Stockholm Syndrome

Our relaxing two weeks came and went and soon me and Sidney split ways. I was headed to Burlington Vermont with Danny to shoot for Burton and Sidney was off to L.A. to train.

“Man you guys are always apart. How do you do it?” Danny asks once we get to Burton’s head office.

“This sounds super corny but I love him so much that even seeing him once in awhile is better than being with someone else full-time.”

“Me and Haley struggle with it but I know what you mean. I can’t imagine being with anyone else.” We spend the next few days shooting around Vermont for Burton’s new apparel line. Once we finished I flew to L.A. to meet up with Sidney to get ready for the ESPY’s.

“Ta-da.” I say coming out of the bathroom at the beach house he was renting. I was wearing a very short white chiffon dress.

“Why’d you pick such a short dress?”

“Because I want all the athletes to see my vagina,” I say rolling my eyes. He gives me a shocked look and I shake my head.

“Because it’s cute. Duh.” I grab my clutch and we leave.

“You nervous?” he asks me on the way to Microsoft Theater in L.A.

“Kind of,” I admit. I was up for Best Female Athlete, Best Female Action Sport Athlete and Best Breakthrough Athlete. Sidney was up for best NHL athlete and I thought it was a huge deal that we were both up for something.
We get to the theater and the red carpet is outside. We stand and pose for the cameras before finding our seats. Drake was the host and I kept tearing up at his jokes. Eventually they get to Best Breakthrough Athlete. I had been nominated alongside a basketball, football and baseball player. They were all dominant athletes and males so I knew I wasn’t going to win but I was honoured that I was even nominated. The basketball player wins it and I clap politely. They go through more awards until Best Female Action Sport Award came up. I was nominated along with two other girls I snowboard with and a surfer. They play a montage for each of us and I’m squeezing Sidney’s hand. Cameron Diaz opens the envelope and I hold my breath.

“Phoenix Crosby,” she says smiling. I turn to Sidney and kiss him and then head towards the stage.

“Wow this is awesome. First of all I’d like to thank my incredible fans and to those who voted for me, thank you so much. And lastly I’d like to thank my husband Sidney for always being there for me. Thank you.” Everyone starts clapping and I find my way back to my seat. They eventually get to Best NHL Player Award. They announce Sidney’s name and I hug him tightly. He walks towards the stage and makes his way up the stairs.

“I’d like to thank my fans and my beautiful wife. Thanks for always supporting me,” he says looking at me. He finds his way back to his seat and just Best Female and Male Athlete are left. Seth Meyer’s goes on stage and introduces best female athlete and I squeeze Sidney’s hand again. “And the winner is, again, Phoenix Crosby!” he says smiling. I kiss Sidney and walk back up the stage.

“Again, I’d like to thank my fans because you are truly the best fans in the world. I had a tough year with my accident and this means a lot. Again I’d also like to thank my husband. You’re dedication to hockey makes me want to be a better snowboarder so thank you for always having my back. I love you.” I say looking at him. He smiles and everyone starts clapping. The ceremony ends and we head to Drake’s house for the after party. I’m mingling with other athletes when I notice Sidney is gone. I’m about to start looking for him but I figure he’ll probably find me if I’m at the bar. I order a drink and I feel a large presence besides me.

“Hey you’re that snowboarder,” this tall guy says smiling.

“Hi I’m Phoenix. And you are?” I ask.

“You don’t know?”

“Should I?”

“I’m Colin Kaepernick. I’m the quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers.”

“Cool,” I say, trying to remain aloof.

“You’re not a big football fan I take it.”

“I hate it actually.”

“Maybe I can change your mind,” he says suggestively.

“I’m married.”

“So?”

“So, you should cool it.”

“Don’t be like that. Come on I haven’t seen legs like that in my entire life.” I get up to leave but he grabs my arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I growl.

“I heard you were a bad girl. Let’s see how bad you can get,” he says smirking. Suddenly Sidney puts himself in between me and the stranger.

“We should go,” Sidney says in my ear.

“This is what you’re married to? A crybaby hockey player. Baby you’re missing out,”
“You’re fucking trash and I bet you’re a shitty quarterback,” I spit back.

“Wow you got your girl fighting your battles. Pretty pathetic Crosby. Are you scared?” I’m seeing red and just as I’m about launch myself at the guy Sidney drags me away.

“What the hell are you doing?” I hiss.

“Snowboarder attacks quarterback at Drake’s house. Quite the headline.”

“I don’t need you handling me.”

“I was just trying to diffuse the situation.”

“I want to leave.”

“Okay fine.” We leave and I’m still fuming. We drive in silence until we get the beach house and I can tell Sidney wants to talk.

“Why are you so mad?” he finally asks.

“Because that guy was an asshole and you didn’t do anything!” I yell.

“What do you want from me? Did you want me to fight him?”

“He made me uncomfortable and you didn’t make me feel safe.”

“So me making a huge scene would have made you feel better?”

“You’re just so worried about your reputation that you couldn’t have even stood up for me. He literally had his hands on me and you act like you didn’t care!” I yell. “All you cared about was handling me so that I didn’t make a scene and ruin your precious reputation.” I was seething and I found myself angrier with Sidney than I did with the stranger. Sidney just sits on the bed and looks at me in disbelief.

“I’m sorry?” he says awkwardly.

“No you’re not. If there was a do over you would do the exact same thing.”

“I don’t know what the fuck you want from me!” he yells.

“I want you to leave.” He gets up and slams the bedroom behind him. I go to the bathroom and wash my make-up off. Was I overreacting? My feelings were valid and it was like he just dismissed it. I take off my dress and find one of his t-shirts on the floor and put it on. It smells like him and part of me wants to go and find him. The night plays over in my mind and the residual anger still lingers. I crawl into bed and decide that we just need the night to calm down. I get into bed and toss and turn the rest of the night.

I wake up after only getting a couple hours of sleep get out of bed. I see Sidney’s suit hanging on the chair and I realize he must have come in here when I was sleeping. I head to the kitchen and he’s nowhere to be found. I pour a bowl of cereal and sit at the island. I hear the sliding door open and Sidney stands there shirtless in a pair of shorts with sweat running down his body. I swallow and remember that we’re not on good terms.

“Hey,” he says seriously.

“Hi.” I reply coolly.

“I’m going to shower.” He turns and leaves towards the bedroom. I wanted to jump in the shower with him but I knew we needed to talk first. I move to the living room and flip through a home décor magazine. He comes back freshly showered and sits in the chair across from me.

“Do you want to talk?” he asks cautiously. I nod and put the magazine down. “Phoenix I want to say I’m sorry. Genuinely. I thought about it all night and it kills me that you think you can’t depend on me. I promised to protect you and I didn’t do that last night. But I always thought you didn’t need me to handle your situations.”

“I can usually handle things myself but last night I needed you. What if someone did something worse? Is how you’re viewed in the media going to prevent you from doing something?” I ask.

“You’re right. I didn’t do anything because I didn’t want attention on me but is that so wrong? I mean Nix you’re a snowboarder and you can do and say anything you want but I’ve worked for years to maintain the reputation I have.” I sit there quietly and take in what he has to say.

“Okay I get the reputation thing but you acted like it didn’t even bother you,” I say sadly.

“It bothered me seeing you that upset and I didn’t know he grabbed you until you told me in the bedroom and that pissed me off. I shouldn’t have let him disrespect you like that.”

“I’m sorry I flipped out. He just really pissed me off.” He opens his arms and I get up and crawl in his lap.

“You didn’t run last night. I’m impressed,” he chuckles.

“It’s cause we’re in L.A. and I’d get lost,” I smile.

I spent the next two months shooting around the world with Travis Rice and his crew. We filmed in Chile, Alaska, B.C., Wyoming and we were now filming in Colorado. I was on my bed in the cabin when my phone rang.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Happy Anniversary!” Sidney exclaims loudly.

“That’s today?”

“You forgot,” he says unenthused.

“I’m sorry. I just snowboard everyday, I never know the date or the time.”

“It’s okay. I’m aware I married the most unsentimental person ever.”

“It was written in small writing in our contract,” I joke.

“How’s filming?” he asks

“Good. We only have one more day left so I’m kind of sad.”

“But then you finally come home to me and you’re not around a million guys anymore.”

“Are you jealous?”

“You’re the only woman around 30 guys. I’m a little jealous.”

“Good. It’s good for my ego. And you don’t have to worry I’m only sharing my cabin with the riders, not the film crew.”

“Which is still how many?”

“Twelve?” I say hesitantly. “When I used to date Shaun he used to get livid when I shared a room with Danny and Jack and Mark.”

“But not me. I’m cool.” He says and I can hear the smile in his voice.

“So cool. That’s why I love you. Trust is so sexy.” I suddenly hear the guys call me down for a bonfire.

“Well I gotta go babe. It’s our last bonfire. A very sad day.”

“Bye Nix.” I hang up the phone and go outside.

“I just want to say thank you to everyone who helped come out and make this film possible. I know it’s going to be huge. I love you all!” Travis says loudly. We all raise our beers and take a drink.

“I just want to say thank-you Travis for giving me this opportunity. It’s nice to know that even as a female I can still shred with the boys,” I say smiling.

“We’re so happy that you can still shred after your accident. That is a blessing,” Eric says before taking a large gulp of beer.

“How are things? By the looks of it you’re back to normal,” Jeremy says.

“I’m like 90% back to normal. There’s still some tricks in the halfpipe that I need to get back,” I tell him. We finish the night telling stories and drinking before we gear up for our last day of filming. The next day was bittersweet. The riders and film crew had become my little family for the past couple of months and I was going to miss working on this project. We hit a bunch of jumps until the director said ‘That’s a wrap’. The movie would spend a few months in production then we would all get to see it premiere in New York. I stopped in Baltimore to do a shoot for Under Armour then headed back to Cole Harbour for the last couple weeks of the off-season.

I had been in Cole Harbour for a week and was enjoying my time with Sidney. After not seeing each other for two months, we spent the first week rarely leaving the bedroom. On Sidney’s birthday I woke up super early and baked a cake. I grab a slice and a fork and head upstairs. I sit on him and he sits up and groans.

“Happy Birthday Crosby!” I say kissing him.

“Cake for breakfast?” he asks.

“I figure you can make an exception because it’s your day of birth.”
I feed him a little bit and he makes a funny face. I give him a quizzical look before trying the cake myself. I immediately regret the decision and spit the piece out. Sidney bursts out laughing and I put the cake on the nightstand.

“Okay so I can’t bake. My bad. But get up. We have a fun day in Halifax ahead of us. I get off of him and we both get ready for the day.
We drive into Halifax and we go to the Alexander Keith’s brewery.

“It’s our favourite beer!” I exclaim loudly. We go on a tour and learn about how beer is made and we get to try several samples. I start to feel tipsy so we head to our next destination. We head to Trapped, which is the biggest real life room escape game in eastern Canada. We get trapped in a room and we have 60 minutes to figure out the clues and escape. Our scenario is a contaminated hospital and with 5 minutes left Sidney figures out the last clue.

“We would have lost if you didn’t get that last clue,” I tell him.

“Yeah well you got every other clue,” he replies.

“We make a good team.”

“That we do.” We head to his parents where we have his birthday supper and spend our last week of the offseason together by the ocean.

Notes