Ship to Wreck
I drop all of my bags as soon as I get into the apartment and slam the door behind me causing a confused Julie to look up from her breakfast. "Well, I know the Flyers lost to the Rangers, but Kat really- you can't be that upset," she says with laugh and an arched eyebrow, searching my face for an answer.
"He kissed me," spills out of my mouth defeatedly before I can stop it. I watch Jules' face change from playful to serious in a split second.
"Claude. H-he kissed me!" I confess in a frustrated yell. I search her eyes quickly anticipating her reaction; hoping -no praying- she'd have the answer to my problems- she'd tell me what to do and everything could go back to a happy normal.
Julie shakes her head in disbelief, "Wait- rewind and freeze; Claude kissed you? Like totally full on kissed you?"
"No Jules, he was just giving me a French greeting, meant to kiss my cheek but totally missed," I shout sarcastically and throw my hands up in the air.
"Shut up," she retorts, dismissing my sarcasm, "I thought you two were just friends- weren't acting on any feelings?"
"I mean we are friends- but it's weird- it's hard to explain," I admit with an exhausted groan.
"Well I have time," she replies with an arched eyebrow.
"You bet your ass it is," she challenges- not leaving my sight until I tell her the truth about Claude and I.
"Honestly, we are friends but- I-I like him a lot more than I lead on," I let out in one breath.
"Well duh Kat, I'm not blind," she remarks with a scoff, "it's obvious you like him."
I narrow my eyes at her,"well anyways, we almost kissed at the pool party and in Boston. But on the bus this morning, he kissed me- and- I-I didn't stop it. I wanted to keep going- kiss him till my lips fell off! Jules I've wanted him to kiss me for so long. Now, I have no idea what to do. I can't lose my job and for god sake's Jules- I have a boyfriend and I'm actually sitting here contemplating a farfetched relationship with a guy who I can't even date."
"Mi poco Katina: practically living the dream, running around with the Flyers, getting mixed up with Philadelphia's most eligible bachelor Claude Giroux," she shakes her head with an admirable smile and then says something that makes my jaw drop to the floor, "I'm proud of you."
"Excuse me? Aren't you going to tell me how reckless I'm being?"
"Kat- don't get me wrong- cheating on your boyfriend is pretty shitty but you're finally living your life- you've always played it safe- for as long as I can remember. Really the only risk you've taken was moving here and applying for the Flyers' job. And for the first time in practically forever, you're actually feeling something about life and for somebody," she admits and it takes me a few seconds to process what she said. "Look, I just want you to be happy."
"That's the problem- I don't think I can be in this situation. No matter what I choose, it's going to rip my heart out Jules. I've dated Kyle for so long- he's my best friend- I can't break his heart but it's going to happen either way," I confess, "I'm scared to be without him but I can't keep saying I love you to him knowing it's a lie. Claude though, he reminds me what falling in love feels like. But guess what- I can't be with him either." My throat tightens up and my heart sinks but I conjure up the strength to fight off the urge to cry. "I just don't know what to do Jules."
"Well, no matter what you choose to do Kat, I think you've already made a decision about your relationship with Kyle a while ago," she remarks with a soft smile, "it's time you've accepted what you have to do." She gets up from the couch and heads to her room to leave me alone with my thoughts- something I couldn't avoid any longer.
I let my music and my anger fuel my punches into the bag in front of me. The beat of the song is like kerosene on the burning fire inside my chest. I unleash several hard blows right after another before I feel a pair of eyes watching me, sending me back to reality. I rip out one headphone but keep delivering hits into the punching bag with a steady pace, "what do want Mase?" I ask bitterly making eye contact with him for a split second and then focus back on the bag.
"What's got you so pissy?"
I huff, "Not talking about this- this isn't share your feelings time," I remark nastily in hopes he'll just leave me alone.
"Don't give me that shit G," he fights back and steps in front of the punching bag. Luckily, I stop my fist right before I hit his ribs. I roll my eyes and let out a frustrated groan. I grab my t-shirt from the floor and wipe the beads of sweat from my forehead and neck. Mase gives me a strict look, steps out of the way of the punching bag, and motions for me to start talking with his hand.
I start hitting the bag steadily again before checking to see if any of the guys around us were even paying attention or could hear us talking- thankfully they all had their music blaring in their ears.
"I kissed her- I kissed Kat," I spit out after a punch.
"Wait- seriously?" he asks, letting out a laugh in disbelief, "wow."
"This isn't some kind of joke."
"No I know, but I didn't think you'd actually have the balls to do it. You know you can't date her, right?"he reminds me.
"Yes I know that Mase," I shout in irritation as I deliver a couple of harsh blows into the punching bag. "She's fucking untouchable and there's no way this can happen between us- she'd get in a ton of trouble, get fired and hate my guts. This is such bullshit- why'd I have to friggin' fall for the girl. Hell, I have to take a cold shower every morning to erase the dreams I have about her," I confess in a fit of aggravation.
"Isn't she already dating someone?" Mase asks, recalling a memory.
"Yea- her pretty boy boyfriend probably makes her just so happy." I bark. I hit the punching bag even harder, letting all of my anger out into my punches completely- pain shoots up my arms and my fists throb but I keep going. Every time I imagine Kat with that prick I can't help but get angry- she needs someone to make her feel alive, take her places, and actually make her smile when their name is mentioned. I only saw the guy once at practice and everyone could see that he could care less about what her she was doing- I can tell he's not right for her. But hell, neither am I- I'll get Kat fired and I'm pretty sure that's not on the list of qualifications for 'Mr. Right.'
"Whoa, whoa, G, calm down," Mase interrupts my thoughts, "don't hurt yourself- we've got a game tomorrow," he adds sternly.
I drop my hands from the punching bag and act like my hands aren't killing me, "I'm fine- you don't need to worry about me Mase. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to run on the treadmill- I hope you don't plan on following me," I state harshly and make my way across the room, glad to hear silence behind me instead of footsteps.
After downing a huge cheese steak while soaking myself in a bubble bath and wallowing, I decide it's finally time to face my fears and just talk to him. I just need to tell him how I feel- that can't be hard- right?
Jules doesn't bother to ask me where I'm going when I leave the apartment- I guess she already figured out where I was going. On my way to his apartment, I go over what I'm going to say to him and rehearse it a couple thousand times.
When I get to the apartment door, a flock of butterflies swarm my stomach- how was he going to react? Before my nervousness got the best of me, I knock on his door hoping he'd be home- I probably should've checked before; he'll probably be out with the guys.
"Katina? What are you doing here?" he asks with surprise.
"Kyle- hey," I smile softly, "I just wanted to stop by." I hope he doesn't hear how anxious I actually am. I shuffle into the stuffy apartment and take off my sweatshirt revealing a v-neck t-shirt. Again, he was dressed like a preppy frat boy, aka: Kohl's model.
"Oh wow, your scar," Kyle comments.
I look down to examine my exposed, naked arm- it's been a while since I haven't covered up my scar around him. "Oh- I guess I forgot to cover it up before I left the house," I shrug, thinking nothing of it.
"I didn't know it looked that bad. We got to make sure to remember to cover it up when we go to dinner with my parents next weekend. Is that going to go away soon?" he asks and a twinge of anger pings in my chest.
"Why? Does it matter?" I ask, trying not to sound too defensive.
"No, it's just I miss seeing you without it. It's just so distracting, ya know? I miss you're beautiful skin sweetheart. My mom keeps asking when it's going to finally disappear," Kyle admits and starts stroking my arm with his fingers softly in an attempt to comfort me.
"Wait, what? Finally? What do you mean finally?" I spit. I retrieve my arm from his hand and brace myself for his answer.
"Kat I'm just saying your scar- you should cover it up- you know what people will think if they saw-" Kyle starts to say but I cut him off. Pure anger takes over my mind, shaking away my nerves and giving me confidence to say what I really feel.
"I shouldn't have to cover up my scar when I'm around you- you shouldn't be the one making me feel so insecure about this. It's not even that bad- it's dark red yes, but I'm lucky my skin isn't completely disfigured and I'm alive- I look fine- no great! Your dumbass friends did this too Jules and I and all you can say is "when is it going away?"" I shout, disgusted with Kyle's insensitivity. He always cared about 'looks' but I didn't know this was how he really felt about my scar.
"You know it was an honest mistake Kat- you said it yourself- it was an accident," Kyle defends.
"You know what, I don't care Kyle- this is just going to be a hell of a lot easier now," I admit.
"What are you talking about? What's easier now?"
"Breaking up with your pretentious ass!" I shout, "I thought this was going to be difficult to do but it turns out that wasn't so hard to say. I'm glad you showed me your true colors Ky."
"What? Why? Kat you can't just leave," Kyle retorts as I make my way to the door.
"Kyle honestly this hasn't been working out between us and we both know it. We barely see each other, we're hardly ever on the same page anymore and oh yeah!- you're a shallow ass hole!" I open the door with a quick jerk and before I slam it behind me, I remember to add one more thing, "Oh, I forgot- tell your mom to fuck off!" I practically run down the steps with adrenaline pumping through my veins. I get a taxi quickly, practically lunging in the street so it'd have to stop- I just didn't want Kyle catching up with me.
As the adrenaline dissipates from my system on the ride back to my apartment, the reality of my situation starts to soak in. My ex-boyfriend of 2 years turned into a prick somewhere along the way, I'm now single and forget how to date, I have an undeniable attraction for Claude and we can't date, and this stupid heart-break feeling is finally sinking in.
No matter what anyone says, to be young and in love is a curse; especially when it involves a certain hockey player, Claude Giroux.
Hey guys! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! I've been so busy with work and life got crazy. Plus a needed a small break from writing since I write 2 and have been working on them non-stop for a while behind the scenes and all.
But anyways thanks so much for still reading and subscribing! [And thank you to the readers that have been commenting! It makes my day when I see your feedback!(: ] I promise it won't be this long for another update (: I hope everyone's week is going well- it's my day off and of course it's down pouring and thunder storming! (Hope you like the pictures/gifs I've been adding to the chapters lol)