Chapter 3: Where we gonna go from here?
“You should give him a chance.”
I scowl at my phone even though Audrey can't see me. I called her and explained my torn feelings about Alex, hoping she'd agree with me. Instead, I get this.
“Just because of what Jason did, you're always pushing people out.”
“He destroyed me, Audrey.” I whisper. “It's not the kind of thing that I can just get over.”
She's quiet for a moment, and I pinch the bridge of my nose trying to keep from crying.
“Eleanor, you gotta learn to let the past go so you can move on. If you're going to let what happened with Jason dictate all your future relationships then you're just setting yourself up for failure.”
She's right. The only problem is, sometimes your past won't let you move on. Sometimes all you can do is wait out the storm and hope that soon, it passes over.
***

“I'm sorry, Eleanor.”
I wished I could believe him but I couldn't. It was the same thing he always said, every time I found out what he had been doing when he was 'out with the guys'.
“I love you.” he said.
I shook my head. “No, Jason, you don't love me.”
“What?”
I straightened my back, and swallowed back the tears. “You don't love me because you don't destroy the things you love.”

***

“Eleanor.” I look up from my coffee to see Alex standing there.
I decided to go to the cafe for a coffee and to try to clear my head. I have been avoiding Alex all week, even after my pep talk with Audrey. I thought I could just sit here and forget my worries but it's just my luck that Alex shows up. The universe is really on my side today, isn't it?
“Alex.”
He narrows his eyes at me and chews on his bottom lip. “Mind if I sit?”
I shrug so he pulls out the chair across from me and sits down. The silence is deafening and I hate it.
“Did I do something?” He asks and I immediately feel guilty. Has he been blaming himself?
“No, I just...it's complicated.”
“Everything is complicated to you.” He says, letting out a sigh.
“I'm sorry.” I whisper and he frowns. I stare down at my coffee until a finger is placed under my chin and my head is lifted up so I'm staring in to his hypnotizing blue eyes.
“Wanna walk?”

Ten minutes later, we're sitting on the couch in my apartment. His eyes study me but I can't look him the eye. I'm too scared of what I'll see.
“So what's really going on?”
“Alex... You're such an amazing guy and any girl would be so lucky to have you but-”
He stops me. “But?”
“But I am telling you that you really don't want it to be me. I don't want pity when I say this, but I am really not worth the trouble.”
“Why would you think that?” He asks and I want to yell at him to leave because I am too broken and I feel worthless because that is what Jason made me feel.
But I don't tell him that.
“Look, I'm sorry. I just don't think it's a good idea for us to -”
I don't get a chance to finish my sentence because before I know what's happening, his lips are on mine and any thoughts abandon me. He kisses me slowly, languidly and I should push him away because if I kiss him, there is no going back.
But I don't.
I grip the front of his shirt in effort to pull him even closer to me and he complies, dragging me so close that I'm straddling him.
Did you get that? Eleanor LeDrew is straddling somebody and kissing them like there is no tomorrow.
This is far too intimate than I've been with anybody in a long time but I can't help but feel a rush of excitement course through my veins. Kissing him feels so good, and where his hands are, gripping my waist – it feels like that one spot is on fire. It feels like time stops and the only thing I can hear are his soft moans and it's like I loose all restraint because my hands go to the buttons on his shirt but before I can unbutton one, the door flies open and Natalie storms in. I fly off Alex's lap, and she stops short when she see's both of us sitting there, breathing heavily and faces flushed.
“Did I interrupt something?” She asks, and she's obviously holding back a smirk.
“No..” I say but quickly straighten out my shirt.
“Uh huh...” She says. “Well, I am just here to get the last of my boxes and then I'll be out of your hair.”
She literally only has one box so she picks it up and winks at me before leaving, shutting the door behind her.
I slowly turn to face Alex who's smirking. He raises his eyebrows and I can't help but laugh.
“That was so awkward.” I say and he chuckles.
“Yeah, can't argue with that.”
I shift uncomfortably and look at him, not knowing where we go from here.
“So what now?” I ask.
“What do you want?”
You.
“Can I take back what I said earlier?”
His smile warms me to the core. “If that's what you want.”
I nod, and lean in to brush my lips against his. “That's what I want.”

***

I won't say that I wasn't surprised when a real estate agent called me informing me that she had gotten a call from my father asking her to assist me in finding a house. I told her all I wanted was an apartment but she said that Mr. LeDrewsaid a house.
If that's what Mr. LeDrew wants, it's what he gets.
Unwillingly, I agreed to go look at some houses with her this afternoon. Alex called me and told me that he had a game tonight and asked if I wanted to come. He said he would set me up in the wives lounge, and assured me that there were plenty of girlfriends in there and I had to hold back a comment about how he never asked me to be his girlfriend. But does this mean we're in a committed relationship? Does it mean that we're, dare I say, exclusive?
Whatever the case, I told him I would be at the Bell Centre at the time he told me and then I got ready to go look at some houses.

“So this one has two and a half bathrooms and three bedrooms. The master has an en-suite and a walk in closet.”
Three bedrooms?
“You do know that it's just me living here, right?”
She nods her head. “Yes but your father gave me a list of requirements the houses had to meet.”
Of course he did.
“I'm aiming for something, you know, smaller.” I say, and she smiles sympathetically.
“Sorry hun, I'm just going by what your father said.”
After looking at four houses, each one bigger than the other, I told her we have to stop for today because not only was I unable to hear about how big the kitchen is or how many square feet the houses are, I had plans that I intend to keep.
I get to the Bell Centre just in the nick of time because Alex is waiting, and drags me to the wives room to make introductions before he has to go down to the locker room. He only introduces me to two girls, Angela Price and Maripier Morin.
Angela is Carey Price's wife and Maripier is Brandon Prust's girlfriend. I know who Maripier is because she's a fashion icon and talk show host here in Montreal.
“Nice to meet you.” Angela says, and I smile.
“Likewise.”
Alex presses his lips to my temple and whispers a goodbye before heading downstairs.
“So you're the girl who has Alex gone crazy?” Maripier asks, and I blush.
“I wouldn't say crazy.” I laugh and they both smile.
“Brandon says he talks about you a lot.” Maripier says, and I raise a brow.
“Really?”
Angela nods. “Oh yeah, Carey said that's all the boys hear from him these days.”
“I'm glad he's settling down.” Maripier says.
I force a smile. Settle down? How many girls has he been with?

***

When I get home, I lay in bed thinking about what MP said. I know that I am over thinking it but how could I not? What did she mean settle down? How many girls has he dated?
Or slept with. A nagging voice in my head taunts.
What if that's all he wants from me? What if when he gets that, he leaves?
With all these thoughts circulating in my head, I almost don't notice when my phone lights up and my dads name flashes across the screen.
I slowly accept the call and put it on speaker so I don't have to hold the phone. I don't get out a word before my dad speaks.
“Marissa called and said you hated all the houses.”
I roll my eyes. “Hello to you too dad.”
“Eleanor.” He warns and I fight the urge to argue with him.
“Dad, I don't want a house. I should have never asked for money from you in the first place. Can we forget I even asked?”
“No.”
“Dad.”
“Your mom wants to talk to you.” He says abruptly and I don't have the chance to say anything because my mom is on the phone gushing about my cousin Colton's wedding coming up. I listen to her talk about how beautiful Anna's dress is and how pretty the bridesmaids dresses are. She goes on and on about it but I tune her out. When I hear a beep, I look at my phone and see that Alex is calling me.
“Uh, mom – I gotta go. Somebody's on the other line.”
“Okay, bye sweetie! We miss you!”
“Bye mom.”
I accept Alex's call and hesitate.
“Hello?”
“I didn't see you after the game. MP said you left right away.”
“Uh...” I say and he lets out a breath.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, I was just tired.” I lie. “I had a long day, and I just wanted to get home so I could go to bed.”
“Oh.” He says and I know he doesn't believe me.
“I'm leaving tomorrow for a road trip. I'll be gone a week.”
a week. I can do that.
“Okay,”
“Can I come see you before I leave?”
“I have class.” I say, and I know that I am avoiding him, again. But I can't help it. I'm so screwed up because of Jason, I can't see the good in anybody. Just the bad.
“I could meet you at Concordia ” He asks, sounding hopeful and I feel so guilty. “What time are your classes?”
“8 to 11 in the morning and then I have a class at 2 until 4.”
“Do you want to have lunch? We don't fly out until 3.”
“Sure, I guess.”
He's quiet and I feel like such a bitch. What's wrong with me?
“We could meet up at Subway?” I offer and wait for him to answer.
“Sure, I guess.” He says and I know he's mimicking me.
“I'll see you tomorrow then?”
All I get is a yeah, and then the line goes dead.
I stare at my phone and when it goes blurry, I know I'm crying. I promised myself that after Jason, I wouldn't cry over a guy. Not ever.
My phone rings for the third time tonight and I almost don't answer it until I see it's Audrey.
“Hello?” I whisper, so she doesn't know I'm crying.
“Stop crying.” She says and I roll my eyes.
“I'm not.”
“Listen up,” she says, “From what I can tell, this Alex guy is not only good looking, and successful but it seems like he's crazy about you and if I have to, I will fly to Montreal myself and kick your ass for being an idiot. I don't care what Jason did to you because it is in the past Eleanor. Stop being stuck in the past. Move on, and be happy.”
“Audrey-”
She cuts me off. “Do you remember when we were in high school, and Shawn cheated on me so I broke up with him?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you remember what you told me?”
I think back to that night, back in high school when we were kids and we were having a sleepover. She broke down, and cried for hours because of him.
“I told you to suck it up and move on.”
“So do you know what I am going to tell you to do now?”
“Suck it up and move on?” I ask, and she laughs.
“Stop letting Jason ruin everything. He's your past and do you know what Alex is?”
“What is he, Dr. Phil?” I ask sarcastically.
“Shut up.”
“Sorry, please continue.” I say, trying not to laugh.
“Alex is your future, sweetie.”
I roll my eyes. “We've been dating for like half a month. He's not my future.”
“Eleanor, if you find somebody that makes you happy, don't let him go.”
I stop for a minute and process what she's saying.
She right, but the thing with moving on is that you need to have the strength to not look back.

Notes

the little blurb in italics is a flashback of Eleanor's relationship with her now ex-boyfriend Jason, who's brought up multiple times this chapter. We'll see more of those thought this story and you'll learn everything that happened with him and why Eleanor is so broken.
Let me know your thoughts on this chapter! I love getting feedback from you guys!

- alex