Stockholm Syndrome

Sidney and I had spent the next two weeks in Peru. We had stayed in the country’s capital for a few nights before retreating deep in the amazon. We spent our honeymoon hiking, biking, horseback riding, paddle boarding and white water rafting. We went on nocturnal jungle walks and went piranha fishing. Our time flew by and we were soon on our way back to Canada.

We get back to Sidney’s place in Cole Harbour and I flop down on the bed.

“You okay?” Sidney asks.

“I’m so jet-lagged it’s not even funny,” I whine. Sidney’s hockey camp started tomorrow and I knew it was going to be a hectic week.

“I’m ready for bed. Even though it’s only 6 pm,” he laughs. He lies down on the bed beside me and sighs.

“Are you excited for your hockey school?” I ask.

“Yeah definitely. It means a lot to me that all these kids want to come out and learn some new thing.” I run my fingers through his hair and I soon hear his breathing slow down. I get up and turn the light off and curl up next to him.

“How was the honeymoon?” Nathan Mackinnon asks me the next day.

“So much fun. I’m not really a lay on the beach all day kind of person so we went to Peru and did a lot of adventure activities,” I reply.

“Sounds awesome.” We were signing all the kids in and getting everybody organized. “Well I better get out there. I’ll talk to you later Mrs. Crosby,” he winks and heads towards the ice. The last player heads onto the ice and I head to the stands to watch. Sidney was totally in his element guiding these young impressionable kids. The first day was a success and Sidney went out for supper with all the guys that are helping him run the school. I stayed behind and called Carl.

“Hey Mrs. Crosby, how was the honeymoon?” he asks.

“Is everyone just going to keep calling me that? And it was amazing. I want to go back,” I say sighing.

“Well that’s good. How’s the hockey school going?”

“Really good. These kids just idolize Sidney and listen to everything he tells them. It’s really cute.”

“Awe are you having empty womb syndrome?”

“No. Not all,” I reply quickly.

“Just checking. Man you should see Natalia. She’s officially bored now that she doesn’t have a wedding to plan.”

“How’s Sweden?”

“It’s good. It’s nice to come home and relax. I should probably go though; I’m supposed to be going out for dinner with Natalia’s parents.

“Okay. Good luck with that. Bye Carl.” I hang up the phone and watch TV.

The next day Sidney told me to bring my skates and help him out on the ice. I wasn’t really sure how much help I’d be but I did it anyway. I mainly just skated around and made sure everyone was having a good time. I notice a girl try and go towards the net with the puck on her stick. She loses her balance and falls and some of the boys start snickering. I see her start to cry and I skate over and crouch in front of her.

“Hey sweetie, are you okay? Did you hurt something?” I ask her and she shakes her head.

“It’s okay that you fell. You can always try it again,” I tell her.

“I’m not very good. I just learned to play last year,” she replies.

“For only playing one year you’re very good. A lot of these kids have been playing for a long time and I’m sure if you keep trying you’ll get it. You just can’t give up okay?” She nods and tries puck handling the puck again. This time she makes it all the way to the net and shoots it and it goes in. I start clapping excitedly and I hear Sidney come up behind me.

“Wow that was great. Way to go,” he says, high fiving her. She’s smiling from ear to ear and she gives me a hug.

“Thank you,” she says smiling.

“You're welcome.” She skates back to her group and Sidney smiles at me.

“Look who came to save the day.” I shrug and start skating around the rink again.
Hockey camp was a success and I was so proud of Sidney for all the effort he put into it. We stayed in Cole Harbour laying low for a bit but I started to get antsy. Sid and I often worked out together but I was itching to get back on snow.

“I’m going stir crazy,” I finally tell him one day.

“Why’s that?” he asks.

“I haven’t been snowboarding in a very long time and I’m paranoid that I’m losing my skill everyday that I don’t snowboard.”

“Then you should go snowboarding. You don’t need permission,” he laughs.

“Well I know, but we haven’t been apart in so long.”

“That’s true but eventually we’ll have to split up. I have to go to L.A. to train in a week anyway.

“That settles it.” I take out my phone and text the guys, inviting them to come snowboarding.

I sit in the snow and smile. I had totally botched a trick and fell pretty hard but it felt so good to snowboard again. I was getting Danny to teach me harder tricks and it was going a lot harder than I thought it would.

“Nix that was closer, but you’re not getting enough speed.” Danny tells me.

“It’s not for a lack of trying,” I holler back. People believed that women can’t compete against men because of the way they’re built but I don’t think that’s true. There’s a Japanese rider who is the same height and weight as me and if he can do these hard technical tricks, so can I. I just needed to push myself. The Olympics were over and my new goal was to compete in the men’s group. It seemed like a pipe dream but I needed the challenge. I head back up the pipe ready to try this trick again.

“So what’s married life like?” Jack asks me over supper.

“It’s a lot of sex,” I reply and Jack snorts loudly.

“Realistically Phoenix, you only need to learn three more tricks and then I’m sure they’d consider letting you compete. Snowboarding is a chill sport, they probably don’t discriminate,” Danny says changing the subject. I poke around my pasta and think about how cool it’d be to be a female competing against men in a professional sport. They spend the rest of the trip coaching me and I was able to land tricks in the airbag but I had slammed so many times, I wasn’t quite ready to put it snow yet.

It was the middle of August and preseason was just around the corner. Sidney had trained in L.A., Halifax, Florida and was now in Colorado. I was in Breckenridge with Bud where I was trying to put these new tricks to snow.

“You’re scared,” Coach says after yet another fall.

“These tricks are hard! I’m literally scared I’m going to break my neck!” I yell at him.

“You’re landing them perfect in the air bag every time. You just need to transfer that to snow.” I don’t know why this seemed so hard. I haven’t had a mental block like this in a really long time.

“I just can’t do it,” I say quietly.

“I think you’re scared of what will happen when you start pulling these tricks. You’re scared that everything is going to change and you won’t be able to handle it,” he replies. I sit there and I don’t know what to say. He was right. Everything would change. “Kid I knew when I started coaching you that you were something special. I honestly believe you’re capable of doing this you just have to believe it too. You can show women around the world that they don’t have to be defined by their gender. You could inspire young girls that being a girl isn’t a weakness, but a strength. You were given this talent for a reason.” Bud’s words resonate deep within me and I find myself getting up and walking to the top of the pipe, ready to try again.

Me and Sidney are back in Pittsburgh when I get a call in the middle of the night.

“Hello?” I answer groggily.

“Hello Phoenix, It’s Jeffery Hanson, President of the United States of America Snowboard and Freeski Association. It has been brought to my attention that you have been working on more technical tricks in the halfpipe. I know that you have swept the women’s halfpipe competition for a couple of seasons now and you now want a chance to compete in the men’s halfpipe group. After talking with the rest of the board we’ve agreed to let you make an edit with your most technical tricks and we will make our decision based on what we see.” I’m completely awake now and my jaw is hanging open.

“Oh my god thank you. I’ll be sure to do that. Thank you.” I hang up the phone and hop out of bed and turn the light on.

“Who was that?” Sidney asks still half asleep.

“You’re not going to believe this. That was the president of the USASA. He wants me to make a video of all my tricks and then they’re going to see if I’m ready to compete in men’s competition!” I yell. I start doing an impromptu dance and Sidney laughs.

“That’s incredible babe. Wow,” he replies. I take my phone off the bedside table and call my good friend Gabe L’Heureux.

“Hello?” he answers sleepily.

“Hey Gabe it’s Phoenix. I have a project I need to do and you’re the best cinematographer around.”

“For sure. When and where?” he asks.

“I was thinking Whistler tomorrow. I know it’s super short notice but I have to get this edit out A.S.A.P.”

“No way I’m already here with Mark! That works perfectly.” I tell him good-bye and hang up the phone. I text Bud the details and book a flight and I get my suitcase and start packing.

“Okay just picture the airbag there and you’ll have no problem.” Coach says trying to reassure me. Gabe had his camera out and was filming and I was definitely feeing the pressure. I dropped in and tried to pull the double cork 1080. I fall but I don’t break my neck, which I think is a success.

“Hey there you go! First one on snow,” he says patting my back. I try the trick 5 more times before finally landing on my feet.

“Did you get that?!” I ask Gabe excitedly.

“Oh yeah, I got that,” he replies smiling. It takes me all day and a lot of wasted film but I finally record the other two tricks I had been working on. We filmed the best tricks that I had and we head for the chalet and I watch Gabe as he puts the edit together on his laptop. When I’m happy with the final product, he emails it to me and I forward it to Jeffery. The tricks I did were hard tricks and I know a few guys who don’t even have a double cork 1080. I leave Whistler feeling very proud at what I’ve accomplished.

A few days later I’m back in Pittsburgh and anxiously awaiting Jeffery’s reply.
I’m working out with Sidney when I see a California number pop up on my screen.

“Phoenix here,” I answer immediately.

“Hi Phoenix, It’s Jeffery. We got your edit and the final consensus was to let you compete in the men’s competition this season. Although I have to warn you, there’s probably going to be a lot attention from media and people about this. I hope you’re ready for all that.” He says calmly.

“I think I am. Thank you so much Jeffery, this means the world to me.”

“Good luck this season Phoenix.” We say good-bye and I stand there shocked.

“What did he say?” Sidney asks, out of breath.

“They’re letting me compete in the men’s competition. I can’t believe it.” I say stunned.

“You earned it. I’m so proud of you,” he says hugging me. In a few months, I’ll be competing against Danny, how bizarre. ‘And Shaun’ my brain reminds me. Shaun. I had totally forgot about Shaun. In a few months I’ll be competing against my ex-boyfriend, the best snowboarder in the world. “What’s wrong?” he asks, reading my face.

“I just realized that I’m going to be competing against Shaun. It’s just going to be weird.” I start playing my music and continue my workout.

Notes

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