forcing her roommate to pay attention. After all she was in a small crisis. She had just told a boy that she loved him, all the while not really being sure what love even was.
“Sex causes the female mind to release hormones. It’s like dopamine or something but it makes them think they’re actually in love, but really it’s just the sex.”
“Kennedy, he said he loved me first. I was just following it up with the appropriate response.” She sat beside her friend on the couch. “Does that hormone thing go for boys too?”
Kennedy shook her head and mumbled, “with them if they say it, usually they mean it or they just want sex. And seeing as though he’s already had you… he must mean it.”
She took a pillow into her hands and pressed it against her face, groaning. Not that she necessarily regretted telling Jamie that she loved him, it was just all so fast. “I didn’t plan on the first boy I actually like, telling me that he loves me.”
“What’s so wrong with that? I’d kill for a gentleman like Jamie. Instead I got Tyler ‘self-proclaimed God’s gift to women’ Seguin.” Kennedy wrapped one arm around Cassidy’s shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug. “You found someone who’s worth holding onto. Don’t go all Knoxious and screw this up. Because if you do, I’m breaking girl code and I’m jumping on Jamie the moment I can.”
Cassidy stood up from the couch and walked into her room, quietly. It really shouldn’t have to be this hard to tell someone about her feelings. Why did she feel uncertain about her confession, when she was just responding to Jamie’s own feelings? She could pin it on the fact that she’d never been in a relationship before and it was easy to fall head over heels for a guy like Jamie. But deep down, she knew even that wasn’t true. She may’ve never had love herself, but she had seen it growing up. Cassidy had seen it and knew enough to conclude that while Jamie could very possibly love her, it was more likely he was just in a phase of infatuation, and after a few weeks, maybe even days, he’d be over it.
She was blonde, and definitely looked like Cassidy from the back. So it was clear that blondes were Jamie’s type, and by the looks of it, he had no trouble going after a girl at any time; regardless of his relationship status. Sure things had been a little rough since that day in Jamie’s kitchen. They had both been acting reserved around each other, and while they saw each other, Cassidy could tell things were a little tense.
But she didn’t think things were bad enough for Jamie to move on with another girl. At least not so soon, and not before he actually broke up with Cassidy.
It was after a game and Cassidy stood at the end of the hall, just watching as the guy she had been dating embraced another woman tightly, swaying side to side with her before planting a kiss on her cheek. On the inside, it felt like her heart was breaking. Seeing Jamie kiss another girl, no matter how innocent it seemed, was harder than expected. And it was only made more difficult when Jamie spotted Cassidy and called out to her. Cassidy stepped forward cautiously. Was he really going to flaunt this new girl?
“Cass, this is Jenny. Jen, this is Cassidy Knox, the girl Jordie’s probably told you about.” Jamie wrapped his arm around Cassidy’s shoulders, pulling her into him.
This was all too confusing. Jenny hadn’t been the one on the couch with Jordie, and if Jamie were trying to get with this girl, why was he introducing Cassidy to her?
Jenny reached forward and Cassidy took her hand nervously, shaking it without breaking eye contact with the new woman.
“I’m Jamie’s sister. Came down to visit him and Jordie for awhile.” Jenny offered up, obviously aware of the fact that Cassidy seemed intimidated by her.
Cassidy looked up at Jamie, who had a smile plastered to his face. He leaned in to kiss the side of Cassidy’s head before backing away from her, “I have to go in for the presser, but I’ll be home later tonight.” He hugged Jenny and then turned back to Cassidy, hands on either side of her face with his thumbs caressing her cheeks, “do you have class tomorrow?”
“Yeah, but I’ll stop by your house,” she murmured, slightly embarrassed to be talking about this in front of his sister.
“Alright, I’ll see you later tonight,” he kissed her lips slowly and then ran off again, disappearing into a different room for the press conference.
Cassidy looked back at Jenny, seeing that she stood a few inches taller. After a good look at her, it was obvious she was part of the Benn family as the resemblances between her and her brothers were clearly visible.
“I’m really happy to have gotten the chance to meet you. According to Jordie, you and Jimmy Jam see quite a bit of each other,” Jenny nodded her head to the side and led Cassidy into Jamie’s living room. After leaving the arena, they had met back at his house to await his return.
“I apologize for being so nervous before. Jamie never mentioned he had a sister, and I assumed he had moved onto another girl.” Cassidy sat down and pulled one of the pillows into her lap.
Jenny looked at her quizzically. She flipped on the TV, leaving a reality show playing in the background to add a bit of ambient noise. “Is something wrong between you and Jamie?”
Deciding that his sister would know him better, Cassidy got into the whole ordeal about Jamie’s promise and what that meant considering a number of variables: their age difference, their income levels, their expectations of each other and the future. The list kept getting longer and longer, and the more reasons she blurted out, gave Cassidy the odd feeling that this relationship was simply doomed to fail.
“Listen, my brother can come off a little forward sometimes, and his promise does seem quick and almost futile. But I can promise you one thing; he is capable of giving his heart to someone. And while I may not know his exact intentions, I know that at the end of the day he wants to spend his life with one person. If he feels that person is you, and you feel the same about him, what could be so wrong about giving that a shot?”
“I know you have very limited information about the extent of our relationship and all the craziness that surrounds it; but here’s something I haven’t even told him: where I’m from, it’s practically normal for kids to run off and get married. But I left Nashville to get away from that, and then Jamie brings up marriage, and I’m only twenty-one. Even if he didn’t mean that we’d get married anytime soon, he still put those cards on the table, still offered that up to me like it was nothing.”
Jenny stayed quiet. Negativity about her brother was sure to be a sensitive spot for her, especially considering the way she grew up with him and truly knew the man he had become because of the way he was raised. But deep within her, Cassidy knew that Jenny could see where the problem lied. It wasn’t necessarily anything Jamie had done, because mostly he’d just been an amazing person. But it was the promise he made; the one that made Cassidy feel like she was being bound by another fence, another barrier to keep her from where she wanted to be.
Before the conversation could progress, Jamie and Jordie walked into the house by way of the garage, arguing with each other about something petty as brothers normally did.
Jamie stepped into the living room, stopping short just past the doorway as he saw his sister and his girlfriend sitting on the couch together, clearly in the middle of something he wasn’t supposed to hear. Both girls stared at him, and he walked to the couch, timidly sitting beside Cassidy and set one of his hands on her thigh, squeezing it gently as he looked back towards his sister.
“Jamie Benn, you can’t just bring up marriage to a girl and expect her to jump right in just because you’re you! She has dreams, and where will those be if she has to traipse around the country following you as you chase your dreams?!”
Cassidy buried her head in her hands. So Jenny was about as subtle as a gun. Jamie glanced back at Cassidy, keen to the fact that this had been bothering her for awhile. He thought for a moment, going back to a conversation they had had early on.
“You’re a bird, right?” He waited for a response, and didn’t get a verbal one. But Cassidy stared at him, feeling tears sting her eyes as she held them back. “’Bout as big as a sparrow, and just as even-tempered. I don’t think that’s a shitty bird, so it looks like I’m one too. That is, if you want me to be one…”
She nodded and brushed away a tear with the back of her hand. Jamie offered up a quick grin and ran his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the wet trail left behind. Sometime in the middle of all this, Jenny snuck away and went into the guest room upstairs, allowing the two to have a minute alone.
“Cass, I want you to be free. To have your own life and do what you want to do… but I’m worried about you because everyone can see your worth, except you. I’m waiting for that day to come, because I want to be able to tell you that I love you, and I want you to be able to believe me.”
Cassidy’s eyes went wide at his confession. Although he kept talking about something else, going on and on, she didn’t really hear any of it. Did Jamie Benn actually just say that he loved her? Or was he saying that one day it was possible that he could love her? Awh, what the hell.
“I love you too,” she blurted out, interrupting him midsentence.
He was the one to go silent now. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, but couldn’t have been longer than a few seconds. Jamie then leaned in and kissed her quickly as if he couldn’t get enough of her. Cassidy leaned up into him as well, tangling her hands in his hair and pulled herself tightly against his chest.
She could have spent the entire night in his arms, making out with the man she had just professed her love to. But instead, after her nerves had vanished, she pulled away and stood up from the couch. With a quick goodbye, and a promise they’d talk more tomorrow, Cassidy was out the front door and on her way back to her tiny apartment.
Kennedy was sprawled out on the couch trying everything in her power to stay cool; but by the looks of it, with sweat beading at her hairline, she was failing. Cassidy walked up, stood in front of the TV, blocking the view and took a deep breath in.
“I told Jamie I loved him,”
Kennedy flicked her eyes up to meet her friend’s and then tried to gaze back at the TV, unamused. “All the sex you’re having is clouding your judgment,”
Cassidy turned and shut off the TV, forcing her roommate to pay attention. After all she was in a small crisis. She had just told a boy that she loved him, all the while not really being sure what love even was.
“Sex causes the female mind to release hormones. It’s like dopamine or something but it makes them think they’re actually in love, but really it’s just the sex.”
“Kennedy, he said he loved me first. I was just following it up with the appropriate response.” She sat beside her friend on the couch. “Does that hormone thing go for boys too?”
Kennedy shook her head and mumbled, “with them if they say it, usually they mean it or they just want sex. And seeing as though he’s already had you… he must mean it.”
She took a pillow into her hands and pressed it against her face, groaning. Not that she necessarily regretted telling Jamie that she loved him, it was just all so fast. “I didn’t plan on the first boy I actually like, telling me that he loves me.”
“What’s so wrong with that? I’d kill for a gentleman like Jamie. Instead I got Tyler ‘self-proclaimed God’s gift to women’ Seguin.” Kennedy wrapped one arm around Cassidy’s shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug. “You found someone who’s worth holding onto. Don’t go all Knoxious and screw this up. Because if you do, I’m breaking girl code and I’m jumping on Jamie the moment I can.”
Cassidy stood up from the couch and walked into her room, quietly. It really shouldn’t have to be this hard to tell someone about her feelings. Why did she feel uncertain about her confession, when she was just responding to Jamie’s own feelings? She could pin it on the fact that she’d never been in a relationship before and it was easy to fall head over heels for a guy like Jamie. But deep down, she knew even that wasn’t true. She may’ve never had love herself, but she had seen it growing up. Cassidy had seen it and knew enough to conclude that while Jamie could very possibly love her, it was more likely he was just in a phase of infatuation, and after a few weeks, maybe even days, he’d be over it.
Notes
This chapter is titled after "Hell on the Heart" by Eric Church.
I know this is shorter than most, but merry late Christmas to you! :)
please update!!!!
5/2/16