Stockholm Syndrome

We head to the restaurant and as per usual, are the last ones there.

“There she is!” Geno says with a thick Russian accent.

“Happy Birthday Geno!” I say hugging him.
The only seats open are at a table with James, Paul, Geno, Anna, Sidney and of course Kathy. I slowly sit down and the waiter takes my drink order.

“Phoenix it’s nice to see you again,” Kathy says warmly. He must not have told her.

“Yeah you too,” I say smiling. I didn’t want to be nice to her but she didn’t do anything wrong. Sidney is sitting diagonal from me but I can’t bring myself to make eye contact with him. Thankfully Paul and James keep the conversation going. A few drinks later, I almost forget that Sid and Kathy are even at the table. “Maybe you should slow down,” Carl says to me in Swedish. Everyone looks at him but I continue to drink my beer. “Excuse me,” I say, my bladder feeling full. After relieving myself, I walk out of the bathroom and Sidney is standing there waiting for me.

“Can I talk to you?” he asks softly. I stand there not sure of what to say. “That night at the bar, I shouldn’t have done that,” he continues.

“Don’t do that. Don’t dismiss it. I know you feel what I feel.” I say angrily.

“Phoenix I have a girlfriend,” he pleads.

“Then don’t! Break up with her!” I shout.

“It’s not that easy. We’ve been together for 7 years.”

“You’re supposed to be with someone out of love, not obligation.”
He looks at me and I know he’s trying to decide what to say. “Tell me you don’t feel it. The electricity between us. Tell me I’m not crazy. Sidney I barely know you, but you’re all I think about. When you kissed me that night, I’ve never felt so much passion, so much intensity in one kiss in my entire life. I feel like the world is telling us to be together and I just need you to admit it to yourself. I need you to pick me.” He stands there and doesn’t say another word. My heart is pounding in my chest. Just as he’s about to say something Carl interrupts.

“Can I get a word with my sister?” Carl asks, looking at Crosby. Sidney looks at Carl and then heads back towards the table.

“What the hell is going on?” he asks me loudly in Swedish.

“I was trying to solve the problem before you rudely interrupted.”

“You were gone a long time. If you guys don’t start being careful, word is going to get out.” He warns. We walk back to the table and everyone turns to look at me.

“Sorry I had a phone call.” I lie.

“So do you go back to Sweden often?” Kathy asks, catching me off guard.

“Um, yeah I try to when I can. For the last four years though I’ve been mainly living in the states.”

“Oh yeah Carl says you have a house in Colorado,” James adds. I nod my head and look at Sidney. He averts his gaze and stares down at his plate. The meal finishes and I don’t have another opportunity to talk to Sidney. I go home feeling upset. I still don’t know where we stand. What was he going to say? Was he going to reject me? Was he going to say he felt the same? Deep down I know he did. It was just whether or not he wanted to admit it to himself. I was being selfish. If I was a good person, I would of have just left them alone to have a happy life together but I had never wanted something so bad in my entire life. He was my soulmate. I couldn’t describe how I knew, I just knew. I went to bed that night feeling very unsettled.

I go to the game against Carolina the next day but Vero insisted I sit in wives box. I wasn’t into all the gossip and chitchat that was going on until I hear Kathy’s voice. “I don’t know what’s going on with him, he just seems off. It’s probably hockey related,” Kathy says to Maureen and Vero. I slump in my chair, feeling a knot form in my stomach.

“He’s under a lot of stress, he probably just doesn’t know how to handle it.” Maureen guesses.

“Hey Phoenix is an athlete! Phoenix how hard is it to be the face of a sport and still manage a relationship?” Vero asks me in front of everybody. Everyone turns to look at me and in that moment, I wish I could disappear.

“It’s actually extremely difficult. It’s hard to allot time to everything. I was never really good at it,” I say meekly.

“I just wish he would talk to me y’know? Maybe I could help?” Kathy says helplessly.

“I know how you feel. Marc is the same way. Sometimes you just have to tell them you’re there for them and give them their space,” Vero says consolingly. Feeling guilty I focus back on the game and Carl ends up scoring the game winner. I meet Carl downstairs hoping to see Sidney, but Carl comes out of the dressing room early.

“Nice goal!” I exclaim.

“Haha thanks,” he says high fiving me. “Ready to go?”
The car ride is silent until Carl interrupts my thoughts.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

“I think I’m going to move back to Colorado. You’re all settled in and you don’t need me here anymore.” I say quietly.

“This is because of Crosby,” he says, sounding annoyed.

“This was supposed be a fresh start! I’ve just made my life a bigger mess than it already was!” I yell, my voice shaky.

“Running away isn’t going to solve your problems. Haven’t you learned that already?”

“Nothing you say is going to change my mind,” I say evenly. He doesn’t speak to me the rest of the ride home. We get to the apartment and I retreat to my room. I felt bad dragging Carl through this mess. The best thing for both Carl and Sidney is for me to just leave. I pack some clothes in a small bag and book a flight to Denver. I look at the window and the rain is coming down hard. Carl tells me he’s going to the bar with the guys and asks if I want to go. I decline and lay on my bed looking out at the rain. It was oddly soothing hearing the thunder rumble in the background. I wake up to the sound of knocking. I must have dozed off. The clock reads 2:07 am. I get up and head towards the door and I find that Carl’s shoes are missing which means he wasn’t home yet. ‘He must have forgotten his keys’ I think irritably. “You have got to be kiddi-“ I stop when I open the door. In front of me stands a 5’11 Sidney Crosby soaking wet.

“What are you doing here? Why are you all wet?” I ask incredulously.

“I was at olive or twist and I couldn’t drive so I ran here,” he says panting. I can smell the alcohol on his breath.

“Sidney that’s like 15 blocks from here.” I pull him into the apartment and get him a towel.

“Carl said you were leaving and I had to stop you.” He says, his breath slowly returning to normal.

“You’re drunk, you should go home,” I say composedly.

“Phoenix you were right. I knew from the moment I met you I knew that I had to be with you. I can’t stop thinking about you and I’m done fighting it,” he says with an anxious look on his face. I’m stunned. I dig my nails in palm to make sure I’m not dreaming. After what seemed like several minutes I compose my thoughts.

“What about Kathy?”

“I broke up with her. It wasn’t fair to her to string her along like that.” He takes a few steps towards me. “I’m choosing you.” Before I realize it I jump on him and wrap my legs around his waist. I kiss him passionately and he carries me to my bedroom. He sets me down and I peel the wet shirt off of him. I unbutton my jeans and take them off. I determinedly unbuckle his belt and he steps out of his boxer briefs and jeans. He pushes me onto the bed, his mouth on my neck. I unclasp my bra and throw it on the floor. I can feel moisture pooling between my thighs. Sid kneels over me slowly pulls my lace thong off. Completely naked underneath him, I look up and meet his eyes. They’re dark with lust and my breathing soon becomes irregular. He moves south below my waist and his tongue soon finds my clit. He traces slow patterns, making me writhe with pleasure. His tongue takes long deep strokes and I can feel my orgasm building. I pull him up and roll over on top of him. I grab his erect member and slowly lower myself onto him. He was a lot bigger than I thought he’d be. “Fuck,” he says, his voice strained. I start off slowly and move my hips methodically back and forth. Hearing him moan, I grab his torso for support and pick up the pace. He grabs me and flips us both so he’s on top. In this position I can feel him hit my g spot and I gasp out loud. He quickens the pace, each thrust slamming into me and I know I won’t be able to hold on much longer. “Come for me,” he whispers into my ear, and just like that I start unraveling. I yell out his name and then I feel my body go limp. A few thrusts later I feel Sid’s body tense up and his breathing stop. After a moment he collapses on top of me, his face buried in my hair. We catch our breath and he rolls off of me. I entangle my legs with his and lay my head on his chest. “You’re heart’s still racing,” I say smiling.

“Yeah you kind of have that effect on me,” he says, running his fingers through my hair. I yawn and he pulls me closer.

“Don’t leave,” I say quietly.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers into my ear and then I fall asleep in his arms.

Notes