All Hands on Deck

Nova Blue became the center of Tessa’s world. And even though he demanded to be acknowledged at his father, at the same time Sidney tried to act like he wasn’t in love with the kitten, even though he clearly was. Since her schedule was as crazy as ever, Tessa made nice with her neighbor, a college-aged girl who lived on the first floor named Clare who offered to feed Nova Blue and scoop his poop while Tessa was away.

When Sidney would come over, he’d often find Tessa on the floor, throwing balls for Nova Blue to chase and giggling at him, or the two of them would be curled up on the couch, the kitten asleep on her chest. One evening he found Tessa knocked out in bed while Nova Blue helped himself to the left over Chinese food on the floor.

On the road, at the arena, Tessa had her phone out constantly to show the boys new pictures of the grey kitten at any opportunity. Sidney always grinned at her pride and mocked her about it in private, but Tessa knew for a fact that Sidney had Nova Blue’s picture saved to his phone as well.

Things were good, they were happy.

After another brief road trip, which saw them earn three out of six possible points, the Pens returned home to find that the March air was almost warm and gentle, showing signs of a spring not far away.

On a bright afternoon they had a game, a matinee against the Bruins. Tessa was in the training room, rubbing a knot from Flower’s shoulder. Sidney was there as well, sharing a laugh with the two of them as Flower told them of his daughters’ antics that morning. But like a bee sting on a joyous summer day, Sidney and Tessa’s bubble of joy and tranquillity was suddenly and abruptly burst.

Flower saw him first, exclaiming excitedly, “Jack!”

Tessa looked up and Sidney watched the color drain from her face. The two of them shared a half-second look of shock mixed with despair before Sidney turned around and pulled the head trainer in for a hug.

“How’s it going? How’s William?”

“Ah, growing like weed, looking like his mama, thank God.”

Jack launched into a story of woe about new fatherhood and Tessa patted Flower’s back. “You’re all good, hun.”

Flower turned on the table and reached over to grab her hand, saying nothing, but giving her a look of utter sadness, because everyone knew what this foretold. Jack was here, he was coming back, which meant that Tessa’s temporary time with them was coming to an end. She smiled at him. “It’s ok. I’m gonna be fine, Flower. Go say hello to your friend.”

Nodding once and leaping off the table Flower joined Jack and Sidney. Soon, there was a whole coalition of players and coaches and staff gathered around to welcome Jack home. Tessa, feeling out of place for the first time since she started working for the Pens, quietly slipped out of the locker room and made her way to the closest bathroom.

Letang watched her leave and let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her; just as they all did he enjoyed her company and appreciated her work. That being said, he knew that sooner or later something would have to give with her and Sidney and he couldn’t help but think that her moving back to Reading would be the best thing for everyone.

Tessa, naturally, disagreed. Alone in front of the dirty bathroom sink, she tried to slow her heartbeat with calming breathes and bit her lip to keep from crying. It was ridiculous to be this upset, she knew that; she had known from the start that this job wasn’t going to last. But while she had been busy enjoying the team and Sidney, time had suddenly moved faster than she ever thought possible. And she wasn’t emotionally prepared to say goodbye, to any of them, least of all the Captain.

She looked up at her reflection and forced herself to stand taller. Blowing a breath out her nose, she redid her ponytail and lightly slapped her cheeks to return some of their lost color. She thought to herself: Alright, Tessa, you got this. Go in there, finish the day out, and then leave before you start to cry. Easy. Simple. Ugh.

No better time like the present, Tessa abandoned her mental pep talk and went to pull open the door, but just as she did, someone pushed it in, nearly knocking her down.

“What the hell?” Sidney came inside, leaning against the door since there was no lock. He just looked at her for a moment. They should not be doing this here. “Sid, you should leave.”

“I need to talk to you, everyone is more than distracted.” He tried to continue. “I…Tessa…”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok.” Tessa wrapped her arms around his middle as he leaned his shoulders against the door and hooked his arms around her neck, pressing her cheek against his chest. He wanted to say something, comfort her, but she was stronger than he thought. She knew he was the one who needed reassurance right now so she buried her own feelings and pulled away from his body, looking up at him with a smile. “I’m gonna be fine and we’re gonna be ok. We knew this was coming.”

“Yeah…but I feel like we just had this ‘we’re gonna be ok’ conversation about Letang finding out. I wasn’t expecting to do it again so soon, not today.”

“Me either, but does it really matter? Yesterday, tomorrow, it’s the same result. There’s nothing to be done.”

“There is, I can ask Jack to let you stay on the staff. We need you.”

Tessa had to laugh. “You needing me close and the team needing me are not the same thing.”

“I know that, but the team does need you. You’re too valuable to let go.”

“Again, I think you’re letting your own personal feelings cloud your judgment. You’re forgetting that Jack and Georgie also do what I do plus a whole lot more. I’m a one trick pony, why would they keep me around?”

“Tess…”

“Look, you’re upset. So am I, but this is what you signed up for, what we both knew would happen. I’m going back to Reading, you’re going to stay here, and we’ll…figure it out.”

“I know we will, but it fucking sucks.”

Man, did it ever. “It does, Sid, but that’s life. Come on, we should get back.”

Sidney didn’t let her go, but instead tilted her head and brushed her cheeks with his thumbs. “I don’t wanna let you go. I’m not ready.” She felt a tear threaten at the edge of her eyelid and when she blinked, it escaped. His face fell. “Oh, God, please don’t cry, it’ll rip my heart out if you start to cry.”

She was a wreck and his proclamation was not helping her find stability, but she knew he was worse off. So, she did what she always did, she grinned and made a joke. “I’m not crying, there’s just a hockey player in my eye.” Sidney chuckled almost silently and Tessa came up to kiss him, swallowing down any more tears, trying to think rationally, to come up with some way they could make this better. She said the first thing that came to mind. “Maybe it’s for the best. I can look for a different job, outside of hockey and then we could do this thing for real, no hiding.”

Sidney’s heart nearly leapt of out of his chest, because that was a solution! Immediately after the thought flashed in his mind, though, he had to discount it, because how could he ask that of her? “I can’t let you do that for me. You love hockey, you love this life. You deserve to work for an NHL team and if people knew that would never happen.”

“How do we know? I mean, hear me out, sleeping with a player that’s one thing, but we both know that you and I aren’t just fucking. Right?”

“Of course, absolutely not.”

“See? If you’re my boyfriend then I’m not the staff person who fooled around with a player.”

“Tess, you’ll still be the massage therapist who met her hockey playing boyfriend on the job. It’ll cause problems if you try to work for another team.”

“Ok, ok fine. How about this, I’ll get a job in Pittsburgh, we’ll wait a few months and tell people we hooked up after I left the team. Then I’ll look for another hockey job.”

“Do you think it’ll matter to front of house that you started sleeping with a player only after you worked for the team? You already know it, but I’ll say it loud and clear: women are judged much more harshly than men, especially when it comes to sex and especially when they work in sports. I’m telling you right now, I know the men who do the hiring, I know the training staffs on a lot of teams, I know the players. It won’t matter to them if you were a virgin when we met or if I didn’t touch you until you left the team. No matter when it happened or how or if I was the only one ever, if they know about us, you’ll never get another NHL job, maybe any hockey job. Is that really what you want?”

Tessa knew he was right, 100%, without a doubt, but he was frustrating her to no end with his lack of options. “Sidney…”

“I know, I want there to be an answer too, but here we are. I’m not gonna let you give up your dream for me and if we make this thing public I can guarantee that’s what’s going to happen.” Tessa was staring at the door behind him, unwilling to meet his eyes. He lifted her chin with his palm. Now she was the one who needed him to be strong. “You said it, we’re gonna be ok we’ll figure something out. But you gotta go before they come looking for you so gimme a smile, cutie.”

She forced the corners of her mouth to rise and looked into his eyes until the joy felt halfway real. It was amazing how she went from supporting him to needing his comfort. Then again, that what couple’s do, be strong when necessary, lean on the other when they feel weak. She told him honestly, “We make a good team you and I.”

“The best, baby. Now go. I’ll be along in a bit.”

Tessa slipped out of the bathroom and made her way back into the locker room. Every single person she met smiled at her out of habit and then almost immediately she could see the realization of what Jack’s return meant for her dawn on their faces. And that was the hardest part, the pity, the sympathy. She needed to get this over with and get the hell out.

Sidney came in a few minutes later with a bottle of champagne he swiped from the kitchen as an excuse to cover his absence. Tessa did her best to go about her day as usual, but since everyone was distracted by Jack’s return, there was little for her to do. She ended up taking to Beau for a while and Sidney couldn’t even bother to muster a little jealousy since the day had drained him already.

When the players hit the ice, Tessa found herself in Jack’s office, going over the logistics of what he had missed with Georgie.

“It seems like things went smoothly, then.”

Georgie answered, “Yeah, we missed ya, but things got done. Boys really loved having Nessie around.”

“I can see that.”

Tessa was exhausted emotionally and just wanted to be finished. She still managed a cheerful attitude in spite of herself. “I had a great time and the work was challenging, but that’s a good thing. I just wanna thank you again for allowing me the opportunity to cover for you while you were out.”

“Sounds like you earned it many times over.” He stood now, taking hold of her hand.

“Thanks. And Georgie, thanks for everything.” He pulled her in for a hug and now she really had to fight off tears. “Ok, I should go.”

Jack seemed surprised. “Don’t you wanna wait til after the game? First intermission at least? I’m sure the guys wanna say goodbye, too.”

As close as she was to sobbing already, Tessa knew that was a terrible idea. “You know what, I’m just really tired. Can you tell them I said goodbye? Give them all my love?”

Georgie could see the wetness in her eyes and nodded, understanding why she didn’t want to stay. “Of course. We’ll plan something later, all of us can go out, ok?”

“Sounds good. Call me and we’ll set it up.”

She walked away, out of the locker room and then through the empty halls of the arena. The roar of the crowd seemed to shake the whole building and the vitality of it all was annoying to her. She wanted to be home, with her cat, and later, Sidney.

By the time she entered her apartment, she had a text from him that he must have sent between periods. “We miss u already, should’ve stayed & said goodbye, i’ll be home soon.”

She didn’t respond, didn’t want to bother him when he should be focused on the game. Instead she looked around her little apartment that she had grown to love, the flowers everywhere that gave it life, the TV and video game system Sidney had brought over, and of course, her son, who had curled up in her lap and was purring.

Needing to do something, take some kind of action, Tessa grabbed her phone and called the trainer of the Reading Royals.

“Hey! How’s it going, Connie?”

“Pretty good. How bout you?”

“Right as rain, season’s heating up, kicking ass and taking names, you know the drill.”

“Of course, I’ve been keeping tabs on you guys. Boys are playing good hockey lately.”

“Sure are. So, what’s up?”

“Uh, I’m actually calling with good news.” Well, good news for him, anyway.

“I like good news, lay it on me.”

“Jack, the trainer for the Pens came back today, so I can start with you guys again whenever.” There was a long pause on the other end. “Hello?”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m here. Um…they didn’t call you?”

“About what, Kyle?”

“Uh…well, they hired a new girl, few weeks ago. She’s…been working out great.”

Tessa was almost grateful for this because it allowed her to temporarily forget her sadness in favor of anger. And she was furious. “You mean to tell me that after authorizing my TEMPORARY leave of absence you guys just decided to fire me and then not even bother with a fucking phone call to let me know?”

“Connie, look, I thought they told you.”

“Obviously, they didn’t, Kyle. This is some fucking bullshit.”

“Calm down. I can talk to them, we can work it out.”

“You know what, don’t even bother. I hope the new girl is great. Good luck in the playoffs.”

Tessa pressed the disconnect button as angrily as you can with a touchscreen and then flung the phone on the couch next to her. She told Nova Blue, “Un-fucking-believable. So, let’s see, I have no job in Pittsburgh, no job in Reading, I do have an amazing boyfriend, but wait a minute, I can’t tell anyone about him because then I’ll have no hockey job EVER.” He gave her a mew of encouragement, or maybe it was hunger, hard to tell. Either way, Tessa petted his little head. “I know, bud. Today fucking sucks.”

To top things off, Tessa then had to decide if she was going to tell Sidney that she had no job to go back to in Reading. On the one hand it would mean she could stay in Pittsburgh until she found another position, but at the same time he’d probably be just as mad about the shady business as she was. And Tessa really worried he might go through his suggestion of talking to Jack about keeping her on staff. As much as she wanted to stay with the team, having her boyfriend arrange things felt unsettling to her pride.

“What to do, what to do, my little Nova Blue?”

Tessa sighed, she didn’t have a single clue, so she gave up on life for a while and took a nap instead.

Notes