One-Shots (2014-2015 Season)

I followed him into the locker room and made sure to keep my distance, as he stripped his jersey off and removed all of that equipment, remaining in just his muscular body. I about lost it there, but I controlled my inner girl and kept to the plan.

My name is Lilliana Ophelia Lovejoy and I am a scientist working on the clone project. I was sent out to find the perfect specimen and this guy...this man...was the one. He was perfect. I hid out of sight, completely, as more people joined him. He turned wearing a smile on his face that had the right amount of “awe shucks” to it.

His blond hair was the right amount of bad boy and pleasing to the eye. And he had the most precious and gorgeous pair of eyes I’d ever seen. They were blue, but had a tint of green and changed color in each different variant of lighting.

Yes, he was the one.

I had to get him. I had to have him. But I had to wait, until he was alone. I know that you may think I am crazy and acting like a crazy stalker, but I was doing it for science. And that was alright, surely it was?

His teammates called him “The Nuke” or “Nuke”...but I called him “Nichy.”

(That’s right folks, it’s another Valeri Nichushkin tale. But don’t leave me just yet, stick around and read on, because this is going to be so different. I promise no kidnapping for real. You have my word. This is all legal and weird.

Okay, so now that I’ve probably lost a few of you, but managed to keep a good number of you, let’s keep going, shall we.

So, our protagonist and the narrator, Miss Lilliana Lovejoy is seeking to clone a popular Dallas Star named Valeri Nichushkin for her project. She doesn’t intend to hurt him or force him, just simply ask him.)

I waited in my hiding place, which was just inside of the closet, adjacent to the locker room. It was dark and dusky and I didn’t much enjoy the wafting smell of sweaty men, but I had to stick through it. And slowly but surely the men began to disperse. In a stroke of luck, Val was the first one to leave, bidding his teammates farewell in a thick Russian accent and, well, in Russian too.

“До свидания! (Bye!)” he shouted, waving his hand.

I recognized his linemates, two young Canadian superstars, one who was more feminine and one who used to be a stick in the mud, but was transformed by the feminine party hound. I am of course talking about the pair of Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin. They were two men I contemplated using for my project, but could never wrap my head around the idea of having there be more than one Tyler Seguin running around the world.

Sure Seguinistas would enjoy it and have a blast, but I wouldn’t. And it was my decision and my project. So no Tyler Seguin. And no Jamie Benn either.

Just Val.

“Bye, Val! Remember tomorrow that Jamie and I want you there early, so we can work on a few drills together. We sucked tonight.”

“Независимо, Тайлер. Увидимся завтра. Также ненавижу тебя. (Whatever, Tyler. See you tomorrow. Also hate you.)”

“What’d you say?” Tyler called after him. He whipped to look at Jamie, who was snickering and whipping his head with a dry clean towel. “What did he say?”

“Shut up Segs and sit down. It’s not important.”

Tyler folded his arms and pouted his lip. “I don’t like that cocky Russian. He used to be so loveable and now he’s probably cussing me out.”

“Hey, you’re being kind of a jerk to him....”

I walked out of the closet, to find Val once more. I didn’t care to overhear the rest of Jamie and Tyler’s conversation. I didn’t care.

I found Val, walking alone and I quickly caught up to him. He turned and looked at me, bewildered.

“I can help you?”

“It’s can I help you, but no matter. Listen, my name is Lilliana Lovejoy and I am working on a cloning project and thought you’d be a perfect candidate. Interested?”

“Cloning? Uh, what that is?”

“What’s that?” I corrected. “Well, it’s where, instead of there being one of you, there’s many of you...a duplicate.”

“Oh. Cool.”

“So you’re interested?”

“Well, it sound cool. Is Tyler and Jamie apart of it?”

“Oh, no, I can only have one and I tossed around quite a number of names: Patrick Kane, Patrick Sharp, Jonathan Toews, Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Alexander Ovechkin, heck even Gabriel Landeskog...but I ultimately decided on you.”

“Why a hockey player?”

“Always been a huge fan, honestly and I’m a huge fan of yours. I know that I cannot have you, I am not worthy to, but maybe cloning you...I can have one of your clones.”

“Alright. I understand...I think...I like idea!” He flashed a huge grin and I took his hand into mine. It felt so right. I couldn’t believe that I was getting away with any of this. I led him back the other way and out a secret door to the parking lot.

We got into my car and I drove off, taking him back to the factory.

(I don’t know if I’m liking this...it’s really bizarre, but this was another dream I had. I cloned Val, took one of his clones and finally had a boyfriend!! And he was exactly like the original, however this one stayed innocent and cute and spoke mostly Russian.)


An hour later,

I had Val in the factory, hooked up with electrodes and cool science-y stuff and led him to the cloning chamber mechanism. It was a large, human-sized barrel that looked like something out of a sci-fi or fantasy movie.

I pushed him gently inside and closed the door. I started the thing up and instantly it came to life. Soon, Val after Val after Val after Val came out. They all looked like the real Val, who was inside of the machine.

It was success.

I had successfully cloned Valeri Nichushkin.

And now all around me, there was enough Val to go around. There was 10 of them and then 20 of them and it stopped at 50. 50 Valeri Nichushkin’s stood, looking around. And one of them included the real one, who’d agreed to this.

Suddenly, all of them shrieked, “девятка! (I want it!)”

I smirked and grabbed the clone closest to me. He was shocked and confused, just as though he were the real Val. As I took off with him, I ordered the real Val, wherever he was to take the others and find homes for them.

There was enough Val to go around to the fans!

Notes

XD
Oh man, this would be awesome. Then if one Val gets hurt, another can be placed in his absence, so he'd NEVER miss another game!!!! :)
Oh man, whenever we finally get cloning underway, I nominate Baby Val to be #1. (Thinking that we will have the ability to time travel or teleport too.)

Again, like most of my stuff, this was based on another dream I had. I was going to make this a separate story, but I think it works better as a one-shot. Enjoy! :)