I heard footsteps outside my doorway; Erica must have finally come back inside. My eyes fluttered open; as exhausted as I was My mind wouldn't shut off; I couldn't sleep regardless of how much I desperately needed to and wanted to.

With a swift movement I got up from bed; I realized I had left my door locked.

“Are you and Tyler done eye fuck-” I stopped abruptly in my tracks, realizing I wasn't talking to Erica. He stood before me, a guilty expression on his face, shoulders slumped over, hands shoved desperately in his pockets. His head was tilted downwards but his eyes met mine; the night light in the hallway the only way I could even make out his expression.. “Oh.” Was the only thing I could squeak out.

“I heard about your dad” he spoke softly, taking a step towards me. I wanted so badly to collapse into his arms and to cry; to break down; but I was furious.

“Oh, so that's why you're actually speaking to me?” I shot back. Low blow, and I knew it. I guess all the working, lack of eating and sleeping was finally getting the better of me. He winced at my words; sighing before continuing.

“I'm here because I love you, Hales” he spoke with a quivering voice. I took a step back instinctively, into the darkness that was my bedroom. I couldn't see his face now; maybe that was best.

“If you loved me you wouldn't just cut me off like that” I snapped back, regretting my choice of words. It didn't come out like it sounded in my head.

“You don't believe I don't love you, do you?” He asked, the hurt evident as he spoke.

“I don't know, you tell me” I hissed back. Where was this coming from? I wasn't sure why I was being so distant; so cold. I was so emotionally distraught I couldn't hold it back any longer.

“Haley I've loved you for years” he told me, and I could tell he was frowning despite not being able to see his face. I wasn't sure how to answer; I knew he did. He showed me how much he loved me on a consistent basis. “Ill never stop loving you” he added. I couldn't hold it back any longer; I let a fear tears slip out. Instinctively, Jamie reached out to wipe them away. I felt my body relax at his touch; it was amazing the amount of comfort it brought me. He left his hand on my right cheek, until I took another step back. His arm flung back down to his side, and even in the darkness I could see him hang his head in defeat.

“I think you should go” I mumbled miserably, trying to wipe away the fresh tears that poured down my face.

“No, I'm not leaving you” he whispered, his voice a little bit shaky.

“Jame…” I trailed off, unsure of how to proceed. I just needed to be alone; I wanted to be alone. As much as I craved his touch, I was still upset with him. Maybe it was a little bit childish, maybe it wasn't the right thing; but I wanted to grieve alone.

“Please don't make me leave” he mumbled hopefully. I sighed lightly, wiping my tears away once more.

“I don't want you here” I blurted out.

He looked taken aback by my answer; surprised; hurt, even.

“I love you” he whispered, hanging his head low and walking out of my room. I closed and locked the door immediately behind me, my mind racing a million miles an hour. I collapsed in my bed in a heap, much like a had minutes ago.

But unlike last time, this time I fell right to sleep.

******************************

My head was pounding. My eyes red and sore. I opened my eyes, peering at the clock to my left; 4:54 am. Well, I guess some sleep was better than nothing, I thought to myself grimly.

In a wave of shock I remember my last encounter with Jamie before I fell asleep. I felt a twinge of regret; oh how much I wanted him to be beside me right now. I wanted to talk to him; to hug him; to feel wanted. Like I belonged. He was the only family I had; I couldn't lose him too.

After my brothers episode with my father, I pretended I was an only child. I wanted nothing to do with him; but that's a story for another day.

But then I met Jamie, and everything changed. We were inseparable; he supported me with all of my schooling and studies, I supported him through hockey. I was beyond impressed by the player he had turned out to be.

I wanted to grab some Advil, and maybe give Jamie a call. Well, no it's like 5 am, he wouldn't be up. I shook my head, plopping my feet on the ground I shuffled to my doorway. Opening my door I thought my heart almost stopped beating when I saw the scene before me.

“Jame?” I asked softly. He was slumped over against the hall wall, head tilted back, eyes closed. His eyes shot open immediately at the sound of my voice; I don't think he slept a wink since he left my room.
“Haley” he whispered worriedly, looking a little distraught.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

“I told you I wasn't leaving you” he stated firmly. I finally got a good look at his eyes; I think this was one of the rare occasions Jamie cried.

“Were you- were you crying?” I asked a little tentatively, leaning against the door frame.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I love you”

“Come to bed” I spoke softly. His head shot up, his eyes wide.

“Wh-what?” He stuttered, getting up from his place and standing up.

“Please, come sleep” I opened the door wider, inviting him into my bedroom. Without any other hesitation he stepped inside. He turned to close the door behind him; and when he turned back around my face was inches from his.

His breathing was heavy; nervous even. The dim lighting of the morning lit up my room slightly; I could make out how truly miserable he looked. He wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me in for the hug I so desperately needed.

I held onto him tightly, honestly never wanting to let go. The last few days had been emotionally exhausting; for the both of us. I knew he was taking losing the first two games so brutally hard; I knew I didn't make that any easier.

Without another word, I led him back to my bed. He stripped down to his boxers before climbing in beside me. As soon as he hit the bed I jumped over and held him close, laying my head on his naked chest.

For awhile, neither of us spoke. I clung to him like my life depended on it, I could feel him doing the same. Any hostility, anger or resentment I felt towards him disappeared immediately; this was what I wanted and needed.

“I'm sorry, Jame” I whispered, adjusting myself so I could look into his eyes. I placed my hand on his cheek, his eyes closing at my touch, before placing my lips gently to his. “I love you. So much”

“You don't have anything to be sorry for” he spoke when I pulled away. I kissed his cheek, feeling instantly at ease for the first time since I got the call about my father. “I'm so sorry about your dad, and I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you”

“You are here for me, Jame” I told him with a small reassuring smile. “I'm sorry about your games” I spoke, unsure if he even wanted it to be brought up. I could feel him tense up a little beside me, before sighing heavily.

“I need to be better” he spoke, yawning after he spoke.

“Get some rest, you have an important practice in a few hours” I didn't have to tell him twice.

“I love you” were the last words he spoke before he immediately drifted into sleep.

Notes