All Hands on Deck

Game two went much the same way game one did: Sidney didn’t have the energy to do any of his normal routines, he played decent, but his team still lost. He was just tired, of everything, emotionally and physically exhausted. Part of him hoped they lost in four games so he could go home to Cole Harbour and sleep for a week in peace and quiet. And yet another part knew he couldn’t let that happened. He looked forward to getting back to Pittsburgh, in their own building, where they could regroup and get things back on track. That was what the team talked about on the train back home.

On another train the next day, Tessa sat alone, headphones on, eyes closed, doing her best to prepare herself for being this sad in the city that had made her so very happy. She was still debating if this was a good idea when she felt someone touch her knee.

She pulled her headphones out, smiling faintly. “Hey, Raff.”

He sat across from her and put his feet up on the empty seat next to her. “How are ya?”

“I’m okay. How are you?”

“Good. I don’t want to bother you, but I wanted to tell you something before we got to Pittsburgh since I know you’re thinking about him.”

“Please don’t make me cry.”

“It might, but it’s something you need to hear. Don’t tell Ryan, because she’ll kill me for saying this, but I just want you to know that’s it’s alright to forgive him. It’s alright if you still believe in love and if you want it with him. Don’t let Ryan or anyone else make you feel like either of those things are wrong, because they’re not.”

Tessa didn’t feel like crying, she just felt like crawling a hole. She was tired of thinking about whether or not Sidney deserved to have her fight for him. Her mother seemed to think so, but at least Raffl was merely stating a truth. She was kind enough to respond with equal honesty.

“I don’t know if he’s worth it, Raff, I really don’t.”

“I’m not telling you what to feel, but if he really loves you, then he’s worth it.”

Raffl left, patting her shoulder kindly and Tessa was once more left alone with her overwhelming thoughts. When they got to Pittsburgh, she checked into the hotel with everyone else, laying in her bed and thanking God above that the team wasn’t staying at the hotel she had when she first came to Pittsburgh all those months ago, the one where she had had the best sex of her life with Sidney.

The longer she laid there, the more clearly she started thinking. And for some reason, maybe because she was feeling stronger and needed to take some kind of action, after a while she got up, and made her way to her old apartment.

It took her two hours of sitting in front of the damn building before she finally stepped out of the car she had rented. Then, she stood outside, staring at the familiar brick wall and the little window that was hers.

Eventually, she made it inside and then slowly up the stairs. She stopped again in front of her door, putting her hand on the old wood and wondering what had possessed her to come here. What did she hope to achieve by doing this? She wanted to collect all the photographs and burn them, but she also wanted to collect them all and cry over them for days. Alright, maybe she wasn’t as strong as she had felt in her hotel, but she was here now, so she opened the door.

The lights were on and a few feet in front of the door was a single rose laid over a crisp white sheet of paper that had been folded in half. Tessa looked towards the heavens and tried to stop the salty wetness that was threatening in her eyes.

Taking a breath, she bent down and picked up the letter and the rose, sitting down on the couch before she fell down under the weight of her emotional instability.

She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of the rose. It was dark red, perfectly pungent, and silky smooth against her lips. Sidney always sent her the best roses in full bloom, never discolored or crinkled around the edges. This one, the first single rose he’d ever left, felt rife with meaning. He always left them by the dozen, but now she just had the one. She picked up the letter and read his neat, deliberate handwriting.

“I don’t know when you’re going to come back here, maybe you never will. I wouldn’t blame you. I found myself here last night, thinking of you, of us, of Nova Blue. I miss you terribly. I know I have no right to say that, but I do. I’m not asking you to forgive me, I’m not asking to get back what we had. I just want you to know that no matter what you think about me, please know that this was always about you. You deserve the world and I know you’ll get it. I want you to have everything and I know for a fact that I can’t give it to you. I took the pictures because I don’t want to live without any reminders of you. Whatever you do, wherever you go, please know that this is the truth: I loved you, I do love you, I will love you until the end of everything, Tess.”

The paper was wet, her sight blurring by the time she got to the end. Tess shouted into the empty apartment, “Fuck you for making me cry yet again, Crosby. Fuck you.” She got up, took the rose and the letter and went back to the hotel.

Game three of the Flyers v. Penguins. Pittsburgh, PA. Fifteen minutes until puck drop. Warm ups were done, the ice was being smoothed one more time before the game would start. The Penguins sat in their stalls, each lost in their own worlds of mental preparation. When Don from the Flyers burst through the doors, everyone turned to look, all a little frozen in shock.

“Jack! Where the hell are you?”

The man he called for rounded the corner and the two trainers met in the middle of the room. “Hey, get the fuck out of our locker room, man.”

“How dare you pull this shit on me.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Contessa. Fuck you for this. If you wanted her, you should have made her an offer when she was here.”

“Don, I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about!”

“She just quit on me and don’t even try to tell me it wasn’t to come back and work for you.” Sidney finally cared enough to look up. What the hell was happening?

“What? Of course it wasn’t. I haven’t seen her all day.”

“Really? You’re so full of shit. This is low, really fucking low. And I’ll tell you what -”

“Don, stop, seriously.”

When Tessa’s voice broke through the locker room, Sidney winced in pain and couldn’t bare to look at her. Her voice was bright and he couldn’t decide if her happiness was real or fake, let alone which would be preferable. He hated to think of her as suffering in the same heartbreak as him, but the idea of her being joyful at this point was equally hurtful.

She put her hand on Don’s shoulder and continued. “I didn’t take a job with the Pens. I don’t have a job with anyone.”

“Then what the hell?”

Tessa ignored him and all the rest of the stares. She walked right up to Sidney, and he stood to face her, but before he could speak, she grabbed the front of his shirt, hauling him down for a searing kiss. Without thinking, his hands came to cup her face and he responded as if nothing had changed, as if they were alone in private bliss and not in a locker room full of his teammates. All he could feel was her, his Tessa, and she warmed him like sunshine, smelled like roses. While she was focused on Sidney, Tessa did hear Beau mutter, “I fucking knew it.” And that nearly made her laugh.

She pulled away from him smiling and he joined her, feeling giddy to be holding her again. Still, he asked, “What are you doing?”

“I just need two minutes.”

Sidney looked around at the open mouthed stares from the men around them and sobered quickly. “Tessa, you shouldn’t have done that.” He tried to let her go, but she griped him tighter. “Stop, this is over.”

She continued as if he hadn’t spoken, all she could see was him. She had to get this out, because this was far from over if she had anything to say about it.

“I realized this afternoon that I do love something the way you love hockey and it’s not my fucking job. It’s you, it’s us. And people can say what they want, think whatever they like, never hire me in the NHL, I don’t give a shit. Because I would rather have you than any job in the world. What I said to you, that first time, what you threw you back in my face when you tried to walk away from me…I was wrong. You are worth it, Sid.”

He interrupted her. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes. You are. Because I know, I fucking KNOW that you love me. And even though you never gave me the chance to tell you, I love you. And that, real love like we have, that is the only thing in this world worth fighting for and I’m not giving it up. I’ll lose everything, absolutely everything, give up anything except you. I love you so much, more than I even explain. I know you and I know what you’re thinking, that I could go on without you by my side, love someone else and you’re right, it’s possible, but I just really, really don’t want to do that. I only want you, just you.”

“Tessa…please don’t do this.”

“It’s too late. It’s done. I already quit. I don’t work in the NHL anymore”

“Why…why would you do that?”

“We had a problem, so I fixed it. You know me, I’m a doer.”

He returned his hands to her neck, staring into those pale blue eyes that were sparkling with joy and honesty. He shook his head, unable to fathom that this was real, that she was doing this for him. More than that, she looked happy as all hell about it. “Goddamn it, I love you and I don’t want to be without you, ever. But are you sure -”

Letang interrupted him with a huff. “I swear to God, if you don’t shut the fuck up and kiss that woman again I’m gonna beat you bloody.”

Kessel laughed and added, “Same here.”

Tessa looked over her shoulder at them, grinning. “Thanks, boys.” She turned back towards Sidney. “Well, Captain? You gonna kiss me or what?”

“I can’t stand your smartass mouth, you know that?”

“Keep telling yourself that. Just fucking kiss me already.” And so he did. He kissed her to a round of applause from the other men. He kissed her past the point of appropriate and would have dragged her to the bathroom to make love to her against the wall if Don hadn’t interrupted.

“Alright, break it up. Let’s go, Philly.”

Sidney finally released her mouth and she turned to the trainer. “Sorry, Don. I’m leaving.”

“We actually need to have a serious conversation about your breach of contract. Your ass. Our locker room. NOW.”

Tessa, nearly mad with joy and not caring about a thing in the world, kissed Sidney again. Then again and again and again. She broke free of him, giggling like a schoolgirl and his own laugh was unstoppable.

“Tessa…”

She kissed him again. “Later. You know where I live.”

He nodded kissed her again, unable to see anything but her and the joy on her face.

Don was already out the door and Tessa walked backwards through the room, grinning and greeted by dozens of male smiles. “Alrighty, well, sorry for the interruption. Carry on then, boys. Good luck out there.”

Sidney sat back down in a stupor, felt the back slaps of congratulations from his teammates, but it was Letang’s smile, his nod of approval, really made it feel real to him. He had his Tessa back, that was all that mattered.

Next door, Tessa sat in front of Don’s desk jittery with excitement. She wanted this conversation to be over so she could go watch the game and then go home. Home to Sidney.

Don just stared at his folded hands for a while and then finally said, “Crosby, huh? How long?”

“Since the beginning of January.”

He nodded. “I thought you were smarter than this.”

“Don, I want you to know that I’ve loved hockey for as long as I can remember. And for most of my life, I’ve wanted to be involved in this sport, doing what you hired me to do. It’s important to me that you know that I wouldn’t be doing this unless I knew for a fact that me and that idiot over there had something real, something worth fighting for. I love this job, I love this team, but as my mother so wisely told me, this team, this job is never going to love me back the way that man can. I deserve that. Everyone does.”

He nodded again, sighed deeply. “You know I have to sue you for breach of contract, right? You signed a contract, Contessa, we take that seriously.”

“I’m aware. I plan to make Crosby pay any judgments you get ordered. I figure it’s the least he can do since this is his fault.”

Tessa was still smiling uncontrollably and finally it was so contagious that Don smiled as well. “Sidney fucking Crosby and our Philly girl. Alright, fine, go. We’re finished here.”

Tessa stood and held out her hand. “Thank you for the chance, Don. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

“Fuck off and get back to work before I actually fire you.”

She slowly let her hand lower against her body, mouth open. “Excuse me?”

“Listen, if you had come to me yesterday and told me all this, I would have fired you on the spot because talk is cheap, darling. But you’ve thought about this, I can tell, if you’re really prepared to face the consequences of losing everything for him…well, I guess you love him that much. And I’m not that much of an asshole.”

Tessa didn’t know what to say. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I am not.”

“What…are the boys going to have a problem with this?” She pointed behind her, meaning those boys in orange in their locker room.

“Some of them, probably. If you can handle the chirping, I’ll deal with anyone who steps out of line.”

“Ok, you have to tell me why, though. I mean…you fucking guys act like this is a non-negotiable issue.”

“Because, Philly, you’re right. You deserve to be happy. Everyone does. And you were honest with me, eventually. And you stood up and did something about it, you were ballsy enough to go after what you wanted even if you lost this job and I like that. Now, please get the fuck out of my office and go to work.”

She rounded the desk and hugged him. Hugged him so hard, he was actually sore from it. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Don.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s enough, please stop.”

She finally let him go. “You won’t regret this, I promise.”

“I’m already regretting it. Leave, now!”

He yelled, but his mouth was upturned in a smile and Tessa returned it. She went sprinting into the locker room, high as goddamn kite, yelling, “Who needs a massage? Free massages on me! Woo-hoo!”

The only thing Tessa knew about game three was that it lasted way too long and the Pens won. Afterwards, she went to the parking garage and found Sidney’s car easily, Blue Maserati Ghibli, level six, just like always. She leaned against the driver’s side door, waiting for him.

When he saw her, he was already hustling to his car anxious to get to her. Seeing her sooner than he hoped sent him to another level of joy. His body flattened hers against the car as he cradled her face in his hands.

“What are you still doing here?”

“Because apparently I still have a job. I guess, if you sleep with someone you’re not supposed to, all you need to do to get away with it is fall in love them and quit. Grand gestures have a way of affecting everyone, I suppose.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

“I am. Don’s letting me stay. I get to have my cake and eat and it, too.”

“Tess…fuck yeah. That’s so great.” He kissed her again and she melted into him, just like always. He felt so good, so strong and solid against her, so sweet and giving against her mouth. He nipped her lips and then said, “Please get in the car.”

“Mmm, why? You gonna fuck me in it again like old times?”

“Yes, now.”

Giggling, they got in, and just like the first time, they got naked and Tessa crawled into his lap on the driver’s side. He couldn’t even think about anything else other than pulling her down onto his cock and pressing his hips up to fill her. She felt like home.

Tessa let out a sob, but there were no tears, not yet anyway. When she started to ride him and he gripped her face, forcing her to look into his eyes the whole time, that was when she felt like crying. Because he was just so beautiful, this moment so perfect, being together again like this when she now had everything she could ever want.

“Sidney…I love you. I just want to tell you a hundred times a day.”

He groaned, kissed her wildly and rose to meet her thrusts. “Tell me every minute if you want. I love you. Thank you for knowing that I love you, for doing this for us.”

“Thank you for loving me. For your letter. That was when I knew.”

“That I love you?”

“That you’re worth it because you love me. Tell me you always will, like you wrote to me.”

“Tessa, I will love you until I’m dead and even after that. I swear to God, I don’t care what I fuck up in this life, I will not fuck this up. I will love you better than anyone ever could.”

This made her laugh, but it was interrupted by a moan. “I believe you, Sid. You’re a perfectionist in all things, I expect nothing less from you in this.”

“You’re perfect, Tess. It’s easy to love you perfectly when you’re so very perfect.” His mouth moved against her ear as he pulled her closer. “Please come for me so I can take you home.”

She happily complied, shuddering above him and then falling weakened into his arms. He drove them home, to his house this time, for the first time ever, no fear, no hiding. Tessa was sure it was a lovely house, one that she could see in the morning. Right now, she needed him in bed, inside her again and for the next several hours.

She started stripping down on her way up the stairs, dropping pieces of clothing as Sidney trailed behind, watching with a smile as he started to do the same. By the time they found the bed, they were both already naked, Sidney’s body all hard planes and still clammy skin.

Tessa reclined on the bed, waiting for him. They didn’t speak, just smiled, as he crawled over her and pushed in. They had made love countless numbers of time in so many different ways, but this was something entirely new. It felt deeper, stronger, more emotional than physical.

Sidney went slow, stroking between her thighs like there was nowhere he’d rather be. Tessa spread open, welcoming the sweet friction of their bodies that was so soothing it might have lulled her to sleep.

Not to say it didn’t feel incredible, it did. It was just that it was so sweet, so serene, so loving that it made her feel like finally, after these few days of hell, she could finally rest, finally be at peace. His hands found hers, forced their fingers together as he squeezed them palm to palm.

“Sid…”

That was it. Just his name as he drew pleasure from her, holding her down and then kissing her neck. He found that spot he had bruised weeks ago and just kissed it delicately, licking the skin before moving on. There was no need to mark her anymore, he would make sure everyone knew she was his in every other way possible.

“Tess…I love you. Please don’t ever leave me.”

“Says the man who left me.”

He kissed her hard as if he couldn’t bare to hear the truth. Pulling back he said, “I’m so stupid, you’re not. You saved us.”

Ever full of sass she told him, “I did. You’re welcome.”

Laughing, he kissed her again. “Thank you.”

He drove into her a little harder, moved his hips at a swifter pace. “Oh, God, Sidney…I’m so close. Are you close?”

“Yes, yes. Tell me again, Tess, please.”

“You’re worth it. You are so worth it, Sid.”

And that was why he loved her, because she knew exactly what he wanted to hear, not that she loved him, but that he was worth it.

They came together, with smiles and kisses and gasping giggles. He didn’t even pull out, but just kept himself in her warmth as he kissed her and ran his hands down her body. He hardened inside her and then started making love to her all over again, thinking that he never wanted it to end.

The third time they came together, he whispered to her again, “Never leave me.”

She grinned, nuzzled into his neck and told him, “I never will.”

Notes