"It won't be like this for long, one day we'll looking back laughing... this phase is gonna fly by, so baby just hold on..."


Cassidy looked around the small room, studying the posters that stuck to the wall like they were trying to teach her something. She still couldn’t believe that she was here alone. Jamie was out of town and Kennedy was God knows where. She had seemingly fallen off the face of the earth since the day she found out Cassidy was pregnant. And this was a moment where she really wished her fiancé or best friend could be by her side.

The door opened and shut quickly, and Cassidy forced a smile across her lips. The doctor she had seen just months prior was again in front of her, holding her file in her hands.

“You’re back,” she smiled and opened up her file, while also taking out a pen. “And pregnant again. So far everything’s okay?” Cassidy nodded and the doctor smiled, sitting back in the chair. “And you’re not looking to terminate,”

Cassidy shook her head. “I’m engaged to be married… April,”

“Oh congratulations,” she exclaimed, starting to reach for the ultrasound machine. Cassidy clutched at her own hand, trying to pretend that she was holding onto Jamie’s, but it wasn’t working. “Why don’t you lean back, and we’ll start the ultrasound.”

She lay back along the table, her shirt rising just a little bit. After pulling it up to reveal her stomach, the doctor squirted the clear jelly over her skin before pressing the probe against her skin. The small screen beside the table flashed on, and a fuzzy black and white image appeared.

“So everything’s still going to be pretty tiny, but we’ll see what we can find,” she maneuvered the probe around, looking for something that didn’t seem to be there. But after a moment, she paused and a wide smile passed over her lips, “there we go. A little, tiny, soon to be baby. It’s too soon to see much of anything. But when you come back in four weeks, we’ll be able to see a bit more, get more details. And we’ll run tests for genetic disorders.”

As the doctor began to wipe the gel off her stomach, Cassidy murmured, “that’s it for today?”

“For today. I’m going to start you on prenatal vitamins; take them every morning starting tomorrow. Um,” she smiled and thought about what she wanted to say next, “call if you have any questions or problems. Everything looked really good though, so I don’t anticipate any issues.”

Though the exam was over, Cassidy stayed to chat with the doctor. She didn’t seem pressed for time or anxious to get to another appointment. So with Kennedy MIA, the doctor was the next best thing, and Cassidy took advantage of it.

Even wanting to give her another chance, Cassidy stopped by the apartment, but Kennedy’s car wasn’t in her usually parking spot, and instead of taking the time to go inside, she drove back to Jamie’s house and collapsed onto the couch. Even though this road trip was only one game, and Jamie would be hope by late tonight, Cassidy still wished he hadn’t gone at all.

It was more difficult than she anticipated to face the doctor alone; even if all the news was good news. And like he was reading her mind, her phone began to buzz and she jumped at the chance to swipe her finger across the screen and hold her phone to her ear.

“I miss you,” she spat quickly, wanting him to hear it as soon as possible.

“I’ll be home tonight. How’d the appointment go?” He sounded tired on the other end of the line, like all he was waiting for was to take a nap.

“Still pregnant,” she said quietly, now feeling like Jamie was just waiting for the moment to hang up the phone.

“What’s wrong,”

“I don’t want to be alone anymore. Going to the doctor alone was… depressing. And I can’t get in touch with Kennedy. She’s been MIA since I told her I was pregnant.” She felt her eyes become heavy and she quickly wiped away the tears before they could fall down her cheeks.

“Baby, I’m gonna be home tonight. I told you it was going to be hard for awhile, but it won’t be like this forever.” He paused and took a sharp breath in, “and Kennedy’s here in Chicago. I saw her at the hotel last night. I thought you knew that,”

Cassidy rubbed her eyes, “I didn’t, but…” She felt her breath catch in her throat and in this moment she felt more alone than ever before, “just come back to me in one piece, okay?”

“I’ll do my best. Don’t wait up for me, all right? You need your rest.”

After hanging up, Cassidy grabbed the remote and clicked through the channels, eventually ending up on a rerun of a golf tournament. Although she didn’t really know what was going on, the familiar noise of the clubs hitting the golf balls made her think of Jamie. But her thoughts danced from him to Kennedy.

Why had she gone to Chicago in the first place? It had to be Antoine, but with it being just a one game trip, why’d she even go. It’d be more worth it for her to stay in Dallas and see him after a day. Or maybe she just wanted to get out of town so she wouldn’t have to discuss the baby and wedding plans. That all had to be hard for her. Watching idly as her best and oldest friend moved on with a guy, seemingly using him to replace her.

---

She hadn’t intended on staying up. Like Jamie suggested, she tried to get to sleep, but things were eating at her mind. As Cassidy lay on one side of his bed, the other side looked like a gaping hole. Like a desert made up of soft rolling dunes of fabric, but utterly barren. She stared at the emptiness, trying to count sheep and seconds; anything to get her to fall asleep. But the sound of the bedroom door slipping open a few hours later was like music to her ears.

She had watched the game, happy that the Stars were able to come back with a win against the Blackhawks, and more so that Jamie had three assists for the night. As Jamie shut the bedroom door behind him, he looked at the bed, but because of the darkness, he couldn’t really tell if Cassidy was asleep or not.

Assuming she was, he loosened his tie and pulled it off, tossing it into the hamper before he wrestled with his shirt, unbuttoning it and groaning quietly as he let it slip from his sore shoulders. Cassidy watched him silently, reveling in the sight of seeing him undress at his own pace. Her eyes followed him as he had ditched his slacks and made towards the bed in his boxer-briefs. When he finally curled into bed, Cassidy scooted towards him, setting one of her hands along his stomach as her head rested against his chest.

“You should be asleep,” he murmured, tucking his arm around her shoulders.

“I think I’m depressed,”

“Please don’t say that.”

Cassidy tilted her head back to look up at Jamie. In the close proximity, she could see his eyes were already closed, yet his hand continued to move across her back, trying to lull her into the same level of comfort.

“Being in this house that isn’t even mine, making arrangements for our wedding and not even being able to ask your opinion; I hate it.” Cassidy buried her head into Jamie’s chest and he set his cheek down against it.

“Okay, let’s just get a good night’s sleep, have a clear head, and we can talk about it in the morning.”

In the next minutes, Jamie was snoring softly, having slipped into a deep sleep. Sleeping was easy for him; traveling all over the place, switching time zones, and playing a physically demanding sport as a career, resulted in a sound sleeper. But Cassidy felt hardwired to stay awake. Her thoughts darted from the wedding, to the pregnancy, to being alone, to finding a job, and then back to the wedding. As one crisis ended, another began.

Like her dad had said, falling asleep is hard when that’s what you’re supposed to do. And it wasn’t as though she was awake, burdened by his death. She was awake because she was contemplating every life choice she’d made in the past few months. As Jamie turned in his sleep, Cassidy’s focus shifted from him to the duvet cover. If it wasn’t depression, it was anxiety. By the time she finally couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore, it must’ve been somewhere around four AM.

After tossing and turning for three hours, she forced herself out of bed and tiptoed down to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. It couldn’t have even been ten minutes later, that while she was sipping her drink, that Jamie came up behind her and kissed her temple, lingering there as he took a deep breath in.

He pulled out the chair beside her and sat down, still facing her. Cassidy set her mug down and glanced over at him. He looked hesitant to bring anything up; afraid of where the conversation could lead.

“I don’t want to plan a wedding by myself, I don’t want to live in a house where I feel like I don’t belong, I don’t…” her thoughts trailed off as she buried her head into his chest.

“You don’t want to be pregnant?” Jamie murmured as he set his lips down on top of her head.

“I don’t know,” Cassidy pulled away and set her hands in Jamie’s lap, flicking her eyes up to his. His face remained even, like he wanted her to come to her own decision. “Please don’t hate me,”

“I could never…”

She thought she was going to cry, and so before she could, she lunged out of her chair, wrapping her arms over Jamie’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. He embraced her as well, burying his lips into the base of her neck. She began to shake in his arms, and he pressed his lips against her neck, trying to get her to calm down.

“You’ll be able to go on the road trips with me now. Plan the wedding and go to your doctor appointments together… I want to make this as easy as possible for you, but I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know how.”

Jamie pulled away from her and brushed her hair away from her face, looking past her as Jordie came into the kitchen. “Jamie we have to get to Frisco early today,”

He was gone just as quickly as he had entered, and Cassidy turned away from Jamie, picking up her mug again and brought it up to her mouth, “together, huh?”

Jamie stood up and set his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them gently, “practice, and then I’m all yours for the rest of the day.”

By the time he was out of the house, Cassidy had finished her tea, and setting her mug in the sink, she couldn’t believe how selfish she felt. Asking all these things of Jamie, and not even taking the moment to think about how he felt or what he wanted. She didn’t want to plan a wedding alone, and she didn’t want to live in this house that wasn’t hers. But it wasn’t like Jamie was purposefully ignoring responsibilities; he just had other responsibilities as well. Hockey would always hold a special place in his heart, and Cassidy didn’t want to be the person to pull that away from him. Even if she had to plan a wedding alone, it’d be the best damn wedding ever, and Jamie would just have to be surprised as it unfolded in front of him.

There would come a time when Jamie would do his fair share of sacrificing, quite possibly after his playing career was over, but until then Cassidy had to take the reigns. She had to be strong for him, if only because he had been so strong for her when she needed him too. And if it had been a burden, he never let it show, never let it break him, and she would do the same. Jamie deserved it and she wanted to be someone he deserved.

He was back by one that afternoon while Cassidy sat at the pool’s edge, dipping her feet into the water. The cold weather hadn’t quite made a full appearance in Dallas so it gave her the chance to relax and watch the water. Jamie sat down beside her, barefoot as well, and plopped his feet into the water as he leaned back on his hands.

“I do want to have your kid; this kid. But things are going to have to change because I can’t just sit here and drive myself insane. I need to get a job or volunteer, or something because when I’m not on the road with you, I have nothing to do.” Cassidy looked back at him to find him staring at her, hanging onto every word she said. “And maybe a dog,”

Jamie smiled and leaned forward, brushing off his hands and then crossed them in his lap, “it’s hard to have pets with the schedule we have. Tyler’s dogs are always being sent to a kennel or staying with friends… it’s almost not fair for them.”

“Well maybe not now, but as I balloon into a baby carrier, I won’t be going on road trips with you, and I’ll want company. Especially if Kennedy keeps tagging along with the team.”

He pulled his feet out of the water and stood up, reaching down to help Cassidy to her own feet. “We’ll think about it; it’s a big deal taking on another life. First and foremost, I think we should focus on the wedding and finding a new house.”

“You want to move?” She smiled and flashed her eyes up to meet his.

“I want you to feel like you belong, and if that means we get a new house to be our house, then that’s what we’ll do. Plus I don’t really want to kick Jordie out, and…” he looked around the yard, “this place isn’t really too family friendly. We’re gonna need more rooms for all the kids we’re going to have.”

Cassidy giggled and propped her hands on her hips, “well now, how many kids am I gonna have to carry?”

“Four,” Jamie smiled and chuckled quietly.

Her jaw dropped playfully, “Jame, my vagina’s going to look like a windsock if I have to push four kids out of it…”

He squinted his eyes shut and shook his head, acting as though he was disgusted by the thought, “don’t say that… we’re not married yet, and that thought might make me leave you…” When he opened up his eyes, Cassidy hit him in the chest playfully, and he grabbed her hands, bringing them up to his mouth to kiss them. “Even if your vagina looked like the Canadian flag waving in the air, I would still love you.”

Cassidy frowned and pursed her lips, “that’s gross.” She glanced up at him, intent on keeping a serious face, but as he burst out into a fit of laughter, she did as well.

Notes

This chapter is titled after "It Won't Be Like This For Long" by Darius Rucker.

As promised, here's another chapter. School's starting back up pretty soon but I'm determined to knock these last few chapters out! :)