White Orchids
Stagnation
“Is everybody happy now?” Nicki asked, sticking her hands on her hips.
“Yes, Nicki,” half of the team answered in unison, making a mockery of her mock impatience.
Tyler approached his wife, looking as adorable as ever donning her “Kiss the Cook” apron he’d bought her so many years ago. His arm slung comfortably around her waist, and he pulled her close enough to plant a kiss on her cheek. Somehow, even after eating more than fifty bagels, two-dozen donuts, and twenty breakfast sandwiches, his team was still looking for food.
She stood proudly in front of the heap of cookies in front of her; she’d quadrupled the normal recipe. Everyone in the room watched as Dougie hesitantly reached out to grab the first one, as if he was just waiting for someone to stop him.
“Back off Dougie,” Shawn warned, “Who the fuck eats thirteen bagels?”
As if he were a child being reprimanded, Dougie retreated quickly, cowering away from the cooling pile of cookies.
“Shawn, we have manners in this kitchen. Leave Dougie alone,” Nicki scolded. “Jesus I figured after two or three years you guys would stop picking on him.”
“Dougie?” Brad asked, “Never! Have you seen the kid?”
At that, Nicki couldn’t help but laugh along with the rest of the team. Tyler couldn’t get enough of the way she acted around them, and hated himself for not bringing her around more often. She’d always convinced him that time with the team was guy time, that he needed to get away from her every once in a while to keep himself sane. Little did she know, every time he went out with them, he wished she was there.
In the midst of an argument over who got to take the first cookie, Candace strolled into the room and casually grabbed one off of the cooling rack. His team watched with disgust as his sister took a bite, making sure to be extra animated to show how much she was enjoying it.
“Guys, these are so good,” she moaned, earning glares from nearly everyone around them.
It wasn’t a concern for the number of cookies that had everyone disgruntled. Who would take the first cookie was a matter of pride amongst his teammates; whoever got the first of anything had to be respected, therefor the decision was of the utmost importance.
Finally, the twenty men in his kitchen swarmed around the cookies like bees around a hive. Tyler could only imagine that the next time the island was not blocked by bodies, he would find that there were maybe ten or so cookies left. He laughed as he watched elbows fly and curses ring, and brought Nicki closer to his hip.
“You’re the best,” he whispered, leaving a small kiss on her ear.
“Nah,” she said, waving him off. “Go hang with your team, I gotta clean this mess.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m not letting my poor, helpless, pregnant wife clean the kitchen by herself.”
“Ugh, you’re right, woe is me,” she sighed, delicately lifting the back of her hand to her forehead.
Tyler chuckled, relieved to see that she was still playful, even with the beginning of the draft inching closer by the second. At the moment, she seemed like her normal self. Had the weight of the world not been on his shoulders that day, he wouldn’t have known that anything was wrong. He had to consider that she was bottling things up, for the sake of keeping cool around him.
After leaving a kiss on the top of her head, Tyler left her side to begin the painstaking process of tidying up the kitchen. A hockey team didn’t exactly make the best houseguests, and as respectful as they were of Nicki, it would never keep the beer bottles and dirty dishware from piling up.
While his back was turned, he heard shuffling behind him.
“Woah, Nicki, are you okay?”
Tyler spun around so fast that he momentarily lost his bearings. The floor felt as though it was tilting underneath him, but as quickly as it came, it disappeared. Once his vision settled, the only thing he saw was Nicki, lying limply in Dougie’s arms. He got his own arms around her and pushed Dougie aside.
“Babe, what is it? Are you dizzy?” he asked frantically.
She nodded slowly, with her eyes at half-mast. Tyler experienced a brief, painful flashback to the night she miscarried, when the doctor’s pried her motionless body from his hold. This time, however, there was no blood, and no screeching. In his mind, he knew that this wasn’t the same thing. But he failed to choke back the dread that was filling him to the brim.
Slowly, she seemed to be regaining her focus. Her legs supported some of her own weight, and her head found his chest. It was only then that Tyler realized his heart was pumping fifty miles per hour, and attempted to begin breathing normally again.
“Did you eat today?”
Her head shook against his chest.
“Nicki, you’re supposed to be eating every few hours,” he reminded her, still feeling anxious over her episode.
“I’m sorry, I guess I just got distracted,” she mumbled.
Instantly, he regretted scolding her. It wasn’t her fault; he’d been with her all day. If anything, he needed to be taking better care of her.
“Dougie, can you help her to a chair?” Tyler asked, realizing that his entire time was holding their breath.
“Yeah, sure,” he said, looping an arm around her waist and guiding her into the living room.
Tyler nodded to Candace, who understood what he was trying to say and followed them. It was times such as these that he was grateful to have family and friends who were so helpful. Sometimes, he just couldn’t do it all by himself. As he scoured the fridge for something to make, a hand landed gently on his shoulder.
“Is she alright?” Patrice asked as he turned around to face him.
“I think so,” he said, pulling out a carton of strawberries. “This whole thing is kinda fucking with her head.”
“I’m sure it is. You know we’re always here to help, right?”
“Yeah, I know man. Thank you.”
Patrice gave a simple nod and smiled before leaving him be. He was certain that most of his team was still unsure of how to react, as they were all talking in nothing above a whisper. Tyler simply didn’t have the energy to explain everything to them, and hoped they would understand.
After compiling the saddest excuse for a parfait he’d ever seen, he filled a glass of water and brought them both into the living room, where Nicki sat with her head buried in her hands. Candace rubbed her back and exchanged a nervous glance with Tyler, making him feel even more worried than he’d been a minute ago. His sister got up and he took her place next to Nicki.
“Here,” he said softly, shoving the small cereal bowl into her lap.
Her head rose and she looked at him. It didn’t surprise him that she had been crying, and he didn’t waste a second before wrapping his arms around her shoulders.
“Babe, talk to me,” he pleaded. “I’m worried about you.”
“Ty, I’m so sorry,” she muttered, before breaking out in tears.
He grabbed the bowl from her hands and placed it on the coffee table so that she wouldn’t spill it everywhere and get even more upset. Pulling her into his lap, he held her close, trying to quiet the sobs that were coming from her.
“What are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything,” he assured her, confused as he’d ever been.
“I’m so fucking emotional! I can’t fucking get a grip. And I can’t stop fucking swearing.”
“If it makes you feel better, I’ll fucking swear with you,” he said, brushing her now tangled hair from her face.
With that she giggled, and seemed to relax a bit on top of him.
“That’s my girl,” he cooed, well aware that he’d used that phrase far more times than he should have. It hadn’t failed him yet, and he wasn’t going to stop until it did.
“I’m sorry I’m so horrible to deal with,” she said, as a last, stray tear dropped onto her cheek.
Tyler pressed his lips to the spot where it had fallen, coaxing a soft sigh from Nicki.
“You’re pregnant. Babe, you could be breathing fire right now. You’re not nearly as bad as you think you are.” He waited for her to respond, but after minutes had passed he realized that she wouldn’t be saying anything. “Come on, you gotta eat.”
She nodded and slid off of his lap, grabbing the bowl he’d just placed on the table in front of them. He watched her as she stirred around the contents, playing it the same way she played with all of her food before eating it. Before lifting the spoon to take a bite, she leaned over and met his lips with her own. Tyler sucked in a breath, taken aback by the astonishing softness of her lips. His hand wrapped around the back of her neck, suddenly overtaken with urge to give her the most passionate kiss she’d ever received. She tasted the same way she had earlier, and it brought on memories of the incredible morning they’d shared.
He knew that his team was watching, he could hear the quiet whispering and the occasional snicker. If they wanted to watch, they could go right ahead. The only thing on his mind was how incredibly sweet her kiss had become, the polar opposite of how it had been just hours ago. He let Nicki take control, feeling butterflies every time her lips caught his. Her tongue poked softly around his mouth, leaving as quickly as it entered. Wanting more, his own tongue pushed through her lips, and for a moment her body sagged, like she’d lost all control over it. Neither of them could suppress the laugh that threatened to ruin their blissful moment. To make up for it, Tyler wrapped her up in his arms, holding her as laughter shook both of them.
“You are so fucking cute,” he chuckled, showering the top of her head with tiny kisses.
“God, I am such a loser,” she mumbled.
“I love it. I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
“That’s bull, Ty.”
“Is not. You make me feel so cool,” he teased as he rubbed her back. “Besides, you’re [i]my[/i] loser. You should be honored.”
“Let’s hope these kids get your genes. All of them.”
Tyler knew that she was partially joking, but he was given the opportunity to speak with her about their babies, and he wasn’t about to pass it up.
“Hell no. I don’t want them being called Dumbo their whole lives.”
A laugh rolled off of her tongue as she reached for his ears, squeezing them lightly between her fingers and thumbs.
“Stop it, I love your ears,” she said sweetly. “I love everything about you.”
“Even my legs?”
“Even your creepy legs,” she giggled, placing her lips on his mid-laugh.
“Are you guys done in there or what?!” Tuukka called impatiently from the kitchen.
Nicki pulled away from him unwillingly at best, still smiling like the happiest girl in the world. Her emotional distress could be a little scary at times, with everything in overdrive. But it also meant that, as she could become extremely depressed, she could also become uncontrollably happy. At least he had that much.
“Yeah, I’m putting on the draft now,” he called back, anxiety rushing back to him. Nicki had been doing a fantastic job at making him forget why his entire team was crowded into their kitchen.
He reached for the remote and turned on the TV. As soon as he did, he felt sick. The denial he’d been in the past day could no longer serve him. This was real, it was happening, and there was not a single thing he could do about it. Next to him, Nicki had finally started to eat. Her eyes were glued to the screen, and he imagined they would stay that way until his fate was decided.
Tyler placed a hand in the middle of her back, hoping to give her any kind of solace. He still hated himself for assuming that this would never be an issue, that they would be able to happily spend their lives in the place they loved. She didn’t deserve to go through any more suffering.
His team filed in slowly, and Adam came last with the plate of cookies in hand. Milan passed around beers to everyone but Nicki; even Cassidy had one in hand. The tension in the room was unbearable. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nicki place her now empty bowl on the table. Before she could recline back into the couch, he grabbed her hips and pulled her on top of him. There was no better source of comfort that he could think of. Nothing would help keep him calm quite like holding the one thing that kept him grounded.
Nicki didn’t fight him. He got the feeling she could sense his need for her, and settled into him without complication. Her little hands held his, sending a warm tingle up his arms. Slowly, she moved them to cover her stomach. Tyler buried his face in her hair, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to crack his resolve. Her small gesture hit him like a freight train. It was impossible to assume that she knew what he was thinking, and it was impossible that he would know what she was trying to tell him in return. But somehow, it was true.
She pressed his hands into her belly, reminding him that no matter what happened that day, no matter how their lives played out, in just weeks from now he would be feeling something more underneath her skin. Tears spilled out into her hair, some of hope and some of fear. No one around him spoke, and he questioned whether or not they knew what was going on behind the mask of Nicki’s silky hair.
He slipped his hands up the sweatshirt that she’d put on; the one she’d spent so much time in over the course of their relationship. The one she’d been wearing when she told him how proud she was to wear his name, long before they’d gotten married. It was the one he knew that she curled up in when he was away, searching desperately for any sign of him, the same way he did with her.
As Gary Bettman approached the stage to introduce the beginning of the draft, his fingers moved nervously across her skin, trying to remind himself that it would be okay. Everything was going to be okay.
** * * *
Nicki held her breath for the twenty-sixth time that afternoon, eyeing Peter as he rose from the Bruins table. Naturally, the camera didn’t bother to follow him, and she had not the slightest clue as to where he was. For all she knew, he could be making a trip to the bathroom. Or he could be going to discuss details of her husband’s future. Although he’d made it nearly all the way through the first round, she’d been constantly reminded by the men around her that it didn’t mean anything. Calgary drafted the prospect that Peter had his eye on, which only added to the anxiety. By the looks of things, they were just waiting for the right time to announce a trade.
The next thirty minutes passed in a daze, and Nicki was still left feeling uneasy after the first round ended. In reality, he should have been safe. But as she was quickly learning, the NHL was ruthless and unpredictable. She wouldn’t allow herself to be relieved just yet, knowing as soon as she did, the worst would happen.
As the draft went to a commercial, Tyler’s frantic hands finally became still on her stomach. Her skin had become raw and irritated from the constant friction his fingers created, but there was no way in hell that she was about to complain. His arms wrapped around her and his face returned to her hair, in an act that tore her heart to pieces. Earlier, she’d felt the wetness against her scalp, and felt his tiny trembles as he tried to hold in a sob. He was a broken man, he had been since the second they lost their son. But he’d been getting better. Time was slowly healing the wounds inflicted on him. That is, until his mentors decided to turn their backs on him. Nicki could imagine few worse hells than the one he was experiencing that very moment.
She rubbed her hands softly against the arms that encased her torso, stopping every so often to trace over the ink of his tattoo. He seemed to like it when she did so, as if acknowledging his stained skin brought some kind of solace to him. Nicki was prepared to do just about anything to make him feel better, and looking around the room, she gathered that most of the people who were with them felt the same way.
As she mulled over ideas in her mind, Tyler shifted underneath her. Suddenly, she was sitting on the couch where he’d been, watching him walk away. She glanced at Milan next to her, who did nothing more than shrug.
“Should I go see if he’s okay?” she asked, folding her hands nervously in her lap. “Or should I just leave him alone?”
“I don’t know, Nicki. If it was me, I’d want Brittany with me every second. It can’t hurt, right?”
“Maybe,” she whispered, distracted by the thoughts in her mind of what might happen if it backfired. The worst he could do was snap at her and tell her to leave. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done that before.
Nicki rose slowly from the couch, the dizzy spell from earlier still fresh in her brain. The absolute last thing she needed to do was to give Tyler something else to worry about. He didn’t need any more stress or anxiety, especially not over her.
She crept into the kitchen, where he was standing with his back turned to her, looking out of the biggest window in the house. From where she was, she could see the garden she’d started. She could see the pool where they’d spent many of the first warm days. If they had to move, she was as sure as anything that she would never love a house the way she loved the one they were in now. It held so much meaning for her, and now it held memories, too. The good and the bad, it was where they’d spent arguably the most important year of their lives. It was cruel and unfair that someone’s decision that day could uproot them from their home, and send them to a place that’s strange and unfamiliar.
“Ty,” she said softy, afraid to frighten him.
He had no reaction to her. Nicki was positive that he’d heard his name. She walked around the island hesitantly and stood next to him, using the granite as support as she leaned back. Looking up at her husband, she saw everything that a woman should never see on her man’s face. Worry, sadness, betrayal, and guilt were slathered across his face, impossible for her to miss.
Her hand reached out slowly to grab his arm, and even though he knew she was there, he flinched at her touch. It stung, but she kept her hand on him, trying desperately to find a way to convey the things she was thinking,
“Baby, what’s on your mind?”
Tyler shook his head, the telltale sign that she would never hear the thoughts running through it. If he wouldn’t open up, she would have to do it for him.
“You know what I realized earlier?” she asked, gazing out at her beautiful backyard as she spoke.
She didn’t receive an answer; he didn’t look at her nor give any indication that he was listening at all.
“I realized that we’re going to be okay,” she stated flatly, hoping to ease the tension that had formed between them. “We’ve been going back and forth the entire day, reassuring each other and making promises and preparing ourselves for something horrible. But when I was out with Candace, everything finally sank in. The shock wore off, the devastation didn’t seem nearly as earth shattering. Ty, you know I’ll follow you anywhere. And, contrary to what you might believe, you didn’t let me down.” Finally, his head turned slightly, just enough to look at her as she spoke. His arms crossed in front of his chest, distracting her for a second or two before she remembered that the speech she was giving was much more important than ogling her husband’s body. “Babe, you made me so proud this season. Hell, you make me proud every day. And wherever we end up, I’m going to keep loving you the same way I do here. I’m going to keep watching you and rooting for you and bragging just a little about how my husband is a superstar. We’re going to have two beautiful babies. And no matter how much we hate where we end up, no matter how far away from home it feels, once we have them, everything else is going to be irrelevant. You know that, Tyler, I know you do. Can you picture them, when they’re three or four, running around the house and doing stupid shit to make us laugh and spending every second of their days with us? It’s going to be perfect. No matter where we are.”
Although she could have kept going for hours, she figured that might have been a good place to cut it off. There was no way that he could argue with her, no point that he could possibly make to disprove what she had just said.
After a silence that lasted much too long, Tyler’s arms fell from his chest. Nicki watched patiently, waiting to see what he was going to do. Surely he had been thinking about what she said, and was trying to find some way to react. He walked cautiously so that he was standing directly in front of her, staring straight into her eyes as he cupped her cheek and lowered his face to hers.
His kiss left her mind reeling and her thoughts blurred. His lips were inconceivably soft against hers, fitting perfectly together, as if nature had intended for them to be that way. When he pulled away, she had to focus on her breathing to make sure that her lungs were still working correctly.
Without saying a word he grabbed her hand, leading her back to the living room, where they would wait out the rest of the night, with fingers crossed and heartbeats racing.
** * * *
“So it’s off?” Dave asked, turning the phone on speaker so that everyone who was gathered around it would hear.
“It’s off,” Peter said, his voice coming in a bit raspy from the erratic cell phone reception. “You can tell him we’re sorry to put him through something like that, and to expect to ride out the rest of his contract with the team.”
After exchanging a grin with Tyler, Dave said, “Thank you, I will certainly tell him.”
Nicki waited for him to end the call before letting out a cry of relief.
“So we’re staying?!”
“You’re staying,” Dave confirmed, answered with cheers from Tyler’s entire team, and tears from Nicki.
Arms wrapped around her; ones that were still bigger than she was used to. Lips hit her face so quickly she couldn’t even count how many kisses she’d received. When they landed by her ears, they stopped.
“I love you,” they whispered, sending a chill down her spine.
She would never grow accustomed to the way it felt when he told her that he loved her, when he said it with all of the sincerity in the world. He let go of her so that his teammates could bombard him with hugs and slaps on the back, and even a kiss on the cheek from Brad. Nicki couldn’t stop laughing; the relief wouldn’t allow it. Her thoughts were so joyous, it was as if her mind couldn’t quite process them. They didn’t have to leave. She would be able to raise their children in the place she was meant to, in the house that they’d already made into a home.
Allowing Tyler to spend some much needed time celebrating, Nicki decided to spend some much needed time deliberating. She pulled Candace aside and let her know that she would be upstairs if Tyler was looking for her. After receiving a skeptical look, she agreed and rejoined Brad by Tyler’s side.
Marshall followed her up the stairs, most likely annoyed by the ruckus going on below. She let him join her on their bed, a rarity of sorts when Tyler wasn’t on the road. After stripping herself of everything but Tyler’s huge, worn sweatshirt, she climbed underneath the covers and Marshall dropped his head onto her thighs, enjoying the light, rhythmic strokes of her hand against his fur.
There was a decision to be made. One that, once all of the jubilation had ended, would need to be addressed. In the back of her mind, she knew what she wanted to do. It was now simply a matter of making sure that they were on the same page.
While she waited for Tyler, Nicki did everything she could to stay awake. She turned on the TV, she sang to Marshall, she even picked up the already finished book on her nightstand and tried to read through the most exciting parts.
Apparently, none of it worked, because she was forced from her sleep by a gentle hand on her face. Her eyes opened slowly, she’d been in the middle of a dream and things still didn’t feel right.
“Ty?” she whispered, her mouth dry from being open while she slept.
“Yeah, right here babe,” he said, with a pair of lips landing on her forehead.
“I wanna talk to you. What time is it?”
“Just after two. The guys left about fifteen minutes ago, they insisted on cleaning up the mess.”
A warm smile formed on her lips when she pictured his team working together to clean up the aftermath of a very stressful weekend.
“That was nice of them,” she said through a yawn, earning a few tired chuckles from Tyler.
“I don’t know how I could play with any other team,” he admitted.
Nicki could do nothing but nod. She knew how much that team meant to him, and although she was still feeling bitter towards the management, she was beyond ecstatic that he got to stay with the men he loved like brothers.
Tyler undressed in front of her, nearly provoking her to take advantage of him for a fourth time that day. If there hadn’t been such pressing matters at hand, she would have gladly jumped on top of him and went to work.
He waited until he was in bed with her to ask, “What exactly are we talking about?”
Taking a deep breath and giving Marshall’s floppy ears a squeeze, she answered simply.
“The boy.”
“Babe, it’s totally fine if – “
“I think we should do it,” she blurted out, not about to let him ramble like an idiot when he didn’t have to.
“You do?”
“Yes. But we don’t make a final decision until we meet him, and until we get all of the details from the adoption agency.”
Turning onto his side, he propped himself up with an elbow and stared at her excitedly.
“Of course, that’s fine.”
“And, I want a psych evaluation. I’m sure if we requested one they would have to do it. I know it seems mean after everything he’s been through, but right now, we already have two children. And they have to come first.”
He nodded eagerly. He’d probably come upstairs, expecting that nothing could possibly make him happier than he already was.
“What made you decide all of this?” he asked, taking his own turn with Marshall’s fur.
“Well, from the start I told myself that if by some miracle we got to stay here, that I would really consider it. Honestly Ty, it came down to me feeling bad for him, and to me being terrified that I won’t be able to live if something happens to these babies. We can fool ourselves all we want, but my chances still aren’t great. I think already having a child, even if he isn’t our own, might lessen the blow if God forbid something goes wrong. And I tried to put myself in this kid’s shoes. I almost ended up in foster care, and I was so lucky that I avoided it. I don’t think I could pass up an opportunity like this and keep a good conscience.”
Tyler closed the small space between them and trapped her in a hug so tight that she could barely breath. His excitement was spilling over onto her, and suddenly she couldn’t wait to meet the little boy who she may someday call her son.
“When do you want to do all of this?” he inquired hesitantly, playing absentmindedly with a piece of her hair.
“I think you should give Amelia a call in the morning. I’m ready whenever you are.”
“Yes, Nicki,” half of the team answered in unison, making a mockery of her mock impatience.
Tyler approached his wife, looking as adorable as ever donning her “Kiss the Cook” apron he’d bought her so many years ago. His arm slung comfortably around her waist, and he pulled her close enough to plant a kiss on her cheek. Somehow, even after eating more than fifty bagels, two-dozen donuts, and twenty breakfast sandwiches, his team was still looking for food.
She stood proudly in front of the heap of cookies in front of her; she’d quadrupled the normal recipe. Everyone in the room watched as Dougie hesitantly reached out to grab the first one, as if he was just waiting for someone to stop him.
“Back off Dougie,” Shawn warned, “Who the fuck eats thirteen bagels?”
As if he were a child being reprimanded, Dougie retreated quickly, cowering away from the cooling pile of cookies.
“Shawn, we have manners in this kitchen. Leave Dougie alone,” Nicki scolded. “Jesus I figured after two or three years you guys would stop picking on him.”
“Dougie?” Brad asked, “Never! Have you seen the kid?”
At that, Nicki couldn’t help but laugh along with the rest of the team. Tyler couldn’t get enough of the way she acted around them, and hated himself for not bringing her around more often. She’d always convinced him that time with the team was guy time, that he needed to get away from her every once in a while to keep himself sane. Little did she know, every time he went out with them, he wished she was there.
In the midst of an argument over who got to take the first cookie, Candace strolled into the room and casually grabbed one off of the cooling rack. His team watched with disgust as his sister took a bite, making sure to be extra animated to show how much she was enjoying it.
“Guys, these are so good,” she moaned, earning glares from nearly everyone around them.
It wasn’t a concern for the number of cookies that had everyone disgruntled. Who would take the first cookie was a matter of pride amongst his teammates; whoever got the first of anything had to be respected, therefor the decision was of the utmost importance.
Finally, the twenty men in his kitchen swarmed around the cookies like bees around a hive. Tyler could only imagine that the next time the island was not blocked by bodies, he would find that there were maybe ten or so cookies left. He laughed as he watched elbows fly and curses ring, and brought Nicki closer to his hip.
“You’re the best,” he whispered, leaving a small kiss on her ear.
“Nah,” she said, waving him off. “Go hang with your team, I gotta clean this mess.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m not letting my poor, helpless, pregnant wife clean the kitchen by herself.”
“Ugh, you’re right, woe is me,” she sighed, delicately lifting the back of her hand to her forehead.
Tyler chuckled, relieved to see that she was still playful, even with the beginning of the draft inching closer by the second. At the moment, she seemed like her normal self. Had the weight of the world not been on his shoulders that day, he wouldn’t have known that anything was wrong. He had to consider that she was bottling things up, for the sake of keeping cool around him.
After leaving a kiss on the top of her head, Tyler left her side to begin the painstaking process of tidying up the kitchen. A hockey team didn’t exactly make the best houseguests, and as respectful as they were of Nicki, it would never keep the beer bottles and dirty dishware from piling up.
While his back was turned, he heard shuffling behind him.
“Woah, Nicki, are you okay?”
Tyler spun around so fast that he momentarily lost his bearings. The floor felt as though it was tilting underneath him, but as quickly as it came, it disappeared. Once his vision settled, the only thing he saw was Nicki, lying limply in Dougie’s arms. He got his own arms around her and pushed Dougie aside.
“Babe, what is it? Are you dizzy?” he asked frantically.
She nodded slowly, with her eyes at half-mast. Tyler experienced a brief, painful flashback to the night she miscarried, when the doctor’s pried her motionless body from his hold. This time, however, there was no blood, and no screeching. In his mind, he knew that this wasn’t the same thing. But he failed to choke back the dread that was filling him to the brim.
Slowly, she seemed to be regaining her focus. Her legs supported some of her own weight, and her head found his chest. It was only then that Tyler realized his heart was pumping fifty miles per hour, and attempted to begin breathing normally again.
“Did you eat today?”
Her head shook against his chest.
“Nicki, you’re supposed to be eating every few hours,” he reminded her, still feeling anxious over her episode.
“I’m sorry, I guess I just got distracted,” she mumbled.
Instantly, he regretted scolding her. It wasn’t her fault; he’d been with her all day. If anything, he needed to be taking better care of her.
“Dougie, can you help her to a chair?” Tyler asked, realizing that his entire time was holding their breath.
“Yeah, sure,” he said, looping an arm around her waist and guiding her into the living room.
Tyler nodded to Candace, who understood what he was trying to say and followed them. It was times such as these that he was grateful to have family and friends who were so helpful. Sometimes, he just couldn’t do it all by himself. As he scoured the fridge for something to make, a hand landed gently on his shoulder.
“Is she alright?” Patrice asked as he turned around to face him.
“I think so,” he said, pulling out a carton of strawberries. “This whole thing is kinda fucking with her head.”
“I’m sure it is. You know we’re always here to help, right?”
“Yeah, I know man. Thank you.”
Patrice gave a simple nod and smiled before leaving him be. He was certain that most of his team was still unsure of how to react, as they were all talking in nothing above a whisper. Tyler simply didn’t have the energy to explain everything to them, and hoped they would understand.
After compiling the saddest excuse for a parfait he’d ever seen, he filled a glass of water and brought them both into the living room, where Nicki sat with her head buried in her hands. Candace rubbed her back and exchanged a nervous glance with Tyler, making him feel even more worried than he’d been a minute ago. His sister got up and he took her place next to Nicki.
“Here,” he said softly, shoving the small cereal bowl into her lap.
Her head rose and she looked at him. It didn’t surprise him that she had been crying, and he didn’t waste a second before wrapping his arms around her shoulders.
“Babe, talk to me,” he pleaded. “I’m worried about you.”
“Ty, I’m so sorry,” she muttered, before breaking out in tears.
He grabbed the bowl from her hands and placed it on the coffee table so that she wouldn’t spill it everywhere and get even more upset. Pulling her into his lap, he held her close, trying to quiet the sobs that were coming from her.
“What are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything,” he assured her, confused as he’d ever been.
“I’m so fucking emotional! I can’t fucking get a grip. And I can’t stop fucking swearing.”
“If it makes you feel better, I’ll fucking swear with you,” he said, brushing her now tangled hair from her face.
With that she giggled, and seemed to relax a bit on top of him.
“That’s my girl,” he cooed, well aware that he’d used that phrase far more times than he should have. It hadn’t failed him yet, and he wasn’t going to stop until it did.
“I’m sorry I’m so horrible to deal with,” she said, as a last, stray tear dropped onto her cheek.
Tyler pressed his lips to the spot where it had fallen, coaxing a soft sigh from Nicki.
“You’re pregnant. Babe, you could be breathing fire right now. You’re not nearly as bad as you think you are.” He waited for her to respond, but after minutes had passed he realized that she wouldn’t be saying anything. “Come on, you gotta eat.”
She nodded and slid off of his lap, grabbing the bowl he’d just placed on the table in front of them. He watched her as she stirred around the contents, playing it the same way she played with all of her food before eating it. Before lifting the spoon to take a bite, she leaned over and met his lips with her own. Tyler sucked in a breath, taken aback by the astonishing softness of her lips. His hand wrapped around the back of her neck, suddenly overtaken with urge to give her the most passionate kiss she’d ever received. She tasted the same way she had earlier, and it brought on memories of the incredible morning they’d shared.
He knew that his team was watching, he could hear the quiet whispering and the occasional snicker. If they wanted to watch, they could go right ahead. The only thing on his mind was how incredibly sweet her kiss had become, the polar opposite of how it had been just hours ago. He let Nicki take control, feeling butterflies every time her lips caught his. Her tongue poked softly around his mouth, leaving as quickly as it entered. Wanting more, his own tongue pushed through her lips, and for a moment her body sagged, like she’d lost all control over it. Neither of them could suppress the laugh that threatened to ruin their blissful moment. To make up for it, Tyler wrapped her up in his arms, holding her as laughter shook both of them.
“You are so fucking cute,” he chuckled, showering the top of her head with tiny kisses.
“God, I am such a loser,” she mumbled.
“I love it. I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
“That’s bull, Ty.”
“Is not. You make me feel so cool,” he teased as he rubbed her back. “Besides, you’re [i]my[/i] loser. You should be honored.”
“Let’s hope these kids get your genes. All of them.”
Tyler knew that she was partially joking, but he was given the opportunity to speak with her about their babies, and he wasn’t about to pass it up.
“Hell no. I don’t want them being called Dumbo their whole lives.”
A laugh rolled off of her tongue as she reached for his ears, squeezing them lightly between her fingers and thumbs.
“Stop it, I love your ears,” she said sweetly. “I love everything about you.”
“Even my legs?”
“Even your creepy legs,” she giggled, placing her lips on his mid-laugh.
“Are you guys done in there or what?!” Tuukka called impatiently from the kitchen.
Nicki pulled away from him unwillingly at best, still smiling like the happiest girl in the world. Her emotional distress could be a little scary at times, with everything in overdrive. But it also meant that, as she could become extremely depressed, she could also become uncontrollably happy. At least he had that much.
“Yeah, I’m putting on the draft now,” he called back, anxiety rushing back to him. Nicki had been doing a fantastic job at making him forget why his entire team was crowded into their kitchen.
He reached for the remote and turned on the TV. As soon as he did, he felt sick. The denial he’d been in the past day could no longer serve him. This was real, it was happening, and there was not a single thing he could do about it. Next to him, Nicki had finally started to eat. Her eyes were glued to the screen, and he imagined they would stay that way until his fate was decided.
Tyler placed a hand in the middle of her back, hoping to give her any kind of solace. He still hated himself for assuming that this would never be an issue, that they would be able to happily spend their lives in the place they loved. She didn’t deserve to go through any more suffering.
His team filed in slowly, and Adam came last with the plate of cookies in hand. Milan passed around beers to everyone but Nicki; even Cassidy had one in hand. The tension in the room was unbearable. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nicki place her now empty bowl on the table. Before she could recline back into the couch, he grabbed her hips and pulled her on top of him. There was no better source of comfort that he could think of. Nothing would help keep him calm quite like holding the one thing that kept him grounded.
Nicki didn’t fight him. He got the feeling she could sense his need for her, and settled into him without complication. Her little hands held his, sending a warm tingle up his arms. Slowly, she moved them to cover her stomach. Tyler buried his face in her hair, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to crack his resolve. Her small gesture hit him like a freight train. It was impossible to assume that she knew what he was thinking, and it was impossible that he would know what she was trying to tell him in return. But somehow, it was true.
She pressed his hands into her belly, reminding him that no matter what happened that day, no matter how their lives played out, in just weeks from now he would be feeling something more underneath her skin. Tears spilled out into her hair, some of hope and some of fear. No one around him spoke, and he questioned whether or not they knew what was going on behind the mask of Nicki’s silky hair.
He slipped his hands up the sweatshirt that she’d put on; the one she’d spent so much time in over the course of their relationship. The one she’d been wearing when she told him how proud she was to wear his name, long before they’d gotten married. It was the one he knew that she curled up in when he was away, searching desperately for any sign of him, the same way he did with her.
As Gary Bettman approached the stage to introduce the beginning of the draft, his fingers moved nervously across her skin, trying to remind himself that it would be okay. Everything was going to be okay.
** * * *
Nicki held her breath for the twenty-sixth time that afternoon, eyeing Peter as he rose from the Bruins table. Naturally, the camera didn’t bother to follow him, and she had not the slightest clue as to where he was. For all she knew, he could be making a trip to the bathroom. Or he could be going to discuss details of her husband’s future. Although he’d made it nearly all the way through the first round, she’d been constantly reminded by the men around her that it didn’t mean anything. Calgary drafted the prospect that Peter had his eye on, which only added to the anxiety. By the looks of things, they were just waiting for the right time to announce a trade.
The next thirty minutes passed in a daze, and Nicki was still left feeling uneasy after the first round ended. In reality, he should have been safe. But as she was quickly learning, the NHL was ruthless and unpredictable. She wouldn’t allow herself to be relieved just yet, knowing as soon as she did, the worst would happen.
As the draft went to a commercial, Tyler’s frantic hands finally became still on her stomach. Her skin had become raw and irritated from the constant friction his fingers created, but there was no way in hell that she was about to complain. His arms wrapped around her and his face returned to her hair, in an act that tore her heart to pieces. Earlier, she’d felt the wetness against her scalp, and felt his tiny trembles as he tried to hold in a sob. He was a broken man, he had been since the second they lost their son. But he’d been getting better. Time was slowly healing the wounds inflicted on him. That is, until his mentors decided to turn their backs on him. Nicki could imagine few worse hells than the one he was experiencing that very moment.
She rubbed her hands softly against the arms that encased her torso, stopping every so often to trace over the ink of his tattoo. He seemed to like it when she did so, as if acknowledging his stained skin brought some kind of solace to him. Nicki was prepared to do just about anything to make him feel better, and looking around the room, she gathered that most of the people who were with them felt the same way.
As she mulled over ideas in her mind, Tyler shifted underneath her. Suddenly, she was sitting on the couch where he’d been, watching him walk away. She glanced at Milan next to her, who did nothing more than shrug.
“Should I go see if he’s okay?” she asked, folding her hands nervously in her lap. “Or should I just leave him alone?”
“I don’t know, Nicki. If it was me, I’d want Brittany with me every second. It can’t hurt, right?”
“Maybe,” she whispered, distracted by the thoughts in her mind of what might happen if it backfired. The worst he could do was snap at her and tell her to leave. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done that before.
Nicki rose slowly from the couch, the dizzy spell from earlier still fresh in her brain. The absolute last thing she needed to do was to give Tyler something else to worry about. He didn’t need any more stress or anxiety, especially not over her.
She crept into the kitchen, where he was standing with his back turned to her, looking out of the biggest window in the house. From where she was, she could see the garden she’d started. She could see the pool where they’d spent many of the first warm days. If they had to move, she was as sure as anything that she would never love a house the way she loved the one they were in now. It held so much meaning for her, and now it held memories, too. The good and the bad, it was where they’d spent arguably the most important year of their lives. It was cruel and unfair that someone’s decision that day could uproot them from their home, and send them to a place that’s strange and unfamiliar.
“Ty,” she said softy, afraid to frighten him.
He had no reaction to her. Nicki was positive that he’d heard his name. She walked around the island hesitantly and stood next to him, using the granite as support as she leaned back. Looking up at her husband, she saw everything that a woman should never see on her man’s face. Worry, sadness, betrayal, and guilt were slathered across his face, impossible for her to miss.
Her hand reached out slowly to grab his arm, and even though he knew she was there, he flinched at her touch. It stung, but she kept her hand on him, trying desperately to find a way to convey the things she was thinking,
“Baby, what’s on your mind?”
Tyler shook his head, the telltale sign that she would never hear the thoughts running through it. If he wouldn’t open up, she would have to do it for him.
“You know what I realized earlier?” she asked, gazing out at her beautiful backyard as she spoke.
She didn’t receive an answer; he didn’t look at her nor give any indication that he was listening at all.
“I realized that we’re going to be okay,” she stated flatly, hoping to ease the tension that had formed between them. “We’ve been going back and forth the entire day, reassuring each other and making promises and preparing ourselves for something horrible. But when I was out with Candace, everything finally sank in. The shock wore off, the devastation didn’t seem nearly as earth shattering. Ty, you know I’ll follow you anywhere. And, contrary to what you might believe, you didn’t let me down.” Finally, his head turned slightly, just enough to look at her as she spoke. His arms crossed in front of his chest, distracting her for a second or two before she remembered that the speech she was giving was much more important than ogling her husband’s body. “Babe, you made me so proud this season. Hell, you make me proud every day. And wherever we end up, I’m going to keep loving you the same way I do here. I’m going to keep watching you and rooting for you and bragging just a little about how my husband is a superstar. We’re going to have two beautiful babies. And no matter how much we hate where we end up, no matter how far away from home it feels, once we have them, everything else is going to be irrelevant. You know that, Tyler, I know you do. Can you picture them, when they’re three or four, running around the house and doing stupid shit to make us laugh and spending every second of their days with us? It’s going to be perfect. No matter where we are.”
Although she could have kept going for hours, she figured that might have been a good place to cut it off. There was no way that he could argue with her, no point that he could possibly make to disprove what she had just said.
After a silence that lasted much too long, Tyler’s arms fell from his chest. Nicki watched patiently, waiting to see what he was going to do. Surely he had been thinking about what she said, and was trying to find some way to react. He walked cautiously so that he was standing directly in front of her, staring straight into her eyes as he cupped her cheek and lowered his face to hers.
His kiss left her mind reeling and her thoughts blurred. His lips were inconceivably soft against hers, fitting perfectly together, as if nature had intended for them to be that way. When he pulled away, she had to focus on her breathing to make sure that her lungs were still working correctly.
Without saying a word he grabbed her hand, leading her back to the living room, where they would wait out the rest of the night, with fingers crossed and heartbeats racing.
** * * *
“So it’s off?” Dave asked, turning the phone on speaker so that everyone who was gathered around it would hear.
“It’s off,” Peter said, his voice coming in a bit raspy from the erratic cell phone reception. “You can tell him we’re sorry to put him through something like that, and to expect to ride out the rest of his contract with the team.”
After exchanging a grin with Tyler, Dave said, “Thank you, I will certainly tell him.”
Nicki waited for him to end the call before letting out a cry of relief.
“So we’re staying?!”
“You’re staying,” Dave confirmed, answered with cheers from Tyler’s entire team, and tears from Nicki.
Arms wrapped around her; ones that were still bigger than she was used to. Lips hit her face so quickly she couldn’t even count how many kisses she’d received. When they landed by her ears, they stopped.
“I love you,” they whispered, sending a chill down her spine.
She would never grow accustomed to the way it felt when he told her that he loved her, when he said it with all of the sincerity in the world. He let go of her so that his teammates could bombard him with hugs and slaps on the back, and even a kiss on the cheek from Brad. Nicki couldn’t stop laughing; the relief wouldn’t allow it. Her thoughts were so joyous, it was as if her mind couldn’t quite process them. They didn’t have to leave. She would be able to raise their children in the place she was meant to, in the house that they’d already made into a home.
Allowing Tyler to spend some much needed time celebrating, Nicki decided to spend some much needed time deliberating. She pulled Candace aside and let her know that she would be upstairs if Tyler was looking for her. After receiving a skeptical look, she agreed and rejoined Brad by Tyler’s side.
Marshall followed her up the stairs, most likely annoyed by the ruckus going on below. She let him join her on their bed, a rarity of sorts when Tyler wasn’t on the road. After stripping herself of everything but Tyler’s huge, worn sweatshirt, she climbed underneath the covers and Marshall dropped his head onto her thighs, enjoying the light, rhythmic strokes of her hand against his fur.
There was a decision to be made. One that, once all of the jubilation had ended, would need to be addressed. In the back of her mind, she knew what she wanted to do. It was now simply a matter of making sure that they were on the same page.
While she waited for Tyler, Nicki did everything she could to stay awake. She turned on the TV, she sang to Marshall, she even picked up the already finished book on her nightstand and tried to read through the most exciting parts.
Apparently, none of it worked, because she was forced from her sleep by a gentle hand on her face. Her eyes opened slowly, she’d been in the middle of a dream and things still didn’t feel right.
“Ty?” she whispered, her mouth dry from being open while she slept.
“Yeah, right here babe,” he said, with a pair of lips landing on her forehead.
“I wanna talk to you. What time is it?”
“Just after two. The guys left about fifteen minutes ago, they insisted on cleaning up the mess.”
A warm smile formed on her lips when she pictured his team working together to clean up the aftermath of a very stressful weekend.
“That was nice of them,” she said through a yawn, earning a few tired chuckles from Tyler.
“I don’t know how I could play with any other team,” he admitted.
Nicki could do nothing but nod. She knew how much that team meant to him, and although she was still feeling bitter towards the management, she was beyond ecstatic that he got to stay with the men he loved like brothers.
Tyler undressed in front of her, nearly provoking her to take advantage of him for a fourth time that day. If there hadn’t been such pressing matters at hand, she would have gladly jumped on top of him and went to work.
He waited until he was in bed with her to ask, “What exactly are we talking about?”
Taking a deep breath and giving Marshall’s floppy ears a squeeze, she answered simply.
“The boy.”
“Babe, it’s totally fine if – “
“I think we should do it,” she blurted out, not about to let him ramble like an idiot when he didn’t have to.
“You do?”
“Yes. But we don’t make a final decision until we meet him, and until we get all of the details from the adoption agency.”
Turning onto his side, he propped himself up with an elbow and stared at her excitedly.
“Of course, that’s fine.”
“And, I want a psych evaluation. I’m sure if we requested one they would have to do it. I know it seems mean after everything he’s been through, but right now, we already have two children. And they have to come first.”
He nodded eagerly. He’d probably come upstairs, expecting that nothing could possibly make him happier than he already was.
“What made you decide all of this?” he asked, taking his own turn with Marshall’s fur.
“Well, from the start I told myself that if by some miracle we got to stay here, that I would really consider it. Honestly Ty, it came down to me feeling bad for him, and to me being terrified that I won’t be able to live if something happens to these babies. We can fool ourselves all we want, but my chances still aren’t great. I think already having a child, even if he isn’t our own, might lessen the blow if God forbid something goes wrong. And I tried to put myself in this kid’s shoes. I almost ended up in foster care, and I was so lucky that I avoided it. I don’t think I could pass up an opportunity like this and keep a good conscience.”
Tyler closed the small space between them and trapped her in a hug so tight that she could barely breath. His excitement was spilling over onto her, and suddenly she couldn’t wait to meet the little boy who she may someday call her son.
“When do you want to do all of this?” he inquired hesitantly, playing absentmindedly with a piece of her hair.
“I think you should give Amelia a call in the morning. I’m ready whenever you are.”
Update soon!!!!! Love this story!!!!!
11/14/15