Never Expected This

We got inside the car and drove home. Which one? I had no clue. Brendan wasn't saying a thing. He was really concentrate on what was in front of him than to talk to me. And that was making nervous.

The thing is when it comes to silence, I always feel like I can't read Brendan. He always has something to say. Maybe he was nervous. He is human after all. I stare at him for the longest time, trying to see any clues that his body might say.
But I see nothing.
When we reach at a red light, he finally looks me in the eyes.
"What?" He says. I shrug my shoulders. In all honestly, his change of attitude since the parking lot is drastic. Here, I am thinking of things I want to happen... of things I want to feel. But I don't dare to do the first move. So we break eye contact and look back at the road ahead of us. And for the next 10 minutes this is all that goes on.
Drive
Stop
Turn right
Stop
Eye contact
Drive
And finally arrive at our destination.
I get out of the car and head inside Brendan's building. We make our way to his floor and enter the apartment. I remove my shoes and he takes my jacket.
"I'm going to go and get you something more comfortable to wear." He says while scratching the back of his neck. I nod my head and he leaves. And instantly, I make a B-line to the kitchen. I need some wine. I need to have a drink. I open the cupboard but can't find any. So I settled for water. I finish my second cup and by then Brendan is back with my set of pj's for the night. I clean the cup and look at him. It takes everything in me not to jump on him and kiss him, So much that I dont hear what he said.
"Sorry," I said looking down. "Mind repeating that please?"
"I said, you can go get changed." He said in a calm voice. I started to walk away but turned around just as I was at the kitchen's exit. I wanted to ask him if he was going to continue what we started because i really wanted it to continue. But I didn't know how to say it in an attractive way. So my mouth seemed to having a melt down from the fact that it was closing then opening then closing again.
"Is there something wrong?" He asked concerned. I shocked my head and scurried out of there. I found the closes room, which happened to be his and I started to get changed.
"I'm an idiot!" I say in a loud whisper.
"A stupid awkward idiot!" I continue on while removing my jeans.
"Sorry?" I said looking at myself in the mirror. "Can I not be a bigger dork than I already am?" But I get no answer. My reflection doesn't know what to say to me. Because, I myself don't know what to say to me. I take a hard look at myself. And it seemed that in that moment, I was able to appreciate my beauty. That I didn't see myself as plain and boring. It was like a moment when you realize that you're worth having a man show you affection. That the second guessing finally stopped, and I felt confident.
"I'm worth it" I say in a normal tone. I trow off Chucky's jersey and slip on Brendan's big t-shirt. I look down at the basket ball shorts and decided that I'll not wear them. If you want something you gotta do it yourself.
"I'm worth it." I say again. I remove my hair tie and let my brown curly hair fall to my shoulders. I walk out of his room and make my way to the living room. Since the couch's back is towards me, I can easily surprise him. I tiptop my way to the couch and place my hands on his shoulder. He's startled a bit but then looks up at me and smiles. And looks back at the t.v.
At this point I know what to do. 20 minutes ago me wouldn't. So I take charge. Simply because I deserve it. I start to massage his shoulder which feel so tense under my hands. He let's his head fall back. His eyes are closed but I know he's liking it.
"Do you like it?" I still ask.
"Mhmm."
"This feels really nice." He says. After a few minutes, I stop and wrap my arms around his neck and place my head on his shoulder.He rubs my arm with his hand and inhales loudly.
"Isabelle?" he says, still looking forward.
"Yes." I say softly in his ear.
"Why is that you have this affect on me?" He asked. I giggle at his question because honest to God, I would never think that I would be having an affect on him. But this good for me. So I take advantage of the situation.
I kiss his neck softly.
"Shouldn't I be the one saying that?" He gets up from the couch abruptly and makes his way around it towards me. But he stops when he see's I'm not wearing any pants. I felt his gaze hot on me as he eyes me head to toe. Out of habit I bite my lip.
I'm worth it.
I take a step forward towards him.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked. He comes closer to me and says.
"Have I ever told you that you look good in my cloth?" His hand finds my waist and he pulls me closer to limit the space between us.
"No." I say smiling. He had his signature smile on his face. But this one seemed naughtier then his usual ones.
"Well you do." He says. My heart is pounding so much that I feel it in my throat. My breath is so shaky but I have to keep my composer. Confidence is sexy. Maybe the shakiness in my breath was noticeable because Brendan was really close to me.
"See. Their's my El." He said smiling. "My sexy nerd."
I want to look down but my eyes wouldn't. They are so captivated by his that they stare at him. But with the butterflies in my stomach and heart beat getting louder.
I lose focus.
I breath in slowly just to keep myself compose but its not working now. He puts his thumb on my bottom lip and drags it down slowly. And slowly, he tilts my head higher and closer to him and kisses me.
Just once. Then he looks me and the eyes and says.
"You still want me to prove you?" I nod. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his torso.
"You sure?" He says again. And I kiss him to shut him up. He smiles in between our kisses and starts walking. Probably to his room, but I don't care. I need his lips on mine. He pushes the door open with my back and lays me down on a bed. And all of this is happening without us breaking our kiss. His strong frame is pressed against my small one and its turning me on. His hands run freely on my body. From underneath my shirt to my thighs. He leaves no place left untouched. I as well run my hands up his shirt and draw out the lines of his body with my index. But the shirt he has on is in my way.
I want to feel every inch of his skin.
Every inch. Like he's doing to me. I pull on the bottom of his shirt and he gets the hint. We break from the kiss for that second while we remove each others shirt. It's the first time I've ever been in front of a man just in my bra and underwear. Even if their was little light coming in the room. I felt exposed and he was just starring. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Because with every second his eyes lay on my body, the more consciences I felt. I grab the shirt that was once on me and try to cover myself up. But he stops me.
"Why are you doing that?" He asked softly.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask back. He eyes me again and keeps his mouth closed. He places his hand on my thigh and right now, in this moment, Brendan has absolute control over me.
"You're beautiful." He says in a whisper. He picks me up and places me on his lap. Our bodies are close, almost as if we are one.
"And I'll make it you feel beautiful every single day." He says kissing me with every single word he says.
"Never doubt it."

Notes