Stockholm Syndrome

I hear a distant beeping sound and will myself to open my eyes. I stare up at the white tile and realize I’m in a hospital. There’s a large tube down my throat and I can feel an IV in my hand. I look down and I see Sidney sitting bent over the bed, his head resting on his arms. I put my hand on top of his and gently squeeze it. He stirs then snaps up when he sees my hand on his.

“You’re awake!” he says before kissing my head. He leaves and I’m left confused. Awake? How long was I out for? I try to remember what happen but draw a blank. I see a handsome doctor walk in, my mother following him. My mother is here?

“Oh darling you’re awake. Thank god, we were all so worried.” She says, petting my hair.

“Hi Phoenix, I’m your primary doctor, Dr. Evans. Do you know where you are?” he asks, shining a bright light into my eyes. I nod and he starts to take the tube out of my throat, causing me to choke. “Take a deep breath for me.” I do and wince at the pain. “You were in a bad car accident. You broke your leg, your nose and the steering column broke most of your ribs.” He pauses and comes closer to the bed. “You were in a coma for three weeks,” he says softly. My eyes snap up and I look at all three of them. They’re all looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to react but I can’t help but notice the bad vibe in the room.

“I’m guessing that wasn’t the bad news,” I croak.

“One of you’re ribs splintered and punctured your lung and heart. We had to do surgery to fix both holes. The stress of the wound to your heart triggered an arrhythmia and caused it to arrest. We had to shock you back to life,” he replies.

“What do you mean I triggered it?” I ask.

“It’s congenital. You were born with it, it was just dormant until now.”

“So what does this all mean?”

“Sweetie you’re going to have monitor heart rate from now on. If it gets too high of low you could have serious complications,” my mother replies.

“But I can still snowboard right?” I ask frantically. Sidney looks down and my mother stays quiet.

“With your arrhythmia it’s just too risky. I’m sorry.” They were wrong. I had to snowboard. I had been snowboarding since I was three and I wasn’t going to stop now. It was my entire life. I couldn’t just give it up.

“But I can do both. I can snowboard and monitor my heart rate. I’m not giving it up,” I say, tears spilling over my eyes.

“If you stress your heart too much, there’s a chance you could end up in cardiac arrest.” The doctor says seriously.

“I know this is a lot to spring on you but you just survived a horrific accident, honey. Snowboarding should be the last thing on your mind,” my mother says trying to console me.

“I need you to leave.” I tell her bitterly. Slowly she gets up and leaves the room. “Okay so you’re a hot shot doctor. Tell me my other options.”
He looks taken aback but then clears his throat.

“There is a pacemaker but the surgery would be very risky for you. As your doctor I wouldn’t recommend it.” He says slowly. I wipe my tears away I finally feel a shred of hope.

“I want it. As soon as possible.” I say assertively.
“Phoenix you have to understand the risks. You just had open-heart surgery and ended up in a coma. You’re risk for infection or ending up in another coma are twice as likely.”

“I understand the risks and I want it.”
“Phoenix are you even listening to what he’s saying?” Sidney asks shocked. I know was being selfish but a life without snowboarding wasn’t a life I wanted to live.

“Look. I won’t even perform the surgery until your heart has more time to heal. How about this. You come back to me in a month and we’ll talk about it okay?

“So you’re not saying no?” I ask hopefully.

“I’m not saying no. I want you stay for a week just as a precaution. You’re still on a lot of painkillers. I’ve got to go do rounds, but I’m on call if you need me.” He writes some things down in my chart and leaves so it’s just me and Sidney. I look at him and he’s staring hard out the window.

“Are you mad?” I ask softly.

“You don’t get it Phoenix. You weren’t there when I got the news saying you were in a car accident and were being rushed to surgery, you weren’t there when I had to wait six hours for your surgery and have him come out and tells me you flat lined and how they barely got your heart beating again!” he yells. He’s angry but I can tell that he’s fighting back tears.

“Hey hey shhhh I’m here, okay? I’m here.” I say cradling his head.

“But you won’t be. If you do that surgery you’re going to leave me again.”

“Sidney you don’t get it. I won’t be happy without this surgery. Don’t you want me to be happy?” I ask. He stands up and starts pacing.

“You’re being so selfish. Don’t I make you happy? Shouldn’t I be enough for you?” he yells.

“That’s easy for you to say. What if the roles were reversed and this was the only chance you had to play hockey again?”

“If you asked me not to do it I wouldn’t do it.

“Well that’s the difference between you and me. I would never make you choose.” I say harshly.

“I can’t deal with this right now.” He grabs his coat and leaves my room.

I expected Sidney to back the next morning but he wasn’t. Carl, Bobbie and my dad came to visit and they told me about how my mother had been unofficially helping on my case. She was a pediatric surgeon but she figured she could help nonetheless.

“This is the most I’ve see her involved in my life,” I say eating applesauce.

“She a mom kiddo. Mom’s go into superman mode when their kids are sick or hurt.” My dad says warmly.

“You look like a raccoon,” Carl laughs. I throw my spoon at him and look at my compact. I had a cast over my nose and purple bruises under each eye. “You look badass though. Like a boxer.”

“Like Rocky! Oh my god Rocky!” I exclaim, remembering my snake. “Did anyone feed him?”

“Sidney said he did,” Carl says, munching on chips. Sidney wasn’t Rocky’s biggest fan and certainly never volunteered to feed him mice. “Where is Sid anyway?”

“I told him to get some rest at home,” I lie. Dr. Evans suddenly shows up with a wheelchair.

“Stress test time,” I slowly get into the wheelchair and he leads me to the exercise lab.

“Where’s the husband?” he asks.

“We got in a fight over the whole pacemaker thing,” I say looking at all the passing rooms.

“Is snowboarding really worth risking your marriage over? Worth risking your life for?” he asks.

“Snowboarding makes me the person I am. Makes me the person Sidney loves. I’d be a different person without it. A lesser person. I mean you’re the best cardiologist in the state and that makes you the best version of yourself. There’s something amazing about finding that thing you’re meant to do and being the best at it.” We get to the lab and he hooks me up to a bunch of wires. Since I can’t run with a broken leg, I sit on a chair in front of a machine where I pedal with my arms.

“Okay you can start,” Dr. Evans says from behind the glass. I move my arms and start pedaling.

“So you have 3 medals already. Do you need more?” he asks, typing things into the computer.

“It’s not just competing. I love it when I’m on the mountain by myself, shredding powder through the trees, breathing in the air. It helps keep me stable. Balanced.” A thin layer of sweat appears on my forehead. “Are you always this personal with your patients?”

“You’re hard to read, and I like puzzles.”

“Is that the line you use on all the nurses?”

“You picked up on that hey?”

“I’m guessing you slept with the red head and didn’t call her back but she’s still pining after you and you’re currently seeing both the tall blonde and the brunette with glasses.” I say breathlessly.

“You’re good,” he laughs. “Probably shines a bad light on me.”

“As long you’re as good in the O.R as you are in the bedroom, we’re fine.”
He lets out a hearty laugh and I start feeling funny.

“Hey Phoenix how’re you feeling?” I try to answer but I lose consciousness and fall off the chair.

Notes

I can't believe at I'm at 30 chapters!