“You need not to climb mountaintops, you need not to cross the sea, you need not to find a cure for everything that makes you weak…”


Sunday morning arrived far too quickly. It seemed as though Saturday had never even happened at all. Marco had spent the entire day in bed, in limbo between sleep and semi-consciousness. And when he was partially awake, he lay with Sofia, swaddling her up and patting her back softly until they could lull each other back to sleep.

Marie let that go for the day. She understood that he was taking the news of his father’s illness rather hard and needed some time to cope. He could be allowed an entire day of rest and relaxation, without the need to get up for practice or anything else.

But when Sunday morning arrived, Marie couldn’t let him keep going like that. Eventually he’d have to get up anyways because of development camp, but she wasn’t going to let him lay around until then either. At a certain point, she’d have to be proactive for him.

“Enough laying around, let’s get up.” Marie pulled back the duvet, which only earned an exasperated moan from Marco. “Yes, come on. I’ve laid out a suit for you, so get changed and we’ll go to church before your camp.”

He pulled his arm away from her as she reached for it. And from there, he fought to pull the blankets back up over his shoulders. “I don’t want to go to church. There’s no God,”

“Marco Scandella, you get your ass out of this bed, you get changed into that suit, and you accompany Sof and I to church. Your dad wouldn’t want you to live like this; this is the last thing he wanted.”

Marco rolled over onto his back and looked up at Marie. He didn’t say a word, and when Marie reached forward, he took her hand in his. The muscles in his jaw clenched as he tried to hold back every emotion, and finally licked his lips and shook his head. “I don’t want my dad to die. I’ve only had him for twenty-five years. I’m supposed to get more time with him.”

All Marie could do was stare at him as he ranted on. No doubt this was going to be hard on him. Although her father was a complete mess and their relationship was never on good terms, Marco and his father shared something special.

“He’s supposed to watch me get married and raise a family… Supposed to watch my children get married. But all I hear everyone saying is that this is a death sentence for him; that he can battle and put up a good fight, but it’s not going to matter. My dad’s supposed to grow old and gray, not die in his sixties.”

She rubbed her thumb against the back of his hand soothingly, trying to get him to calm down some. Every time he spoke about the subject, he got all worked up. And unfortunately, with how irrational he seemed lately, she feared he might shell up again if he felt he was divulging too much. Most of all, she just wanted him to know that he could come to her for anything. She wasn’t going to bolt away.

“I know, babe.” Slowly, she leaned forward and combed her fingers through his hair, pecking her lips against his jaw, “your father’s an amazing man, so I can only imagine how hard this is for you. But he wouldn’t want you to put your life on hold. So let’s go to church, relax, and then when you get back from camp we can talk or whatever.”

He stared at her again as if he were contemplating whether or not he’d actually get up. Finally he did, and he cupped his hand around Marie’s cheeks, guiding her head closer to his. He kissed her slowly like he was trying to pack every last bit of emotion into it. And while Marie reciprocated, she also knew he was doing it to cover up all the grief he was still feeling.

The intention was to go to church and have a good time; if only for the time being to forget the bad things that had come into the light over the past few days. They could pretend, even if just for a little while, that everything was normal again. That was fine. Sofia’s first experience with church turned out to be a pleasant one. It seemed Marco had been able to let go of the angst he had previously felt. Even after the sermon and on the way back home, he said very little about his dad. But then again, he said very little at all. Marie wasn’t sure if he actually was beginning to handle it in a more healthy manner, or if he was just suppressing it all. If it was the latter, she feared it was because of her encouragements to live a more “normal” life after finding out the news.

The only thing was that she dared not ask him about it. Because even though he wasn’t saying much of anything to her, he also wasn’t curled up in bed, mulling over the situation. He was up and moving about, but now she didn’t know which she’d rather have; a depressed Marco who voiced his feelings, or a Marco that hid his pain and acted like nothing was wrong at all.

Back from church, he got himself ready for camp. He’d spend most of the day there, and because of his previous comments about the guys thinking he was going soft, Marie knew he wouldn’t express to them how much this was killing him. Zach and Ryan had both lost their fathers the season before, and Marie knew Marco had seen the way they handled it. They remained open to the media, answering questions as they were asked, but the moment they felt tears welling up, they shut down. Because God forbid someone sees a hockey player cry.

She didn’t want that for him. Marie wanted him to be able to look at the reporters, eyes full of tears, and show a human side to him. A side that greatly differed from the strong and formidable presence he was on the ice. She knew what it was like to go through life hiding feelings; she knew the consequences of that. After years growing up with Wild Bill Thatcher, hiding emotion was second nature to her. And only since Marco had she been able to remedy that. He was showing her that expressing emotion didn’t make her weak, but a human being. Only now he was having trouble with that exact thing.

That afternoon while Marco was away, Marie called up Sandra. She wanted to offer her support to the wife of an ailing man. Just as Marco needed to know that she was there for him to talk to, Sandra needed to know too. And it appeared she took advantage of that because after the hour and a half conversation, she hung up the phone knowing more about the situation than Marco probably would’ve ever let on.

The cancer was advanced, but it hadn’t yet traveled through his blood stream and gotten into his lymph nodes. If there was any silver lining, that was it. The biggest issue was that there were nearly nine tumors in Francesco’s liver, all varying in depth and development. Given his age, he had made the decision to fight it, much to the relief of the entire Scandella family. He was scheduled to have surgery in nearly a week to remove the tumors. It wouldn’t be an easy procedure, and the surgeon made that very clear to them. It was highly unlikely they’d be able to get all of the tumors completely. But at this point, anything gave him a better chance. Following the surgery, he’d begin his first bout with chemotherapy.

Of all things, Sandra was more nervous about the chemo than the surgery. The horror stories of how chemotherapy attacked the body had plagued her. The thought of having to see the man she loved lay completely helpless, at the mercy of a drug that was literally destroying his cells, was terrifying.

They hung up with the promise to talk to each other soon, and Marie moved to sit on the floor with Sofia. In the weeks since she’d been born, the house was almost always filled with some sort of noise to stimulate her. Some days it was jazz music, other days it was country or rock, and some days it was just the gentle hum of the television in the background. With everything, they saw Sofia growing accustomed to the noises and developing her own tastes to them.

“You’re so adorable, I just want to eat you up.” Marie bounced Sofia in her arms. “You see little angel, daddy’s having some problems with his own daddy, and I’m not sure what I can do to help him.” She brushed a piece of hair to the side of her daughter’s head. It’s like she thought talking to Sofia might bring about a realization. “Your daddy would do just about anything for his friends and family… probably even give the shirt right off his back.” Sof cooed and Marie smiled, nodding her head, “I know, and how am I supposed to help him? No one can ever replace a daddy… Well maybe one could replace mine, but not nonno. Nonno’s so kind and gentle, and you know what, he was that way the first time I met him. Not like Grandpa Bill at all. Nonno’s one of a kind, Sof. And your daddy’s just like him,”

There was creak from across the room and Marie looked up, air escaping her lungs. She panted and clutched her free hand over her forehead, sucking wind to compose herself. Marco was leaning up against the doorjamb; arms folded across his chest, just watching her interact with their baby. His eyes were red like he’d spent most of the day fighting tears.

“How much of that did you hear?” She felt her cheeks flush when she looked back up to watch him come further into the room.

Marco took a seat beside Marie and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. With his other hand, he nudged down Sofia’s blanket and stroked her cheek softly. “No one can replace a daddy…”

She offered a small smile and then tucked her head into the base of his neck. He tilted his head and kissed her forehead softly, lingering there for a moment.

“You don’t have to do anything extra for me. Being here is enough. I know I’ve been distant and kind of cold, and honestly that might get worse, but I really do appreciate you. And I appreciate you sticking around even when I make it hard for you to.”

She moved her head to look up at him, smiling against his lips as he leaned in to kiss her. But as he mentioned, the distance and coldness did get worse. At this point, Marie couldn’t have guessed it, but Marco would shut her out. And she’d be left confused as to why he couldn’t talk to her about it.

---

Just as Marie thought things couldn’t get any harder or worse, they did. Not only was she acting like a single mother, but the café had also opened up to the public. With preseason quickly approaching, Marco had practice, workouts, or press nearly everyday and that forced Marie to tote Sofia along to the shop or pawn her off on one of the hockey wives who had a free moment or babysitter. And as if that wasn’t enough, Marie had a full load of classes. Because of everything that had happened this summer, she opted for all online classes. Thankfully that was an option for her. Not having to spend hours upon hours on campus would really save her butt.

But it wasn’t easy. Not one bit. Since Scandy’s opened five days ago, Marie figured she’d slept maybe four hours a night. She was either working late, doing homework, or taking care of Sofia. And sure Marco put in his share of the work; with Sof at least. He’d get up through the night to change or feed her. But even the times he got up to take care of her, Marie was still pulled out of sleep because of the crying. Only five days in, and she felt like this life was kicking her ass.

Hunched over behind the cash register, Marie was focused on the textbook in front of her. She had to get through the reading in order to complete the assignment for her class. Behind her, Sofia was nestled in her car seat, sleeping soundly despite the noisiness of the fairly busy café.

“Jeez, I hate to interrupt you…”

Marie’s head shot up. The customer in front of her had become a sort of regular. Since the public opening nearly a week ago, he’d been in everyday. She wasn’t entirely sure if he had taken an extreme liking to the food or an extreme liking to her.

“Don’t worry about it, really. I shouldn’t be doing this here anyways,” her eyes flickered over the man’s dark gray suit.

“Yeah but it’s Roland Barthes. I mean the dude rambles on in sentences that are more like paragraphs dense enough to sink the Titanic. How much can one guy say about a signifier and a signified?”

Marie looked down at her book. He was attuned to what she was reading, and more than that, educated on it. “So you know Barthes and semiotics,” she smirked, logging into the computer system.

“Studied him in college. It’s been a couple years though,”

“What can I get for you?”

The man smiled and pulled his wallet out of his pant pocket. “Large coffee,”

“You want it to stay or to go?”

“If you don’t mind my presence at the counter right here, I’ll take it to stay,” he nodded his head towards the counter beside the register, lined with empty bar stools.

“To stay then. It’s Cam, right?” She flicked her eyes to him, recalling his name from the previous days. When he nodded and began to pull out money, Marie backed away from the counter, “don’t worry about it.” She grabbed a ceramic mug and filled it up with coffee, leaving some space for cream and sugar.

“No I insist,” he retorted, trying to hand forward a five dollar bill.

“Call it professional courtesy for being Scandy’s first official regular,” she handed him the mug and watched him sit down on the first stool closest to her.

“So are you adamant about finishing that chapter or can I pull you away from it for a little break?” Cam began pouring cream into his cup.

“You should know I have a boyfriend…”

“I figured that,” he grinned and lifted the cup to his mouth to take a tiny sip. “A beautiful woman like yourself doesn’t get a baby by hitting up the local sperm bank.”

Marie blushed and glanced back at Sofia, who was still consumed by sleep.

“I don’t want anything more from you than this delicious coffee and the occasional biscotti. Your conversation is an added bonus,”

She rolled her eyes playfully and turned to lift Sofia out of her car seat. Marie made the promise that the moment another customer approached the register, she’d end the conversation with Cam for good. What business did she have with a man trying to flirt with her? Walking around the counter, Marie sat in the bar stool Cam had pulled out for her.

“What’s her name?” He questioned, taking another sip of his coffee.

“Sofia,”

“She’s adorable.”

Marie beamed and looked down at her, “yeah… I think I’ll keep her,”

“Your boyfriend… What’s his deal? I mean you’re a student, you own a business, and he’s got you taking care of her?”

Marie glanced at him, unsure of where this was headed. She had to be careful of anything she said to this guy. Who knew what his intentions were. “His job doesn’t really allow him to bring Sof along. He takes care of her a little bit when he’s home, but he’s so tired when he gets home…”

“And you’re not?” Cam interjected.

“It’s complicated,”

Cam smiled and licked his lips, “I don’t mean to come off so strong. I apologize if I’ve offended you, I just…” His breath caught in his throat. And after taking a minute, he smiled kindly and returned his focus to his coffee, “I think he should be more appreciative of what he’s got… or someone else might do that for him.”

“He’s just going through a tough time right now, and I understand that…”

“Understanding it and accepting it are two entirely different things.”

“You’re speaking very confidently for a man who’s only known of my existence for five days now,” she smiled and bounced Sofia in her arms.

“I’m a pretty confident guy, Marie.” He smiled and nodded towards her nametag. “I mean no disrespect, I just don’t understand how a man can berate and ignore the woman in his life and expect her stick around? Your boyfriend should be kissing the ground you walk on, idling you, showering you with kisses and love and attention, not pushing you away because he’s going through a tough time,” Cam held up his fingers to add air quotes for emphasis. “If you were my girlfriend,” he lowered his voice just a touch, “your daughter would never have to come to work with you. I’d gladly take some of your responsibilities and add them to mine just for the chance of making your life a little bit easier. I would treat you like a queen, I would make love to you every single night to show how much I love your body, I would have deep conversations with you to show…”

“Hey there, pretty mama.”

Marie gasped for air when she looked up and saw Marco beside her. She was sure her cheeks were bright pink and it took everything in her to pretend like the man sitting across from her hadn’t just been hitting on her. “Marco… this is Cam…”

“The shop’s first official regular,” he added in. When he and Marie made eye contact, he smiled kindly and took another sip of his coffee.

Marco smiled and shook Cam’s hand, totally oblivious to the conversation he was just having with Marie. “Baby, I’m dropping Sof off with Becky and Ryan tonight, and you and I are going to get some time together because I know this whole thing has been rough on you.” He took Sofia out of Marie’s arms and gently laid her back in the car seat. After kissing Marie’s forehead quickly, Marco left the shop, but not before signing a few hats and phone cases.

“I didn’t have you pegged with a hockey player,”

Marie shrugged, “you’ve only known about my existence for five days… Look, everything you said was very flattering. You were right, it had been awhile since I’d been appreciated like that. But I love him, and being ignored for a couple days because he’s going through some shit isn’t going to change that.” She stood up and walked back around the counter and returned to her reading.

It had been awhile since she’d been hit on, and she almost didn’t remember what it felt like. But being with Marco made up for all of that. Who needed to get hit on by random guys when she got to go home to the love of her life?

Notes

"Against The Grain" by City and Colour.

I hope y'all are enjoying where this is going! :)