Stockholm Syndrome

By the time I woke up the next morning, Carl was gone to morning skate. I decided to unpack more things, trying my best to make this place feel like more of a home. I couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday’s events. Yesterday I woke up a relatively normal person and today I woke up an infatuated, neurotic mess. It had been a long time since I had felt this way. I was all about people’s energies, and I couldn’t deny the vibes that Sidney and I shared. It would be an odd match though. He was a quiet, shy guy who liked to live and private life. I was the complete opposite. I had decided to just let things be and stop obsessing when I heard the door open.

“Whoa Phoenix this place is really starting to come together,” Carl says impressed.

“Thanks. I wasn’t feeling the whole ‘boxes everywhere’ look.” I reply.

“You okay?” he asks, catching me off guard.

“I’m fine? Why?” I ask guardedly.

“I just mean in general. In life.”

“I’m fine.” I say sternly.

“It’s just I haven’t seen you happy, like really happy in a long time. You haven’t even dated anyone since Shaun.” I shift uncomfortably. Just hearing that name stung, and I’m not sure why Carl all of a sudden wants to bring up old wounds. I had dated Shaun White, 2 time Olympic gold medalist for years. He cheated on me, but then felt guilty about it and then proceeded to dump me. He would rather party and sleep around then be tied down I guess. Fame does that to a person. I genuinely loved him and I wouldn’t be the snowboarder I am today without him.

“I’ve dated people,” I say sensitively.

“I don’t think friends with benefits counts,” he replies.

“You’re a guy, I’d figure you’d understand not wanting to be locked into a relationship,”

“Shaun hurt you, and it’s okay to be scared.”

“Carl come on. I’m not some tragic girl who has commitment issues. I just haven’t met anyone who I’ve wanted to be that serious with. Life is too short for serious.” I say casually. Carl just looks at me and then turns towards his room.

“I’m taking a nap,” he says over his shoulder.

I decide to take this time to tryout the apartment’s gym downstairs. I had a competition coming up and I wanted to ensure that my body was in perfect condition. After about an hour, I head back upstairs, shower and start making Carl’s pre-game meal. “Smells good,” he says startling me.

“I made my famous revbensspjall,” I say proudly. I was excited for the game tonight to see Carl play with his new team.

“Are you sure you don’t want to watch from the wives box?” he asks.

“Nah I like being near the ice. The energy’s way more fun down there.” I reply.

We get to the arena. Carl leaves to the dressing room to get ready to play the Minnesota Wild while I head towards the wives box. Vero wanted me to meet some of the wags before the game. Wearing my Hagelin jersey, skinny jeans and converse sneakers, I walk into the room. There are several beautiful women standing around talking to each other and I start feeling anxious. I had always been a tomboy, or the kid sister growing up so standing in this room with all these women made me feel out of my element.

“Phoenix hi! It’s nice to see you,” Vero says cheerily. Vero was someone you couldn’t dislike even if you tried. She was so unbelievably kind and positive, she was definitely the kind of person you wanted to be around. “Catherine this is Phoenix. Phoenix, this is Kris Letang’s wife Catherine.” She smiles and I can’t help but look at her. She was unbelievably attractive. “This is Maureen and Carole-Lynne” Vero points to two brunette women. “They’re the wives of Chris and Pascal.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Maureen says smiling. So these must be the wives, I make a mental note. “Oh and this is Kathy, Sidney’s girlfriend.” My jaw drops and I’m completely stunned. Girlfriend? As in an actual girlfriend? My mind is reeling and I can’t seem to form any words.

“It’s nice to meet you. I feel like I know you from what everybody has said,” she says breaking the silence. I’m still in shock when I finally smile weakly. There was no way he could have a girlfriend. We had such a connection yesterday. Was I just crazy and making everything up in my head? I continue to meet everyone but I’m unable to get over the Kathy news. I head down to my seat, my mind replaying what just happened. She seemed ordinary. She was pretty in a subtle way and seemed to be nice enough. The longer I thought about, the more it made sense that Sidney was with a girl like her. That’s how I pictured Sidney’s type. But on the inside, I wanted to be Sidney’s type. I wasn’t sure where to go from here so I decided to just watch the game. I was in the second row right by the boards. When the guys came out for warm-ups, Carl came and said hi.

“Nice jersey,” he yells.

“Nice flow,” I reply. Geno comes over and taps on the glass.

“Good seats,” he says with a thick Russian accent. I give him the thumbs up. I look to center ice and Sidney is looking at me. He smiles and my heart lurches. He takes a pass and skates the puck scoring on Marc Andre Fleury. Warm-up is over and the game starts. The Wild score but Geno comes right back and scores a beautiful writster. In the second period Brandon Sutter scores on the power play. I’m sitting with a bunch of Pittsburgh fans so we all high five each time a penguin scores. Soon Crosby, Duper, and Kuni are racing up the ice with each other. Duper passes to Crosby, who winds up and sends the puck into the back of the net. I jump up and down and scream. I feel oddly proud of the captain who just scored. The Wild bounce back and score again leaving the penguins 3-2 going into the third. One minute into the third, Olli Maatta scores off the faceoff. On the penalty kill, Carl steals the puck but is unable bury the puck. Sid gets the puck and starts flying down the ice. He splits the D and gets the puck pass the goalie. Wow. I had heard that he wasn’t really producing lately but he sure was tonight. The Penguins win 5-2 and I rush towards the dressing room to meet Carl.

“Great game!” I say while giving him a hug.

“Thanks. Did you see that chance I missed?” he asks frustrated.

“You’ll get a chance like that again soon, don’t worry,” I reassure him. Just as we’re both about leave, Sid and Geno come out of the dressing room. Sid’s wearing a plain black suit and his hair is still wet from the shower. My breath gets caught in my throat and I have to remind myself to be cool. “Hey guys good game,” I say casually. Sid smiles.

“Thanks, yeah it was a good team effort.” I was kind of surprised at how humble he was. Four points in a game and he seemed more proud of his teammates than he did himself. “Well we better get going, I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Carl says to the guys. I wave to them and turn walking side by side with Carl to the car.

“Why are you so smiley?” he asks suspiciously.

“I’m just happy you guys won,” I reply.

“Phoenix there’s a rule for a reason,” he warns.

“What are you talking about?”

“Crosby. I see the way you look at him.”

“I don’t look at him in any way and even if I did, he has a girlfriend,” I say evenly.

“Like that hasn’t stopped you before,” he says rudely. I feel the anger bubble up inside me but decide not to pursue an argument.

“I’m done talking about this with you,” I say angrily. We drive back to the apartment in silence. Being as close as we were, we weren’t afraid to hurt each other’s feelings. Once we get into the apartment I head into my room and slam the door. Needing to vent, I call my best friend Danny who I know will always be honest with me.

“Yello?” he says in his usually happy voice.

“Hey it’s me. Can you talk?” I ask him seriously,

“Yeah sure, what’s going on?” he asks concerned.

“So I met someone, and they’re really great. Like really great except they have a girlfriend and Carl thinks I’m this whore who breaks people up,” I say trying to keep the hurt out of my voice.

“Well do you want to break them up?”

“Do I wish they weren’t together? Yes. Do I actively want to break them up? No.” I say honestly.

“See there you go. Carl just said that because he knows how guys are with you. Nix, you’ll find a guy who’ll do anything to be with you, “ he says sympathetically. I sigh and thank him for the advice and hang up the phone. I decide to pack for my upcoming trip to New York to distract myself. I had a photo-shoot and interview with rolling stone magazine and was beyond excited. I spent a lot more time in America than I did in Sweden and was becoming a lot more popular here as well. I’m nearly done packing when I hear a knock at the door.

“Can we talk?” Carl asks quietly.

“About?” I reply coldly.

“I just wanted to apologize about what I said earlier.” He says sensitively.

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing, you clearly meant it,” I say harshly.

“I just meant that if you really wanted Sid, you could probably have him. With or without a girlfriend.” Normally, hearing that would make me happy, but under these circumstances it made me feel guilty. I didn’t want to be that kind of person. Sometimes I was so used to my looks getting me things in life, I forget that there’s more to me than just my appearance.

“I’m not pursuing this…whatever this is. Plus I know it would be awkward for you anyhow. I really should be focusing on the Olympics.” I say, my thoughts all over the place.
“That’s probably a good plan,” he says nodding. “Are you excited for your rolling stone interview?” He asks.

“I am! I can’t believe they want me on the cover. It’s so huge.”

“You’re the number one female snowboarder in the world,” he says casually.

“Yeah but I just want be the best snowboarder in the world,” I reply.

“I have no doubt in my mind you will be,” He says messing up my hair. “If you hurry I can drop you off at the airport.

Notes