Broken Keys

I could remember those looks we shared with each other in the past, how I could tell he was looking at me even when he didn’t think I was. When Nikita Ivanov had pulled on my braids so hard I fell to the ground at the playground he had shown up and thrown Nikita to the hard blacktop as well.

We weren't exactly best friends though, he had his hockey group and most of my free time was spent at the piano. Still because of Sasha I would see him more than most. I had relied on him in some ways to be another protector, someone to take my side when I needed it.

Sitting in history listening to the instructor drone on when I just wanted to get home and play the piano. Looking across the room to see Evgeni with his head resting on his hands, he would glance back at me and offer a small grin, something to make me smile to get through the class period. Something deep inside me would flutter whenever he would smile, something I always ignored.

I shake my head at the thought of those looks meaning anything. At most it could have been a stupid childhood crush, something you laugh when you look back at it as an adult. I never acted on any of those little tingles he gave me when we were young, by the time I realized what attraction was I was so wrapped up in Pavel’s world that I didn’t have a chance to think of anything but him.

He’d probably laugh at ever liking someone like me. I would too.
00000
“Mama mama!” I stand up from the piano as Katerina runs into the dance room the little pink skirt flouncing up and down as she sprints across the well worn wooden floor. “ The hockey man is here!” She exclaims and I realize it has to be him. True to her word a few moments later Evgeni walks through the open door of the dance studio. He seems out of place as a herd of young girls peer up at him, all dressed in black or pink leotards and tights. I place a hand on Katerina’s shoulder as she excitedly bounces on her heels.

“Mama isn’t he your friend?” She asks me a little too loudly and gets the attention of Evgeni.

“Are you Katerina?” He asks and she suddenly turns shy. She steps closer to me and grabs my hand.

“I’m Katerina Petrenko.” She offers quietly, Evgeni smiles and walks over to her, holding out his hand. Katerina cautiously takes it, her small hand disappears as he shakes it.

“Did your Mama tell you I knew her growing up?” He asks her and she nods sheepishly. “I’ve known your Mama since she was as tall as you.” He tells her and holds his hand up at the top of her head.

“My Papa played hockey with you!” Tasha Rezina calls out. I push my annouce at the girl down. It was just like Tasha to not like having someone pay attention to Katerina instead of her. Evgeni turns and puts his hands on his hips. “His name’s Vanya Rezina.” She explains and Evgeni scrunches up his face.

“Can you tell your Papa that he always smelt bad?” He jokes and the girls all giggle including Tasha who nods excitedly at Evgeni.

Evgeni begins to sign autographs for the girls who trickle out of the room, heading home with their parents. I pick up the music books and Katerina’s belongings. When I’ve gathered everything I look over and see Katerina holding on of the photographs of Evgeni that she had found in the hall. He’s signing one for one of the other girls but instead of waiting behind her Katerina is sitting off to the side.

“Zhenya.” I whisper as the last girl leaves and gesture over to Katerina. Evgeni takes the hint and sits down on the ground beside her.

“Do you like dancing Katerina?” He asks her softly and she shyly nods to him not looking up from the photograph.
“I was never good at it, Do you think you could teach me sometime?” He asks her, a small smile creeps up on her face and she looks up to him. “I just need to find a tutu thats big enough.” He jokes and the smile grows on her face.

“I think you would look silly in one.” She tells him, Evgeni considers for a moment before looking up at me.

“What do you think Lara?” He asks, I can’t help but smile at him.

“I think you should stick to hockey uniforms. “ I reply honestly. Katerina giggles slightly possibly imagining what he would look like in a pink tutu. Than silently she holds out the photograph to him. Evgeni takes it without a word and signs it for her, but from the time it takes to sign it I know it contains more than just his name quickly scrawled across it.

“Thank you.” She whispers once he hands back the picture.

“Katia, why don’t you go get changed.” I instruct her and she quickly hands me the photograph before grabbing her backpack from the piano bench.

“I didn’t think you would come here, its not really the place for hockey fans.” I tell him placing the photo down on the top of the piano.

“Eh most of the little girls have brother who play, they all like it.”

“Most of the little girls like seeing you.” I say and immediately begin to blush.

“I can’t help it if I’m pretty.” He replies smirking at me. Evgeni is silent for a moment before he looks back at the door.

“She looks like you.”

“I always thought she looked more like Pavel.” I mumble and he shakes his head.

“Pavel was ugly.” Evgeni argues, “He was ugly inside, she isn’t like that.” He tells me, for a moment I wonder how he can know who my daughter is from just seeing her for a few moments. But he’s always been a good judge of character. Even when we were young her knew which people were “ugly inside” .

I just wished I listened to him about Pavel.

“You know this is most I’ve seen you in years.” Evgeni remarks and I feel embarrassed that he’s noticed how I’ve avoided him.

“You’ve been busy, you don’t really stay around the city for the long.” I remind him. He usually stayed in Moscow or St. Petersburg before vacationing in the sun drenched beaches of places I’ve only seen on the posters of a travel agency.

“I missed home, I missed everyone here.” He explains, he chews on his lip and I can tell he’s holding something back.

“Lara...just don’t…” He sighs and rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Don’t be afraid of me anymore.”

“I’m not afraid Evgeni.” I quickly reply,

“Then why haven’t you talked to me at all, why do you run away everytime I try to say hello?”

“Evgeni.” I sigh but he shakes his head at me.

“I thought we were always friends growing up Larissa. Did I do something that hurt you?”

Because as much as I tried to hide it from myself I was jealous of him. That he was able to follow his dreams and I was stuck here in a dead end job barely scraping by. That I was angry at myself for not listening to him about Pavel, that he shouldn’t have allowed Sasha to drive the car that night.

“Do you blame me for Sasha?” He asks his voice cracks slightly and I feel as if I’ve just been kicked in the stomach. I look up at him and I can see pain in his dark eyes.

I open my mouth to speak but I don’t have a chance to answer because Katerina arrives back in the room ready to go home.

“I’ve got to go Zhenya.” I tell him softly and grab the photograph and my bag. Evgeni sucks his breath in but doesn’t say anything.

“I’ll see you another time?” He offers, I bet my lip and turn away handing the photo to Katerina.

Just like at the funeral all those years ago I leave him without an answer.

Notes

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