Stockholm Syndrome

Sidney spent September playing preseason games and I spent it training in Colorado and I was finally starting to get used to putting down runs with these harder tricks in them. The Penguins first game was coming up so I packed my bags and headed home to Pittsburgh.

“Welcome home!” Sidney says as I walk through the door. I drop my stuff and wrap my arms around him.

“I missed you,” I reply. I kiss him gently and I hear a car engine outside.

“I invited Carl and Natalia over, hope that’s okay.” I nod and move my stuff out of the way.

“Nix! It’s been like two months come here!” Carl says in Swedish, walking through the door. I hug him and laugh. I hug Natalia and we all sit around the dining room table while Sid finishes cooking.

“So what’s going on with you? You kind of fell off planet there for a bit,” Carl says after chugging a glass of water.

“Yeah my life has been eat, sleep, snowboard for the past month,” I reply.

“You must be stoked to be competing in men’s though. This is what you always wanted.”

“It is but it’s stressful. People might expect me to get like first place but I’m just hoping to not come in last.” Sidney sits down with the food and we all dig in.

“Do people know yet?” Natalia asks.

“No not yet. We’re announcing it at a press conference closer to Dew Tour,” I reply. “Are you guys excited for you first game?”

“Definitely. Sucks that our first game is in Dallas though,” Carl replies.

“I can’t believe that off-season is over. It went by so fast.”

“I can’t believe you and Crosby are married.” I smile and hold Sidney’s hand. I absolutely loved being Sidney’s wife and I was excited for our upcoming seasons.


Me and Natalia watched the game at home but the pens ended up falling to the Stars 3-0. I realize I left my phone charging in the kitchen all evening so I go to retrieve it and I unlock the screen. My phone had blown up with missed calls and texts, twitter notifications and emails. I check twitter and word that I would be competing in the men’s competition got out. I had no idea who would leak that information but decide not to dwell on it. Twitter was flooded with different people’s opinions. Some people thought I wasn’t good enough to be competing with the men. Others thought that I must have slept with the board members to get this opportunity. I throw my phone down and start pacing the kitchen.

“What’s wrong?” Natalia asks, coming from the den. I explain the situation to her and she just sips her water. “They were going to find out eventually right?” Her words don’t make me feel better and she leaves to her apartment. I decide to go to bed early and fall asleep quickly. I wake up when I hear Sidney crawl into bed.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you,” he says softly. I feel his arms wrap around me and I fall back asleep.

I spend the next few months travelling around the states and Europe. I hadn’t seen Sidney in weeks and the clock was ticking down until Dew Tour. I was at Mammoth Mountain in California when I get a call from Sidney.

“Hey baby, how are you?” I ask him.

“Good. I was just wondering if you were planning on coming home anytime soon. It’s been weeks and Thanksgiving is coming up,” he says nervously.

“We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Sweden. Plus hasn’t Canadian Thanksgiving already passed?” I ask him.

“Phoenix I miss you. I know you’re training and I get that but I’ve seen you three times in the last three months.” He sounds sad and I cave.

“Okay I’ll come home for awhile.” I hang up my phone and proceed to pack up my belongings.

I had been back in Pittsburgh for a while and I was already itching to get snowboarding. I figured if I couldn’t snowboard I could still work out. I was in the gym daily, building muscle and ran everyday and I went to the trampoline park every afternoon to master my flips.
I get in from my run and Sidney was getting ready to head to Consol.

“Where were you last night?” he asks concerned.

“Downtown at the gym. I workout better at night.” I reply.

“Have you been there every night?” I nod my head and sip my water. “Are you coming to the game?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.” I smile. He kisses me and leaves.
I decide to shower before the game and strip off all my sweaty clothes. I look at myself in the mirror and I noticed how toned I’ve gotten. I smile at the progress I’ve made and hop in the shower.

The penguins lose 5-1 to the Coyotes and I know Sidney’s going to be in a bad mood. I head home and get my stuff ready to go to the gym. Just as I’m about to leave Sidney walks through the door.

“Tough game. You guys will get them next time,” I say sympathetically.

“Are you going to the gym?” he asks disbelievingly.

“Yeah?”

“I was kind of hoping you’d stay home.”

“If I miss a day, my whole routine gets messed up.”

“Phoenix you’re working yourself way too hard. You’re always either snowboarding or in the gym. You’re going to hurt something.”

“Thanks for your concern, but I don’t need it,” I say defensively.

“Phoenix you’re obsessing and it’s getting unhealthy. I heard you throwing up after you run yesterday!” he says loudly.

“Yeah well you’d be obsessing too if the whole world was waiting for you to fail!” I yell back.

“What are you talking about?”

“No one actually thinks I can compete against the guys. You wouldn’t get it. You’re already the best, everyone expects you to be the best but I have to prove myself to everyone.”

“Since when do you care what everyone else thinks?” he asks.

“Since they could be right. I thought I could do this but what if I can’t?” I say sadly. I feel a lump in my throat and I avoid Sidney’s gaze.

“They’re wrong. Phoenix I believe in you and you need to believe in yourself. But if you hurt yourself overtraining, you’re not going to be able to prove them wrong.” I sigh and he tilts my chin up and kisses me softly.

“I’ve been a shitty wife, I’m sorry Sidney.”

“You’re the best wife I could have ever asked for. You’ve always been there for me with hockey, I just want to be there for you with snowboarding.” He takes my hand and leads me upstairs. I strip down to my sports bra and spandex shorts and crawl into bed. I finally let my body relax and decide that I’m going to skip my run tomorrow and sleep in.

I wake up the next morning and my head is pounding. I can’t breathe through my nose and my throat is sore. The bed is empty beside me so I head downstairs.

“Good morning,” Sidney says getting up to kiss me. I back up and put my hands up.

“I’m sick,” I say nasally.

“Do you want some soup?” he asks. I nod my head and he starts cooking.

“This is all your fault. I slowed down and now everything is catching up to me. I’m so stiff I could barely make it down the stairs.”

“Well your training has paid off. Your body looks amazing,” he says looking at my stomach.

“I know I have actual abs. I went from being skinny to toned in a matter of months which is good because I need more muscle mass if I’m going to get to Shaun’s compete level.”

“Is that going to be weird? Competing against him?”

“Yes and no. I learned so much from him and one of the reasons I’m so good now is because he and I trained together for years. I look up to his intensity and dedication to the sport and I hope to be as good as him one day. Our relationship history aside, I respect him so much as a snowboarder.” Sidney just nods his head and pours my soup in a bowl. “I learn from you too you know. Seeing your dedication to hockey makes me want to be a better snowboarder.” He smiles and hands me my bowl. I sit at the island and watch him. I was thankful to have Sidney set me straight when I started to go a little crazy.
We spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies together though I napped through most of them.

Sidney had left for a two week road trip the following day and I still wasn’t feeling better so I just hung out in bed watching old competitions. I was dozing off when I see Natalia in the doorway.

“Sorry I used the emergency key you gave me,” she says quietly. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot so I invite her to sit on the bed next to me.

“What’s going on?” I ask concerned. She takes a deep breath and wipes a tear from her eye.

“I found some texts on Carl’s phone,” she says sadly.

“From who?”

“Erica.” I couldn’t believe it. Erica was Carl’s ex but I knew he wasn’t stupid enough to be texting her.

“What did they say?”

“They were all flirty. She told him how she missed him and how she wished they had never broken up and how they should meet up when Carl’s in New York.”

“Okay but what did Carl say?”

“That he misses her too and how he wants to see her. Phoenix they’re planning on meeting up on this road trip,” she says, holding back tears. There was no way Carl was cheating on Natalia. I feel my blood start to boil and I reach for my phone.

“Don’t call him,” she says panicked.

“Natalia there’s got to be an explanation. I can fix this.”

“Phoenix I’m pregnant.” My heart stops and I look at her.

“What..?” I croak.

“I can’t keep it. I have a doctors appointment, I need you to take me.” I’m still processing everything and I shake my head.

“Does Carl know?” I ask. She shakes her head and I put my head in my hands.

“You need to tell him and make this decision together.”

“I can’t Phoenix. We never talked about kids. I can’t have a baby while my boyfriend’s cheating on me. He’s obviously not ready to be a father. This is my body, it’s my decision. So if you don’t take me I’ll take myself,” she says sternly.

“I’ll take you,” I finally say. I get dressed and I drive her to the clinic.

The doctor walks in and we look at her expectantly.
“Well Natalia you’re not pregnant. The test you took was a false positive,” she informs us. I see relief wash over Natalia’s face and I release the breath I was holding.

Sidney had gotten back from his road trip the day before and I didn’t tell him about Natalia. I was getting supper ready when I hear the front door slam.

“You knew and you didn’t tell me!” Carl yells, coming into the kitchen the next day. Sidney appears and he looks confused.

“I wanted to tell you,” I say quietly.
“But you didn’t. If she was pregnant you would have just helped her hide it. I’m your fucking brother, how could you?”

“She’s told you?”

“No. I found the positive pregnancy test in the trash. You’ve done some pretty low things but this has got to top the list.”

“Me?! How could you cheat on her?” I ask loudly. He looks at me for a long time before walking out.

“What the hell was that about?” Sidney asks.

“Natalia thought she was pregnant but she found out Carl was cheating so she was going to terminate the pregnancy.”

“Without telling Carl?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you do that?” he asks.

“What?”

“Have an abortion with out telling me.” I’m taken aback by his question.

“This isn’t our fight,” I say irritably. He turns and heads for the door and I find myself feeling very unsettled.

Notes

Sorry it's kinda long