I arrive in New York and have a personal driver pick me up. I hop in the back seat where my agent waiting me for me. “ELLIOT!” I scream hugging him. “What are you doing here?!”

“I wasn’t going to let my favourite client do her Rolling Stone shoot alone,” he replies laughing.“Alright we’re going to head there now, and then you’ll have the rest of the day to go shopping.”

I was excited to not be alone in the city and although I wasn’t here for very long I sure was going to make the most of it. We headed to the shoot and I was ushered into hair and makeup right away. My first look was a white tank top, blue jean shorts and a leather vest. My make-up was subtle and my hair was in loose curls. We took lots of shots around the house. It was mainly me laying seductively on chairs, kitchen counters, and furry rugs. My main look was a black body suit with a deep mesh v and high heels. We took multiple shots for the cover. The photographer and me decided on the one where I’m sitting and leaning back on my arms, in front of a white background. I was really pleased with how all the shots came out and thanked the photographer and crew. In the car Elliott starts laughing. “What?” I ask suspiciously.

“It’s just I’ve never seen someone cook bacon like that y’know. Laying on the counter with their ass sticking out,” he says laughing.

“Shut up,” I say rolling my eyes.

“In all seriousness though, your shoot went great. Soon you’ll be the jerk-off material of 15 year olds everywhere.”

I shove him. “Just for that comment, you’re holding all my bags while I shop,” I say seriously. We spend the afternoon shopping and we visit my favoruite restaurant. I start reminiscing about when Carl played for the rangers and I got to hang around New York City all the time.

“Would you ever move here?” I ask Elliott randomly.

“Nah I like my beach house in LA. It’s too hectic here,” he replies. I think that’s why I like it so much. The city that never sleeps is exactly like my mind. Constantly racing.

I get back to Pittsburgh the next day and hail a cab. Carl is on a road trip so I’ll have the apartment to myself. In the car my phone starts to ring and I see that coach is calling me. “Heya kid, how’re you feeling?” he asks.

“Great! Just landed in Pitt. How are you doing?” I reply.

“Oh I’m fine. Dew Tour is coming up fast. Are you going to the gym?”

“Regularly.” I say proudly.

“Good. Well I’m just checking in. Make sure you’re eating well and getting plenty of sleep.” He lectures.

“Yes dad.” I tease.

The call ends just as we get to the apartment. I head upstairs and open the door. Excited to have the room to myself, I opt out of wearing pants and start blasting Reflections by Misterwives. I start dancing around the kitchen and start making pizza. Suddenly my phone goes off and I have text message from Sidney.

Sidney: Hey it’s Sidney, What’s up?

I freeze. Did I read that right? Was it meant for me? Play it cool Phoenix, I think to myself.

Me: Just having a kitchen dance party, you?
Sidney: Just finished practice though I think you’re having more fun than I am.
Me: You’d be surprised. There are times when I miss hockey practices
Sidney: You played???
Me: All the way up until age 13. Then I had to pick between hockey and snowboarding.
Sidney: Wow that’s really cool. Let me guess, left-winger?
Me: Hahaha yeah. Carl copied me though. But don’t tell him I said that
Sidney: Haha I won’t. Well I gotta go. I’ll ttyl.
Me: Ttyl

My face starts to hurt from smiling so hard. That was cool. Friends. I could be his friend. It was either that or completely shut him out my life, which I definitely didn’t want. Kathy’s name lingers in my mind. Did she know that Sidney and I were new friends? New friends who text? I decide to not worry about it and continue on with my dance party.

---

The next few weeks fall into a quick routine. I’d work out, clean the apartment, and cook Carl’s pregame meal. Finally the week of Dew Tour approached and I packed my bags with excitement. It was the first contest of the season and this was the time to see where everyone’s at with their skills. “Looks like you got a fan base,” Carl says in Swedish, entering my room.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I told a bunch of the guys I would be watching your competition because it’s televised and now I’m somehow hosting like 10 guys here on Saturday.” He chuckles.

“That’s IF I make it to finals on Saturday,” I correct him. I would be competing in slopestyle and halfpipe, although halfpipe I was a lot better at.

“You’re the number one rider in both events,” he reminds me. I consistently won gold in halfpipe, but usually managed to make the podium in slopestyle.

“Does it weird you out that they want to watch the competition?” I ask cautiously.

“No. I know you’re close with some of them now and you’re always watching our games, they just want to give some support back,” he replies. I never imagined fitting in so well here. I internally hope that Sidney is one of those people that want to watch. I get a call saying my cab is here.

“Well good luck sis,” Carl says bringing me into a hug. “I know you’re going to kill it.”

“Thanks Carl,” I reply. I leave for the airport.

---

I made it through semi finals with ease and would be heading into finals the next day sitting in the number one spot. I was sitting with Danny, Jack, Mark and Mikkel talking about the competition.

“Isn’t it hard competing twice in the same day?” Mark asks me while drinking a red bull.

“I’m used to it by now. It’s just hard when I don’t do well in halfpipe and then I have to concentrate on putting on a good run in slopestyle hours later.” I reply.

“I’d be exhausted,” Mikkel adds.

“Yeah well Bud calls me practically everyday to make sure I’m working out,” I laugh.

“Yeah you’re coach is super intense. But then again he helped you win a gold medal so he must be doing something right,” Mark noted. Bud could be really hard on me and we often fought but at the end of the day there’s no way I could have won in Vancouver without him.

“Remember you’re coming and joining the webcast tomorrow after finals,” Jack reminds me. Jack had retired from competitive snowboarder but now was becoming a successful host and commentator of these competitions. I was happy he found something else he loved to do that allowed him to travel around with us.

“I won’t forget. Anyway I better go to bed I have semis and finals tomorrow. Bye guys,” I say leaving the table. I’m on my way to my room when I bump into someone. “Shit sorr-,” I begin to say. In front of me stands a tall, pale guy with familiar red hair. Of all people I could possible bump into it had to be Shaun.

“Phoenix hi,” he says calmly. It had been over a year since we broke up but part of me still wasn’t over it. I had successfully managed to alienate him from life up until this moment. “Look can we talk for a minute?” he asks. I should have said no. I should have walked away but I was stuck. I couldn’t think of anything to say to him and then suddenly I was being led to an empty table where no one was around. “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what I did to you. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me and I fucked it up. I’m a different person now. I’m so sorry I took you for granted and I don’t expect you to forgive me but I just need you to know how sorry I am. I still love you Phoenix.” He says honestly. My head is spinning and I start to feel faint.

“Why are you saying all of this now?” I manage to get out weakly.

“I guess I just had a wake up call. I’m going for my third gold medal and then I realized none of that matters if I don’t have you in my life. We’re at all the same events and competitions and it kills me to not be able to even talk to you. I know what I did to you was awful and I have to live that everyday but what we had was special, like a once in a lifetime type of love and I’m sorry it took losing you to realize that.”
I had waited a year to hear him say this and now that he finally was I didn’t know how I felt. I had so many emotions running through me.

“I have to go,” I say while getting up unsteadily. Before he can say anything else I quickly walk away. I get to my room, and get into my bed. I replay what Shaun had said over and over in my head. Deep down I still loved him. He was my first everything. My first real kiss, my first boyfriend, the first guy I was in love with, the first guy I had sex with. He shattered my heart though. He slept with someone else. Then he told be he didn’t want to be with me. He made me feel as though I wasn’t enough. I think of all the nights I spent crying myself to sleep. He said he wasn’t that guy anymore and I believed him. He no longer was Shaun White the rock star. He spent his days making music with his new band or hanging out with his family. Could I ever trust him again though? I remember feeling so stupid when told me he slept with someone else. I look at the clock and it reads 3:50 am. I try my best to shut my brain off and get a couple hours of sleep.

I wake up feeling exhausted and get my stuff ready for the day. I go to eat breakfast and see the Danny and Jack at breakfast. “Whoa Nix, you okay? You look terrible,” Jack says with a concerned look on his face.

“Guess who just apologized and confessed their love for me last night?” I say flatly.

“Nooo!” they both gasp at the same time.

“What an asshole,” Jack says angrily.

“Can I do anything?” Danny asks.

“Yeah. You can beat him tomorrow,” I say seriously. After moving my food around my plate for half an hour it’s time to go practice. I meet Bud at the top of the mountain and he seems way too excited.

“Okay kid, let’s go with backside 750 run first. I drop in and barely manage to land each trick. I ride the snowmobile back to the top and nervously walk up to Bud. “What was that? Bud asks confused. I just shake my head and get ready for my next run. I decide to go with an easy run and it goes slightly better than the first run but I know Bud isn’t happy. My time slot is up and Bud is angry that I wasted my time on those runs. The competition starts and I’m the last one to go. I watch a few girls put down solid runs and a few fall. It’s finally my turn but my head is everywhere but here. I wait at the top until the official tells me it’s okay to go. I drop in and decide to go with the run I was originally supposed to do. The run I didn’t practice. I land each trick and gear up for the last hit. Knowing as soon as I take off the wall that I didn’t get enough speed, I try to pull the trick but soon come crashing down hard on the wall. I open my eyes and see the grey sky above me. I do a quick check to feel if I’ve hurt anything then I slowly get up. I ride towards Leah the commentator where she’s waiting for me with the microphone. “Phoenix hi, that was definitely an uncharacteristic fall for you. What happened?” she asks sticking the microphone in my face.

“Yeah, I just was kind of distracted. I just need to put that run behind me and focus on putting down a better run.” I say evenly.
My score puts me in second last place and I unwillingly head back up to the top. I sit in the top tent and wait for the rest of the girls to do their second runs. I pull out my phone and see I have a missed text from Sidney from earlier.

Sidney: Hey good luck today! Though I’m sure you don’t need it

I had totally forgot that Sidney and the guys were watching. My mood suddenly deflates. That means they saw that fall. If I want to be the best snowboarder in the world, I had better start acting like it. I feel a rush of determination enter me and I clear my head of any silly distractions. They call my name and I get ready. I get the O.K and drop in. I focus and pull my hardest trick combinations making sure all of my grabs and landings are clean. I land my last trick with ease and put my hands up. Smiling I ride up to Leah. “Phoenix wow. Now that looked like a Phoenix run. What did you do differently?” she asks

“I just cleared my head and really focused.” I reply happily. My score comes up and it’s a 94.20. First place. I throw my hands up and smile. I just barely managed to keep my first place streak going. I get to the podium and receive my medal. After all the chaos I head up to the web cast booth.

“And here she is ladies and gentleman, the greatest female halfpipe rider who won the first halfpipe event of the season, Phoenix Hagelin!” Jack yells proudly. I laugh and wave at the camera. “So Phoenix, how are feeling, that looked like a hard fall,” Jack asks worriedly.

“Yeah that wasn’t fun. But no I’m okay,” I reassure him.

“Ladies and gents, many of you may already know Phoenix is one of my very best friends and I get to ride with her all the time and her style is just so unique. Tell us more about how important style, is”

“Yeah I think style is really important. It’s how you define yourself, and your personality through snowboarding. Technical tricks are important but style is everything.” We spend the next half hour joking around and answering fan questions. My time is up and I get ready for slopestyle semi finals. Still riding the high from my win I come first in both semi finals and finals.

Notes

It' s my birthday so I thought I'd post two chapters today! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy!