Stockholm Syndrome

“You’re back!” I exclaim as Natalia walks through the door back in Pittsburgh.

“You look tanned,” she replies.

“How was L.A.?” I ask her.

“It was okay. I missed Pittsburgh though. This city definitely has a hold on me.”

“You’re awfully smiley. Did you meet someone?”

“Yeah he’s a hockey player.”

“What? Who?” I ask curiously.

“Jeff Carter,” she says smiling.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes but I’m exhausted. Can we finish this conversation tomorrow?” She hugs me and heads to her room. I go upstairs and text Carl but he doesn’t respond. I get a bad feeling but ignore it. I toss and turn all night until I finally give up and go downstairs. I grab my keys and hop in my jeep. I take a deep breath and turn on the ignition. I drive carefully taking deep breaths. ‘Nothing’s going to happen’ I tell myself. I finally reach my destination and head upstairs. I open the door and find Carl glued in front of the TV. He was unshaved and his hair looked unkempt.

“Hey buddy what’s going on?” I ask gently.

“It’s 4 a.m. what are you doing here?” he asks, his voice raspy.

“Twintuition. I knew something was off.”

“How did you get here?”

“I drove.”

“Nix that’s huge,” he says, his eyes lighting up.

“Where’s Erica?”

“In Sweden.”

“What. Why?”

“I broke up with her.”

“Why?”

“You were right. I was lying to myself. You knew it, I knew it. Even she knew it but she still stayed with
me.”

“She loved you. That’s what love does to a person.”

“I didn’t deserve her. I thought breaking up with her would keep her from getting hurt but you should have seen her Nix,” he says sadly.

“It may not seem like it now but in the long run, it will be what’s best for her.” We sit there quietly staring at the TV. I had been holding back a question but I had to ask him.

“Is this about Natalia?” I ask hesitantly.

“I love her Phoenix but I don’t know if I can be with her,” he responds.

“Why?”

“I can’t explain it. Remember that one thing you said. You said you believe that people can be soulmates but sometimes they’re not meant to be together.”

“Carl you have to fight for what you want. The universe didn’t want me and Sidney together but I fought for him because he’s my soulmate. Life isn’t always easy but you can’t just give up. She’s dating Jeff Carter right now and she thinks she’s happy but she’s lying to herself. Just like you were. You have to fight for your guys’ relationship because I can’t keep going back and forth forever,” I say seriously.

“She’s dating Jeff Carter?” he asks.

“Yeah. It’s new.” He sits there and doesn’t say anything. I finally feel tired and lean my head back and close my eyes. “I’m going to close my eyes for a minute and let you think about everything I just said. Carl I just want you to be happy. This sad, lonely shell of a person isn’t you.” He doesn’t say anything and I wonder why I’m trying so hard when clearly both parties don’t see it happening.

I hear something fall and I open my eyes. It’s light in the apartment and Carl is getting ready to leave for practice.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” I ask him angrily.

“You looked peaceful,” he says shrugging. I tell him good-bye and head home. I walk through the door and Natalia is sitting at the island and Sidney is pacing.

“Where the hell were you?” he asks, almost yelling.

“Sorry, I fell asleep at Carl’s,” I say meekly.

“I woke up in the middle of the night and you were gone. I tried calling but you conveniently left your phone at home. I called Carl and he didn’t pick up.”

“Sidney I’m sorry. I really am.”

“I’m going to be late for practice,” he says gruffly then leaves.

“Well that was awkward,” Natalia says sipping her water.

“So tell me about Jeff,”

“Well one of the L.A Kings wags contacted me about doing a wedding and he was at the wedding. He’s really handsome and charming. He makes me laugh, he’s really the whole package.”

“What about Carl?” I ask.

“I love him. I think I’ll always love him but I’m tired of waiting.”

“Ugh you two are impossible.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He broke up with Erica,” I spit out. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything but when it came to Carl and Natalia’s business I couldn’t help but get in the middle of it.

“When?”

“Recently.” She sits there and absorbs the information. “I probably shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I have a birthday party I’m throwing. I gotta go,” she says quickly. She leaves and I’m left in the kitchen by myself.

The guys had left on a two-week road-trip and Natalia seemed oddly distant. I decided to focus my energy on working out and staying in shape. The boys come home and I find them in the kitchen.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” I ask them casually.

“Is Nat home?” Carl asks.

“She should be any minute. Why?”

“Because I need to talk to her.”

“About?”

“What’s with the interrogation?” Carl asks. The door closes and Natalia walks in the kitchen. She looks at Carl and I feel the tension in the room.

“Hey can we talk?” he asks her. She nods and they head to her room.

“I wish I was bat,” I say dramatically.

“Why?” Sidney asks.

“So I could hear their conversation.”

“Either she’s going to tell you or he is. It’s not like you’re missing out.” I pace the kitchen for an hour until Carl comes walking out. He walks straight past me without saying a word. I head to Natalia’s room where she’s sitting on the floor crying.

“What happened?” I ask her.

“We talked about our relationship and everything that went wrong with it. He wants to get back together,” she says sniffling.

“And how do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know. I’m so confused. Part of me wants to be with him but is it supposed to be this hard? I’ve spent so much time crying over him then getting over him. It’s like this vicious cycle and I don’t think love is supposed to be this hard.”

“Falling in love is the easy part. Anyone can do that. It’s the staying in love that’s hard. It takes a lot of work but it’s so worth it in the end. You guys had a rough ending but think about how happy you were before that.”

“I think I want to be alone,” she says quietly. I feel the sting of her words but get up and leave her anyway.

I’m going over schedules with Sidney at the kitchen table when Natalia comes in wearing a tracksuit.

“Can I borrow you keys? My car won’t start,” she says seriously.

“Sure. Where ya off to?” I ask her.

“Carl’s.” I hand her the keys and she turns and leaves.

“What was that all about?” Sidney asks me.

“I think they’re getting back together!” I say excitedly.

“Didn’t you say you were going to stop meddling?”

“I know but it’s for the greater good. They’re meant to be together they just need that push.” Sidney just shakes his head and looks back at his calendar.
I wake up the next morning and go downstairs for breakfast. I’m looking at the houses for sale in the paper when I hear the front door open. Natalia walks in wearing the same clothes as last night.

“Well good morning,” I say smiling. She sits down and shakes her head.

“I guess I should say thank-you,” she says smiling.

“Oh yeah. Why’s that?”

“We’re back together,” she says sticking out her tongue.

“Phoenix shoots, she scores!” I yell.

“Yeah yeah you weirdo. Get it out of your system.”

“So now what?” I ask excitedly.

“We’re taking things slow,” she says seriously.

“I’m so happy, you have no idea. Wait what about Jeff?”

“I broke up with him yesterday. He said he wasn’t really feeling the long distance anyway,” she says shrugging.

“Well I’m glad he took it well.” I give her the events section and we eat our breakfast in peace.

I spent the rest of the preseason in Whistler training and soon the regular season started.

“Natalia you’re back!” Catherine exclaimed at the home opener.

“I am. Me and Carl got back together,” she says smiling.

“I’m so happy for you guys!” We find our seats and watch the Penguins take on the Wild.

“It feels weird being a wag again,” Natalia tells me during the second period.

“But I bet you missed it,” I tell her.

“I did,” she says smiling. The game ends and the Wild win 3-2.

I spend the next two and a half months bouncing between Pittsburgh and Colorado. After months of trying I finally got my hardest tricks back. Dew Tour came up and I was so excited to show the world that the old Phoenix was back. I made it through semi’s easily and geared up for finals. The weather was beautiful and the halfpipe was perfect.

“Welcome back! We missed you,” Shaun says in the athlete’s tent.

“Thanks. I’m pretty nervous though,” I tell him.

“Don’t be. You got this.” I smile and they call my name. I get ready to drop in and Coach gives me some words of encouragement. We do our handshake and I drop in. I preform my usual tricks but I land the double cork unsteadily. I get to the bottom and I get an 81.20, which puts me in fourth. I get back to the top and visualize my run. I go again and I’m unable to pull my back-to-back double corks but I land all my tricks cleanly. I wait for my score and I get a 90.76, which puts me in third behind Shaun and Ayumu Hirano. Leah comes up to me and sticks her microphone in my face.

“Phoenix, everyone was highly anticipating your comeback and you certainly delivered. How does it feel to be back?” she asks.

“It feels really good. I’ve been waiting months to get back and I’m happy I was able to get bronze.” We end the interview and I gear up for slopestyle finals.

I walk in the door in Pittsburgh a few days later and I head upstairs. I find Sidney asleep in bed and I crawl in bed beside him.

“You’re back,” he says sleepily.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I reply.

“I’m proud of you. First competition back and you get third. That’s huge.”

“Stupid Shaun. He’s too good. It’s like playing a computer set on expert.”

“You beat him once before.”

“That was luck. I’m going to need to step it up if I want to beat him again.” I close my eyes and visualize the new trick I was going to need to learn.

Notes