Stockholm Syndrome

The next couple of days were hectic. I was still getting the hang of breastfeeding and Sidney’s parents came to visit.

“He’s so perfect, my first grandchild,” Trina says crying. Carter had his baby exam and I had my exam and then we were discharged.

“You’re speeding again,” I tell Sidney from the backseat.

“Nix I’m going under the speed limit relax,” he replies annoyed. I look down at Carter and he’s sleeping peacefully in his car seat. We get home and I immediately feed Carter.

“You better get ready,” I tell Sidney. We got home just in time for him to get dressed for tonight’s game.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Sidney asks me concerned.

“Yeah I have Trina and Troy. Don’t worry about me. Go win for Carter,” I say smiling. He runs up the stairs and I head to the kitchen where Trina and Troy are.

“There’s the little guy,” Troy says smiling. I hand him Carter and grab something to eat.

“How are you feeling?” Trina asks me.

“Like I’ve been run over,” I laugh.

“Yeah I remember that feeling,” she says smiling.

“It just sucks that Sidney leaves for a road trip tomorrow.”

“Yeah that is tough. But you’ll have me,” she assures me. I hug her and Carter starts to cry. Troy hands him to me and I sway him back and forth.

“All right I’m off,” Sidney says loudly. He kisses both Carter’s head and mine and heads out the door. We watched the game in the den and Natalia joined us.

“Why didn’t you go to the game?” I ask her.

“I’d rather be here and hang out with my nephew,” she says while cradling him. Sidney ended up getting a hat trick and my heart swelled with pride.

“You see that Carter, your daddy scored three goals for you,” I coo to him and he looks at me and smiles. The game ends and Pittsburgh wins it 6-3 against the Blackhawks. I decide to get Carter ready for bed and give him his bath. I felt as though my entire purpose on the earth was to be Carter’s mom. I was so obsessed with the infant that I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much. I sit in the rocking chair in the nursery and he closes his eyes.

“You’re the best thing that has ever to happened to mommy. Better than gold at the Olympics even,” I tell him quietly. I get up head to our bedroom and place him in the bassinet attached to the bed. I change into one of Sidney’s t-shirts and read a book about breastfeeding. Sidney comes home an hour later grinning from ear to ear.

“Way to go dad,” I say quietly. He looks down at Carter and gently brushes his hair. He gets undressed and climbs into bed, clinging to me.

“So when can you?” he asks sheepishly.

“Not anytime soon. Sorry pal,” I laugh. He lays back and I lay on his chest.

“I love you Nix,” he says quietly.

“I love you Sid.”

Sidney was gone on a two-week road-trip leaving me with Carter. I was exhausted but I was so grateful to have Trina helping me.

“So is your mom coming to visit?” she asks.

“She wants to when she gets time off. She’s a pretty big deal over there in the medical world so it’s hard for her to take time off,” I tell her. I wasn’t hurt that my mother hadn’t visited yet. I figure it was best that Carter not be around that negative energy yet.

“Well I’m sure she’s excited to be grandma,” she says smiling. I finish folding the laundry while Trina cradled him.

“What was Sidney like as a baby?” I ask her.

“He was very quiet. He was a good baby, I always remember feeling so blessed that I didn’t have a baby that woke me up at all hours of the night until we had Taylor. Taylor loved screaming,” she chuckles. I smile at the thought and my phone starts to ring.

“Yello?” I answer.

“Hey babe, how are you?” he asks.

“A little tired but okay. How are you?” I ask.

“Tired. One more game and then I’m home. How’s our little man?”

“Good. Sleeping as per usual.”

“Remember when you used to sleep that much?”

“Yeah. Those days are officially over.” I laugh.

“Good thing you’re an insomniac and can stay up with him.”

“Yeah I lucked out there. Wouldn’t want to disturb your precious sleep.”

“Hey I offer to take him. You always jump up as soon as he makes a noise. But hey I gotta go. I love
you, I’ll see you guys soon.”

“Bye Sidney.” We hang up and I go back to folding onesies.

It was the Penguins first game back and I decided to take Carter to the game.

“Oh my goodness, he’s so cute!” Vero exclaims.

“He looks just like Sidney,” Catherine notices. I can’t help but smile as everyone gushes over the small infant me and Sidney had created. After the game I took him to the locker room so he could meet the guys.

“Just like a mini Crosby,” Beau says smiling.

“No way, I see more Phoenix,” Flower says.

“Look like Sid,” Geno adds.

“He’s a good looking kid, congrats guys,” Kris Letang says hugging me. Carter starts to cry and I realize it’s time to leave. We head home and my thoughts are all over the place.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Sidney asks.

“I’m just so happy. I honestly didn’t think it was possible to be this happy,” I tell him.

“I was just thinking that earlier. We’re in a really good place,” he says holding my hand. We spent the rest of the ride not saying anything, the only sounds were baby noises coming Carter.

Carter was 18 months when I realized that I had missed a period. I grabbed the test from the cabinet and peed on it. Sidney was downstairs with Carter and I paced anxiously in the bedroom while I waited for the result. I check my watch and look at the test. Two lines appear indicating that it was positive. Whoa. Was this a good thing? I go downstairs still holding the test.

“Mommy!” Carter says smiling from his high chair.

“Hi buddy,” I tell him. I place the test on the counter and look at Sidney’s face. His eyes go wide and he turns to me.

“You’re pregnant?” he asks shocked. I nod and his face breaks out in a smile. “This is huge!” He hugs me and I feel the excitement growing inside me.

“You do realize they will be 18 months apart?” I tell him.

“They’ll be best friends,” he smiles. Carter throws his grapes on the floor and I roll my eyes. Two kids under the age of two. Things could be either a really good thing or a really bad thing.

“You’re about 5 weeks. So you’ll be due in January,” Dr. Cooper tells us. We get the ultrasound picture and head home. I knock on Natalia’s door and she looks guilty. I notice boxes around her and I giver her a quizzical look.

“I have news,” she tells me.

“So do I,” I say slowly.

“You go first,”

“No you go,” she says excitedly.

“Same time?” I suggest and she nods.

“I’m pregnant,” we both say in unison. Both of our jaws drop and we start screaming. Sidney comes holding Carter with Carl at his heels.

“What the hell is going on?” Carl asks us.

“We’re both pregnant!” I exclaim. Sidney and Carl both start smiling and I start clapping. Carter gets excited and starts clapping with me.

“Carter there’s a baby in mommy’s tummy,” I tell him. Sidney puts him down and he walks over to me and pats my stomach where my hand is.

“Yeah there’s a baby in there,” I tell him.
He sits down and starts clapping again. I know he doesn’t understand what I’m saying but I’m excited anyway.

“When are you due?” I ask Natalia.

“January,” she replies.

“No way. Me too. This is unreal.” The guys leave and me, Carter and Natalia are left sitting there.

“We’ll be pregnancy twins!”

“Are you leaving?” I ask her.

“Yeah I’m moving back in with Carl.”

“I’m going to miss you,” I say sadly.

“I’m going to miss you too.” We hug for a while until Carter pulls me away.

“Aunty Nat is leaving us but she’ll come visit,” I tell Carter. He looks at Natalia and smiles. I run my fingers through his brown curls and he starts playing with a box.

The first six months of pregnancy were exactly the same as they were with my pregnancy with Carter. We found out we were having another boy and Sidney joked about how he was creating a hockey team. I continued to eat twice as many calories and me and Sidney were having sex on the regular.

“Carter do not put that in your mouth,” I warn him. I snatch the battery from his hand and he bursts into tears. “You’re fine.”
Sidney and the rest of the guys were in the den watching the snowboarding documentary I was in. I pick up Carter and head to the den where I see a scene where I’m snowboarding down a mountain in Alaska. The snow breaks and I’m nearly caught in an avalanche. They all turn to look at me where I’m standing bouncing Carter on my hip.

“That’s what you were out doing?” Sidney says horrified.

“Its looks bad but it’s not. Look I got out of it,” I say while pointing to the screen.

“You were almost buried under an avalanche and that’s your response?” Carl says angrily.

“You know when I called you while you were filming and I asked you how you were, you always said you were fine. You never said ‘Oh I almost died under an avalanche today’” Sidney says irritably. I escape the avalanche on the screen and look at Sidney and Carl. They both looked pissed but nothing I said was going to change anything.

“Carter your mom’s a badass,” Kris Letang says easing the tension. I smile and put Carter down. He walks over to James who picks him up and put him in his lap. My stomach growls loudly so I head to the kitchen to snack on food. Sidney enters and he doesn’t look happy.

“What if I did something dangerous like that behind you’re back, you’d be livid,” he says angrily.

“Look I didn’t do it on purpose. It happened and now it’s in the past. There’s nothing I can do about it now,” I tell him.
He runs his hands through his hair and I’m unsure of how to handle this situation. He turns and heads back to the den and I follow him to make sure there aren’t any other scenes that could get me in trouble.

“Look Carter, that mom,” Geno says pointing to the screen. I feel the baby kick and instinctively put my hand on my stomach. Scenes of us hanging around a bonfire show and I start missing my friends and snowboarding.

“Wait you’re the only female?” Beau asks. I nod my head and he looks impressed.

“Man Sid don’t you get jealous with her hanging out with a bunch of dudes 24/7?” Phil Kessel asks. Sidney shakes his head and I smile. A song comes on and Carter starts dancing. They guys start laughing and I get a phone call.

“Hello?” I answer once I get to the kitchen.

“Nix! It’s J-Town, how’s life?” he asks.

“Jack! It’s been so long. I’m good. Just living the mom life.”

“You excited for baby #2?”

“Very. I miss when they’re tiny. Carter is already walking and talking, it’s crazy.”

“What’s crazy is that you’re a mom. Well it’s not that crazy because you’ve always been the crews mom but now you’re popping out miniature versions of you. I hope one day you have a badass girl that snowboards and likes science.”

“Me too.”

“Well I was just calling to check in, tell Carter I say hey and good luck with baby #2. Bye Nix,”

“Thanks, Jack. Bye.” I hang up and head to the den where the end credits are playing. Everyone starts clapping and I feel embarrassed.

“That was so cool,” Marc-Andre says.

“Do you miss it?” Kris asks.

“Everyday,” I say honestly. The guys all head out and I start cleaning up.

“I’m still not happy with you,” Sidney tells me.

“I know. I was reckless and irresponsible.”

“It just scares me when you do stuff like that. I can’t lose you,” he says sadly. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around him.

“And you won’t. I’m not going anywhere.” I let go and put Carter to bed. Once him and Sidney are asleep I sneak downstairs and watch the documentary. I know it’s the hormones but I can’t help but cry when I watch it. I missed snowboarding so bad and the more kids I had the less realistic it was that I would ever get back to it. I knew that having kids meant making sacrifices but I didn’t expect this sacrifice to rip me in two.

Notes

Sorry for the long chapters