(Three reasons why Raffl is the best. Your fave could never be this damn cute, just accept this as fact.)

Two days after they got home, they still hadn’t left the bed. Well, Michael had had to leave the bed, to cook and bring food to Ryan who let him wait on her hand and foot because why not? They were abed on this mid-morning and Michael was kissing her non-stop. Like, he literally just would not stop.

When he let her breathe, Ryan nearly screamed. “Raff!”

“What?”

“Can you…” What did she want? She always liked kissing him, but she certainly needed air. “You’re smothering me.”

“Awe…too bad.”

He went back to kissing her, rolling on top of her now to press even more air from her lungs. Only now, she was giggling over it and then Michael pulled back to look at her, stroking her face and smiling. “Mein schatz…”

“Hmm?”

When he opened his mouth to speak, she leaned up and kissed him this time. She had a feeling she knew what he was going to say and she didn’t want to hear it. Not now, maybe not ever because she might not ever be ready. Michael kissed her back, rolling them until she was on top and losing his fingers in the dark silkiness that was her hair.

They rolled again and he was back on top, kissing down the long column of her throat as Ryan took a huge breath of fresh air and sighed.

“I want to do something very wild today.”

“Like anal?”

Michael’s laughter overtook his whole body and he shook in her arms. Ryan was still giggling as well when he said, “Maybe later. I was thinking about something else. Something you’ve never done before.”

“How do you know I’ve -”

“I’m not answering that.” He kissed further down her body, his mouth wonderfully hot and humid on her skin. “Guess what I want to do.”

“Just tell me.”

“Nein, schatz. Make one guess.”

“Run around naked downtown.”

“Close.” He kissed back up her body, returning his attentions to her mouth before he said, “I want to take you on a date. A real one, as your boyfriend.”

Ryan rolled her eyes, naturally. “So boring, Raff. That’s not wild.”

“For you it is. Right?”

“It’s stereotypical. Why do we need to go out anyway? Everything we need is in this house.”

“Not everything. We need food and culture and -”

“Why do you even keep your apartment?”

Her question caught him off guard and he stared down at her. Ryan was just as taken aback, as she had no idea where the hell that came from. But it was a very good question indeed. He had been gone from Philadelphia for over two weeks and he still hadn’t gone to his own apartment, he had stayed with her. From the beginning Michael never planned on making their living situation a permanent thing, he had just wanted to be close to her physically so he could get close to her emotionally.

And now? Well…he had no desire to leave…ever. However, he always figured he would have to, eventually. He had been waiting for Ryan to say something along those lines, to tell him he needed to go home alone for a while, that she needed space and time without him hanging around. She just never said any of those things. And now she was asking him why he even bother to keep his apartment at all. What was she implying?

When he didn’t answer, Ryan added, “I just mean…you’re never there.”

“Tell me how that makes you feel, schatz.”

“You’re not my therapist, for fuck’s sake, I’m not going to tell you how I feel about it. We’re talking about facts, logic, not emotions.”

He peeled himself away from her and sat cross legged on the bed. Ryan mirrored his position and they just faced each other for a moment.

“Okay, then tell me why you asked me that? What are you thinking in that logical, practical brain of yours?”

Ryan looked at her legs and shrugged. “Just that the rent must be expensive, it’s a nice place. If you’re going to be here all the damn time…” She shrugged again, still not looking at him. “You could sublet it.”

He raised her gaze with finger under her chin. “And where would I live?”

She just stared at him for a long moment. “I don’t do this, Raff. I’ve never lived with anyone but Contessa. But…”

He encouraged her gently when she seemed unable to go on. “But…”

“I’ve also never…felt this way, I never wanted to and certainly never this…quickly and with such fucking intensity. ” She paused, waited for him to make some smart remark about her talking about feelings, but he just smiled, so she went on. “You make me feel…safe and happy and…you seem to genuinely want to be here with me. I’m trying to trust in that.”

“Of course I want to be here with you. Anyone who knows you would.”

Ryan shook her head and her voice sounded hollow, wounded. “That’s just not true.”

“Ryan -”

He saw something shift in her and while she was present, that part of her she always kept from him stayed in the shadows. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“That’s fine, but are you going to finish your thought?”

She sighed, looking annoyed now. “Which one?”

Michael had to smile. He should have made this hard on her, the way she made everything difficult for him. Instead he leaned forward and kissed her. “I’ll finish it, then. I’ll sublet my apartment and I will live here. With you.”

Ryan nodded once, as though they had just negotiated a formal agreement. “Don’t get too cozy, this is just until I get tired of you.”

“Hmm, naturally. And when do you anticipate that happening?”

Her grin brightened. “I would say soon, but I’m not that good of a liar.”

Michael laughed and kissed her again. When she reached for his cock, his hand stopped her. “No, date first, then sex.”

“Are fucking kidding me right now?”

“That’s how these things normally work. I’m taking you out, get dressed.”

“Ugh, Raff!”

“Go!”

Ryan pushed off of him to crawl out of bed and stormed off to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Michael found himself almost frozen, he was shocked and happy and so delirious that he had to lie down for a moment. He was glad, truly glad that she felt it to, their connection, their closeness that had always been there from the moment they met.

There was some about them, as different as they were, that just clicked. She was bossy and rude, but he didn’t like to be in charge and he didn’t let her rudeness bother him because she also showed him her soft side. The fact that she had been the one to bring up his nearly constant presence and ask for more was astounding. Still, just like the keys and pretty much everything else that meant something, he knew he couldn’t make a big deal out of it. He simply hauled himself out of bed and got dressed.

He didn’t want their first official date to be traditional, because he knew she would hate that. He took her to the Penn State Museum of Archeology and Anthropology. Even though she worked at the school, she had never been to the museum and he was glad for that fact. There was a very good reason for his choice.

“Sex: A History in 30 Objects? This is the best first date EVER.”

“It’s your only first date, but I’ll take the compliment, schatz. Come along.”

He took her hand and they strolled through the collection. They were alone, but they were both relatively quiet keeping with preferred musuem decorum. There were, however, a lot of sideways glances, muffled giggles, and jointly raised eyebrows.

Ryan stopped in front of one piece, bending down to get a closer look and squinting in concentration. She liked to look at the item first, form her own opinion and then read the description. Michael joined her on this one, bending down as well until his face was next to hers.

He whispered, “My favorite piece so far.”

It was small, a bronze pendant that would have been worn around the neck, and in the shape a vagina, which without the context of a body looked rather like a sea shell. Ryan finally read the item description.

“It’s for protection, not for your sexual objectification.”

“I’m not objectifying, they were the wise ones, although the pre-Christians had it right when they worshiped the female divinity. Did you know that the development of our patriarchal, male-centric society directly corresponds to the erosion of goddess worship and the emergence of the masculine godhead of the Abrahamic religions?”

Ryan turned, looking both interested and amazed. “I did not. Please, go on, tell me more about this tragedy.”

They strolled through the exhibit and Michael went on. “Societies that had one god almost always used to worship a female figure, the mother earth, etc. The vagina was seen as sacred, the source of all life, and also pleasure, in the world. As such women in society were revered and exalted. They were seen as the embodiment of the divine on earth and therefore always worthy of respect and deference. When cultures started worshipping a male god…things flipped to the way the are now, where men are seen as the more powerful sex.”

“And you, as a male, think this is a bad thing?”

“Hell yes, I do. There is nothing more beautiful or wise or powerful than a woman. Nothing more awe inspiring that a lovely cunt.”

Michael was standing behind her and Ryan leaned against him. “I don’t know what’s turning me on more, the fact that you’re this smart or the idea that you just said cunt in public.”

“Mmm, how about this…” He kissed her neck and wrapped an arm around her waist. “I want to worship your cunt when we get home, make you feel like the goddess you are.”

Ryan giggled and went to respond, but someone called her name before she could.

“Professor MacShaw?”

Ryan turned and Michael did so as well, maintaining his hold on her. “Cindy, how are you?”

Her student stood in front of them, grinning. “I’m great. How was your summer? More importantly, isn’t this the guy you were going to murder when he interrupted our session?”

Michael laughed and broke away from Ryan. “I am indeed. Michael.”

They shook hands and she said, “Cindy. Nice to meet you. What are you guys up to?”

“Not your business, quite frankly.”

Michael glared at Ryan as Cindy blushed in embarrassment. Michael responded, “We were just taking in the exhibits on a lazy afternoon. Are you enjoying the last few days of freedom before your semester starts?”

Cindy cheered, of course she did, Michael had that effect on everyone. “It’s been great, but I’m looking forward to getting back to work. I’m hoping the professor will be pleased with my progress.”

Ryan softened slightly and smiled. “Yeah, well, we’ll see about that when get back in the studio, won’t we?”

“Yeah, for sure. Hey! You guys should come to the dance party tonight, last one of the summer.”

“Dance party?”

“Yeah, she didn’t tell you? Professor lets us use the studio in the summer to have dance parties. We pick a new theme every week and it’s a good time. You guys should come.”

Ryan said quickly, “We can’t, we have plans.”

Michael added, “Ryan is right, I did promise her a full and complete date, which means I have to fed her. She gets so cranky when she’s hungry.” Ryan gaped at him, but he ignored her. “Next time, next summer we’ll come to all of them.”

“Awesome. Alright, I should go. Enjoy your date, professor. It was real nice meeting you, Michael.”

“And you as well. Enjoy your party.”

Ryan called after her, “Just make sure you’re ready to work when classes start.”

“Yes, professor.”

Left alone again, Michael asked, “Dance parties?”

Ryan turned away, refocusing on the items on display. “It’s not a big deal. It gives them a place to go at night. They don’t drink and they clean up after themselves, so I let them do it every summer.”

“I told you so.”

She whipped around. “Told me what?”

“You’re not as mean as you want everyone to think you are.”

She squinted at him, but then smiled slowly. “I guess I’m not, no.” She took his hand again. “Forget about that, tell me more about goddess worship and where you’re going to take me to dinner tonight.”

He did as she requested, spending half his time looking at the pieces and the other half kissing her inappropriately while muttering about all the ways he was going to worship her when they got home. He did much of the same at dinner, smiling at her as she sat across from him in the restaurant and thinking about how happy he was that he had never let her push him away.

Ryan sat across from him with a million thoughts in her head, none of which she voiced. She was happy and she did trust him, she had to. She refused to be cowed by her past anymore, even if she still didn’t want to talk about it. She had let him in and then invited him to stay. It was terrifying and a part of her still wanted to run far, far away from him. She fought that part, tooth and nail, would probably continue to fight it a very long time. But she was here, she was moving forward, she was glad for it.

They went for a walk after dinner, no objective or destination in mind, just a walk downtown. During the stroll and when they finally made it home, Ryan was feeling a little off, but she couldn’t say why. Regardless, Michael led her upstairs and just as she was about to say something sassy, a wave of pain came through her stomach. “Oh, fuck. Ugh, I don’t feel well.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just don’t feel well.” She bent over, holding her stomach as another wave of discomfort passed through her. “Fuck me…probably just cramps.”

“You’re not going to get your period for another two weeks, Ry.”

She remained bent over, but tilted her head to stare at him. “Why do you have my cycle memorized, you freak?”

“You’re my girlfriend, that’s why.”

“God, I’m gonna be sick.”

“Hey!”

“Not because of you, you goddamn idiot.” Still bent over, she pushed him out of the way to get to the bathroom connected to her bedroom. She collapsed onto the floor and started to dry heave over the open toilet. Michael stood in the doorway, now with a worried look on his face.

“You want me to do anything?”

Ryan heaved again, nothing came out, but she tasted bile in her throat that had a coppery hint to it. She swallowed down what she assumed was blood and actually started to take this seriously. She looked up at Michael. “I…I don’t know.”

He came down into a squat, rubbing her back as she rested her head on her forearm. “Tell me what it feels like. Cramps, but nauseous, too?

She couldn’t even raise her head, but just mumbled, “Yeah, yeah all of that. God, I feel like shit, Raff, just all of a sudden. I was fine today, literally a minute ago I felt okay, now…”

He grabbed her under the arms, trying to lift her. “I’m taking you to the hospital.”

When she tried to stand, another massive pain went through her abdomen and she sobbed out a scream. Michael immediately let her go so she could lay down on the floor, curled up in a ball. “Okay, it’s okay. I’m gonna call an ambulance, alright?”

He waited for her to argue with him, to call him idiot and laugh about how he was overreacting. Instead, she looked up at him with tears in her eyes and nodded. In a meek voice he would have never thought could come out of her she said, “Yeah.” He stood to go get his phone, but she cried out again. “Raff!”

He came back down, “Yes, sweetheart?”

Her breathing was heavy from trying not to cry and to cope with the now overwhelming pain in her body. “Please…please don’t leave me alone.”

Jesus, that nearly broke him. He wanted her to need him, but not like this, not in pain and scared to death. He clutched her face in both hands. “Hey, I’m here, but I have to get my phone, then I’m coming right back. I would never, ever leave you, understand?”

She just nodded, not trusting what was going to come out of her mouth. She did need him, not just now when she felt like she was dying, but she needed him in general. More than that, she wanted him, so badly. She wanted to tell him, admit the truth without laughing it off as a joke. But not now, not when the situation would sully the moment. She just nodded again.

Michael ran and got his phone, dialing 911 as he bounded back up the stairs. Calmly, efficiently he gave the dispatcher all the information he had. When he hung up, Ryan was pale, wheezing her breaths and still holding her stomach. He put a hand on her head and it was rife with cold sweat.

“Ry…I don’t know what to do here until they come. You always tell me I’m useless, but I never thought you were right until now.”

She laughed a little and that hurt even more, so she stopped, shaking her head. “Don’t make me laugh. Just…hold my hand, please.”

He laid down next to her folding his body up uncomfortably until they were squished together on her tiny bathroom floor. He held her hand in his, then covered the back of hers with the other. “Are you hot, cold? What can I do? Tell me what to do, you’re so good at that.”

“No laughing. Just hold my hand. That’s all I need. Raff…”

“What?”

“If this is the end -”

“Absolutely not.”

“I feel like trash, I almost want it to be so the pain will stop. What the hell is happening?”

“None of that talk. You’re fine. I don’t know what the hell this is, but I know you’re gonna be okay.”

“How do you know that? I don’t even know that.”

“You know how I know? Because I need you to be. I need you here. Ryan…I -”

“Please don’t say it. Tell me tomorrow, tell me next week when I can tell you to fuck off, do not say that shit to me right now just because I think I’m dying.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“Yeah, I do. I can’t hear that bullshit right now. Later if you really want to say it, but fuck me, not right now.”

How was it possible that she could make him feel scared to death, madly in love, and also endlessly amused all at the same time? He did, he loved her and he didn’t even need to say it because she looked at him and already knew. He managed to smile and kissed the tip of her nose. “Okay. I’ll tell you later.”

Notes