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There was a part of Elle that regretted everything about ever meeting Jamie the first week after she’d hung up on him. Long hours at work, mostly standing around between flights, were devoted to remember the curve of his lip when he smiled or the feel of him, pressed against her fully.

It had been nine days since he’d held her in his arms and Elle felt each of those mornings, waking up alone, with an ache that hurt her soul.

She could justify, rightly so, her decision. It didn’t make it hurt any less. It didn’t stop her from thinking about his little hellos over the phone, mischief in his voice when he’d been able to get her on the line even if only for a few minutes.

She’d carved out a part of her life for Jamie to rest in and now that she’d forcibly removed him, that little part was screaming.

It didn’t help that Nicole had been absolutely livid when she’d found out. The redhead had barged in the next day, hollering about Elle’s stupidity and she hadn’t even defended her actions until Nicole had settled down. Tyler must have told her because Nicole only knew Jamie’s half of the story, the half that Tyler or Jamie himself could have told her. Nicole didn’t have Jamie’s number, and Elle hadn’t even bothered telling Tyler to keep his mouth shut.

When the facts were on the table, Jamie pushing her aside and the rising tide of stupidity at the airport, Nicole had hugged her long and hard and offered to get her drunk. Elle had taken her friend up on the offer those first few days. She’d allowed herself to get lost, if only for a while.

She and Jamie hadn’t even gotten a month into the relationship before it was over but Elle could have sworn they’d been a part of each other forever. It certainly felt that way when she was staring down the bottom of beer after beer.

Nicole was spot on when she’d called Elle a poor love-sick fool.

It was in the dark hours of the nights, unable to sleep without remembering a much larger body curved around her in bed, Elle could finally admit to herself that she’d been falling in love with Jamie. So much so that it was tearing her apart on the inside.

There was a balance to restore, however painful it might be. Elle still had so much to take care of in her professional life that she gave herself a handful of days before she reapplied her skills fully and lost herself to the job.

Guerin wasn’t going anywhere fast. Elle understood, after seemingly endless conversations with her coworkers, that her job really was on the line whether she wanted to attribute that much power to the fuck face or not. He’d wormed his way into some semblance of authority. She had to deal, or risk losing everything she’d built over the last four years.

The loss of Jamie was hard. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing YVR as well.

So, she kept her head down. She answered Tyler’s texts and calls when she could stand it, hoping that he wasn’t just reporting right back to Jamie. He’d respected her request not to discuss the spectacular failure of her love life. They’d gone back to their chats, their initial friendship. And she appreciated him, and Nicole too, for that needed sense of normalcy.

She’d get through this. One way or another.

-------

“Settle the fuck down, Benny!” Ruff’s voice echoed around the boards, his shout reaching Jamie all the way at the far face-off circle. Jamie was breathing hard, almost choking on the air in his fury. They were down by two, with a handful of minutes left and his blood was up. He’d had a shoving match with Subban twice already. And Plekanec was going to capitalize on his irritation.

The puck dropped and a stick connected roughly with his left wrist. Plekanec took one more whack and Jamie almost lost his grip. God dammit it. Both hands raised and he shoved the Habs player hard. The cross-check was solid and sent the other man skittering back from the circle. Jamie followed, all thoughts of the puck gone from his mind.

He wanted to beat the smug look off Plekanec’s face. He wanted to paint the ice red. He wanted to put a point on the board and he wanted to be the best and-

Prust appeared out of nowhere, and the game was completely forgotten.

He spent the last four minutes of the game in the box, watching the clock countdown. Gallagher buried the empty netter and that was it. He skated back to his team, the angry murmurs in the American Airlines Center raining down on him.

It had been two weeks since Elle had stopped taking his calls and answering his texts.

It had been two and a half weeks since he’d put a point on the board.

The shotgun of his stick hitting the wall in the tunnel startled whatever staff was still lurking and he prayed that Fids or Jordie could handle the press. Thankfully, Ruff took one look at his face and sent him straight to the showers. Jamie escaped the arena as quickly as possible; guilt tore at him for abandoning his team, on the ice and after the game. But he couldn’t stand their expressions.

All this concern about distraction and he’d made a mess of every part of his life. For the first time in a long time, Jamie was at a loss. His normally clear path to glory, the steps he needed to take to achieve greatness, was foggy. Michelle’s words echoed in his head as he pulled into his driveway: “Jamie, you’re a Captain. That’s a big thing. But it’s also lonely being at the top.”

His loneliness was his own doing. He was starting to hate himself a little.

His sigh sounded whiney and he was pretty sure he looked like someone had kicked his puppy. He should just give up on the day and go to bed.

Jamie was actually under the covers when he heard his front door open and Segs’ voice echoed up the stairs. “Benny! Get your ass down here.”

He pulled the covers over his head, waiting five minutes for the front door to slam, signaling the departure of Segs. He waited, and waited, and grumbled, and waited. Ten minutes after the other’s arrival, Jamie finally sighed and pushed the covers back.

Segs was on the phone when he came downstairs, chatting about the upcoming elections in the fall. Jamie frowned because Segs only talked politics with like four people. And one of them was Elle.

“Yeah, for sure dude. No, I get where you’re coming from but-“ He caught sight of Jamie and grinned viciously. “Hey, I gotta go. Mr. Grumps just walked in.” He was silent a moment, his expression changing from gleeful to downtrodden faster than Jamie could have ever expect. He sounded recalcitrant when he said goodbye, “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you later.”

Jamie quirked an eyebrow as Segs slid his phone into his pocket. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Checking in. You had a crazy game. I was concerned.” Jamie noticed the beer bottle dangling from Segs’ hand for the first time. The shorter forward took a swig and shrugged. Jamie gave him a long look before he grabbed his own beer.

After a drag of his own, Jamie stared Segs down. “I’m fine. The game was fine, other than the loss. Nothing to be concerned about.” He kept his voice flat, just like his expression.

Segs was having none of this. He slugged Jamie in the shoulder, hard.

“Hey! What the fuck-“

“It’s okay to be upset about this, Benny. It’s okay to admit that you’re upset, too.” Segs’s eyes softened and he came to rest against the counter next to his friend. Jamie was suddenly reminded of when Segs first arrived in Dallas, betrayed and rejected by the team that had drafted him. Segs had gone through a really shitty, rough summer. Jamie also remembered the day Segs had moved into his apartment, the floor above him and Jordie. They’d leaned against the counter then, shoulder to shoulder as they were now, drinking beer. He’d promised Segs that they’d do great things together.

Segs was his best friend next to Jordie and he could see right through Jamie’s façade.

“I just don’t know what to do.” His sigh was heavy and sad.

Segs nudged him. “What do you want to do?”

“Rewind three weeks and be a fucking adult. Tell her about the team, about Nill. Fight to keep her. I don’t know.” He nudged at a coffee stain on the floor with a toe. Elle hadn’t deserved him being a fool. He’d caused her more stress when she’d needed someone to just listen to her problems. “Mostly, I just want to know that she’s okay. That dude she was working with is a piece a shit.” He put the statement out there, hoping Segs would fill him in.

The blond tilted his head to side-eye him. “She’s okay. Not great but okay.”

Jamie waited for him to say more, but Segs just took another drink of beer. Jamie took the crumb and held it close to his heart. As long as she was okay. “Should I text her again? She hasn’t responded but maybe if I just told her-“

“Just stop, Benny. She doesn’t want to talk right now. She will, I think, eventually, but not right now. Right now, you should focus on getting your head out of your ass.”

Jamie glowered. He didn’t have his head up his ass. He was going through a rough time.

Segs could almost hear the protestations in his head. He held up a hand in concession. “Okay, maybe not pull your head out of your ass but admit that this is bothering you and get past it.”

Jamie scoffed. He was a hell of a long way off of getting past it, getting past her. He killed the rest of his beer and switched out the glass bottle for a plastic one of water. He offered one to Segs but returned it when the blond refused. “It is bothering me. But, it’s getting better, I think.”

The friends stood in silence for a few minutes while Segs finished his beer. When done, he chucked the bottle into the recycle and straightened to go. “I’m always here to talk. I know you probably won’t want to, but I am here. For both of you.”

A small, thankful smile crossed Jamie’s face. It was nice of Segs to throw that little bit of information out there. “Thank you, Segs. Seriously.” For a moment, Jamie thought he might get a hug, but he got a shoulder punch instead.

“Keep your head up, Benny. It’ll get better.”

-------

“Elllle, get out of bed. It’s too early to sleep.”

The sound of her front door pounding off the wall in the entry way forced a groan from Elle. She snuggled deeper in her blankets, hoping if she didn’t make an appearance, Nicole would just leave her in peace.

It was 9 PM on a Saturday and Elle wasn’t at work.

It was a goddamn miracle.

Nicole slammed the front door shut and Elle heard her footsteps approaching her bedroom door. She really needed to change the locks. Nicole was going to want to go out drinking but all Elle could think about was catching up on sleep. It had been a hell of a long month and she needed a break.

The lights flipped on and Elle groaned in frustration. She dragged her comforter over her head only to have it cruelly yanked away. “Now now, Miss Merchant. No hiding from happy fun times. Out of bed with you.”

“Fuck off, you asshole.” Elle tried to grab for her covers, but Nicole threw them across the room. Elle just curled up into a ball, using a pillow to block out the light in the room. She wasn’t going anywhere.

“You need to get out. I have decided. I made plans this morning with a couple of fine young gentlemen and I require your assistance in the matter.” Her pillow was ripped cruelly from the bed.

Elle sighed and gave Nicole a hard look. The redhead was dressed up for a night out on the town, full makeup and fuck-me heels. “I don’t want to go out with ‘a couple of fine young gentlemen’. I want to sleep.”

Nicole tsked. “You do want to go out. I can see it.” She turned on her full charm, the one that had made the two of them best friends in the first place. “I worry about you, all alone here with your thoughts about Jamie Benn and we’ve got to fix that. I love you too much to see you mope much longer.”

Well, Nicole had a point. It’d been twenty three days since Elle had cut off all communication with Jamie, except the completely unwelcome updates from Tyler. Twenty three days of regretting her choice, but knowing that if she hadn’t done it, she’d be more stressed than she already was. Hell, once she got past that first miserable week, things had evened out at work. Guerin was still around, but he’d become a background nuisance.

Elle was slowly righting her life, a life that apparently wasn’t capable of accommodating attractive hockey players in Texas.

She sighed, put out that her long night of sleep was going to be cut short, but swung her feet off the bed anyway. “I need a shower. And some cute clothes. Figure out the clothes and I’ll be ready in 30.”

Nicole whooped while Elle dragged her ass to the bathroom. She stripped and let the water run a little colder than she’d normally like to wake her back up. She was drying off in less than 10 minutes when Nicole opened the door and tossed her favorite little red dress in. “I may have made a couple friends in court today; they’re super gorgeous so I need you at your best.”

The cold of January had finally snapped the week before as the end of February approached. Elle sometimes couldn’t believe that she’d been in her warmest clothes, on a tarmac, greeting the Stars only six weeks ago. It felt like it was ages. But it’d only been 40 days. And now, she was strolling along the streets of downtown in a short dress and nothing but a shrug to keep her warm. It was busy, people excited to get out of the house after the rough winter. It was also 10 PM on a Saturday; downtown was hoping when the two approached a swank cocktail bar on the north side. It wasn’t far from Nicole’s office, right on the edge of the business district, yet they still had to push through a throng of people waiting to get into the dance club next door.

The thumping base was making Elle’s head hurt. Nicole frowned at the expression on her face. “Don’t go sour already. I had to sweet talk these two into coming out.” The redhead dragged her ahead. The interior was dark, with only tiny spotlights ringing the long, wrap-around bar. Out of the street, the music next door was almost non-existent; brassy jazz filtered in through the speakers.

“This place is fancy.”

Nicole’s eyes were sparkling when she grinned at her. “Your dress makes a lot more sense now, doesn’t it?”

Elle tipped her head and nodded. It was a fancy dress. For a fancy bar. She briefly wondered who Nicole had brought to wingman, her or Elle, because a place like this on a Friday night was a recipe for a double date. Her eyes narrowed when Nicole caught sight of a pair of men. The redhead waved, and the men both turned to look at the ladies. Elle chuckled when she recognized both smiling, handsome faces.

Tanev and Higgins, looking more relaxed in button downs than their game day suits, were waiting for them at a table. “How the fuck- you know what, I don’t even want to know.” Elle was still chuckling.

Nicole gave her a nudge with her elbow. “They were actually getting coffee at that place right at the courthouse and I ran into them.” Her eyes twinkled with mischief because Nicole running into someone could mean she literally ran into them. Or had seen them from four blocks away and run them down in four inch heels. It was a toss-up. “I had to work some magic to get them out, but don’t worry. I used your name.” Which would explain why they were here. From what she’d seen of the organization, the Canucks had a pretty strict policy about hooking up with women, hoping to keep their players out of scandals with one-night stands gone wrong.

Elle just chuckled and headed over to the men. She wasn’t particularly close with either, but she’d engaged in some light flirtation. “Hey Chris. Chris.” They both stood, giving her familiar but not overly friendly side hugs. They were good guys; she’d been working with them from day one.

Higgins held a chair out for her, which she accepted with a dip of her head. “Good game last night. I hear our chances to make the playoffs just went up by a couple percentage points.”

Tanev laughed good-naturedly. “Yeah, that’s the rumor. We’re not holding our breaths, but we’ve still got some fight in us.” Once they were all seated, and drinks were ordered, he turned to Nicole. “So, you weren’t just name dropping and you do know the most eerily efficient flight director on the continent.” The redhead burst out laughing at that. Elle elbowed him. “Does she do that thing where she looks over her glasses and judges you at home too, or is that just reserved for us?”

Elle protested immediately, but Nicole, still laughing, gave her affirmative. “Absolutely. This one time-“ Elle clamped a hand over Nicole’s mouth and glared at the men.

Tanev exclaimed, point at her, “There it is! That’s the one! You leveled that at Kass right when he got traded after he left his passport at home. He almost cried. Actually, I think he did!” The guys were both laughing too hard for Elle to properly defend herself. She distinctly remembered the incident Tanev was talking about. It had been one of her first flights and the asshole had to be rebooked on a later flight. She’d been at the airport and extra two hours.

As their giggles continued, Elle had to admit that it had been sort of funny. In an obnoxious sort of way that anyone fucking with the efficiency of her flights was. Under her hand, Nicole was squirming, joining in the merriment, albeit soundlessly. She released her friend and leaned back. Her Manhattan came with, and she sipped it while everyone calmed down.

There were tears in Higgins’ eyes when he finally managed to squeak out, “He did cry. Just a little. Which I think is how you described his brain size, just a little.” And he was off again. Elle gave Nicole a long suffering look, but the red head was eating up the sight of Higgins, and she just shook her head.

She wasn’t going to win on that front tonight. Nicole had been waxing poetic about Chris Higgins and the abs that wouldn’t quite for fucking years now. Elle finally understood her role in all of this; she was the sacrificial lamb, a means to Nicole’s ends. She should feel irritated that she’d been used to bait the hockey players into coming out, probably under the guise of catching up with co-workers. As much as she was a co-worker to these two.

When Higgins returned the smooth look Nicole was giving him, his laughter finally stifled by a sip of beer, Elle had to admit that if her own love life was still a ship slowly burning at sea, then at least she could help out her friend. Tanev also noticed the look and quirked an eye brow at her. He might be as unwilling a wingman as she was. He inclined his head towards the bar and she drained her drink.

“I’m going to get another round,” she announced, pushing her chair back. Tanev stood immediately, offering to join her. They looked back one they’d pulled up a couple of stools. Nicole had circled the table; she and Higgins were inches apart.

“I’m going to assume this is a continuation of your introduction this morning.” Nicole always knew how to leave an impression.

Tanev nodded. “You could say that. I was half worried they’d strip each other naked at Starbucks. Actually, I’m not sure why they even planned to bring anyone out with them tonight.”

Elle knew exactly what Nicole’s plans were. “I’m sort of getting over someone. She wanted to cheer me up.” Her smirk was full of mirth when she tipped her empty glass towards him. “What better way than another attractive hockey player?”

Tanev leaned back, a hand at his chest in mock shock. “You think I’m attractive? How can that be? We all figured you were part cyborg, able to resist the most suave of us all. I mean, I distinctly remember you turning down Lappy in a most spectacular fashion a few seasons ago.”

They both laughed at that shared memory and she was struck by a bittersweet thought. They shared a lot of memories, her and every player on the Canucks, and yet they didn’t really know her and she didn’t really know them. Outside of a select few that gave her glimpses into their personal lives like Kessler and Kevin, she had no idea what they were really like.

The bartender came back with their refills right when she was about to comment on that fact. The ice in her glass distracted her momentarily and then she hear Tanev suck in a breath. She glanced at him, expecting him to be checking in on their friends. Instead his eyes were glued to one of two TVs this place was sporting. She followed his eyes and frowned.

The green of the Stars jerseys was instantly recognizable, as was the white and purple of the Avalanche. She watched a scrum close to the benches, lots of shoving with minimal punching. She could see Tyler in there, hand on someone’s face. She sought out Jamie instinctively and frowned when he was nowhere to be found. She understood moments later as the replay started. Her heart clenched violently when she instantly recognized the strong strides of Jamie, streaking up the right side with Tyler a step behind him in the center. Jamie’s pass connected perfectly with Tyler and the camera followed the shot on goal but then jerked back to the blue line.

Back to the boards where a figure was crumpled. Elle raised a hand, hoping to cover her cry of dismay. Another angle showed the hit that Talbot had landed on Jamie and it was as bad as she’d expected it to be. Full knee on knee contact, swinging Jamie around and face first into the glass. Talbot had finished with an elbow to Jamie’s back. Jamie was slow to get up; he was shaking his head to clear cobwebs when he got his feet under him and then went down to a knee again.

“Oh god. Be okay Jamie. Be okay.” She wasn’t even aware that she was chanting as the trainer came onto the ice to help him up again. “Oh god.” Tears were flooding her eyes. On screen, Jamie made it up, favoring his right side, the one that hadn’t been hit. He was clearly in pain. She desperately wished she could hear what the announcers were saying, needing some sort of information other than visual because right now, the visual was gruesome.

“That was fucking brutal. Talbot’s getting at least two games for sure.” She almost jumped at Tanev’s voice, having forgotten about him entirely. Her wide and frightened eyes met his for just a moment before jerking back to the screen. Jamie was being lead into the tunnel, out of the camera’s prying gaze. “Hey, are you okay, Elle?”

She shook her head, watching the replay again. She’d made it almost a month without seeing Jamie. She’d avoided all televised hockey other than the Canucks; she’d refused to look through pictures on her phone. Anytime Tyler tried to Facetime her she’d declined. Because she knew she couldn’t look at Jamie Benn without everything flooding back. And now she’d seen him and the sight of him was broken. A tear slipped out, unbidden.

“Hey, it’s okay. He got off the ice, that’s not bad, right?” Tanev awkwardly rubbed a hand over her shoulder, attempting some sort of comfort. His words and his gesture were useless though. That was a bad hit. That was a season ending hit. Just because he could limp didn’t mean he was okay. “Jesus, Elle. This happens all the time in hockey.” There was a question in Tanev’s tone and she knew he was moments away from figuring out why she was crying. They didn’t need to be good friends for him to see how fucked up she was about this.

“I just- I- it wasn’t supposed to hurt this much.” More tears slipped out. Elle kept her eyes on the screen, mortified that she’d let those words slip out of her mouth. She dashed the tears from her cheek and tried to stand. She shouldn’t be here, talking to fucking Christopher Tanev about this. She needed to get out of there, get some air.

Tanev caught her elbow when she stumbled. “Holy shit, Elle. When you said you were getting over someone and you didn’t need another attractive hockey player, I didn’t even think-“

“I gotta go. Tell Nicole I caught a cab.” She jerked her arm away, her gait still unsteady as she wound through the crowd. She shouldn’t have come out, shouldn’t have watched the TV. Fuck. She took a deep breath when she breached the door. The street was still busy and she half expected Tanev to come after her but he didn’t. He didn’t and she hoped he’d never talk about this again. Her frantic wave got her a cab real quick. She needed to be at home.

She needed to call Tyler and find out if Jamie was okay. She needed to just call Jamie. She needed a lot of things and none of them were good for her heart.

What she really needed was to forget any of this had ever happened and move to another continent. One where she wouldn’t ever have to see Jamie Benn ever again.

Notes

Holy delayed update! Thank you, everyone, who has stuck with me on this ridiculous time consuming story. Here's an extra long one as an apology with the assurance that the next won't be too far behind. Not a whole lot left to this story and maybe MAYBE I'll get it finished before the end of the year, lol. I'm kidding. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks. It's been hard torturing these two. Happy fun times incoming!