Something Isn't Missing [Tyler Seguin]

(Jae’s POV)
We end up going to the rink, which is still open for some strange reason. We only went because our practice was cancelled and we missed the feeling of the ice at our rink. The only difference now that the two of us were alone, I didn’t have to suit up in my goalie gear and we kinda just skated around, pulling trick shots and whatnot.
“For a ‘tender, you’ve got a good shot.” Tyler yells from about 150 feet away from me. I skate over to him and kinda attack him with a hug, which throws off his shot. It clearly didn’t bother him because he pulled be close to him and tilts my head up to kiss me. I wrap my arms around his neck as he begins to back me to the bench, which was pretty close.
“Jump, I’ve got you,” He says, brushing his lips against my ear lobe before completely dipping down to reach my neck. I jump and he sits me on the bench and stands between my legs. I run my hands through his hair, tugging gently on the ends before letting go. After what feels like forever, the lights turn off and we hear the sound of someone banging on the glass.
We pull apart to see the owner, who knows us both, giving us the universal hand signal for “wrap it up”. We chuckle before skating off the ice and putting our crap back into the locker room. We walk out, hand in hand, and start heading back to Tyler’s, as his house is empty. He opens the door and closes it behind us, pressing me against it.
“Where were we?” He asks me, biting his lip.
“Something like here,” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. Somewhere in that time, he told me to jump and I wrap my legs around his waist and he carries me to the couch, which is, frankly, the closest surface to us.
He lays me down before hovering over me. He brushes his hand over my waist, hitting a bit of exposed skin. He dips his head into my neck, obviously catching a glimpse of my arm, which had a few cuts and the huge scar exposed.
I take a harsh breath and I pull away, shrugging the sleeves back down, praying he didn’t notice. He noticed. His lips tighten into a straight line as he pulls my arm up to take a better look at. His eyes dart at mine as a form of permission. I lock eyes with him for a short moment before looking away. The second our eyes met, mine started watering. I couldn’t bear seeing the pain in his eyes at what I’ve done to myself.
“How long have you been hurting yourself?” He asks me quietly. A tear started rolling down my face but I quickly brushed it away as though it never happened. He repeats himself, sounding a bit more pained.
“It’ll hurt you if I told you.” I tell him, looking away from him. He gently turns my head back to him and tells me that he doesn’t mind.
“The past 4 years.” I whisper, trying not to cry. He doesn’t say a word, which sorta scares me. What if he doesn’t want me anymore because of it? I’m calmed down a little by the fact that he pulls me to his chest and presses little kisses to my hair.
I feel something drip onto my ear. I pull away to see that he’s crying, which is extremely heartbreaking. I kneel up on his couch cushion and pull him into a hug, rubbing his lower back as he completely lets go and cries into my shirt.
Seeing someone you love more than yourself completely break down like that absolutely kills you inside. It hurts more than any physical pain you could ever inflict. I feel extremely guilty but something in me won’t let me quit. I want to get better but I know I’m just going to break and be back to where I started.
After a little while, Tyler pulls back and kisses me. This wasn’t rushed or lustful like it was before. Right now, gentle and passionate. He’s holding me as if he were scared to break me, as cliche as it sounds.
“I love you, Jae.” He mumbles against my lips.
“Tyler, I love you too.” I mumble back.

Notes