The Cabin by the Lake

I worked from home the next week, I was honestly too scared to leave the apartment. I told work, and Ryan, that it was a nasty cold and I didn’t want to get anyone sick. Ryan insisted on coming over, but he also didn’t mind staying back since the season was starting this week. I was supposed to photograph the first home games I was supposed to work; but I couldn’t. I tried to leave, but I couldn’t open the front door. Casey tried to talk me out of my funk, but nothing helped. I only felt safe in the apartment with the doors locked, although I didn’t sleep much at night. “Ems, let’s go for a walk. Fresh air will do you good…or call Ryan, he’ll understand.” But I just stayed in bed. None of her words affected me. Not until the Bruins second loss to the Canadians. I sat on the couch watching and Casey came over and stood in front of the TV. “You’re acting like you were when you were with him. Get over yourself, get out, and stop acting like this. You’re not weak. So don’t listen to him.”

Sunday morning, 4am. Yoga pants, running shoes, and under armor long sleeve shirt. I grabbed the small pocket knife in my sweatshirt pocket. I needed someone to teach me how to defend myself; how to fight. My hand was getting sweaty around the knife as I walked in through the dark morning Boston streets. I ran most of it, to be honest. Too scared to slow down. I was alert, every sound and every movement made my heart race faster and my breathing becomes uneasy. I buzzed his apartment, I knew he was up; he was always up this early. “Yeah.” I heard him buzz through, “Zac…it’s Emily.” He didn’t respond, he just buzzed me in. I ran up the stairs to his floor, I couldn’t slow down. My heart raced as I knocked on his door, scared that I wasn’t moving; what if he was close? Zac opened the door and I ran in. My ribs still hurt, mostly from my heavy breathing. “Emily, right now isn’t a good time.” I nodded, “I know. You guys lost.” He didn’t respond. “I thought you were sick. Why are you here?” I finally let go of the knife in my pocket and sat at his kitchen table.

“Zac…what I’m about to tell you…you can’t tell anyone. Not even Ryan.” He sat across from me, “Did your date not go well?” I shook my head, “it was perfect. The only bad part is when he drove away…Zac, I need you to teach me how to fight; how to defend myself.” His face got cautious, “Why?” I stood up and hesitated. Tears started to swell in my eyes. I lifted up my sweatshirt and shirt, reveling the large bruise on my ribs. I held my clothes up for a few seconds, then quickly put them back down. “What happened.” It wasn’t a question he was asking me, he knew what it was. I sat back down and grabbed his hands, my eyes swelling with tears. “He found me Zac…Patrick…”I started to hyperventilate. I tried to calm down, but I couldn’t. Zac came around me and held me tightly. He rested his head on top of mine and held me. When I calmed down I told him what Patrick told me. How I’ve been scared to leave, and that’s why I haven’t been at work. Zac was furious; a mixture of the losing streak and Patrick. “Okay. We start today. We meet every day, if possible.” I nodded at him with red eyes. “No more Emily…I don’t want to see that on you ever again.” He pulled me in tight again, I think he was hiding his tears; how hurt he was to see me hurt. “Why didn’t you go to Ryan for this?” I shrugged, “I think you’re more experienced with fighting…and I’m not ready to tell him anything…Zac, you can’t tell him okay? He has to hear it from me…I’m just not ready.” He stood up and grabbed his jacket, “Alright I won’t tell him, let’s get started.”

Zac picked me up from my apartment on Monday; game day. We did our second lesson before he had practice and I went into work. I was sore; I won’t lie. I’m using muscles I’ve never used before. And Zac’s not going easy on me; I didn’t want him to. I showered at work and got ready there instead of at home. I was in my office by 7am; an hour earlier than I had to be. I was catching up on some old e-mail when I heard a knock on my door. I looked up and smiled. “Good Morning.” He said to me as he sat in the seat across my desk. “A little birdie told me you were here.” I nodded, “I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you much…” Ryan smiled at me, “It’s no worries. I’ve been a little preoccupied lately…with losing and Marchy out…” I got up and sat next to him, “you guys will be okay, you’re tough!” He laugh and leaned in to kiss me, “Is this okay? Even though it’s been one date?” I smiled, “It is.” He kissed me lightly, “I needed this…” I nodded, “me too…hey, maybe after the game tonight…we can hang out?” He smiled, “I’d love that. My place?” I nodded, and kissed him one last time before he left.

I watched the guys getting frustrated, and losing focus. It was hard to photograph the game like this. Another loss, third in a row with only 3 games this season…The crowd was still fantastic, but they were feeling as let down at the team was. Each player that walked back into the dressing room after the game was pissed off. Zac didn’t even look over at me. He kept his head down; just wanting to leave. Ryan came over, disappointment in his eyes. “Hey Em, can we post pone our hang out? I’m just not feeling it.” I nodded, “Sure thing.” He walked away. This meant I had to walk home alone. I went up to my office and debated whether or not I could just sleep here. No, that’s ridiculous…I gathered up my things and texted Casey and Sarah; both busy and can’t get me. I even texted Sarah’s fiancé, Eric, but he was busy too. Jim had left, Chris had left…My phone buzzed, Meet me in player lot. Driving you home. I sighed in relief. I grabbed my things and went down to the player lot. I gave a small smile at Zac as he walked closed, “You’re coming to my house first. I’ll drive you home later.” I didn’t question, I just nodded. He was quiet the whole ride, but I was just happy I didn’t have to be alone.

We got into his apartment, and I put my stuff on kitchen counter. He moved some furniture in his living room. “Come at me.” I took off my converse shoes, “what?” He stood on his rug, “Come at me. Show me what you got.” I looked down at myself, “Zac, I’m in jeans.” He nodded, “yeah, you think Patrick will attack you when you’re only in workout clothes? Pretend I’m him. Attack me.” I shook my head, I could tell her was frustrated with losing. “I can’t just attack him. I’ll get in trouble with the law. He has to attack first.” I walked closer to Zac, the look in his eye scaring me a little. “Fine, pretend I’m Patrick.” I couldn’t though, he was too gentle. He didn’t have that look…I stood there as he walked towards me. I looked into his eyes and saw it…it wasn’t the look Patrick gave me, the look that said I’m going to hurt you it was more of a I need to hurt something look. I flashed back to images of Patrick hitting me, pushing me, yelling at me. “Attack me Emily.” Zac said with a harsh tone. And being around hockey guys isn’t going to make you stronger. Patrick’s voice came into my head, and I felt enraged. I walked up to Zac and tried to punch him square in the face. But he grabbed my hand, “Not good enough. Again.” I tried again, but he stopped it again. “I don’t know much Zac. I don’t know what to do.” He nodded, “You do. Let your body take you.” I tried, and tried again but he kept stopping me. “We are flying out to Colorado tomorrow.” I nodded, “I need you to bring you’re A game. I won’t be back until the 18th. I can’t have you losing too.”

Zac drove me home, and walked me to my door. I felt safe with him, and I felt relaxed he was going out of his way to help me. He handed me a card. “While I’m gone, go here. This place will help you while I’m gone. Emily, you need to go here.” I nodded, “Thank you Zac.” He sighed and wrapped me in a hug, “Don’t…I’ll see you in a few days, okay?” I nodded and went to get out of the car, "Hey Emily?" I turned back to see him, his eyes were sad. "You need to tell Ryan..." I just nodded, closed the door and walked into my apartment building. I looked at the card, it was a boxing gym on the other side of town. I practiced how to punch in my room and a few other tactics Zac taught me. I planned to go to the gym as soon as it opened... I woke up to a pounding on the front door, it was 4am. My heart pounded, Casey was at Amanda's place tonight. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and approached the door. They pounded again, my heart raced. I was scared to look through the eyehole. But if he’s there I’ll call the cops. I slowly stepped towards the door to look through, a pound of relief came off me. I opened the door to a frantic Ryan. He stepped in, and pointed to the knife in my hand as I closed the door. “You were pounding on the door…” He rubbed the back of his neck, “sorry…I just…” I put the knife down and he came over and hugged me. He squeezed my ribs and I tried to not wince at the pain. “I’m sorry Em. I was so worked up I forgot I won’t see you for a few days…I stepped away from him, “it’s okay Ry. It’s been a tough few days for you guys.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it, “We don’t leave for a few more hours…can I stay with you?” I smiled, “If we can go back to bed.” He laughed and followed me into the room.

We laid there, looking into each other’s eyes as the alarm went off. I should tell him what’s going on…but I couldn’t. His hand brushed my face, and he kissed me softly. “I want you to use my car while I’m gone.” I gave him a weird look, “you what?” He shrugged, “I know you don’t have to really work while we are gone…so if you wanted to go somewhere to take some pictures, use my car. I trust you Emily.” I scooted closer to him, “I have my own car.”I laughed and he shrugged, “I’ve seen that hunk of junk.” He winked and I smiled, "I’ll be careful with it.” He smiled and wrapped in up into his chest. “When we get back, we’re going on another date.” He looked down at me, “oh we are?” I asked him with a cheeky smile. “The 19th, that’s when we will plan for.” I nuzzled into his chest, “Sounds perfect Ry.” I walked him to the door and kissed him goodbye and said good luck on their road games. Ryan left his car here and he walked to the Garden.

Notes

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