Never Expected This

It's 6 a.m and I'm awake. He's leaving because his job requires him to. So I prepare everything he'll need while he gets ready. He's in the shower so I decide to make him a quick healthy breakfast to take during the plane ride to Edmonton. Just as he's out of the bedroom and making his way to the kitchen, I finished everything.The place is clean. Everything is perfectly set up.
Except for the mood.
He's leaving and I don't like that one bit. But I don't dare to let him know not because I don't want him to know how I feel. But because I don't want to believe that they're real. I don't want to think that I've grown dependent of him within the last 2 weeks. So I sit there and watch him check that he has everything. And when he looks up at me I know it means he's ready. I don't bother to look great. My hair is a mess and it reflects how I feel about all of this. Looking low maintenance, I garb my jacket from the chair and make my way out. He locks up his place and we head inside the elevator.
Hold his hand.
My heart tells me and for once my mind doesn't object. So I do. Exactly that and hold his left hand. He looks down at our hands and smiles at me. Once we reach the main floor, we make our way to the parking lot.
"Which one do you want to drive?" He asked me. I was surprise by the fact he wanted me to drive but it did make sense after all. How was I suppose to get back home with zero change on me. He had 2 cars. And shinny new one that the I couldn't prononce the name and old Chevy pickup. I point it at the Chevy and he passes me the keys. I get inside the drive seat and adjust myself as he puts everything in the back seat.
When he gets in the car I reverse out and start to make my way to Pierre-Elliotte Trudeau Airport. I was to deep in my thought that I barely noticed that we were already there. I didn't want us to be there. But we are. I find a parking and get out of the car. I see him removing his suitcase and making his way towards me. I don't say a thing and just walk towards the elevator. Once inside, he talks silently about how nice the airports looks now. And I nod.
Hold him; my mind tells me.
I close the distance between us and look up at him. One hand is on his chest and the other one is on his neck. I run my thumb on part of his jawline. The part about this that hate so much is the fact that I always think when he leaves, that moment would be our last.
"What's wrong?" He asks. I shake my head.
"Shhh. Let me take this in."
"You'll see me again El." I open my eyes to meet his green ones. The elevator door opens and I walk out fighting back tears. He catches up to me and takes hold of my hand. This only comforts me now. I know in 20 minutes when he leaves I won't have his touch to keep me calm. I help him to get everything done.
5 minutes.
We sit down near the terminal exit and wait till he has to leave. He tells me about how Edmonton have go players even though they aren't playing to well. But I just hear the words and don't really catch them. I just grasp every detail of his face. A face that is molded oh so perfectly. A smile that warms anyone's heart but is right now directed to me.
2 minutes.
His eyes, intense green eyes. I can't help but wonder who allowed him to own such a pair of unique green eyes. Or allowed him to keep them. And the way they're looking at me now, I can't breath. And before I know it, he has to go on his own. The smile drops a bit and stops the conversation and stares at me. I don't know why but this makes me feel self conscience.
"What?" I ask. He shakes his head.
"Let me take the sight of you in." He smiles at me. And I smile back.
"Do you like what you see?" I ask while twirling to show off the big sweat pants I have on and the nest that is my hair.
"And every inch of it." I stop smiling when I see his intense stare.
Kiss him. My mind tells me.
I bring him close to me and place my lips on his for a moment. I pull away and he kisses me back. I've never been go with words but I honestly think right now he understood me best because when he pulls away he brush away a tear that I didn't know was coming. Still being close to his lips he says.
"I'll be back by New Year's." And I nod because I don't have anything else to say.
"I'll be back." He repeats again.
"Okay" I say looking down brushing away the tears.
"Well?" He says. I look up at him confused with what he was talking about.
"Well what?" I asked
"Are you gonna wait for me?" He says kicking some invisible dust with his shoe. I wonder what's going through his mind right now. Maybe he's sad too. My mind tells me. That could be true but Brendan never seemed to me as if he needs someone. Yet alone me specifically. So I kiss his lips to reassure him that I'm here. And if that wasn't enough for him, when we pull away. I hold his face with my hand.
"I'll be here. Don't you freaking doubt it." I say. He smirks down at me.
"You make that word sounds so attractive. It's sexy yet innocent." He laughs. I smile to at his comment. and let go of him because he needs to go. And he does but just as he was about leave my sight I shout his name. He turns back around confused.
"I'll be watching. Kick some goons ass for me will ya?" I shout back. He shake his head in disbelief but is laughing at me.
"Just for you babe!" He says and waves goodbye.

Babe, you're totally into him. My heart says.

But my mind objects.

This is going to be a long week...

Notes