I wear my two gold medals under my hoodie on the way back home, too proud to take them off. Carl picked me up holding up a sign that read ‘Double Gold Dew Tour winner.’

“Let me see them,” he says immediately as I walk up. I take them out from under my sweater and hand them to him. “Very cool,” he nods approvingly. “You should have seen the guys, they were so into it. Geno was jumping up and down when you landed your second run,” Carl laughs. I grin with pride.

“I should be saying congrats to you, you guys are on quite the win streak.” I reply.

“Yeah speaking of that, we’re all going out tonight,”

“Like out, out?” I ask eagerly. Me and Carl hadn’t gotten to party together in a long time.

“Yes but you’re only invited because you won,” he adds. We head home and I’m excited to celebrate with my Pittsburgh friends. I quickly go to my closet and go through my clothes to find something to wear. I decide on white skinny jeans and black mesh crop top. I shower and blow-dry hair. I put on foundation, eyeliner, mascara and lip-gloss. I leave my room and tell Carl I’m ready.

“There’s no way I’m letting you leave like that,” Carl says irritably.

“This is what I’m wearing,” I say defiantly.

“At least put on an actual shirt,” he pleads.

“No. Now lets go,” I reply. We get to the bar and look to be the last ones there.

“Phoenix! Wow look great,” Geno says looking me up and down. I blush and hug him.

“Congratulations,” I hear a familiar voice say. Sidney walks up and gives me an awkward hug. I relish in the feeling of being in arms but he soon lets go.

“Can I buy you celebratory drink?” James asks, with a mischievous smile on his face.

“Sure,” I say smiling. We get our drinks and join the rest of the team at some tables.

“Man it was really cool watching you snowboard. It gets intense,” Paul Martin says before taking a sip of his beer.

“Yeah that fall looked painful. You’re all good though?” Bortz asks concerned. I roll my eyes internally. Everyone seems to remember my fall.

“Oh no I’m fine.” I reassure him. I kept getting drinks bought for me and I felt rude declining them. Some of the guys got up and found girls to dance with. Then soon me and Sid were the only ones left at our table.

“Can I admit something?” I say to Sidney, as I start to feel the alcohol.

“Sure,” he says smiling.

“I got your text right before my second run. I think you’re my good luck charm.” I say smoothly.

“Can admit something?” he asks. Nervously I nod.

“The first game you came to, I scored two goals. I think you’re my good luck charm,” he answers. I look at him and just like when I first met him the background noise seemed to just fade out. I feel the warmth radiating in my cheeks and my heart starts racing. He's looking at me so intently I have no idea what was going to happen next. All of a sudden his phone starts buzzing on the table and we both look down at it. ‘Kathy’ was calling. He clears his throat and backs up. “I gotta take this,” he says while getting up. He walks away and I find myself feeling angry. What the hell was I doing? It was always going to be her. I chug the rest of my drink angrily.

“Why are you by yourself? You wanna dance?” James asks, interrupting my thoughts.

“Sure,” I say. After feeling rejected from Sidney, I gladly took the chance to dance with someone.

My favorite song comes on and I’m soon lost in the music. I grind against James, his hands on my hips. I lean my head to one side as he rests his head in the crook of my neck. I look over at the table and see Sidney sitting there and he doesn’t look happy. My inner self feels pleased. The song finishes and I leave to get another drink. When I get back Sid is gone. I put my drink down and start to look for him. I give up and run outside and see him walking down the sidewalk. I run to catch up to him.

“Why are you leaving?,” I ask out of breath.

“I’ve had my fill for the night thanks,” he says irritably.

“Hey!” I say pulling on his arm, trying to get him to stop walking. “You don’t get to be mad okay? You’re the one with the fucking girlfriend.” I say angrily. He stops but doesn’t say anything. All of a sudden I’m slammed against the wall in a full out make out session. His mouth dominates mine and our tongues entangle. The feeling of his skin against mine is electric and my entire body is buzzing. He pulls away and I’m left standing there breathless. Without a word he turns and walks away and I watch him disappear around the corner. I have no idea what just happened. I walk back to the bar and find Carl.

“Can we go now?” I ask him over the loud music. With a concerned look on his face, he nods and we leave the bar.

“Are you okay? Did something happen with you and James?” he asks

“What? No. I just drank too much.” I lie. He doesn’t ask any more questions and we drive back in silence. When we get back, I go to my room and close the door. I look in the mirror and I’m a mess. My lips look red and my hair is all over the place. My appearance should be the least of my worries. I was doing the exact the same thing I resented. I was pursuing a taken man. But Sidney had kissed me. I didn’t force him to do that. What happens now? Will he tell her? Will he break up with her? I wondered how I ended up in a situation like this. What I wouldn’t give to know what he was thinking right now. After an hour of feeling bad about myself I decide to finally go to bed.

---

I get up to find Carl in front of the TV. “You excited for the game tonight?” he asks while eating cereal.

“I don’t think so. I’m not feeling well.” I say. It wasn’t a lie. I was totally hungover from the night before.

“Okay Nix, I’m done. What’s going on?” he asks sternly.

“What do you mean?” I ask, panicking.

“Come on, cut the bullshit. I know something is going on with you and either Neal, Crosby or Malkin, I’m not sure which.” He says judgingly. I was stupid to think I could hide this from Carl.

“I like Crosby. Like really like him. Like I’m becoming neurotic and crazy like him but he has girlfriend except we made out last night and now I don’t know where we stand.” I spew out like word vomit. Carl just sits there and looks at me with a blank look on his face.

“Phoenix he’s my captain! You cannot just come and meddle in people’s lives like this! This is why we have a rule!” he yells angrily in Swedish.

“I know, I know! I’m sorry,” I say helplessly. I didn’t want Carl to be mad at me but I couldn’t help how I felt. If I could choose to not like Crosby I totally would but life doesn’t work like that.

“Man Phoenix, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“I’m just going to lay low for awhile. I don’t want to cause problems,” I say meekly.

“Dad called earlier. He really wanted to hear from you.” As if I didn’t have enough going on in my life, I had to hear this. Carl gets up and leaves for morning skate leaving me alone with my thoughts. Reluctantly I decide to call my father.

“Hello?” I hear a voice answer in Swedish.

“Hey dad, it’s me,” I say quietly into phone.

“Phoenix! Hey kiddo. I’m glad you called. I just wanted to say congratulations! I stayed up all night to watch your competition. Figuring out all the time zones are tricky,” he says chuckling. When it came to my parents, I still had a decent relationship with my father. Unlike my mother, he supported me in everything I did and I missed him a lot sometimes.

“It means a lot that you watched, Dad.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it. Did Bobbie tell you he watched too? I texted him and Carl. How is Pittsburgh by the way? Are you enjoying it? You and Carl must be happy living in the same city.” He rattles off quickly. I felt bad. I didn’t talk to him very often so he often had a lot to say when I did call.

“Yes Bobbie texted me. And Pittsburgh is really great. Yeah it’s nice to be near Carl,” I say trying to answer all his questions.

“I know you have a competition in Switzerland this year, and your mother and I were wondering if you would be stopping by in Sodertalje? It’d be great to see you before the Olympics.” When he said ‘your mother and I’ I know he just meant him. It would be nice to see my dad and Bobbie though.

“Yeah maybe. My schedule is pretty sporadic so I’ll let you know closer to the date.” I say, not completely dashing his hopes.

“Okay that’ll be great. I’ll let you go for now. It was really nice hearing from you, Phoenix.” He says, making me feel guilty.

“Bye Dad,” I say and hang up. Sighing I head back to room try to sleep this hangover off.
I wake up late afternoon and head to the living room. The game had just started so I grab a water and blanket and park myself in front of the flat screen. Throughout the first period the Penguins played terribly. They were turning pucks over, losing puck battles and the Stars led by 2-0. The second period followed a similar fashion and Sid was playing horribly. He missed a wide-open shot and I could see that he was beating himself up for it. The game ends with Dallas getting the shutout and winning 4-0. Carl gets back a couple hours later in a noticeably bad mod.

“Sorry about the game,” I say sympathetically.

“Man that was brutal. We had such a great streak going,” he replies touchily.

“Dallas is a good team. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but you need to fix things with Crosby. He played terrible tonight and it’s obvious why.”

“I can’t just fix things. He has a girlfriend. That problem is not going to just go away,” I snap.

“You get to Pittsburgh, you guys meet, have a connection and flirt. We have a five game win streak. You guys make-out and then leave things messy then boom we lose 4-0. Sid is really superstitious, he’ll have to make things right with you.” He replies.

“So you’re saying the only reason Sidney will fix things with me, is so he can help the team?” I ask aggravated.

“No I’m saying he’s going to fix things because he has feelings for you. You don’t let women interfere with hockey unless they’re really important.” Carl says simply.

“He’s either going to pick me or stay with his girlfriend. The ball’s in his court,” I say walking into my room. A few days later I get a text from Geno.

Geno: Where you been? My birthday dinner tonight. You come?
Great. I forgot about Geno’s birthday. Sidney will be there. I guess I can’t avoid him forever.
Geno was my friend and I wanted to be there for him.

Me: Of course I’ll be there

Geno: Great see you then

“Carl can you drive tonight?” I yell into the other room.

“Yeah why?” he replies.

“I have a feeling I’ll be needing a lot of alcohol tonight.”

Notes

Things are getting messy!