Caught Between Love
Chapter 6
A week has passed since James and I told each other those three words that every couple is afraid to say first.
'I love you'.
Needless to say, tension was high not long afterwards.
"So how's everything going between you two after that night?" Max turned up the incline on her treadmill.
"A little awkward. This whole week has been stressful." I was waiting to be called up to the National Team for our up and coming training camp but so far, the roster hasn't been announced.
"And I guess the Pens getting sweeped didn't help either."
"Probably not."
"Is he taking it hard?" Both Max and I lower our speeds to 2.5 mph for our cool down.
"He wanted to win a cup. They all did, it's just too soon to even talk about it with him."
"Did you wait up for him when they got back?"
"Yeah. It was pretty emotional. I felt so bad for him and the team, they fought so hard. As a fan I was bitter, I wanted them to kill the Bruins after what they did to the Leafs. We just laid in each other's arms in silence. Neither of us knew what to say."
It was the first time James was in the playoffs and he had high expectations. We always had one rule - never talk about hockey or soccer. Not once did we ever sit down and discuss how the Pens were doing or how the Panthers were fairing in the season.
We have this look, a look that we give each other to let the other one know that'll it'll be okay. That was the second time I ever had to give him that look. The last time was when he got his concussion.
It was our unspoken rule.
"Have you talked to Sid?" I shook my head no.
"Has he tried calling you?" Again, another no.
"You know how Sid is." I try to defend his absence. It was unlike Sid to not call or text me after situations like these. With him, we talked about everything.
"I blame it on the jaw protector. The Pens played great till the doc's told him it was okay to play without it." Max was very superstitious as is any athlete but Max is on a whole other level.
"You probably shouldn't say that to him." I laugh as I walk off the treadmill. Sweat was pouring from my face, I hadn't run that long in a long time.
After our shower, Max and I headed home. My bedroom was filled with boxes that still needed to be packed and transported to James' house or to storage.
"I still can't believe you're moving! It's been one hell of a ride, Tess." She was sitting on my papasan chair, her legs crossed under her and a soccer ball in her hands.
"It's a huge step for sure but I'm ready." She flashes me a somber smile. We're best friends and for some reason, it felt like I was moving to another state. "I'll only be about 25 minutes outside of the city!" I say trying to cheer her up.
The doorbell rang and Max ran downstairs. I could hear faint mumbles but they weren't clear enough to make a voice out.
"Someone's here to see you." I turn around and see Sid standing against the door frame.
I set my trophies in the box marked 'fragile' before greeting him.
It's only been two days after the Pens lost and Sid has already shaven and gotten a haircut. I always hated when the guys shaved their beards, even Sid. It might not be the most impressive work of facial hair, unlike James', but he looks so adorable with it.
"Locker clean out day today which I'm sure you're aware of." His tone was monotonous. "I drove by to see if you wanted to grab a bite or something. Unless you have plans."
"Nah, I'm free." This was a little awkward.
"No Nealer?" He asked curiously.
"He's heading out with Paulie, Geno and TK, so I'm all yours." He smiles instantly. I finish loading my first suitcase, Max and Sid head downstairs talking about his plans for the off-season.
I dial James' number, hoping he answers.
"Hey babe." He sounds lonely and bored.
"So I won't be able to make it to dinner tonight. Max wants to grab a bite before we head out tomorrow so I won't be over till late."
"Oh. Well, okay. I understand, I'll order in. Need me to stop by and pick up your bags? Saves us one last stop before the airport."
"I still have to finish packing my last one, we'll just grab it on the way tomorrow."
For some reason, I was gifted with a talent for telling white lies. It's not something I do very often and technically I wasn't lying. I was going to be late, I was going out to dinner, I just forgot to mention it was with Sid and not Max.
He didn't even say the 'L' word either. Maybe we're forgetting that night or something.
Downstairs, Max and Sid were sitting at the breakfast bar laughing about something. She must have told him one of her so called 'jokes'. Sid turns to me, a smile across his face, his jawline looking so prominent and sculpted.
"Max, can I talk to you for a sec?" I nod her over to the corridor of the bathroom.
"What's up?" She asks with curiosity.
"If James calls, you and I are together. Better yet if he calls, just let it ring." She gave me the concerned mother look, you know, the one that your mom makes when she knows you're up to something fishy.
"Tess....I'm up to lying to your boyfriend."
"I told him I was going out to dinner with you before I left tomorrow. Only, I used your name and not Sid's."
She rolled her eyes. I could sense her disapproval.
"Well that's a mistake right there, Tess. What's going on between you two so much that you can't even tell him you're hanging out with your friend? Is he some jealous nutcase? He has nothing to worry about, it's just Sid!"
She spoke too loudly as Sid appeared from the kitchen.
"Someone say my name?" He asks amused. His ears burning no doubt.
I give Max a dirty look.
"Nothing. We should go, I'm starving." Sid nods in agreement. He turns to Max giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Those Maritime boys and their manners. Max catches my arm before I'm out of the door.
"If James calls, I'll let you know." I smile at her, words couldn't express my feelings right then. "But just so you know, this is the last time I'm bailing you out." She hisses. Max was dead serious, her poker face was impenetrable.
"It won't happen again. I promise."
Sid and I ate at our favorite place, a secret Dim-Sum joint not far away from the Consol Energy Center. We were regulars after all and the waitress always knew what we wanted. Every single time.
We kept the conversation casual as always. I mean, we only live about 20 minutes away from each other back home in Nova Scotia anyway so this isn't really a goodbye.
"So I overheard that you're moving in with James." He rarely ever calls James by his first name.
"Did he say anything to you?"
"No, he was talking to Duper and Kuni. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Didn't know I had to Mr. Crosby." The mood changed instantly, suddenly this felt like an interrogation rather than two friends eating dinner. Why is he bringing this up, why now?
"Don't call me that." He says annoyed.
"Don't go digging into my personal life either." I couldn't help but feel like I was playing a game with Sid. Cat vs Mouse. I was the mouse and Sid was the cat, always finding ways to trump my happiness.
"You never used to be like this Sid. Ever since that night..." He cut me off in mid-sentence.
"I thought we agreed to forget about that?"
"We did BUT some how it's still haunting us. I wish you were your old self again." I played with the two chopsticks resting next to my bowl of miso soup. I could never use the damn things!
"I was fine until..." He paused himself. "Nevermind."
I looked at Sid who was looking at me. He looked helpless, alone and tired. I could tell he hadn't gotten much sleep.
"We need to be honest with each other Sid. That's what friends do." I reach for his hand across the table, he tightened his grip quickly.
"How come you told Nealer that Max was your dinner date and not me?"
I took my hand from Sid's, shifting back in my seat. Confusion blanketed over my face.
"I'm not deaf, Tess. My lack of bottom teeth hasn't affected my hearing." He let out a small laugh at his own expense. I didn't know what to say or how to even answer his question. Things were rough right now between James and I. After the whole 'lets tell each other how we really feel' and the huge loss against the Bruins, he's been distant.
"Not sure. It's just bad timing, I guess."
"How so?" He presses.
"There's a lot going on between us relationship wise. We both said things and now I'm moving in with him, spending most of the summer with him. Plus the sweep didn't help the situation either."
Sid looked at me frustrated. I shouldn't have brought the playoffs up, he takes everything personally. Especially hockey.
"You love him, don't you?" I hesitated answering the question.
"Yeah. I guess I do."
"I'm happy for you." He says automatically but I'm not convinced. He picked up the tab as the waitress waited for her usual hefty tip. The drive back to my house was silent and awkward. Sid pulls up to the house, the front porch light was on and I could see a shadowy figure rise from inside.
"I hate how we've become, Sid. The tension is killing us." I whisper.
"Then fix it." He says before exiting his car and opening my door. I slipped out placing my hand on the top of the door frame.
"I'll see you in a couple weeks when you get into town." He was pretending the whole conversation never happened and I could tell he was forcing a smile.
"Will do." I lean in and give him a hug, his cologne overtaking my senses. Sid's hand fell on the small of my back as he pressed me closer to him.
"Have a safe flight." He whispers into my ear, making me shiver.
I walk up to the house watching Sid drive away. Once he was out of sight I opened the door, only to be greeted by someone unexpected.
"How was dinner with Max?"
James was sitting on the back of the couch while Max was standing 5 feet behind him with a look of guilt on her face.
I was caught red-handed and I wasn't prepared to explain myself.
'I love you'.
Needless to say, tension was high not long afterwards.
"So how's everything going between you two after that night?" Max turned up the incline on her treadmill.
"A little awkward. This whole week has been stressful." I was waiting to be called up to the National Team for our up and coming training camp but so far, the roster hasn't been announced.
"And I guess the Pens getting sweeped didn't help either."
"Probably not."
"Is he taking it hard?" Both Max and I lower our speeds to 2.5 mph for our cool down.
"He wanted to win a cup. They all did, it's just too soon to even talk about it with him."
"Did you wait up for him when they got back?"
"Yeah. It was pretty emotional. I felt so bad for him and the team, they fought so hard. As a fan I was bitter, I wanted them to kill the Bruins after what they did to the Leafs. We just laid in each other's arms in silence. Neither of us knew what to say."
It was the first time James was in the playoffs and he had high expectations. We always had one rule - never talk about hockey or soccer. Not once did we ever sit down and discuss how the Pens were doing or how the Panthers were fairing in the season.
We have this look, a look that we give each other to let the other one know that'll it'll be okay. That was the second time I ever had to give him that look. The last time was when he got his concussion.
It was our unspoken rule.
"Have you talked to Sid?" I shook my head no.
"Has he tried calling you?" Again, another no.
"You know how Sid is." I try to defend his absence. It was unlike Sid to not call or text me after situations like these. With him, we talked about everything.
"I blame it on the jaw protector. The Pens played great till the doc's told him it was okay to play without it." Max was very superstitious as is any athlete but Max is on a whole other level.
"You probably shouldn't say that to him." I laugh as I walk off the treadmill. Sweat was pouring from my face, I hadn't run that long in a long time.
After our shower, Max and I headed home. My bedroom was filled with boxes that still needed to be packed and transported to James' house or to storage.
"I still can't believe you're moving! It's been one hell of a ride, Tess." She was sitting on my papasan chair, her legs crossed under her and a soccer ball in her hands.
"It's a huge step for sure but I'm ready." She flashes me a somber smile. We're best friends and for some reason, it felt like I was moving to another state. "I'll only be about 25 minutes outside of the city!" I say trying to cheer her up.
The doorbell rang and Max ran downstairs. I could hear faint mumbles but they weren't clear enough to make a voice out.
"Someone's here to see you." I turn around and see Sid standing against the door frame.
I set my trophies in the box marked 'fragile' before greeting him.
It's only been two days after the Pens lost and Sid has already shaven and gotten a haircut. I always hated when the guys shaved their beards, even Sid. It might not be the most impressive work of facial hair, unlike James', but he looks so adorable with it.
"Locker clean out day today which I'm sure you're aware of." His tone was monotonous. "I drove by to see if you wanted to grab a bite or something. Unless you have plans."
"Nah, I'm free." This was a little awkward.
"No Nealer?" He asked curiously.
"He's heading out with Paulie, Geno and TK, so I'm all yours." He smiles instantly. I finish loading my first suitcase, Max and Sid head downstairs talking about his plans for the off-season.
I dial James' number, hoping he answers.
"Hey babe." He sounds lonely and bored.
"So I won't be able to make it to dinner tonight. Max wants to grab a bite before we head out tomorrow so I won't be over till late."
"Oh. Well, okay. I understand, I'll order in. Need me to stop by and pick up your bags? Saves us one last stop before the airport."
"I still have to finish packing my last one, we'll just grab it on the way tomorrow."
For some reason, I was gifted with a talent for telling white lies. It's not something I do very often and technically I wasn't lying. I was going to be late, I was going out to dinner, I just forgot to mention it was with Sid and not Max.
He didn't even say the 'L' word either. Maybe we're forgetting that night or something.
Downstairs, Max and Sid were sitting at the breakfast bar laughing about something. She must have told him one of her so called 'jokes'. Sid turns to me, a smile across his face, his jawline looking so prominent and sculpted.
"Max, can I talk to you for a sec?" I nod her over to the corridor of the bathroom.
"What's up?" She asks with curiosity.
"If James calls, you and I are together. Better yet if he calls, just let it ring." She gave me the concerned mother look, you know, the one that your mom makes when she knows you're up to something fishy.
"Tess....I'm up to lying to your boyfriend."
"I told him I was going out to dinner with you before I left tomorrow. Only, I used your name and not Sid's."
She rolled her eyes. I could sense her disapproval.
"Well that's a mistake right there, Tess. What's going on between you two so much that you can't even tell him you're hanging out with your friend? Is he some jealous nutcase? He has nothing to worry about, it's just Sid!"
She spoke too loudly as Sid appeared from the kitchen.
"Someone say my name?" He asks amused. His ears burning no doubt.
I give Max a dirty look.
"Nothing. We should go, I'm starving." Sid nods in agreement. He turns to Max giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Those Maritime boys and their manners. Max catches my arm before I'm out of the door.
"If James calls, I'll let you know." I smile at her, words couldn't express my feelings right then. "But just so you know, this is the last time I'm bailing you out." She hisses. Max was dead serious, her poker face was impenetrable.
"It won't happen again. I promise."
Sid and I ate at our favorite place, a secret Dim-Sum joint not far away from the Consol Energy Center. We were regulars after all and the waitress always knew what we wanted. Every single time.
We kept the conversation casual as always. I mean, we only live about 20 minutes away from each other back home in Nova Scotia anyway so this isn't really a goodbye.
"So I overheard that you're moving in with James." He rarely ever calls James by his first name.
"Did he say anything to you?"
"No, he was talking to Duper and Kuni. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Didn't know I had to Mr. Crosby." The mood changed instantly, suddenly this felt like an interrogation rather than two friends eating dinner. Why is he bringing this up, why now?
"Don't call me that." He says annoyed.
"Don't go digging into my personal life either." I couldn't help but feel like I was playing a game with Sid. Cat vs Mouse. I was the mouse and Sid was the cat, always finding ways to trump my happiness.
"You never used to be like this Sid. Ever since that night..." He cut me off in mid-sentence.
"I thought we agreed to forget about that?"
"We did BUT some how it's still haunting us. I wish you were your old self again." I played with the two chopsticks resting next to my bowl of miso soup. I could never use the damn things!
"I was fine until..." He paused himself. "Nevermind."
I looked at Sid who was looking at me. He looked helpless, alone and tired. I could tell he hadn't gotten much sleep.
"We need to be honest with each other Sid. That's what friends do." I reach for his hand across the table, he tightened his grip quickly.
"How come you told Nealer that Max was your dinner date and not me?"
I took my hand from Sid's, shifting back in my seat. Confusion blanketed over my face.
"I'm not deaf, Tess. My lack of bottom teeth hasn't affected my hearing." He let out a small laugh at his own expense. I didn't know what to say or how to even answer his question. Things were rough right now between James and I. After the whole 'lets tell each other how we really feel' and the huge loss against the Bruins, he's been distant.
"Not sure. It's just bad timing, I guess."
"How so?" He presses.
"There's a lot going on between us relationship wise. We both said things and now I'm moving in with him, spending most of the summer with him. Plus the sweep didn't help the situation either."
Sid looked at me frustrated. I shouldn't have brought the playoffs up, he takes everything personally. Especially hockey.
"You love him, don't you?" I hesitated answering the question.
"Yeah. I guess I do."
"I'm happy for you." He says automatically but I'm not convinced. He picked up the tab as the waitress waited for her usual hefty tip. The drive back to my house was silent and awkward. Sid pulls up to the house, the front porch light was on and I could see a shadowy figure rise from inside.
"I hate how we've become, Sid. The tension is killing us." I whisper.
"Then fix it." He says before exiting his car and opening my door. I slipped out placing my hand on the top of the door frame.
"I'll see you in a couple weeks when you get into town." He was pretending the whole conversation never happened and I could tell he was forcing a smile.
"Will do." I lean in and give him a hug, his cologne overtaking my senses. Sid's hand fell on the small of my back as he pressed me closer to him.
"Have a safe flight." He whispers into my ear, making me shiver.
I walk up to the house watching Sid drive away. Once he was out of sight I opened the door, only to be greeted by someone unexpected.
"How was dinner with Max?"
James was sitting on the back of the couch while Max was standing 5 feet behind him with a look of guilt on her face.
I was caught red-handed and I wasn't prepared to explain myself.
Aghh I need an update! This is great!
2/3/21