Chapter 4: I never felt this way until I met you

“You know I would never lie to you.” He whispered, pulling me close and luring me in to his trap.
“Do you promise?” I asked, and he looked at me with sincerity in his eyes.
“Of course I do, baby.”
and I was the idiot that fell for it every single time.

***

When I walk in to subway, Alex is waiting for me. Looking down at his phone, oblivious to all the people looking at him. It takes me a minute to realize why they're staring at him and then I remember how popular the hockey players in Montreal are. It's so easy for me to forget who he is sometimes.
“You going to sit down?” He asks, breaking me out of my thoughts. I blush, and slide in the seat across from him. I can tell he's still slightly mad but there's a hint of a smile on his face.
“I want to apologize... you know – for yesterday.” I say.
He smiles slightly, and I know that it's not a good apology. I need to try harder. I need to open up to him.
“I just – I am so used to people letting me down all the time and I have this tendency to always see the worst in people.”
“Hey,” he says softly, “I don't intend to let you down.”
I can't help but smile, and I nod my head. “I know. I shouldn't judge you based off my past relationships. It's not fair to you, and I hope that you can forgive me.”
“Of course I can.” He says and when he reaches across the table and takes my hand in his, all my worries and fears vanish for a short amount of time but that's all I need to decide that I am gonna take Audrey's advice. She's right, I have to let go of the past cause holding on to something that doesn't exist anymore is only going to prevent me from moving on.
It's about time I say goodbye to the past, and hello to the future.

***

“So I'll send you money for your plane ticket,” my cousin Colton says over Facetime and I roll my eyes.
Colton is so much more like my brother than he is my cousin. He's only four years older than I am, and when I was in the seventh grade, he was having a lot of issues with his dad (who's my dad's brother) and so he moved in with us for a few years. My dad was honestly more like a father to Colton growing up over the years because his dad is a really hard man to love. Colton's mom, Mia died in a freak car accident when he was eleven and so it really changed my uncle. He loves Colton in his own way, but he and Colton just clashed a lot. It was really affecting Colton so my dad suggested that he move in with us and my uncle had no problem with it at all. Part of me always wondered why he so easily let Colton leave and I often brought it up with my parents. They were really vague about it but eventually I came to understand that after Colton's mom died – he just changed. I was only seven when my aunt Mia died so I can't remember much but I only know what my mom used to tell me. She said that Mia was the most wonderful woman my mom knew and she always had a smile on her face.

“I don't need you sending me money for a ticket, they aren't that expensive. I'm perfectly capable of paying for it myself.”
“Yeah, but you're flying home for my wedding. It's only fair that I pay... plus it's not like you're going to ask your father for money.” He says, raising his brows and I narrow my eyes at him.
“So everybody knows about my dad trying to buy me a house and me turning it down, huh?”
He shrugs and looks at me with an annoyed expression. “He has your best interest at heart, Ellie. You know he's not affectionate and this is his way of showing that he loves you.” A smirk comes on his face. “If my dad was trying to buy me a house, I wouldn't be turning it down.”
“Of course you wouldn't.” I laugh and to get off the topic of him paying for my plane ticket and my dad paying for houses, I ask how Anna is.
Colton and Anna have been dating since they were eighteen and I always knew that they would get married. When I find somebody, I want them to love me as much as Colton loves Anna. The way he looks at her when he thinks she's not looking, and how he showers her with love. They are the most beautiful couple I have ever seen.
“So did you ever see that hockey player again? The one that wasted ice coffee on you?” Colton asks idly and I wish so badly that we were talking over the phone instead of Facetime because I couldn't stop the blush that spread across my cheeks.
“Nope, I haven't.” I lie.
A huge smirk comes on to his face and he laughs. “You are lying! You totally saw him.”
I give him a stern look and raise my eyebrows. He seems to know what I'm saying cause he looks around his room. “Nobody is home. C'mon now, I won't tell your dirty little secrets.”
I glare at him. “There isn't anything dirty about this.”
“So you're not sleeping with him?” He grins.
“No! Get your mind out of the gutter.”
He makes a hum noise in the back of his throat and rolls his eyes. “yeah whatever. Just make sure you use protection, we don't want any little Eleanor's running around!”
Before I have a chance to say anything, he shoots me a crooked smile and ends the Facetime. Teasing me about boys has been one of Colton's favourite pastimes growing up. He and my other cousins constantly teased me every time I had a boyfriend. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends, but I had those Junior High flings that lasted a couple months. My only serious boyfriend was Jason. At first, Colton would tease me about Jason, but in the end, when he found out what Jason had been doing to me, well he and all my other cousins took matters in to their own hands. I never really knew the details, just that they “gave him a piece of their mind”, which I'm pretty sure was code for they punched him in the face.

***

“You promised.” I whispered and he looked down at his shoes.
“I know... how many time do I have to apologize? I told you I was sorry.” He asked, and I let out a humourless laugh.
“You're not sorry because you did it Jason. You're sorry because you got caught.”

***

The week that Alex has been gone feels like the longest week of my life, so the day after he gets back, he comes to my apartment in the evening after my classes and it takes all of what I have not to jump him the minute I see him.
When there's a knock on my door, I race to open it and my grin widens when I see him standing there looking unbelievably attractive. I freeze, not knowing where our boundaries lie but he takes a few steps forwards and cups my face, pressing his lips to mine in a searing, heart stopping kiss. I loose track of time, not sure if we're standing in the hallway of my apartment for seconds or minutes, kissing each other as if we've been away for months. Until I hear somebody clear their throat, I pull away to see my elderly neighbour, Ms. Perry standing there.
“Good evening, Miss LeDrew.” She says, raising an eyebrow and I blush. Hard.
“Hi, Ms. Perry.”
She glances between me and Alex before shaking her head but as she turns to open her door, a small grin comes on to her face. When she walks in her apartment and shuts the door, I laugh at Alex's embarrassed expression.
“C'mon,” I say dragging him inside. We end up sitting on the couch, watching a movie and talking. I'm curled up next to him and I feel so content and that is something I haven't felt in such a long time.

“I might get a puppy.”
Alex looks at me and laughs. “What?”
I shrug. “If I'm gonna get a house, I might as well get a dog too. Can't have animals in this apartment... well except for fish.”
“So you're going to let your dad buy you a house?” He asks looking confused and I know it's because I made such a big deal about not wanting my dad to buy a house.
“He's not going to let up until I allow him to. Plus, I'm paying him back, I don't care what he says.”
Alex nods thoughtfully. “Did you see any houses you liked when you went house hunting last week?”
“No,” I say, rolling my eyes thinking about my dad's list of requirements. “They were all huge with like three and four bedrooms. It was ridiculous.”
“I'm sure you'll find something you like.” He says and I smile, curling up next to him.
Sometime throughout the night, Alex says he should get going because he has practice in the morning and I open my big mouth and ask a question that I wish I didn't.
“You can stay the night.”
Shit. Why did I say that?
His eyes widen and he looks at me with uncertainty.
“I mean – you don't have to stay, but it's late and the Bell Centre is close so... Never mind, that was a dumb question, sorry I asked-”
He shuts me up with a kiss.
“I'd love to stay.” He says and I melt. In to a puddle.
“Really?”
He nods and a heart stopping smile crosses over his face.

The last time somebody held me in their arms for an entire night was when I was with Jason and I never truly felt safe in his arms. But with Alex – it's different. There's something about having his arm around my waist, with my back pressed against his chest and his head in the crook of my neck that makes me feel so safe. The way I feel, is indescribable. I never thought that I would be able to handle having another mans arms around me in such an intimate way but laying here with Alex – I have never felt more protected and secure. Even after his breathing slows, and I know he's asleep, his arm doesn't loosen, it stays around my waist, making me feel so protected and loved and that is something I have not felt in a very long time.

Notes

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